TiCKleMaN87
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Please see the reposted version here: http://www.ticklingforum.com/showthread.php?t=108819
Last edited:
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- Thread starter TiCKleMaN87
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boxleitnerb
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Very interesting setting, but for my taste a far to intensive use of HAHAHAs. Try to paint an image of how and where she is tickled, how she and the tickler feel.
Otherwise good story!
Otherwise good story!
theticklingmaster
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I liked the story, but I thought it didn't need so many reactions from Allison. I think a few more details on scene or tools would have been good.
Since you asked...
It has some semblance of plot, sequence, resolution, which is all a great start. No shortage of thorough tickling and other sexy things. You let us know you were going to explore other fetishes, which you obviously did. I'm guessing this story would be most appreciated by the audience that shares them.
(If any fetishistic material which is particularly disparate from what you'd normally find in a tickling story is included, I generally appreciate some kind of disclaimer so I know what to expect.)
People generally seem to have mixed opinions about phonetically transcribed laughter. I generally take it as a stylistic choice; I understand what people are getting at when they use it.
If I could have more of anything, it would probably be insight into the minds of either the ticklers, or Allison; what they're feeling. If I didn't understand what a tickling fetish was, I don't know if I would have understood that the story was supposed to be erotic.
There are a few typos and odd capitalizations in there, too. Considering that's one of my main comments, though, that's really not bad. Keep it up...
It has some semblance of plot, sequence, resolution, which is all a great start. No shortage of thorough tickling and other sexy things. You let us know you were going to explore other fetishes, which you obviously did. I'm guessing this story would be most appreciated by the audience that shares them.
(If any fetishistic material which is particularly disparate from what you'd normally find in a tickling story is included, I generally appreciate some kind of disclaimer so I know what to expect.)
People generally seem to have mixed opinions about phonetically transcribed laughter. I generally take it as a stylistic choice; I understand what people are getting at when they use it.
If I could have more of anything, it would probably be insight into the minds of either the ticklers, or Allison; what they're feeling. If I didn't understand what a tickling fetish was, I don't know if I would have understood that the story was supposed to be erotic.
There are a few typos and odd capitalizations in there, too. Considering that's one of my main comments, though, that's really not bad. Keep it up...
boxleitnerb
TMF Expert
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Phonetically transcribed laughter is a legitimate method. However, in my opinion, it absolves the writer from using his/her imagination.
In addition to a good description, I can see the point. But to only use it because it's so easy is not a thing I would be proud of.
In addition to a good description, I can see the point. But to only use it because it's so easy is not a thing I would be proud of.
I thought the story was quite well done.
The shorter paragraphs made it easy to read, which is a huge plus. Especially when a lot of stories feel like you're looking at a wall of text.
You had an original scenario that I think worked quite well. However, I feel that there was a lot more that could have been done with the setting e.g.
1) Instead of having the ticklers as the casino owners and his friends have them as various "high-rollers" who to tickle her.
2) Instead of allowing the father to easily win back the money have him lose and go deeper into debt, which will of course have to be "repaid" by the main character and left open the possibility of a sequel.
A bit more description could have been good here too. However somce writers go overboard with description so I still feel that your minimalist approach worked quite well (kind of like Hemingway).
All in all, I think you're one of the better writers here and I look forward to hearing more from you.
The shorter paragraphs made it easy to read, which is a huge plus. Especially when a lot of stories feel like you're looking at a wall of text.
You had an original scenario that I think worked quite well. However, I feel that there was a lot more that could have been done with the setting e.g.
1) Instead of having the ticklers as the casino owners and his friends have them as various "high-rollers" who to tickle her.
2) Instead of allowing the father to easily win back the money have him lose and go deeper into debt, which will of course have to be "repaid" by the main character and left open the possibility of a sequel.
A bit more description could have been good here too. However somce writers go overboard with description so I still feel that your minimalist approach worked quite well (kind of like Hemingway).
All in all, I think you're one of the better writers here and I look forward to hearing more from you.
