svegau
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Hello All! Here is my third story and also my longest. What can I say, I got started and the ideas just kept coming. This time the story is based on "The Princess and the Pea" with a guest appearance by the twelve dancing princesses. The characters portrayed in this story are of course based on copywritten materials and is meant purely for the enjoyment of the readers on this forum.
AS ALWAYS QUESTIONS, COMMENTS, AND COMPLAINTS ARE WELCOME!!!
Now without further delay, may I present "THE PRINCESS AND THE PEA[NIS]"
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---Once upon a time there was a young prince who had just come of age. He had turned twenty and by his country, Goldenestadt’s, custom it was time for him to search for a bride. His mother and father let him decide for himself how he should go about this. He decided that he would be proactive and search the world for his one true love. He had the full support of his parents, who sent him of to find his perfect princess. All of his travel expenses would be paid for and he would be a grand steed to travel on. The Prince departed with his heart full of hope and romantic ideas about finding the perfect princess. However he would soon learn that there is no such thing as perfection…
---The prince traveled to a distant land and journeyed to the palace there. He introduced himself as the prince of Goldenestadt and said that he sought a worthy bride. Being from one of the wealthiest kingdoms in the world he was well received. There was music & dancing and wining & dining. He was shown to his room where he was told that the princess of the castle would come to meet him. When she did arrive, she was dressed in a very tight leather outfit and was wearing a cat eared mask. She was brandishing a cat-o-nine-tails whip. The prince was astonished to say the least. She cracked the whip several times and demanded that he get on his knees and lick her dirty feet. He asked what had gotten into her. She said do to do it or she’d wouldn’t whip him. Just then a maid rushed in and informed the princess that the prince was a suitor and not her toy for the afternoon. She blushed, looked at the prince and said that she would be right back. She ran into the closet and a sounds of zippers being undone and redone could be heard. Various garments could also be heard hitting the floor and fluttering about. The princess emerged from the closet in a long gown and adorned with jewelry. She now spoke with a flowery tone and welcomed the prince properly. The maid offered to go get tea while the princess made a comment on how nice the weather has been. Apparently trying very hard not to acknowledge the events that took place just a few moments ago.
[Prince]: What just happened?
[Princess 1]: Why, what ever do you mean?
[Prince]: I mean the whip and the leather and the comment about licking your unwashed feet.
[Princess 1]: oh that………….a joke…oho ho ho…
[Prince]: Um…I…have to go now.
[Princess 1]: WHY?!
[Prince]: I just remembered at I…um…have a pressing…engagement elsewhere. Yeah, that it!
[Princess 1]: Oh, I see. You will come back…right?
[Prince]: Um…I’ll call you…
[Princess 1]: oh…ok…
---As the prince was leaving the maid was just returning. Walking down the hall he could hear the princess scolding the maid.
[Princess 1]: Why didn’t you tell me he was a prince! You just said that there was a man in here for me.
[Maid 1]: I’m sorry my lady! Please forgive me…
[Princess 1]: Sorry is not enough! I bet you just want me for yourself!!! Now get down on your knees and lick them!
[Maid 1]: Y-Yes my lady! (Slurp Slurp Slurp)
---The prince quickened his pace and left in a big hurry. Perplexed by the events of this happening, but determined to put them behind him, the prince hurries to his next destination. This time he has traveled to the a kingdom in the far south. As before he introduces himself as the prince of Goldenestadt and told the king that he was seeking a bride. He was well received as before. The was once again music & dancing and wining & dining. While at the dinner table the princess of this castle sat down next to the prince. She was stunning! Her hair was radiant, her dress was beautiful, and she had the most magnificent smile he had ever seen. The prince was completely enraptured by her. He talked and laughed with her for hours. Yes, he thought, she would make the perfect princess. At some point during the meal a strange noise was heard. The princess seemed a bit distressed.
[Prince]: Is something the matter dear sweet princess?
[Princess 2]: N-No my lord…nothing…uhgn…
---(WOM WOM WOM) The servants and maids begin to look at the princess with distressed faces.
[Prince]: Are you sure?
[Princess 2]: Yes my lord I am…argn…sure…
---(WOM WOM WOM - RUMBLE!!!)
[Prince]: Dearest princess, is that you……stomach?!
[Princess 2]: Well, I do have a slight stomach condition, but it isn’t something to worry about…
---(WOM-WOM-WOM-GURRURURURRRUU)
[Prince]: !!!
[Princess 2]: !!!…Um, PlEaSe ExCuSe Me! I…uh..havetopowdermynose!…
---The princess blurted out her last comment so fast the prince could hardly understand it. The princess scurried down the hall in a big hurry, huffing and panting while her stomach continued to bombard everyone’s ears with a LOUD mixture of unnatural hums, growls, and roars.
[Servants]: uh oh…
---The prince heard the servants…
[Prince]: uh oh?! What does uh oh mean?!
(RUUUUUUUUUUUUUMBLE!!!)
[Princess 2]: GOoD HeAvEnS!!! PlEaSe LeT mE mAkE iT!!!
[Prince]: Is something wrong?
[Maid 2]: (nervously) Nothing! Nothing is wrong! … REALLY!!!
---While the maid desperately tries to assure the prince that nothing is amiss she gestured to the court musicians to play louder. The prince was about to dismiss this as a strange custom when…
[Princess 2]: Ah…MaDe It!
(POOT! FART! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIP!!!)
[Prince]: WHAT WAS THAT!?
[Maid 2]: NOTHING! NOTHING! NOTHING AT ALL!
---The maid once again gestures to the musicians to play louder. The rest of the servants have expressions on their face ranging from disappointment to shock to “it figures”.
(POOOOOT!!! FART!!! POP!!! KER-PLOP!!!)
[Princess 2]: UgN!!! UFF!!! WhY nOw?!?!?!
---The musicians are desperately trying to play over the sounds of the princess “powdering her nose”.
[Prince]: Is…this the princess‘ slight stomach condition???
[Maid 2]: …………………………..yes…b-but it will pass soon.
(PLOP!!! PLOP!!! FART!!! RIP!!! KER-SPLASH!!!)
[Princess 2]: ARGH!!! tHaT wAs A bIg OnE!!!
[Prince]: …
[Maid 2]: … … Any minute now…heh heh…
---The sounds of the princess in the “powder room” continued to echo like thunder through the halls, serving as a backdrop for the loud music in the grand hall. In fact the musicians were no longer making music, they were merely playing their respective instruments as loudly as they could to drown out the sounds of the princess’ current activity.
---The other servants went along with their chores pretending not to hear it, but every time another loud noise from the princess was heard their was a slight perceptible twitch in their brows.
---The head maid continued to persuade the prince that it was only a temporary episode of her illness and that it does not occur very often. 45 minutes later…
(FAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRT!!! PLOP! … … … )
[Prince]: ………………..
[Maid 2]: (with a bead of sweat on her brow) See…My lady is finished. She will be returning shortly….
---The maid gestured for the musicians to stop playing as the princess staggered back in. She seemed to have lost some weight! Not to mention the fact that she looked as if she went ten rounds with an angry boar! She quickly discarded a match which had already been extinguished and still smoking…
[Princess 2]: (weakly) I have returned my lord.
[Prince]: um…welcome back.
[Princess 2]: I trust my musicians and servants kept you entertained in my absence.
[Prince]: Uh…Yes they did. It is a wonder what one can listen to at these dinner parties…
[Princess 2]: ………………….
[Servants]: …………………
[Maid 2]: …………………
[Prince]: Well … um … I just remembered that I…uh… need to feed the…parking meter…yeah… before they tow my-y…car…right…I’ll be right back…
[Princess 2]: oh I see. Please hurry back my lord.
---The prince runs out of the grand hall.
[Princess 2]: … What’s a parking meter?
[Maid 2]: I don’t know. What’s a car?
[Princess 2]: Never heard of it.
[Court Magician]: Those things do not exist in this story.
[Princess 2]: … I see. He isn’t coming back is he?
[Court Magician]: I highly doubt it.
[Princess 2]: HOLY CRAP!!!
[Court Magician]: No kidding!
---The prince, having hightailed it out of there a fast as his noble steed could carry him decided to make one last effort to gain find his perfect princess. The prince journeyed southwest, toward a kingdom know for having twelve princesses that loved to dance. He figured that this time he would try his hand at many. At least one of them had to be perfect.
---The prince once again traveled to the palace and upon arrival made his usual declaration, that he is the prince of Goldenestadt and he is looking for the perfect princess. He is well received by the royal king, as usual there is music & dancing and wining & dining. The weary prince is listening for any “noises” that the music might be concealing and searching for any women in leather.
[The King]: Is something the matter? You seem tense.
[Prince]: It is nothing sire. I am just having some unpleasant flashbacks…
[The King]: Well I know what will keep your mind off of those nasty past events.
---The king clapped his hands and out came his twelve lovely daughters. The oldest nearing her thirties and very curvaceous, and the youngest having just turned eighteen and still maintaining an innocent youthful appearance. The rest vary in age, height, weight, and overall demeanor. Some looked at him shyly, while others looked at him lovingly, and at least two looked at him like a piece of tenderloin meat! Which he wasn’t averse to at all.
[The King]: Come! Now is not the time for unpleasant thoughts, this is a time for merry making! Let us have music and dancing!
---The princesses all lined up in front of the prince to be his dancing partners. He knew they were all famous for their dancing ability but he had no idea that they would also possess nearly inhuman endurance as well. The princesses danced with the prince for hours on end without the slightest hint of fatigue. It was starting to get dark out…
[Prince]: (huff huff) I submit. You all win. I am beat.
[Princess 3]: Ha Ha. Is that so.
[Princess 4]: Well. I doubt he has had as much practice as we have had.
[Princess 5]: I agree
[Prince]: What are you ladies going on about?
[12 Princesses]: oh…nothing. Hee Hee
[Prince]: Well good night then.
[12 Princesses]: Good night my lord.
---The prince went to sleep, knowing I his heart that making his decision would be a difficult one. The all seemed too good to be true. Not to mention that their unreal endurance would be good for dance parties, among other activities. The prince was about to fall asleep when he detected movement from inside the twelve princesses’ room. He was far too tired to investigate though and fell asleep.
---In the morning, he opened his eyes and prepared to greet the day. He had a spring in his step because for the first time since his journey to find a perfect princess began he went a whole night without something going wrong. He could hear the twelve princesses snoring in their room. Though not a very gentlemanly thing to do, he decided to take a little peek at the sleeping princesses. When he opened the door the foulest stench he had ever smelled hit him like a brick in the face. His nose felt like it was on fire and his eyes watered violently.
[Prince]: Good heavens!!! What is that terrible odor!
---The prince opened the door to investigate and was treated to an unbelievable sight. The twelve pairs of shoes that the twelve princesses were wearing just last night were in tattered ruins! Above them twelve pairs of swollen, sweaty, stinky feet rife with bunions, corns, and calluses.
[Prince]: THIS CANNOT BE!!!
---The Prince eyed a hat on a rack with a large feather in it. He took the feather out and went down the line of beds using it to tickle their feet in order to make sure that the feet were indeed real!
As he tickled a foot, the princess they belonged to let out a little giggle. When all twelve had giggled he found himself at an impasse. The princesses began to wake up due to the stimulation of the prince’s tickling. They are all embarrassed, but not because they are all in lingerie. In fact it is doubtful that the prince noticed passed their feet.
[Prince]: What is going on here?!
[12 Princesses]: We can explain…
[Prince]: How did your feet get to this condition?
[12 Princesses]: Do you remember when we said we had a lot of practice?
[Prince]: (still gagging on the smell) …yes…ugh.
[12 princesses]: Well, we go to a secret magical garden every night to dance with twelve magical princes…While there time passes much more slowly. So for every hour that passes there only a minute passes here…
[Prince]: And that did this to your feet?!
[12 Princesses]: Well, after several years of going every night there may have been a little wear & tear…
[Prince]: (Staring at the big stinking feet) A little?! Try a lot…
---The prince was overcome by the stench and fainted shortly after.
[12 Princesses]: THEY DON’T SMELL THAT BAD!!! … do they? Hey! … um … Prince? … uh oh…
---The prince woke up back in his room several hours later. The princesses were around him in a circle.
[Prince]: What happened.
[12 Princesses]: You had a nightmare…
[Prince]: A nightmare? Really?
[12 Princesses]: Really!
[Princes]: Then will one of you do me the honor of showing me your feet?
[12 Princesses]: ……………….
[Prince]: Well???
[12 Princesses]: …We’ve had a marvelous breakfast prepared for you!
[Prince]: Your feet???
[12 Princesses]: …Then we’ve arrange to go for a ride on our horses so you can see our beautiful country side!
[Prince]: Your feet my ladies.
[12 princesses]: …Then we will have another dancing ball in your honor!
[Prince]: … Feet …
[12 Princesses]: …………The villagers are also preparing a festival in your honor!
---The prince lunges for the end of one of their long gowns, and the princess quickly pulls away. He reaches for another and that one pulls away.
[Prince]: …
[12 Princesses]: …There will then be a grand banquet for you to meet all of the nobles in our kingdom!
[Prince]: It wasn’t a nightmare was it?
[12 princesses]: …
[Prince]: …You know…I…uh…think my…um…horse is feeling homesick! Yeah! I better get back to…uh…cure him …right …that’s it!
[12 Princesses]: oh…really?
[Prince]: Yeah! Can’t you see the…uh…sullen expression on his face?
---They look out at the stable where the prince’s horse is being kept. He seems to look just fine…
[Prince]: Don’t let that tough exterior fool you! He is crying on the inside! He misses the green fields he used to graze in his homeland!
[12 Princesses]: We didn’t realize that grass was different in different lands…
[Prince]: They are! I must take him home at once or he will spiral into a deep depression!
[12 Princesses]: Well…If you must… When will you be back?
[Prince]: …I’ll call you…
[12 Princesses]: …um…okay…
---With that, the prince made haste. Departing the kingdom of the twelve princesses and started his journey home. Heavy hearted, he decided to cut his losses. On the way home, the prince comes across a large field filled with medicinal herbs once harvested from distant lands many thousands of miles away. He recognizes this area as the new kingdom of Neuesgeld. This kingdom gained immense wealth because it’s king, formerly a merchant farmer, traveled around the world collecting strange and mystic herbs that were capable of curing all manner of sicknesses and brought them back to this continent. It is partly due to these herbs that all of the people of this continent enjoy good health and long lives. Healers, medicine men, and chefs all over the continent bought these herbs in mass quantities and the money has been constantly flowing in. The prince remembered that every time he had gotten sick in the past few years he was treated with herbs from this very kingdom and recovered swiftly.
---However, because this kingdom is so new not much is known about the royal family. The prince momentarily entertains the idea of meeting the princess of land, but a flashback of prior events quickly banishes the idea from his mind. Content to travel through the outer fields of Neuesgeld, the prince stops for a spell to water his horse. While his horse drinks from an irrigation stream and he sits on the ground pondering if he will ever find the perfedt princess he hears a beautiful sound. A low melodious humming. As he listens more intently, he phases out the sound of the stream, his horse, and even hi own heartbeat. All he hears now is that intoxicating humming.
[Prince]: I must find the source!
---He jumps up, startling his horse, and dashes of into the field of strange herbs. Amid the foreign and strange looking plants he feels as if he has entered a fantasy world. The humming is getting louder and louder as the prince travels through the tall herbs in the field. Almost in a siren-song induced madness, he pushes through until he is within sight of the source. A young lady, about his age, is walking along in the middle of the field spreading seeds. She wore finely made work clothing, and a wide brimmed straw hat. Her features were quite impressive. She had slight muscle tone all over her body, most likely due to working in the fields. She had long, curly, and dusty hair. Her back was turned to the prince and she hummed her mesmerizing tone while she tended to the plants.
[Prince]: My lady…
[Lady]: !?
[Prince]: I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to su…
---The young lady turned around. More of her features were now exposed to the prince. She wore finely made leather gloves that protected her hands from thorny plants and possibly kept her hands soft. She had an innocent smile, one that could dispel the darkness over a man’s heart with one glance. Her skin glistened with sweat, accentuating her curves and subtle musculature in the low light amidst the tall herbs. The prince looked on at this girl working in the fields with greater awe than all of the previous princesses he had met.
[Prince]: …prize you…
[Lady]: Oh! Hello there traveler! I was just heading to our field cabin for refreshments. Would you like some to? You look tired.
[Prince]: …Yes m’lady.
[Lady]: I am Hildie of Neuesgeld, and you are?
[Prince]: I am…from Goldenestadt…
[Hildie]: Oh! That uber-rich kingdom?! It must be so nice to live there!
[Prince]: It is.
---With the pleasantries out of the way, the girl started to walk and the prince hastened his pace so as not to fall behind. As he drew nearer he noticed that the girl had an odd stroll. He though, “well, here we go again…” but as the gap between them closed he properly observed what she was doing and was astonished by what he saw. 1. The girl was barefoot. 2. Her feet were immense! And 3. She was pulling up weeds between her toes with every step she took!!! The prince couldn’t help but stare.
[Prince]: …Extraordinary…
[Hildie]: Excuse me?
[Prince]: No-nothing m’lady.
[Hildie]: You have a fancy way of speaking. Are you a noble?
[Prince]: Uh…well…you see…
[Hildie]: It’s fine if you rather not say…
[Prince]: …
[Hildie]: Well, that’s the end of that then. By the way, I couldn’t help but notice that you couldn’t help but notice what I am doing with my feet.
[Prince]: Well, It is…unusual, but efficient!
[Hildie]: I suppose so. I guess I haven’t really thought about it.
---They arrive at a cabin that serves as a rest house for the field workers. Many of these cabins pepper the vast fields of herbs. The accommodations are unusually lavish for farmers. The cabinets, tables, chairs, and fixtures look as if they were put together by expert craftsmen. She takes a tin of tea from inside one of the fine wooden cabinets and retrieves a well made cast-iron kettle from another. Before long the tea is ready and the two sit down to drink and converse. Hildie puts her large feet up on top of an expertly upholstered foot rest and begins to drink. She once again catches the “traveler from Goldenestadt” staring at them.
[Hildie]: I never knew that my feet were so fascinating. Hee hee.
[Prince]: Ahem…please for give me. You see I once met a group of ladies who had feet as…grand…as yours.
[Hildie]: Grand…that’s a new one ;-)
[Prince]: Yes…well…they were swollen and covered with sores and bumps.
[Hildie]: How dreadful. I hope they are alright. Should I make an herb paste for them? I use it for my own feet so they do not become callused from working outside all day.
[Prince]: Yes. I can tell. They are lovely…
[Hildie]: Really!
[Prince]: Uh…That is to say they are perfect.
[Hildie]: Oh my!
[Prince]: uh…(sigh)
[Hildie]: Many people have talked about my feet but this is the first time I have received such high praise for them. I feel a little giddy. Here, have a closer look!
---She then laid her feet in the prince’s lap. She spread her tremendous toes and flexed her ankles to expose her deep arches and smooth soles.
[Prince]: …M’lady…
[Hildie]: It’s my own herb recipe. I makes the skin smooth and supple. It even evens out wrinkles. Go ahead, feel for yourself!
---With a bead of sweat on his brow…
[Prince]: …If m’lady insists…
---The prince poked the girls foot. She pulled back and twitched a little, stifling a giggle. Amused the prince poked some more and she jumped some more.
[Hildie]: HEY! You can’t get the full feel if you just use your finger tip!
[Prince]: …Indeed.
---The prince then begins to rub and fondle the girl’s huge feet. He even starts to poke around between the girls toes.
[Hildie]: Hee-hee-heh-eheee-heeheh-eee!
---The prince was absolutely enraptured with this maiden. He felt that he could talk and laugh with her forever. However past experiences kept nagging him, so this was all underscored by a feeling of uncertainty.
[Prince]: M’lady!
[Hildie]: HaHaaa…Yes?!
[Prince]: I have an odd question to ask you.
[Hildie]: Ask it!
[Prince]: Well…DO YOU PASS LOUD AND COPIOUS STOOLS!!?
[Hildie]: !!!…uh…no.
[Prince]: Do you dance in a magical garden at night where time stands still?
[Hildie]: no…
[Prince]: Thank the heavens!
[Hildie]: Oh my! You seem to have met some interesting people…
[Prince]: M’lady…you don’t know the half of it! … … one last thing.
[Hildie]: What might that be!
---The Prince hesitates for a moment. Then, leaning forward into the huge bare feet in his lap. He inhales deeply! He could detect no foul odor, just the light feminine musk of Hildie’s feet intermingled with fertile soil and the sweet aroma of the herb paste she applied to them. The smell went straight to his brain and sent a quiver down his spine.
[Prince]: (SNIIIIIIIIIFF) … Ahh.
[Hildie]: ooh…didn’t see that coming…
[Prince]: I…was just curious to know if you’re feet stink…
[Hildie]: Another past encounter?
[Prince]: yes…Afraid so m’lady.
[Hildie]: Why are you traveling? Really?
[Prince]: I am seeking the perfect bride. And I believe that you might just be the one I am seeking.
[Hildie]: I don’t think so…It isn’t nice to tease people!
[Prince]: Why do you say that I am teasing you?
[Hildie]: My family has been setting up marriage interviews with eligible bachelors for many months now. However when the young men see me they say my feet are too big. No man wants a bride with feet as massive as mine…But I don’t care. I like working in the fields. The plants I help grow heal many people!
---She takes her feet down from the princes lap only to notice the large lump in his trousers.
[Hildie]: !!!
[Prince]: Oh dear! How embarrassing! But as you can see, I have no problem with your feet. In fact I’m rather fond of them.
[Hildie]: …
[Prince]: M’lady, I know we just met, but would you be interested in becoming my bride?
[Hildie]: I…I’m…afraid my family would not approve of me marrying a stranger I met in the fields. A stray animal as a pet maybe, but a stray man as a husband may be…pushing it.
[Prince]: Alas. I see your point. I don’t think my family would welcome the though of my marrying a lady I happened to meet in a field either.
[Hildie]: Well, I…it was a pleasure making your acquaintance. I hope to see you again soon.
[Prince]: (glancing down at his throbbing “trouser tent”) And it was an…extreme…pleasure to make yours.
---The prince departs from the lavish cabin
[Hildie]: Hmm…In another place and another time…(sigh)
---As the Prince is walking back to his horse.
[Prince]: My lady. If only you were a princess…(sigh)
---The prince rides hard for his homeland. He arrives in a matter of days, just ahead of a group of ominous dark clouds. As the heavy hearted prince returns home torrents of rain start to pour down all over the kingdom, heaviest around the palace.
[King-Father]: My son. How was your journey.
[Queen-mother]: Did you find your perfect princess.
[Prince]: No! I met many princesses, but all were far from perfect! If they weren’t flailing whips about or producing enough feces to fertilize an entire field of crops their feet were ugly and reeked to high heaven!
[King-Father]: ?!?!?!?!
[Queen-mother]: They aren’t making them the way they are used to… I’m sorry your trip was unsuccessful.
[Prince]: Well…there was ONE girl that was perfect for me, but she wasn’t a princess.
[King-Father]: SO!
[Queen-Mother]: So? It isn’t proper for a REAL prince not to marry a REAL princess!
[King-Father]: Petty details! Love is love!
[Prince]: She rejected me though.
[King-Father]: Oh! Well in that case you can’t force her.
[Queen-Mother]: Exactly! My son, you leave everything to me! You will have a worthy bride before long!
[Prince]: Alright…
---The prince retired to his room where he stayed for a long time. His every though consumed by the lady he met in the field that put his heart at such complete ease. He returned to his normal life, but with a sullen demeanor that was notice able to all. It also rained heavily almost everyday since his return until the palace had a guest one month later.
[Queen-mother]: My son! Your depression has not escaped my notice. I believe I have found you a worthy bride. One that will lift your spirits and ensure your good health!
[Prince]: (blandly) Is that so?
[Queen-Mother]: It is! She will be here this afternoon! Come to the grand hall at two o’clock.
---The prince did in fact make an appearance at the grand hall if for no other reason but to sent this princess packing. The royal court eagerly awaited the princesses caravan with work dry towels and warm drinks for her expectedly large entourage. Two o’clock passed, then three, then four…Nothing, Then a soft knock was at the grand hall door heard at Five o’clock.
[Queen-mother]: She had better have a good reason for arriving so late!
[King-Father]: Calm down my dear. She has arrived, now we can eat!
[Queen-mother]: (HUFF!) You and your stomach!
---The word stomach caused the prince’s own stomach to turn due to his experience with the loud pooping princess.
The horns blew. The announcement was made,
[Knight]: Introducing the Princess of the grand kingdom of Neuesgeld, Broonhild.
---The doors were opened and on the other side there was no great caravan or entourage. There was just a single maiden. Her hair was ornate but her hairstyle was ruined by the rain in such a way that it drooped over her face concealing it. She wore a fine silk gown that was totally drenched. She stood there holding an expensive looking umbrella, CLOSED, in her hand and a small animal in her other hand. The entire court was looked on with astonishment. Finally the king spoke.
[King-Father]: What are you all waiting for! Bring her in and dry her off!
[Queen-Mother]: Must we right now? I care for our citizens as much as you do, but we are waiting here for the princess.
[Maiden]: Well your wait is over, I have arrived! (looking around) Oh my! Is all of this for me!?
[Everyone]: !!!
[King-Father]: What happened?
[Princess Broonhild]: This puppy was drowning In your mote, so I kind of dove in to save it.
[Queen-Mother]: …
[King-Father]: Well now! I’d say that makes you a hero! Come in! Come in!
---The princess was ushered in and let to a chair where the palace maids got to work drying off the soaking wet princess.
[King-Father]: My dear! Did you come alone?
[Princess Broonhild]: Yes. It was my choice. I rather enjoyed the journey. Odd weather you have here though.
[King-Father]: Indeed!
[Queen-Mother]: …
---As the princess is being dried off, one of the maids asks her to lift her legs so that they may dry her feet. She lift up her legs and hikes up long dress to reveal a pair of incredibly large and beautiful bare feet.
[Queen-Mother]: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Prince]: It couldn’t be…
[King-Father]: GOOD GRACIOUS! Err..I mean…what ever happened to your shoes?
[Princess Broonhild]: The floated away when I dove in to save this puppy.
[King-Father]: My word! The dog shall be cared for and I will see to it that your shoes are recovered!
[Princess Broonhild]: Don’t go through any trouble over my shoes, I rather move around without them actually. But please do take care of this dog.
[King-Father]: I give you my word that it will be raised to be a fine hound!
[Princess Broonhild]: Thank you!
---The maids are finishing drying her off when one comes in with a brush and moves the hair away from the princess’ face. The prince Instantly recognizes her a “Hildie” from the field and the princess instantly recognizes the prince as the “traveler from Goldenestadt.” They do not immediately let on though. The prince and princess exchange the customary pleasantries and spend the rest of the evening dining and dancing together. The queen mother however still has her apprehensions about this so-called princess. No entourage, no caravan, no escort of any kind, and she dives into motes to save puppies!
[Queen-Mother]: We shall see if she is a real princess! KI know just the test! A princess is the most delicate and sensitive thing in the world. I shall hide a pea pod under her mattress tonight. Judging by her condition tomorrow, we shall see if she is who she says she is!
---While everyone is partying in the grand hall, Queen-Mother slips off to hide the pea pod under the princess’ mattress in her bed chambers. She returns to the party confident in her plan.
---After a full evening of partying, everyone retires to their chambers for a good night’s rest. The princess is ushered to her where she takes in the opulent accommodations and immediately falls into as sound sleep upon hitting the soft mattress, completely oblivious of the pea pod under her mattress.
---Under the cover of night, the prince sneaks out of his room and makes his way to the guest wing of the palace without being seen. He lightly knocks on the for, but can only hear the snoring of the princess on the other side. He clutches the doorknob to let himself in but hesitates when he remembers the incident at the palace of the twelve dancing princesses.
[Prince]: Nightmare my @r$e!!!
---But the memories of Hildie’s perfect feet quickly dominate his earlier trauma and he opens the door. As expected, his first sight is the big and beautiful soles of his future wife sticking out from beneath the blankets. Remembering his first experience with them, he reaches out to them. He rubs them. He fondles them. He smells them. And he kisses them. Almost like snow white the kiss awakens the princess. She peers at the amorous prince who has suddenly let himself into her room.
[Prince]: (Whispering) I’m sorry. I couldn’t stay away. I had to see you.
[Princess “Hildie”]: (Also whispering) I see.
---The prince stands up, revealing the same affliction that struck him the last time he interacted with the princess’ feet. His huge throbbing boner poking at the front of his trousers.
[Prince]: I’ve disgraced myself…I shall take my leave.
[Princess “Hildie”]: No! Please stay a while… The night air is cold… Lie down under my blanket and let us talk for a while.
[Prince]: Hildie…
---The prince did as she asked. He climbed into bed next to her, wrapping his arms around her, his erect phallus poking and goading her in the back. The prince gave an embarrassed laugh which the princess returned. The two of them laid together in this position all night sharing their life stories. Speaking of their greatest and most tragic moments and just about everything in between.
---Time flew by and the sun rose. There wasn’t a single cloud in the sky. The rain had stopped, not that these two had noticed. A knock came at the door which startled them both.
[Servant]: (Knock knock knock) Breakfast is ready!
[Princess “Hildie”]: Alright.
---The prince threw a nervous glance at Hildie.
[Prince]: They can’t see us leaving this room together.
[Princess “Hildie”]: Why not. We are already engaged and besides, nothing happened.
[Prince]: It would create a scandal! I didn’t intend to stay so long…but I loved every moment of it.
[Princess “Hildie”]: Alright. Here is what we will do. I will peek out of the door and when the coast is clear you leave and go to the dinning hall for breakfast. Then in ten minutes I’ll come out and ask one of the servants to take me there. This way no one will know we spent he night together.
---The plan is set a carried out. No one was the wiser. At breakfast…
[Queen-Mother]: (Anxious to see if her plan worked) Well my dear. Did you sleep well?
[Princess “Hildie”]: Honestly, (looking at the prince’s nervous expression) not very well…
[Queen-Mother]: OH???
[Princess “Hildie”]: You see your highness, (throwing a coy glance at the prince) there was something hard in my bed.
[Prince]: (GULP)!!!?
[Queen-Mother]: Was there???
[Princess “Hildie”]: Oh yes! It kept jabbing me in the back all night long!
[Prince]: (Anguished expression)
[Queen-Mother]: Can you describe it???
[Prince]: (Sweating profusely)
[Princess “Hildie”]: Well, It was so big and so hard. It was like sleeping on a bolder!
[Prince]: (Smiles to himself…) heh heh…
[Princess “Hildie”]: (turns back to the queen) I’ll just have to get used to sleeping on a bed with a “hard thing” in it I suppose.
[Prince]: AHEM…
[Princess “Hildie”]: Hee hee…
[Queen-Mother]: (lets out sigh of relief, confident that Broonhild is a real princess) Oh I’m sorry you didn’t sleep well, I’ll have the mattress in your bed chambers replaced with a soft one personally! Now to discuss your wedding plans!
[Princess “Hildie”]: Yes! Let us do so!
[Prince]: Whew…
[Queen-Mother]: My son? Is something wrong?
[Prince]: Nothing mother. I’m just happy to Have your approval.
[Queen-Mother]: And why not! After all you are marring a REAL princess!
[Princess “Hildie”]: ???
[Prince]: ???
[Queen-Mother]: Oh never mine, Tee Hee. We have a wedding to prepare! OH THANK GOODNESS FOR PEAS!!!
[Princess “Hildie”]: (Whispering to the prince) Peas? What is she on about?
[Prince]: I haven’t the slightest idea my love…
---And they lived together happy and peacefully ever after. Or at least they did until…
AS ALWAYS QUESTIONS, COMMENTS, AND COMPLAINTS ARE WELCOME!!!
Now without further delay, may I present "THE PRINCESS AND THE PEA[NIS]"
_________________________________________________________________
THE PRINCESS AND THE PEA[NIS]
“WITH CAMEO APPEARANCE BY THE 12 DANCING PRINCESSES!”
---Once upon a time there was a young prince who had just come of age. He had turned twenty and by his country, Goldenestadt’s, custom it was time for him to search for a bride. His mother and father let him decide for himself how he should go about this. He decided that he would be proactive and search the world for his one true love. He had the full support of his parents, who sent him of to find his perfect princess. All of his travel expenses would be paid for and he would be a grand steed to travel on. The Prince departed with his heart full of hope and romantic ideas about finding the perfect princess. However he would soon learn that there is no such thing as perfection…
---The prince traveled to a distant land and journeyed to the palace there. He introduced himself as the prince of Goldenestadt and said that he sought a worthy bride. Being from one of the wealthiest kingdoms in the world he was well received. There was music & dancing and wining & dining. He was shown to his room where he was told that the princess of the castle would come to meet him. When she did arrive, she was dressed in a very tight leather outfit and was wearing a cat eared mask. She was brandishing a cat-o-nine-tails whip. The prince was astonished to say the least. She cracked the whip several times and demanded that he get on his knees and lick her dirty feet. He asked what had gotten into her. She said do to do it or she’d wouldn’t whip him. Just then a maid rushed in and informed the princess that the prince was a suitor and not her toy for the afternoon. She blushed, looked at the prince and said that she would be right back. She ran into the closet and a sounds of zippers being undone and redone could be heard. Various garments could also be heard hitting the floor and fluttering about. The princess emerged from the closet in a long gown and adorned with jewelry. She now spoke with a flowery tone and welcomed the prince properly. The maid offered to go get tea while the princess made a comment on how nice the weather has been. Apparently trying very hard not to acknowledge the events that took place just a few moments ago.
[Prince]: What just happened?
[Princess 1]: Why, what ever do you mean?
[Prince]: I mean the whip and the leather and the comment about licking your unwashed feet.
[Princess 1]: oh that………….a joke…oho ho ho…
[Prince]: Um…I…have to go now.
[Princess 1]: WHY?!
[Prince]: I just remembered at I…um…have a pressing…engagement elsewhere. Yeah, that it!
[Princess 1]: Oh, I see. You will come back…right?
[Prince]: Um…I’ll call you…
[Princess 1]: oh…ok…
---As the prince was leaving the maid was just returning. Walking down the hall he could hear the princess scolding the maid.
[Princess 1]: Why didn’t you tell me he was a prince! You just said that there was a man in here for me.
[Maid 1]: I’m sorry my lady! Please forgive me…
[Princess 1]: Sorry is not enough! I bet you just want me for yourself!!! Now get down on your knees and lick them!
[Maid 1]: Y-Yes my lady! (Slurp Slurp Slurp)
---The prince quickened his pace and left in a big hurry. Perplexed by the events of this happening, but determined to put them behind him, the prince hurries to his next destination. This time he has traveled to the a kingdom in the far south. As before he introduces himself as the prince of Goldenestadt and told the king that he was seeking a bride. He was well received as before. The was once again music & dancing and wining & dining. While at the dinner table the princess of this castle sat down next to the prince. She was stunning! Her hair was radiant, her dress was beautiful, and she had the most magnificent smile he had ever seen. The prince was completely enraptured by her. He talked and laughed with her for hours. Yes, he thought, she would make the perfect princess. At some point during the meal a strange noise was heard. The princess seemed a bit distressed.
[Prince]: Is something the matter dear sweet princess?
[Princess 2]: N-No my lord…nothing…uhgn…
---(WOM WOM WOM) The servants and maids begin to look at the princess with distressed faces.
[Prince]: Are you sure?
[Princess 2]: Yes my lord I am…argn…sure…
---(WOM WOM WOM - RUMBLE!!!)
[Prince]: Dearest princess, is that you……stomach?!
[Princess 2]: Well, I do have a slight stomach condition, but it isn’t something to worry about…
---(WOM-WOM-WOM-GURRURURURRRUU)
[Prince]: !!!
[Princess 2]: !!!…Um, PlEaSe ExCuSe Me! I…uh..havetopowdermynose!…
---The princess blurted out her last comment so fast the prince could hardly understand it. The princess scurried down the hall in a big hurry, huffing and panting while her stomach continued to bombard everyone’s ears with a LOUD mixture of unnatural hums, growls, and roars.
[Servants]: uh oh…
---The prince heard the servants…
[Prince]: uh oh?! What does uh oh mean?!
(RUUUUUUUUUUUUUMBLE!!!)
[Princess 2]: GOoD HeAvEnS!!! PlEaSe LeT mE mAkE iT!!!
[Prince]: Is something wrong?
[Maid 2]: (nervously) Nothing! Nothing is wrong! … REALLY!!!
---While the maid desperately tries to assure the prince that nothing is amiss she gestured to the court musicians to play louder. The prince was about to dismiss this as a strange custom when…
[Princess 2]: Ah…MaDe It!
(POOT! FART! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIP!!!)
[Prince]: WHAT WAS THAT!?
[Maid 2]: NOTHING! NOTHING! NOTHING AT ALL!
---The maid once again gestures to the musicians to play louder. The rest of the servants have expressions on their face ranging from disappointment to shock to “it figures”.
(POOOOOT!!! FART!!! POP!!! KER-PLOP!!!)
[Princess 2]: UgN!!! UFF!!! WhY nOw?!?!?!
---The musicians are desperately trying to play over the sounds of the princess “powdering her nose”.
[Prince]: Is…this the princess‘ slight stomach condition???
[Maid 2]: …………………………..yes…b-but it will pass soon.
(PLOP!!! PLOP!!! FART!!! RIP!!! KER-SPLASH!!!)
[Princess 2]: ARGH!!! tHaT wAs A bIg OnE!!!
[Prince]: …
[Maid 2]: … … Any minute now…heh heh…
---The sounds of the princess in the “powder room” continued to echo like thunder through the halls, serving as a backdrop for the loud music in the grand hall. In fact the musicians were no longer making music, they were merely playing their respective instruments as loudly as they could to drown out the sounds of the princess’ current activity.
---The other servants went along with their chores pretending not to hear it, but every time another loud noise from the princess was heard their was a slight perceptible twitch in their brows.
---The head maid continued to persuade the prince that it was only a temporary episode of her illness and that it does not occur very often. 45 minutes later…
(FAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRT!!! PLOP! … … … )
[Prince]: ………………..
[Maid 2]: (with a bead of sweat on her brow) See…My lady is finished. She will be returning shortly….
---The maid gestured for the musicians to stop playing as the princess staggered back in. She seemed to have lost some weight! Not to mention the fact that she looked as if she went ten rounds with an angry boar! She quickly discarded a match which had already been extinguished and still smoking…
[Princess 2]: (weakly) I have returned my lord.
[Prince]: um…welcome back.
[Princess 2]: I trust my musicians and servants kept you entertained in my absence.
[Prince]: Uh…Yes they did. It is a wonder what one can listen to at these dinner parties…
[Princess 2]: ………………….
[Servants]: …………………
[Maid 2]: …………………
[Prince]: Well … um … I just remembered that I…uh… need to feed the…parking meter…yeah… before they tow my-y…car…right…I’ll be right back…
[Princess 2]: oh I see. Please hurry back my lord.
---The prince runs out of the grand hall.
[Princess 2]: … What’s a parking meter?
[Maid 2]: I don’t know. What’s a car?
[Princess 2]: Never heard of it.
[Court Magician]: Those things do not exist in this story.
[Princess 2]: … I see. He isn’t coming back is he?
[Court Magician]: I highly doubt it.
[Princess 2]: HOLY CRAP!!!
[Court Magician]: No kidding!
---The prince, having hightailed it out of there a fast as his noble steed could carry him decided to make one last effort to gain find his perfect princess. The prince journeyed southwest, toward a kingdom know for having twelve princesses that loved to dance. He figured that this time he would try his hand at many. At least one of them had to be perfect.
---The prince once again traveled to the palace and upon arrival made his usual declaration, that he is the prince of Goldenestadt and he is looking for the perfect princess. He is well received by the royal king, as usual there is music & dancing and wining & dining. The weary prince is listening for any “noises” that the music might be concealing and searching for any women in leather.
[The King]: Is something the matter? You seem tense.
[Prince]: It is nothing sire. I am just having some unpleasant flashbacks…
[The King]: Well I know what will keep your mind off of those nasty past events.
---The king clapped his hands and out came his twelve lovely daughters. The oldest nearing her thirties and very curvaceous, and the youngest having just turned eighteen and still maintaining an innocent youthful appearance. The rest vary in age, height, weight, and overall demeanor. Some looked at him shyly, while others looked at him lovingly, and at least two looked at him like a piece of tenderloin meat! Which he wasn’t averse to at all.
[The King]: Come! Now is not the time for unpleasant thoughts, this is a time for merry making! Let us have music and dancing!
---The princesses all lined up in front of the prince to be his dancing partners. He knew they were all famous for their dancing ability but he had no idea that they would also possess nearly inhuman endurance as well. The princesses danced with the prince for hours on end without the slightest hint of fatigue. It was starting to get dark out…
[Prince]: (huff huff) I submit. You all win. I am beat.
[Princess 3]: Ha Ha. Is that so.
[Princess 4]: Well. I doubt he has had as much practice as we have had.
[Princess 5]: I agree
[Prince]: What are you ladies going on about?
[12 Princesses]: oh…nothing. Hee Hee
[Prince]: Well good night then.
[12 Princesses]: Good night my lord.
---The prince went to sleep, knowing I his heart that making his decision would be a difficult one. The all seemed too good to be true. Not to mention that their unreal endurance would be good for dance parties, among other activities. The prince was about to fall asleep when he detected movement from inside the twelve princesses’ room. He was far too tired to investigate though and fell asleep.
---In the morning, he opened his eyes and prepared to greet the day. He had a spring in his step because for the first time since his journey to find a perfect princess began he went a whole night without something going wrong. He could hear the twelve princesses snoring in their room. Though not a very gentlemanly thing to do, he decided to take a little peek at the sleeping princesses. When he opened the door the foulest stench he had ever smelled hit him like a brick in the face. His nose felt like it was on fire and his eyes watered violently.
[Prince]: Good heavens!!! What is that terrible odor!
---The prince opened the door to investigate and was treated to an unbelievable sight. The twelve pairs of shoes that the twelve princesses were wearing just last night were in tattered ruins! Above them twelve pairs of swollen, sweaty, stinky feet rife with bunions, corns, and calluses.
[Prince]: THIS CANNOT BE!!!
---The Prince eyed a hat on a rack with a large feather in it. He took the feather out and went down the line of beds using it to tickle their feet in order to make sure that the feet were indeed real!
As he tickled a foot, the princess they belonged to let out a little giggle. When all twelve had giggled he found himself at an impasse. The princesses began to wake up due to the stimulation of the prince’s tickling. They are all embarrassed, but not because they are all in lingerie. In fact it is doubtful that the prince noticed passed their feet.
[Prince]: What is going on here?!
[12 Princesses]: We can explain…
[Prince]: How did your feet get to this condition?
[12 Princesses]: Do you remember when we said we had a lot of practice?
[Prince]: (still gagging on the smell) …yes…ugh.
[12 princesses]: Well, we go to a secret magical garden every night to dance with twelve magical princes…While there time passes much more slowly. So for every hour that passes there only a minute passes here…
[Prince]: And that did this to your feet?!
[12 Princesses]: Well, after several years of going every night there may have been a little wear & tear…
[Prince]: (Staring at the big stinking feet) A little?! Try a lot…
---The prince was overcome by the stench and fainted shortly after.
[12 Princesses]: THEY DON’T SMELL THAT BAD!!! … do they? Hey! … um … Prince? … uh oh…
---The prince woke up back in his room several hours later. The princesses were around him in a circle.
[Prince]: What happened.
[12 Princesses]: You had a nightmare…
[Prince]: A nightmare? Really?
[12 Princesses]: Really!
[Princes]: Then will one of you do me the honor of showing me your feet?
[12 Princesses]: ……………….
[Prince]: Well???
[12 Princesses]: …We’ve had a marvelous breakfast prepared for you!
[Prince]: Your feet???
[12 Princesses]: …Then we’ve arrange to go for a ride on our horses so you can see our beautiful country side!
[Prince]: Your feet my ladies.
[12 princesses]: …Then we will have another dancing ball in your honor!
[Prince]: … Feet …
[12 Princesses]: …………The villagers are also preparing a festival in your honor!
---The prince lunges for the end of one of their long gowns, and the princess quickly pulls away. He reaches for another and that one pulls away.
[Prince]: …
[12 Princesses]: …There will then be a grand banquet for you to meet all of the nobles in our kingdom!
[Prince]: It wasn’t a nightmare was it?
[12 princesses]: …
[Prince]: …You know…I…uh…think my…um…horse is feeling homesick! Yeah! I better get back to…uh…cure him …right …that’s it!
[12 Princesses]: oh…really?
[Prince]: Yeah! Can’t you see the…uh…sullen expression on his face?
---They look out at the stable where the prince’s horse is being kept. He seems to look just fine…
[Prince]: Don’t let that tough exterior fool you! He is crying on the inside! He misses the green fields he used to graze in his homeland!
[12 Princesses]: We didn’t realize that grass was different in different lands…
[Prince]: They are! I must take him home at once or he will spiral into a deep depression!
[12 Princesses]: Well…If you must… When will you be back?
[Prince]: …I’ll call you…
[12 Princesses]: …um…okay…
---With that, the prince made haste. Departing the kingdom of the twelve princesses and started his journey home. