dig dug dog
3rd Level Red Feather
- Joined
- Jul 2, 2001
- Messages
- 1,678
- Points
- 38
Here is the complete version, Parts 1 and 2, of this story. Background on its inspiration, for those interested, is found on the original thread. I have made a few minor revisions to Part 1. I hope you enjoy.
ddd
The Princess Who Never Laughed: A Scientific Fairy Tale
The beautiful and peaceful kingdom of Ritzinia had been ruled by a single royal family for more generations than anyone would care to remember. The current king, Palter the 43rd, was wise and good, always striving to govern his people justly and to the benefit of all. He surrounded himself with able advisors, men and women of the highest integrity who were dedicated to the welfare of Ritzinia. Although Palter had no male heir, he had one daughter, named for the homeland itself. And like the land, Ritzinia was extremely beautiful. Sadly, her mother died when the girl was only 13 years old, and since Ritzinian rulers may take but one spouse for life, Palter’s daughter was in line to become the queen interregna.
Even before her mother’s death, the girl had been of the most serious sort. She studied avidly, listened to classical music, grew exotic flowers in some of the royal gardens, and worked on behalf of Ritzinia’s very small class of impoverished. When her mother passed on, Ritzinia’s solemnity deepened. She did not engage in the high-spirited and rowdy ways of other young people. She was unfailingly polite and respectful, but always in a rather grim way. In fact, as the years went on, she gained a nickname among the populous. Ritzinia was known as 'the princess who never laughed'. As with all famous individuals, rumors swirled around her. It was often said that the girl was born without the facial muscles needed to smile.
Recently, King Palter had grown more concerned about his daughter’s character. Now 27 years old, Ritzinia was nearing the traditional age when females married, two years after entering puberty. And, of course, since marriage and child-bearing are inherently linked with laughter, the king was understandably worried about whether Ritzinia would be able to produce a grandson-heir. If she, the king’s only daughter, could not have a son, then in accordance with ancient law, the kingship would finally pass out of Palter’s family and into the family of the first viceroyals. The latter, waiting in the wings, currently had four eligible males.
All Ritzinian twentagers received sex education as part of their post-graduate studies, and the few who didn’t pursue them were 'home-schooled' on the facts of life. Ritzinian society was conservative about exposing the next generation to sexual knowledge, especially the method of reproduction. This is not to say that people didn’t hear about sex ‘on the streets’. But as a sheltered royal, Ritzinia learned of it at the proper age of 22 from palace tutors who transmitted the biological and emotional information the princess would need in married life.
She learned that as intimate sexual passion grew between a male and female, well prior to ejaculation the male would be driven to tickle her intensively; she learned that the resulting female laughter, combined with physical stimulation of her ticklish body parts, were necessary to induce hormonal and other biochemical changes in the body which would allow sperm and egg to join. At the same time, chemical changes in the male endowed him with vastly increased muscle tone and agility in order to handle a ticklish female’s strongest responses. While the sexual act itself could take place without tickling (a common, though psychologically difficult method of birth control), it would remain a barren union.
Logically then, evolution had made most Ritzinian females very ticklish and, just as logically, premarital tickling in most parts of the land was discouraged, although it happened on occasion to most girls growing up. (But only abusive or disturbed parents would ever significantly tickle their own children.) But mother nature isn’t perfect, and those women who were insensitive to tickling (sometimes called ‘frozen’) usually could not conceive. Over the centuries mothers had taught daughters to ‘fake’ ticklishness, if necessary, in hopes that the body could be fooled, while young men were instructed in the most effective ways to tickle their wives. In recent decades Ritzinian scientists had tried to develop a drug (Gelatrin) which simulates the effects of ticklish laughter on the female anatomy—without much success.
While it was impossible to know for certain before actual sexual relations took place whether a young woman would be sufficiently ticklish to get pregnant, there were general indicators of a predisposition toward frozenness. This is why Palter was becoming more and more anxious as the time of Ritzinia’s mating drew close. The princess’s well-know seriousness and almost utter lack of any sense of humor did not bode well for her fertility. Ritzinia was not depressed or oblivious to life’s pleasures, it was simply that she seemed to find nothing funny about life. Recently, the king had begun to purchase for his daughter the most comical novels available. He would sit outside her bedchamber while she read. Hours would pass without so much as a snicker emerging from the girl’s room. The next day Palter would ask Ritzinia how she liked the last book he gave her. She would explain that it was ‘charming’ or ‘greatly entertaining’.
“But did it make you laugh?” the king once asked, a little desperately.
“Oh, Father, they were just silly stories! And, besides, can something really make you laugh?”
Now, normally, if a married couple was having problems conceiving a child they had a number of medical options, one of which was for the woman to be tested for ticklishness by her gynecologist. Frozenness was a much-feared diagnosis, though frequently it simply turned out that the man’s technique was the problem, and this could usually be resolved through a few sessions of sex therapy. In certain cases, however, the couple was just not tickleable; some psychological barrier prevented this particular woman from laughing at the hands of this particular man. In such instances, the couple sometimes divorced and often each was able to bear children with another partner.
Ritzinia would have no such recourse. ‘One ruler, one spouse.’ Royal families could not divorce. So one day the king decided to act preemptively. Although it violated conventional mores, Palter order a leading gynecologist to examine Ritzinia—an unmarried female—for potential fertility. The procedures were rather intimate, even uncomfortable when conducted by strangers, but the girl, obedient as always, made no objection. She understood what was at stake for her ancient and noble family.
