Lois sat at her desk, feeling humiliated. She thought about the events of the past week, wondering what had caused her humiliation.
It all started with Superman. After the man of steel saved Lois for the first time, Lois wrote the first Superman story ever. She even named him Superman. Lois did not want another reporter to go near Superman. Superman belonged to Lois.
First, Lois stole a Superman story from Clark Kent, whom she regarded as being a “hack from Nowheresville.” Lois arrived on the scene of Superman stopping a double suicide, and she saw Clark.
“Clark, what happened?” Lois said.
Clark described to Lois exactly what had happened. Then, he added, “You should have been there.”
Lois frowned and then said, “That’s great Clark. I advise you to head back to the Planet and start typing immediately. Here, you can take my cab. Go on.”
A shocked Clark Kent said, “Thanks, Lois. I owe you one.” He then stepped into the cab.
As the cab drove off, Lois smiled and said, “No. I owe you one.”
The next day the front cover of the Daily Planet read “Superman Averts Double Suicide: by Lois Lane.
However, this wasn’t the end of Lois stealing stories. That day, while having lunch with her best friend, Linda King, Lois struck again. Linda was a sexy blonde woman that had gone to high school with Lois. She also worked as a reporter at rival newspaper The Metropolis Star. She told Lois about a STAR LABS scientist’s theory’s about Superman.
“This is going to be huge. Can the ace reporter from the Daily Planet top my story?” Linda said in a cocky tone.
Lois replied, we’ll see.
The next morning, as Jimmy read Lois’ latest Superman story, he said, “I have an idea on how to track down Superman. Maybe, I can get the next big Superman story.”
“Sure, Jimmy,” Lois replied. “And, when you run across Jimmy Hoffa and the Easter bunny, why don’t you reel them in, too.”
Jimmy couldn’t comment because, at that moment, Linda King walked up to Lois and threw a newspaper on her desk. “The Science of Superman: by Lois Lane!” Linda yelled.
Lois smiled and said, “Linda, don’t start. You got what you deserved. Never…Never let go of a story. Trust no one PERIOD.” Then, as she patted Linda’s cheek, she added, “Consider this a life lesson. No charge.”
Linda walked away past Cat, who had been watching Lois steal ideas from her friends. Cat said, “Somebody ought to teach her a lesson.”
Jimmy laughed and added, “Like who, Godzilla?”
Lois turned to Jimmy, and said, “Now what was your idea of finding Superman?”
“I just figured that if Superman is an alien, then he should have a spaceship. Find the spaceship, find Superman, said Jimmy.
“Huh,” said Lois. “Sounds like a zero to me.” Jimmy walked away shaking his head.
Lois picked up her phone and said, “Can you get me the Eprad Satellite Tracking system in Fairbanks, Alaska?”
“Now Jimmy’s idea. That’s the last straw.” She drew up a map and labeled the center “Superman’s Spaceship.” Then she signed it Linda King. She got on her phone. “Hi, Linda. This is Cat Grant. How would you feel about humiliating Lois Lane. Good. After tonight, Lois will feel like a fool.”
Lois got home and saw an envelope on her door. When she looked at the map, Lois immediately took off.
Lois waited outside of the Metropolis Library for Linda. When Linda arrived, Lois said, “Where is it?”
Linda replied, “Just hold your horses. I want to share my lead with you. You won’t steal my story this time.” Linda led Lois to a closet. “It’s hidden in here, but we have to draw Superman out.” Linda pulled some rope and a blindfold out of her purse. “You have to look like you’re in trouble.
Lois laughed. “You are brilliant, Linda. Just tie me to this chair.” Linda complied. Once Lois was blindfolded, Linda added, “Make yourself comfortable. Take off these high heels.” Linda took off a shoe and slid her fingers across Lois’ sole.
Lois squeeled, “HEEHEEHEE. OH NO! Linda, I am deathly ticklish.”
Then, as she felt her second shoe come off, she heard the voice of Cat Grant. “COOCHIE Coochie COO!”
Lois laughed loudly. They had her right where they wanted her, now.
Cat added, “Now that we have you tied up, this cocky reporter ain’t going anywhere.”
“Please, I need my shoooooooesss!!!!!” Lois squealed as the tickling started again. “HOHOHO I TOLD, YOU, I’M VERY TICKLISH!”
Cat and Linda each ran their fingers up and down Lois’ soles. “Stop it! Stop it! You are tickling me!”
