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Crushes Can Kill. ( M/F )

Thank you for posting this, starburstz. I feel like this one must have taken courage, and I really enjoyed reading it.
 
That was truly an amazing piece of work. It has such a huge element of realism in the characters and story for a "tickling fiction" I actually became angry at Chris just reading it. Very excellent work starburstz. Are you pursuing writing as a career?
 
Hmmm....

Disturbing.

But in a way that's honest and welcome. It's hard to put my finger on. This is unique, I'll say that. Not many come forward with such originality and an "outside the box" approach. In fact, I haven't seen anything along these lines, the abandon of traditional structure and the unexpected personifications, from any new writer.

Rather than just post a "Yoo Rawk" response, the greater thing I can do as a seasoned writer is to give you some advice. Your structure, while different and easily read as the expression of how your thought patterns flow, could use a little refinement. But, that comes with time. With becoming more comfortable in one's own literary "skin". Explore a little more of your characters' motivations. I found myself actually wanting to know more about "Chris". But, that's a good thing. Making a reader want to know more shows you exactly where you should go when honing your edge.

I'm especially refreshed that you avoided the trap many young writers fall into (myself included, early on). Sex for the sake of sex...titillating descriptives just to fill a page. As raw as it is...I felt something from it, and that's saying something. I'm admittedly very jaded. :)

I hope to see more from you as you continue to grow as a person and a writer.
 


Holy...what just happened?! You did this in two days?! It's not that good my arse!! This was fucking incredible. This was so raw, so real, so painful and bittersweet that it really struck a nerve with me.

I absolutely LOVED this.

This is something I've wanted to write for a while - just something short and simple, between two people but packed with so much emotional dynamite that it just grabs you and doesn't let go until the end and by the time you're done with it, you just feel drained. In a good way.

I loved your main character. It may have been fiction but there was so much realness/truthfulness in her. I've always been curious to see what would happen in a situation where someone who doesn't have a "kink" when it comes to tickling discovers that he or she suddenly has power over someone else by tickling them. It becomes much more of a just a harmless action then depending on who's in control. I felt you portrayed it perfectly.

There's no one line I feel I can hit on but as a whole, this was like a piece of art, a piece of music that stays with you long after you've heard it.

Awesome work. :)
 
Amazing

You know what's crazy? This is a tickling fantasy of many women including mine, but they will never admit it. I must admit, I was turned on.
Very brave of you to post this. I absolutley loved it... hot, wild, bold, daring and outside the box. :clap:
 
This took my breath away and broke my heart at the same time. It reminds me of some of my own messy break up's and crushes in high school. You really hit a nerve with the way you wrote this. :)
 
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