In the absence of a husband, gynecologist and psychologist Daffa Noan along with her medical team of three woman and three men would serve in the stimulator role as a battery of tests was performed on the princess. First, while hooked up to brain wave and hormonal monitors, Ritzinia was very lightly stroked over the length of her body in order to obtain a baseline of tactile sensitivity. She wore the minimum amount of clothing necessary to preserve some measure of modesty. The subjects eyes and ears were also covered during this part of the procedure to prevent other input from affecting the results. The initial data was normal. If anything, Ritzinia’s touch patterns reflected greater than average sensitivity, including in critical hormonal areas such as abdomen, flank, underarms, and soles of the feet.
Before moving on to titillation proper, the physicians did their best to establish a light-hearted, relaxed mood between themselves and the princess. Obviously, general emotional atmosphere was crucial to the success of tickling. This was one of the medical reasons why NHB (non-husband-based) fertility testing was rarely done. When examining a tickle-resistant female, it was difficult in a clinical environment to produce the conditions necessary for exploring her authentic sensitivity. But was Ritzinia, in fact, tickle-resistant, as her father clearly feared? Like the rest of the community, the doctors knew of the girl’s reputation as one who “never laughed,” but they assumed this to be a wild exaggeration.
“My lady,” Dr. Noan began, “we are now going to touch you in a variety of ways. You may experience different sensations, including sexual feelings. Try to simply allow whatever happens to happen. Don’t fight your feelings and, on the other hand, don’t force yourself to respond in any particular way. I may give you certain instructions and information along the way about what is going to happen. Do you have any questions before we start?”
“No. I’m ready. I hope you can tickle me.”
“Don’t worry.” The gynecologist sounded calm and professional. “Just try to go with the flow.”
With a nod from Dr. Noan, one of the female assistants, a tall, blonde woman, began to lightly tickle the princess’s stomach and, at random moments, to pinch her waist. Dr. Noan intently watched the monitors attached by thin cords to Ritzinia’s body. She then switched on another device which recorded, measured and analyzed every sound produced in the room. The other physicians looked mainly at the girl’s face. There seemed to be no outward reaction to this stimulation. By increments, the tickling increased in speed and intensity. After two minutes had passed with the woman tickling Ritznia’s abdomen, a male physician took over the process. He began to press visibly harder into the girl’s flesh and also moved up into Ritzinia’s rib-cage and under her breasts. This continued for another two minutes.
“My lady, what are you feeling right now?” Dr. Noan asked.
“Well, I’m not sure…someone is pressing fingers into my skin and I can feel him rubbing on my ribs…he’s going back and forth, first slower and then sometimes faster. The other doctor was doing this as well, only down lower on my belly.”
“And how does this make you feel? How do you feel when your body is touched in this way?”
“It feels…fine…I think that I like it. Is this tickling?…Is this supposed to be funny?” The doctors glanced at one another with some apprehension.
Dr. Noan pressed a button and above the princess’s head a panel began to flash with the words, ‘Phase Two’.
“Ritzinia, listen very carefully now.” Noan signaled two other physicians to move into place. “Yes, Ritzinia, you are being tickled. A doctor is going to raise your arms above your head and pin down your wrists. Another one will hold down your lower legs. We are doing this because Dr. Theladzo is about to tickle your underarms. This is one of the most ticklish spots on our bodies.” The doctors began to do as the gynecologist described.
“He will keep tickling you there for a long time and you might start to laugh or even scream. You might feel like telling us to stop. But, Ritzinia, we won’t stop. We will just keep tickling you.” With that, Dr. Theladzo plunged his fingertips into the underarm area of the queen-heir interregna to the throne.
*******
Ritzinia’s face was the image of calm. As they restrained her and tickled her underarms, she looked with interest at the doctors within her line of sight. The princess took some deep breaths. About two and a half minutes into this phase of the procedure, she yawned a bit.
As the underarm tickling continued, Dr. Noan herself stepped up beside Ritzinia’s bare feet. The gynecologist wore a tight, business-like expression. “My lady, we are nearing the end of the examination. We have most of the results we need. Tell me, have you felt like laughing at any point during the procedure today?”
“Well, in truth, I can’t say that I have. Most of the test felt good. I don’t see what was supposed to be funny about it.”
Patiently, the doctor said, “Princess, tickling isn’t ‘funny’ exactly. It’s more like you feel under attack, but at the same time, you know that the person tickling you isn’t going to hurt you. It’s kind of a confusing feeling, a little scary, and you aren’t quite sure what’s going to happen next.”
“Yes, but I knew no one was going to hurt me. No one would attack a member of the royal family. And though you said you wouldn’t stop, I knew that you would if I ordered it. Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve never been under any real threat.”
“Oh, I see.” Dr. Noan thought for a few moments and seemed to come to a decision. She put her fingers on the sole of the princess’s right foot and lightly ran her nails across the girl’s sole. “So what do you feel when I do this?”
“A pleasant sensation,” she answered.
“And if I dig in a little harder, like this?” The physician pressed more firmly into her high arch and on the ball of her foot, pushing the skin back and forth.
“Uh, that’s not quite as pleasant, but it’s tolerable.”
“I bet this isn’t so comfortable,” Noan said, and then dug both of her thumbs into the soft area under the princess’s toes.
“No, not really,” said the girl.
“And what if I kept this up for a while? Or I might even do this—” She took the princess’s ankle under one arm and began to scribble intently all over her sole as fast as she could, pressing hard enough to cause some slight bit of pain.
“Ooh, yes, I wouldn’t want that to go on for too long.” Ritzinia winced ever so slightly.
Dr. Noan continued tickling away at the girl’s foot. “My lady, you realize, of course, that the king has given us permission to use all means necessary in order to fully evaluate your condition.”
“Certainly. This is a very important test for the future of our family.”
“A very important test,” the doctor echoed. She noticed that Ritzinia occasionally would try to draw her foot away from the fingers now teasing her smooth sole. “In other words, the king has given us complete authority over you for the duration of the procedure…How does this feel, Princess?” Dr. Noan started to run her fingers in-between the girl’s toes very firmly.
“What do you mean, ‘complete authority’?”
“Well, just as it sounds, my lady. In this room today, we are not required to follow your orders.”
“That’s silly,” Ritzinia said quickly. “Father never mentioned anything about that.” The girl’s foot was definitely twitching now as the doctor teased the flesh between her toes again.
“No, it’s true. Why don’t you try commanding us.” Noan could feel the other physicians looking at her askance, skeptically, if not in shock. The princess herself seemed quite taken aback and just then the doctor picked up her other foot and began the same kind of intensive stroking and prodding.
The girl cleared her throat a bit. “You may stop examining my foot.” The room grew tense as evidenced by the body language of the rest of the medical team. Dr. Noan, however, went on tickling the princess’s foot, unfazed.
“I said, you will stop examining my foot now.”
“But I’m not really ‘examining’ it, am I, my lady?”
“You know perfectly well what you are doing,” the queen-heir declared. When the pressure being applied to her smooth, thin foot remained unchanged, the girl spoke again. “Alright then, stop tickling me.”
“No,” was all the doctor said in reply. “Dr. Theladzo, please resume probing the princess’s underarms.” This caught the male physician off-guard. Clearly, he wasn’t sure what to do. Noan pointed toward the girl’s upper body with her head and punctuated the instruction with a very sharp look. “Please resume, Doctor.”
Ritzinia wrapped her arms around her chest, defiantly.
“Is something wrong, Princess?” Dr. Noan asked.
“This examination—this tickling—must cease immediately!”
“I told you, dear, we are operating under the king’s official commands and they, as you well know, supercede yours.” She turned toward her colleagues. “Ladies and gentlemen, the time has come to commence the real tickling procedure. Places, everyone.” Hesitantly at first, the other five members of the team moved toward various areas around the girl. “That’s right…now Mooris, Ferallia, hold her arms again and keep them pinned down. Bathkin and Nuraz, in a few moments you will stimulate her mid-section. And don’t be too gentle about it; remember to work her hips and upper thighs.”
But this time, when the doctors reached for Ritzinia’s wrists, the girl resisted. “No, that’s enough…I am heir to the throne…release me!” But the tall, male physicians overcame the girl’s slight struggle and her arms swung back easily over her head, fully exposing her underarms.
“Your words have no power here, Ritzinia,” the gynecologist emphasized, and she nodded to Theladzo who, after looking upward as if for divine protection, began to tickle the girl in that vulnerable area.
Ritzinia’s eyes grew wide; she tried to bring her arms down, but they were held fast. The princess started rocking slightly from side to side. The physician persisted.
“Stop…stop. I can’t free my arms…he’s…he’s tickling me.”
“Yes, my lady, and there’s nothing you can do about it.” Dr. Noan explained.
“Nothing?”
The girl looked hard at the doctor, her face intent on this question. Slowly, the doctor nodded ‘no’. Then suddenly a small smile began to pry open Ritzinia’s lips and gradually spread across her whole face. And the princess had started squirming too, seeking to avoid the long fingers tracing patterns at the point where her arms met her torso.
“Why, my lady, is something funny?” Noan asked innocently. “You look rather amused.”
Through her broad grin the princess was breathing heavily now and beads of perspiration appeared on her forehead.
“Doctors—” Noan gestured and the two women at Riztinia’s sides, the tall blonde and a shorter brunette, began to poke and pinch the girl’s waist and hip bones. Ritzinia closed her eyes and emitted a high-pitched squeal.
Dr. Noan reached over the girl’s legs and ran her fingers up and down Ritzinia’s inner thigh. “I have to say that I believe our patient is definitely exhibiting the classic signs of ticklishness.”
A second later, Princess Ritzinia began to laugh. It was a small, timid, giggling sound at first, like the cooing of a young dove, but her laughing voice quickly grew stronger. The audiometer’s read-out lit up with lines of blue and green.
“Heeeeeeeeeee, heheheheheheheheheee, hahahahahahahaha, haaaaaaaaaaaaa, hooohooohooooooooooooo!”
The girl’s mouth opened very widely as her laughter mounted. She twisted and bucked as the probing continued. Occasionally, her legs would flail or she would rub her bare feet together. The doctors smiled, relieved, and their success prompted them to intensify the tickling.
“NOOOOOOOOO, HOOHOOHOOHOO, hahahhahahahahahahahaha, haaaaaaaaaaaaa, HAHAHAAAAAAHAAAAAAHAAAAAA, heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.”
Dr. Noan got up to look at the monitors, but kept teasing Ritzinia’s knee with one hand. “Good, this looks good.” She leaned in very close to the princess’s face. “Does it tickle, Ritzinia?”
“Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssss, hahahahaHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Stoooooooooop!”
Then the doctor started to tickle the girl’s neck and under her chin. Ritzinia immediately pushed her chin down as far toward her breast bone as she possibly could, trying to block the gynecologist’s touches. The princess tittered and squealed loudly.
“Let go of her arms and restrain her legs, please” the doctor instructed her staff. “I want to make sure we initialize and imprint the widest range of neural responses.” With her arms freed, the girl instantly began to pull at Dr. Noan’s fingers, but they were well entrenched. After another minute, the doctor shifted to tickling her ribs and breasts. Paradoxically, being able to defend herself seemed to make Ritzinia feel even more vulnerable. As Noan dug into her ribs, the princess let out a fresh roar of laughter, soon followed by a harsh, cackling noise. She squirmed wildly when the physician poked at the skin under and around her breasts and tried every way she could to cover up, but to no avail. The doctor was quicker and stronger, and Ritzinia’s own involuntary struggling was weakening her considerably.
“One day your future husband will do this to you, my lady…and other things.”
“HAAHAAHAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA, HOOOONONONOOO, HOOOOHOOOOOOOO!!”
Dr. Ferallia spoke up. “Dr. Noan, in these cases is it important to generate verbal encoding as well?”
“Yes, more or less along the lines of what I have been implementing,” Noan explained. “But gaining patient admission is even more valuable.” Raising her voice, she said, “Princess, I couldn’t help noticing earlier that, upon examination, the nerves in the bottoms of your feet registered at high levels of sensitivity. I suspect that this might be your primary hormonal zone.”
“No, please! Hehehehehehehehe. Dr. Noan! Don’t touch my feeeeet! I order—I ask you to leave my feet alone!”
“But why, my lady?” As she spoke, Dr. Noan tickled the girl’s navel and glanced over at the monitor.
“Yoooouuuu knoooow hohohoooohoooo, HOHOHOHOHOOOOO!”
“Is there a problem? If so, it would be important for us to hear about it.”
“NOOOOOOOO, NOOOO MOOOOORE, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
Dr. Noan positioned herself at Ritzinia’s feet as the two doctors holding the princess’s legs shifted to make room for their team leader. The physician pulled up a stool and sat. “Princess, unless I have a good reason not to proceed, it is imperative that I collect more data concerning the reproductive condition of your lower extremities.” She brushed the girl’s left arch with one finger and saw that foot jump.
“But I’m, I’m…”
Noan put her palms against the soles of both the girl’s feet. Ritzinia gripped the sides of the examination table and took in a long, deep breath. “You’re what, my lady?”
“It’s all so very, so…ticklish.”
“Oh, is that it?” The doctor smiled. “Did everyone hear what the princess said? She’s feeling ticklish.”
With the first touch from the doctor’s skilled hands across the bottoms of her feet, deep, throaty waves of laughter erupted from the princess like so much lava from an active volcano. The girl shook her head from side to side and tried to cover her mouth, which did little to lessen the volume of sound she was producing. When the gynecologist would discover a responsive spot she would keep probing there, again and again. Sometimes the entire medical team would have to join together in restraining the princess. Noan tickled every inch of Ritzinia’s feet, bottoms and tops, from heel to toe. Soon the girl was exhausted, too worn out even to move, yet uncontrollable laughter continued to stream out of her in short, loud bursts. The doctor finally stopped the examination, walked over to Ritzinia’s chart, and made a long series of notes.
*******
In her private office, Dr. Noan sat alone with King Palter. In spite of the importance of the moment, the king seemed calm, unperturbed.
“Your Majesty, the results of our testing were very encouraging. Your daughter’s reproductive system looks to be just fine.”
“You mean, then, that she is….” Palter wasn’t quite sure what the correct term was in medical circles.
The doctor hurried to help out. “Yes, sir, she is quite ticklish.”
“That’s wonderful news.”
Dr. Noan paused, allowing the king to contemplate a bright future for his family. “There is only one complication.”
“Oh?”
“Majesty, you see, ticklishness is to a large extent psychological. During the course of our examination we discovered that the princess requires certain…conditions in order to experience tickling as nature intended.” The king shifted slightly in his seat. “King Palter, I am not completely familiar with royal law. When Ritzinia marries, what will be the status of her husband?”
“Status? What do you mean, exactly?”
“Her husband will be Prince, correct?”
“Of course,” the king replied, “well, actually, he is called Prince-Adjunct, since he will not be of royal blood, but he will be married to the queen-heir. And when I die, he will be King-Adjunct. There hasn’t been an Adjunct in nearly 100 years.”
“Yes, indeed. And does a Prince-Adjunct have the authority to command?”
“Oh yes, he would rank above everyone in the kingdom, except me and the princess herself.”
“Your Majesty, how well does Princess Ritzinia know the details of royal law?”
“I don’t think I follow you, Doctor.”
“Well,” Dr. Noan began, “I believe you were about to explain to me how the Prince-Adjunct has the right to command his wife in matters pertaining to their private lives, the welfare of family and children and such.”
“Was I now? Please, do go on, Doctor,” said the king.
ddd
The Princess Who Never Laughed: A Scientific Fairy Tale
The beautiful and peaceful kingdom of Ritzinia had been ruled by a single royal family for more generations than anyone would care to remember. The current king, Palter the 43rd, was wise and good, always striving to govern his people justly and to the benefit of all. He surrounded himself with able advisors, men and women of the highest integrity who were dedicated to the welfare of Ritzinia. Although Palter had no male heir, he had one daughter, named for the homeland itself. And like the land, Ritzinia was extremely beautiful. Sadly, her mother died when the girl was only 13 years old, and since Ritzinian rulers may take but one spouse for life, Palter’s daughter was in line to become the queen interregna.
Even before her mother’s death, the girl had been of the most serious sort. She studied avidly, listened to classical music, grew exotic flowers in some of the royal gardens, and worked on behalf of Ritzinia’s very small class of impoverished. When her mother passed on, Ritzinia’s solemnity deepened. She did not engage in the high-spirited and rowdy ways of other young people. She was unfailingly polite and respectful, but always in a rather grim way. In fact, as the years went on, she gained a nickname among the populous. Ritzinia was known as 'the princess who never laughed'. As with all famous individuals, rumors swirled around her. It was often said that the girl was born without the facial muscles needed to smile.
Recently, King Palter had grown more concerned about his daughter’s character. Now 27 years old, Ritzinia was nearing the traditional age when females married, two years after entering puberty. And, of course, since marriage and child-bearing are inherently linked with laughter, the king was understandably worried about whether Ritzinia would be able to produce a grandson-heir. If she, the king’s only daughter, could not have a son, then in accordance with ancient law, the kingship would finally pass out of Palter’s family and into the family of the first viceroyals. The latter, waiting in the wings, currently had four eligible males.
All Ritzinian twentagers received sex education as part of their post-graduate studies, and the few who didn’t pursue them were 'home-schooled' on the facts of life. Ritzinian society was conservative about exposing the next generation to sexual knowledge, especially the method of reproduction. This is not to say that people didn’t hear about sex ‘on the streets’. But as a sheltered royal, Ritzinia learned of it at the proper age of 22 from palace tutors who transmitted the biological and emotional information the princess would need in married life.
She learned that as intimate sexual passion grew between a male and female, well prior to ejaculation the male would be driven to tickle her intensively; she learned that the resulting female laughter, combined with physical stimulation of her ticklish body parts, were necessary to induce hormonal and other biochemical changes in the body which would allow sperm and egg to join. At the same time, chemical changes in the male endowed him with vastly increased muscle tone and agility in order to handle a ticklish female’s strongest responses. While the sexual act itself could take place without tickling (a common, though psychologically difficult method of birth control), it would remain a barren union.
Logically then, evolution had made most Ritzinian females very ticklish and, just as logically, premarital tickling in most parts of the land was discouraged, although it happened on occasion to most girls growing up. (But only abusive or disturbed parents would ever significantly tickle their own children.) But mother nature isn’t perfect, and those women who were insensitive to tickling (sometimes called ‘frozen’) usually could not conceive. Over the centuries mothers had taught daughters to ‘fake’ ticklishness, if necessary, in hopes that the body could be fooled, while young men were instructed in the most effective ways to tickle their wives. In recent decades Ritzinian scientists had tried to develop a drug (Gelatrin) which simulates the effects of ticklish laughter on the female anatomy—without much success.
While it was impossible to know for certain before actual sexual relations took place whether a young woman would be sufficiently ticklish to get pregnant, there were general indicators of a predisposition toward frozenness. This is why Palter was becoming more and more anxious as the time of Ritzinia’s mating drew close. The princess’s well-know seriousness and almost utter lack of any sense of humor did not bode well for her fertility. Ritzinia was not depressed or oblivious to life’s pleasures, it was simply that she seemed to find nothing funny about life. Recently, the king had begun to purchase for his daughter the most comical novels available. He would sit outside her bedchamber while she read. Hours would pass without so much as a snicker emerging from the girl’s room. The next day Palter would ask Ritzinia how she liked the last book he gave her. She would explain that it was ‘charming’ or ‘greatly entertaining’.
“But did it make you laugh?” the king once asked, a little desperately.
“Oh, Father, they were just silly stories! And, besides, can something really make you laugh?”
Now, normally, if a married couple was having problems conceiving a child they had a number of medical options, one of which was for the woman to be tested for ticklishness by her gynecologist. Frozenness was a much-feared diagnosis, though frequently it simply turned out that the man’s technique was the problem, and this could usually be resolved through a few sessions of sex therapy. In certain cases, however, the couple was just not tickleable; some psychological barrier prevented this particular woman from laughing at the hands of this particular man. In such instances, the couple sometimes divorced and often each was able to bear children with another partner.
Ritzinia would have no such recourse. ‘One ruler, one spouse.’ Royal families could not divorce. So one day the king decided to act preemptively. Although it violated conventional mores, Palter order a leading gynecologist to examine Ritzinia—an unmarried female—for potential fertility. The procedures were rather intimate, even uncomfortable when conducted by strangers, but the girl, obedient as always, made no objection. She understood what was at stake for her ancient and noble family.
In the absence of a husband, gynecologist and psychologist Daffa Noan along with her medical team of three woman and three men would serve in the stimulator role as a battery of tests was performed on the princess. First, while hooked up to brain wave and hormonal monitors, Ritzinia was very lightly stroked over the length of her body in order to obtain a baseline of tactile sensitivity. She wore the minimum amount of clothing necessary to preserve some measure of modesty. The subjects eyes and ears were also covered during this part of the procedure to prevent other input from affecting the results. The initial data was normal. If anything, Ritzinia’s touch patterns reflected greater than average sensitivity, including in critical hormonal areas such as abdomen, flank, underarms, and soles of the feet.
Before moving on to titillation proper, the physicians did their best to establish a light-hearted, relaxed mood between themselves and the princess. Obviously, general emotional atmosphere was crucial to the success of tickling. This was one of the medical reasons why NHB (non-husband-based) fertility testing was rarely done. When examining a tickle-resistant female, it was difficult in a clinical environment to produce the conditions necessary for exploring her authentic sensitivity. But was Ritzinia, in fact, tickle-resistant, as her father clearly feared? Like the rest of the community, the doctors knew of the girl’s reputation as one who “never laughed,” but they assumed this to be a wild exaggeration.
“My lady,” Dr. Noan began, “we are now going to touch you in a variety of ways. You may experience different sensations, including sexual feelings. Try to simply allow whatever happens to happen. Don’t fight your feelings and, on the other hand, don’t force yourself to respond in any particular way. I may give you certain instructions and information along the way about what is going to happen. Do you have any questions before we start?”
“No. I’m ready. I hope you can tickle me.”
“Don’t worry.” The gynecologist sounded calm and professional. “Just try to go with the flow.”
With a nod from Dr. Noan, one of the female assistants, a tall, blonde woman, began to lightly tickle the princess’s stomach and, at random moments, to pinch her waist. Dr. Noan intently watched the monitors attached by thin cords to Ritzinia’s body. She then switched on another device which recorded, measured and analyzed every sound produced in the room. The other physicians looked mainly at the girl’s face. There seemed to be no outward reaction to this stimulation. By increments, the tickling increased in speed and intensity. After two minutes had passed with the woman tickling Ritznia’s abdomen, a male physician took over the process. He began to press visibly harder into the girl’s flesh and also moved up into Ritzinia’s rib-cage and under her breasts. This continued for another two minutes.
“My lady, what are you feeling right now?” Dr. Noan asked.
“Well, I’m not sure…someone is pressing fingers into my skin and I can feel him rubbing on my ribs…he’s going back and forth, first slower and then sometimes faster. The other doctor was doing this as well, only down lower on my belly.”
“And how does this make you feel? How do you feel when your body is touched in this way?”
“It feels…fine…I think that I like it. Is this tickling?…Is this supposed to be funny?” The doctors glanced at one another with some apprehension.
Dr. Noan pressed a button and above the princess’s head a panel began to flash with the words, ‘Phase Two’.
“Ritzinia, listen very carefully now.” Noan signaled two other physicians to move into place. “Yes, Ritzinia, you are being tickled. A doctor is going to raise your arms above your head and pin down your wrists. Another one will hold down your lower legs. We are doing this because Dr. Theladzo is about to tickle your underarms. This is one of the most ticklish spots on our bodies.” The doctors began to do as the gynecologist described.
“He will keep tickling you there for a long time and you might start to laugh or even scream. You might feel like telling us to stop. But, Ritzinia, we won’t stop. We will just keep tickling you.” With that, Dr. Theladzo plunged his fingertips into the underarm area of the queen-heir interregna to the throne.
*******
Ritzinia’s face was the image of calm. As they restrained her and tickled her underarms, she looked with interest at the doctors within her line of sight. The princess took some deep breaths. About two and a half minutes into this phase of the procedure, she yawned a bit.
As the underarm tickling continued, Dr. Noan herself stepped up beside Ritzinia’s bare feet. The gynecologist wore a tight, business-like expression. “My lady, we are nearing the end of the examination. We have most of the results we need. Tell me, have you felt like laughing at any point during the procedure today?”
“Well, in truth, I can’t say that I have. Most of the test felt good. I don’t see what was supposed to be funny about it.”
Patiently, the doctor said, “Princess, tickling isn’t ‘funny’ exactly. It’s more like you feel under attack, but at the same time, you know that the person tickling you isn’t going to hurt you. It’s kind of a confusing feeling, a little scary, and you aren’t quite sure what’s going to happen next.”
“Yes, but I knew no one was going to hurt me. No one would attack a member of the royal family. And though you said you wouldn’t stop, I knew that you would if I ordered it. Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve never been under any real threat.”
“Oh, I see.” Dr. Noan thought for a few moments and seemed to come to a decision. She put her fingers on the sole of the princess’s right foot and lightly ran her nails across the girl’s sole. “So what do you feel when I do this?”
“A pleasant sensation,” she answered.
“And if I dig in a little harder, like this?” The physician pressed more firmly into her high arch and on the ball of her foot, pushing the skin back and forth.
“Uh, that’s not quite as pleasant, but it’s tolerable.”
“I bet this isn’t so comfortable,” Noan said, and then dug both of her thumbs into the soft area under the princess’s toes.
“No, not really,” said the girl.
“And what if I kept this up for a while? Or I might even do this—” She took the princess’s ankle under one arm and began to scribble intently all over her sole as fast as she could, pressing hard enough to cause some slight bit of pain.
“Ooh, yes, I wouldn’t want that to go on for too long.” Ritzinia winced ever so slightly.
Dr. Noan continued tickling away at the girl’s foot. “My lady, you realize, of course, that the king has given us permission to use all means necessary in order to fully evaluate your condition.”
“Certainly. This is a very important test for the future of our family.”
“A very important test,” the doctor echoed. She noticed that Ritzinia occasionally would try to draw her foot away from the fingers now teasing her smooth sole. “In other words, the king has given us complete authority over you for the duration of the procedure…How does this feel, Princess?” Dr. Noan started to run her fingers in-between the girl’s toes very firmly.
“What do you mean, ‘complete authority’?”
“Well, just as it sounds, my lady. In this room today, we are not required to follow your orders.”
“That’s silly,” Ritzinia said quickly. “Father never mentioned anything about that.” The girl’s foot was definitely twitching now as the doctor teased the flesh between her toes again.
“No, it’s true. Why don’t you try commanding us.” Noan could feel the other physicians looking at her askance, skeptically, if not in shock. The princess herself seemed quite taken aback and just then the doctor picked up her other foot and began the same kind of intensive stroking and prodding.
The girl cleared her throat a bit. “You may stop examining my foot.” The room grew tense as evidenced by the body language of the rest of the medical team. Dr. Noan, however, went on tickling the princess’s foot, unfazed.
“I said, you will stop examining my foot now.”
“But I’m not really ‘examining’ it, am I, my lady?”
“You know perfectly well what you are doing,” the queen-heir declared. When the pressure being applied to her smooth, thin foot remained unchanged, the girl spoke again. “Alright then, stop tickling me.”
“No,” was all the doctor said in reply. “Dr. Theladzo, please resume probing the princess’s underarms.” This caught the male physician off-guard. Clearly, he wasn’t sure what to do. Noan pointed toward the girl’s upper body with her head and punctuated the instruction with a very sharp look. “Please resume, Doctor.”
Ritzinia wrapped her arms around her chest, defiantly.
“Is something wrong, Princess?” Dr. Noan asked.
“This examination—this tickling—must cease immediately!”
“I told you, dear, we are operating under the king’s official commands and they, as you well know, supercede yours.” She turned toward her colleagues. “Ladies and gentlemen, the time has come to commence the real tickling procedure. Places, everyone.” Hesitantly at first, the other five members of the team moved toward various areas around the girl. “That’s right…now Mooris, Ferallia, hold her arms again and keep them pinned down. Bathkin and Nuraz, in a few moments you will stimulate her mid-section. And don’t be too gentle about it; remember to work her hips and upper thighs.”
But this time, when the doctors reached for Ritzinia’s wrists, the girl resisted. “No, that’s enough…I am heir to the throne…release me!” But the tall, male physicians overcame the girl’s slight struggle and her arms swung back easily over her head, fully exposing her underarms.
“Your words have no power here, Ritzinia,” the gynecologist emphasized, and she nodded to Theladzo who, after looking upward as if for divine protection, began to tickle the girl in that vulnerable area.
Ritzinia’s eyes grew wide; she tried to bring her arms down, but they were held fast. The princess started rocking slightly from side to side. The physician persisted.
“Stop…stop. I can’t free my arms…he’s…he’s tickling me.”
“Yes, my lady, and there’s nothing you can do about it.” Dr. Noan explained.
“Nothing?”
The girl looked hard at the doctor, her face intent on this question. Slowly, the doctor nodded ‘no’. Then suddenly a small smile began to pry open Ritzinia’s lips and gradually spread across her whole face. And the princess had started squirming too, seeking to avoid the long fingers tracing patterns at the point where her arms met her torso.
“Why, my lady, is something funny?” Noan asked innocently. “You look rather amused.”
Through her broad grin the princess was breathing heavily now and beads of perspiration appeared on her forehead.
“Doctors—” Noan gestured and the two women at Riztinia’s sides, the tall blonde and a shorter brunette, began to poke and pinch the girl’s waist and hip bones. Ritzinia closed her eyes and emitted a high-pitched squeal.
Dr. Noan reached over the girl’s legs and ran her fingers up and down Ritzinia’s inner thigh. “I have to say that I believe our patient is definitely exhibiting the classic signs of ticklishness.”
A second later, Princess Ritzinia began to laugh. It was a small, timid, giggling sound at first, like the cooing of a young dove, but her laughing voice quickly grew stronger. The audiometer’s read-out lit up with lines of blue and green.
“Heeeeeeeeeee, heheheheheheheheheee, hahahahahahahaha, haaaaaaaaaaaaa, hooohooohooooooooooooo!”
The girl’s mouth opened very widely as her laughter mounted. She twisted and bucked as the probing continued. Occasionally, her legs would flail or she would rub her bare feet together. The doctors smiled, relieved, and their success prompted them to intensify the tickling.
“NOOOOOOOOO, HOOHOOHOOHOO, hahahhahahahahahahahaha, haaaaaaaaaaaaa, HAHAHAAAAAAHAAAAAAHAAAAAA, heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.”
Dr. Noan got up to look at the monitors, but kept teasing Ritzinia’s knee with one hand. “Good, this looks good.” She leaned in very close to the princess’s face. “Does it tickle, Ritzinia?”
“Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssss, hahahahaHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Stoooooooooop!”
Then the doctor started to tickle the girl’s neck and under her chin. Ritzinia immediately pushed her chin down as far toward her breast bone as she possibly could, trying to block the gynecologist’s touches. The princess tittered and squealed loudly.
“Let go of her arms and restrain her legs, please” the doctor instructed her staff. “I want to make sure we initialize and imprint the widest range of neural responses.” With her arms freed, the girl instantly began to pull at Dr. Noan’s fingers, but they were well entrenched. After another minute, the doctor shifted to tickling her ribs and breasts. Paradoxically, being able to defend herself seemed to make Ritzinia feel even more vulnerable. As Noan dug into her ribs, the princess let out a fresh roar of laughter, soon followed by a harsh, cackling noise. She squirmed wildly when the physician poked at the skin under and around her breasts and tried every way she could to cover up, but to no avail. The doctor was quicker and stronger, and Ritzinia’s own involuntary struggling was weakening her considerably.
“One day your future husband will do this to you, my lady…and other things.”
“HAAHAAHAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA, HOOOONONONOOO, HOOOOHOOOOOOOO!!”
Dr. Ferallia spoke up. “Dr. Noan, in these cases is it important to generate verbal encoding as well?”
“Yes, more or less along the lines of what I have been implementing,” Noan explained. “But gaining patient admission is even more valuable.” Raising her voice, she said, “Princess, I couldn’t help noticing earlier that, upon examination, the nerves in the bottoms of your feet registered at high levels of sensitivity. I suspect that this might be your primary hormonal zone.”
“No, please! Hehehehehehehehe. Dr. Noan! Don’t touch my feeeeet! I order—I ask you to leave my feet alone!”
“But why, my lady?” As she spoke, Dr. Noan tickled the girl’s navel and glanced over at the monitor.
“Yoooouuuu knoooow hohohoooohoooo, HOHOHOHOHOOOOO!”
“Is there a problem? If so, it would be important for us to hear about it.”
“NOOOOOOOO, NOOOO MOOOOORE, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
Dr. Noan positioned herself at Ritzinia’s feet as the two doctors holding the princess’s legs shifted to make room for their team leader. The physician pulled up a stool and sat. “Princess, unless I have a good reason not to proceed, it is imperative that I collect more data concerning the reproductive condition of your lower extremities.” She brushed the girl’s left arch with one finger and saw that foot jump.
“But I’m, I’m…”
Noan put her palms against the soles of both the girl’s feet. Ritzinia gripped the sides of the examination table and took in a long, deep breath. “You’re what, my lady?”
“It’s all so very, so…ticklish.”
“Oh, is that it?” The doctor smiled. “Did everyone hear what the princess said? She’s feeling ticklish.”
With the first touch from the doctor’s skilled hands across the bottoms of her feet, deep, throaty waves of laughter erupted from the princess like so much lava from an active volcano. The girl shook her head from side to side and tried to cover her mouth, which did little to lessen the volume of sound she was producing. When the gynecologist would discover a responsive spot she would keep probing there, again and again. Sometimes the entire medical team would have to join together in restraining the princess. Noan tickled every inch of Ritzinia’s feet, bottoms and tops, from heel to toe. Soon the girl was exhausted, too worn out even to move, yet uncontrollable laughter continued to stream out of her in short, loud bursts. The doctor finally stopped the examination, walked over to Ritzinia’s chart, and made a long series of notes.
*******
In her private office, Dr. Noan sat alone with King Palter. In spite of the importance of the moment, the king seemed calm, unperturbed.
“Your Majesty, the results of our testing were very encouraging. Your daughter’s reproductive system looks to be just fine.”
“You mean, then, that she is….” Palter wasn’t quite sure what the correct term was in medical circles.
The doctor hurried to help out. “Yes, sir, she is quite ticklish.”
“That’s wonderful news.”
Dr. Noan paused, allowing the king to contemplate a bright future for his family. “There is only one complication.”
“Oh?”
“Majesty, you see, ticklishness is to a large extent psychological. During the course of our examination we discovered that the princess requires certain…conditions in order to experience tickling as nature intended.” The king shifted slightly in his seat. “King Palter, I am not completely familiar with royal law. When Ritzinia marries, what will be the status of her husband?”
“Status? What do you mean, exactly?”
“Her husband will be Prince, correct?”
“Of course,” the king replied, “well, actually, he is called Prince-Adjunct, since he will not be of royal blood, but he will be married to the queen-heir. And when I die, he will be King-Adjunct. There hasn’t been an Adjunct in nearly 100 years.”
“Yes, indeed. And does a Prince-Adjunct have the authority to command?”
“Oh yes, he would rank above everyone in the kingdom, except me and the princess herself.”
“Your Majesty, how well does Princess Ritzinia know the details of royal law?”
“I don’t think I follow you, Doctor.”
“Well,” Dr. Noan began, “I believe you were about to explain to me how the Prince-Adjunct has the right to command his wife in matters pertaining to their private lives, the welfare of family and children and such.”
“Was I now? Please, do go on, Doctor,” said the king.
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I do hope you'll write a followup at some point, maybe where a suitable suitor is found for Princess Ritzinia. 