Linda laughed, “We know, Lois. We want to tickle you.”
“STO-HA-HA-HA-HAP! PLEA-HEE-HEE-HEE-SE!” Lois screamed.
“We have her begging already. I thought you were tougher than this,” Linda giggled.
All Lois could do was laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh. “HO HO HO HO HO HO! Please STOP! My feet are too ticklish!”
By now, the 2 women started to tickle Lois’ legs.
“Untie me! Please! You are torturing me!”
“Good, Lois. I hope your Superman story is worth it.” Cat taunted her.
The ladies began to poke Lois’ sides. “EAP! OOH! EEK! OH! AAH!” Lois danced as the fingers poked her. This was truly humiliating to the reporter. She was used to making other people squirm, but, now, she was the one who was squirming!
“AW! Poor Lois is ticklish. Tickle Tickle Tickle.” Cat taunted.
“Please! No more!” the thoroughly humiliated reporter begged.
Linda kept poking Lois. ”Look, Lois is ticklish here, too. Lois is a very ticklish girl!”
By now, Lois was really sweating. Her hair was a mess. “Can you please stop?
Cat giggled, “Before we stop, let’s really drive our point home. Let’s play “This Little Piggy.”
Cat and Linda laughed with Lois as they tickled her toes and said
“This little piggy went to market,
This little piggy stayed at home,
This little piggy had roast beef,
This little piggy had none.
And this little piggy went...
"Wee wee wee" all the way home... “
The women untied Lois and sat a garbage bag on Lois’ lap. Lois got up and left the building without even getting her shoes. She felt like a fool for falling for this trap. Not only that, but she had lost a whole night of chasing the Superman story.
Lois limped into the Daily Planet. She glared at people as they stepped back in fear, cutting a wide path for her as she made her way to the elevator. Stepping inside, she hit the button to the newsroom. Suddenly, a hand reached out, stopping the elevator door before it could close and, as if of one mind, all the elevator’s occupants except her stepped off the car. These people could tell that Lois Lane was upset.
“Cowards,” she yelled after them even as the elevator doors closed.
“Where are the ticklish details?” she heard Jimmy say as she headed down the ramp into the bullpen.
“I think that’s coming in right now,” she heard Cat respond.
She glared at her as she, Clark and Jimmy all turned to look in her direction.
Okay, so maybe she had deserved his little trick. After all, she had stolen stories from her friends and co-workers, but why, oh why, did she have to suffer through this humiliation?
"Lois, what happened?" Jimmy asked.
"Nothing. Nothing at all," she said blankly, continuing
towards her desk. Then she turned back, her voice laden with her
trademark sarcasm. "Oh! You're referring to my appearance! Well,
I think that after hours of being tickle tortured, I have a perfect right to
be a bit... disheveled." She turned to walk away, and then whirled
back. "By the way, did you know that it is possible to get completely
lost at the Metropolis Library?" she asked
rhetorically, her voice rising to the edge of hysteria.
"Of course my little trip to hell wasn't a total failure,"
she continued, opening the garbage bag. "I found this!" She held
up a plastic toy Godzilla doll, with bright red underwear on it
and an 'S' drawn on its chest in red. All week, Lois had been going hard after the Superman story, even stealing idea's from her co-workers. When Cat had said, "Somebody ought to teach her a lesson," Jimmy replied, "Like who, Godzilla." Godzilla had apparently taught Miss Lane her lesson. The three smiled, unable to
help themselves. Trying to gather the shreds of her dignity, Lois
hobbled to Cat's desk and faced her squarely. She took a
crumpled piece of paper out and showed it to her. "You wouldn't
happen to have any idea who sent me this, would you?" she asked
pointedly.
Cat's only reply was a shrug.
She picked up the paper Jimmy had left on Clark's desk, and
saw the name Superman in the headline, with Clark Kent's name on
the byline. "You got the story? You?" she asked sharply.
He couldn't keep back a smug grin. "Yep."
Then Cat said, "Consider this a life
lesson, Lois. No charge." She tweaked her cheek.
"Uh-huh," she said slowly. It had been a hoax, engineered by
Cat Grant. She had spent the entire night wandering around the
Metropolis Library in search
of a non-existent spaceship belonging to Superman, while he had gotten an interview with
Superman. And to make things worse, she had been tickle tortured.
She limped over to her desk, defeated, trying to ignore Cat's
giggle. Sitting there, Lois realized she had just been given a comeuppance.
It all started with Superman. After the man of steel saved Lois for the first time, Lois wrote the first Superman story ever. She even named him Superman. Lois did not want another reporter to go near Superman. Superman belonged to Lois.
First, Lois stole a Superman story from Clark Kent, whom she regarded as being a “hack from Nowheresville.” Lois arrived on the scene of Superman stopping a double suicide, and she saw Clark.
“Clark, what happened?” Lois said.
Clark described to Lois exactly what had happened. Then, he added, “You should have been there.”
Lois frowned and then said, “That’s great Clark. I advise you to head back to the Planet and start typing immediately. Here, you can take my cab. Go on.”
A shocked Clark Kent said, “Thanks, Lois. I owe you one.” He then stepped into the cab.
As the cab drove off, Lois smiled and said, “No. I owe you one.”
The next day the front cover of the Daily Planet read “Superman Averts Double Suicide: by Lois Lane.
However, this wasn’t the end of Lois stealing stories. That day, while having lunch with her best friend, Linda King, Lois struck again. Linda was a sexy blonde woman that had gone to high school with Lois. She also worked as a reporter at rival newspaper The Metropolis Star. She told Lois about a STAR LABS scientist’s theory’s about Superman.
“This is going to be huge. Can the ace reporter from the Daily Planet top my story?” Linda said in a cocky tone.
Lois replied, we’ll see.
The next morning, as Jimmy read Lois’ latest Superman story, he said, “I have an idea on how to track down Superman. Maybe, I can get the next big Superman story.”
“Sure, Jimmy,” Lois replied. “And, when you run across Jimmy Hoffa and the Easter bunny, why don’t you reel them in, too.”
Jimmy couldn’t comment because, at that moment, Linda King walked up to Lois and threw a newspaper on her desk. “The Science of Superman: by Lois Lane!” Linda yelled.
Lois smiled and said, “Linda, don’t start. You got what you deserved. Never…Never let go of a story. Trust no one PERIOD.” Then, as she patted Linda’s cheek, she added, “Consider this a life lesson. No charge.”
Linda walked away past Cat, who had been watching Lois steal ideas from her friends. Cat said, “Somebody ought to teach her a lesson.”
Jimmy laughed and added, “Like who, Godzilla?”
Lois turned to Jimmy, and said, “Now what was your idea of finding Superman?”
“I just figured that if Superman is an alien, then he should have a spaceship. Find the spaceship, find Superman, said Jimmy.
“Huh,” said Lois. “Sounds like a zero to me.” Jimmy walked away shaking his head.
Lois picked up her phone and said, “Can you get me the Eprad Satellite Tracking system in Fairbanks, Alaska?”
“Now Jimmy’s idea. That’s the last straw.” She drew up a map and labeled the center “Superman’s Spaceship.” Then she signed it Linda King. She got on her phone. “Hi, Linda. This is Cat Grant. How would you feel about humiliating Lois Lane. Good. After tonight, Lois will feel like a fool.”
Lois got home and saw an envelope on her door. When she looked at the map, Lois immediately took off.
Lois waited outside of the Metropolis Library for Linda. When Linda arrived, Lois said, “Where is it?”
Linda replied, “Just hold your horses. I want to share my lead with you. You won’t steal my story this time.” Linda led Lois to a closet. “It’s hidden in here, but we have to draw Superman out.” Linda pulled some rope and a blindfold out of her purse. “You have to look like you’re in trouble.
Lois laughed. “You are brilliant, Linda. Just tie me to this chair.” Linda complied. Once Lois was blindfolded, Linda added, “Make yourself comfortable. Take off these high heels.” Linda took off a shoe and slid her fingers across Lois’ sole.
Lois squeeled, “HEEHEEHEE. OH NO! Linda, I am deathly ticklish.”
Then, as she felt her second shoe come off, she heard the voice of Cat Grant. “COOCHIE Coochie COO!”
Lois laughed loudly. They had her right where they wanted her, now.
Cat added, “Now that we have you tied up, this cocky reporter ain’t going anywhere.”
“Please, I need my shoooooooesss!!!!!” Lois squealed as the tickling started again. “HOHOHO I TOLD, YOU, I’M VERY TICKLISH!”
Cat and Linda each ran their fingers up and down Lois’ soles. “Stop it! Stop it! You are tickling me!”
Linda laughed, “We know, Lois. We want to tickle you.”
“STO-HA-HA-HA-HAP! PLEA-HEE-HEE-HEE-SE!” Lois screamed.
“We have her begging already. I thought you were tougher than this,” Linda giggled.
All Lois could do was laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh. “HO HO HO HO HO HO! Please STOP! My feet are too ticklish!”
By now, the 2 women started to tickle Lois’ legs.
“Untie me! Please! You are torturing me!”
“Good, Lois. I hope your Superman story is worth it.” Cat taunted her.
The ladies began to poke Lois’ sides. “EAP! OOH! EEK! OH! AAH!” Lois danced as the fingers poked her. This was truly humiliating to the reporter. She was used to making other people squirm, but, now, she was the one who was squirming!
“AW! Poor Lois is ticklish. Tickle Tickle Tickle.” Cat taunted.
“Please! No more!” the thoroughly humiliated reporter begged.
Linda kept poking Lois. ”Look, Lois is ticklish here, too. Lois is a very ticklish girl!”
By now, Lois was really sweating. Her hair was a mess. “Can you please stop?
Cat giggled, “Before we stop, let’s really drive our point home. Let’s play “This Little Piggy.”
Cat and Linda laughed with Lois as they tickled her toes and said
“This little piggy went to market,
This little piggy stayed at home,
This little piggy had roast beef,
This little piggy had none.
And this little piggy went...
"Wee wee wee" all the way home... “
The women untied Lois and sat a garbage bag on Lois’ lap. Lois got up and left the building without even getting her shoes. She felt like a fool for falling for this trap. Not only that, but she had lost a whole night of chasing the Superman story.
Lois limped into the Daily Planet. She glared at people as they stepped back in fear, cutting a wide path for her as she made her way to the elevator. Stepping inside, she hit the button to the newsroom. Suddenly, a hand reached out, stopping the elevator door before it could close and, as if of one mind, all the elevator’s occupants except her stepped off the car. These people could tell that Lois Lane was upset.
“Cowards,” she yelled after them even as the elevator doors closed.
“Where are the ticklish details?” she heard Jimmy say as she headed down the ramp into the bullpen.
“I think that’s coming in right now,” she heard Cat respond.
She glared at her as she, Clark and Jimmy all turned to look in her direction.
Okay, so maybe she had deserved his little trick. After all, she had stolen stories from her friends and co-workers, but why, oh why, did she have to suffer through this humiliation?
"Lois, what happened?" Jimmy asked.
"Nothing. Nothing at all," she said blankly, continuing
towards her desk. Then she turned back, her voice laden with her
trademark sarcasm. "Oh! You're referring to my appearance! Well,
I think that after hours of being tickle tortured, I have a perfect right to
be a bit... disheveled." She turned to walk away, and then whirled
back. "By the way, did you know that it is possible to get completely
lost at the Metropolis Library?" she asked
rhetorically, her voice rising to the edge of hysteria.
"Of course my little trip to hell wasn't a total failure,"
she continued, opening the garbage bag. "I found this!" She held
up a plastic toy Godzilla doll, with bright red underwear on it
and an 'S' drawn on its chest in red. All week, Lois had been going hard after the Superman story, even stealing idea's from her co-workers. When Cat had said, "Somebody ought to teach her a lesson," Jimmy replied, "Like who, Godzilla." Godzilla had apparently taught Miss Lane her lesson. The three smiled, unable to
help themselves. Trying to gather the shreds of her dignity, Lois
hobbled to Cat's desk and faced her squarely. She took a
crumpled piece of paper out and showed it to her. "You wouldn't
happen to have any idea who sent me this, would you?" she asked
pointedly.
Cat's only reply was a shrug.
She picked up the paper Jimmy had left on Clark's desk, and
saw the name Superman in the headline, with Clark Kent's name on
the byline. "You got the story? You?" she asked sharply.
He couldn't keep back a smug grin. "Yep."
Then Cat said, "Consider this a life
lesson, Lois. No charge." She tweaked her cheek.
"Uh-huh," she said slowly. It had been a hoax, engineered by
Cat Grant. She had spent the entire night wandering around the
Metropolis Library in search
of a non-existent spaceship belonging to Superman, while he had gotten an interview with
Superman. And to make things worse, she had been tickle tortured.
She limped over to her desk, defeated, trying to ignore Cat's
giggle. Sitting there, Lois realized she had just been given a comeuppance.
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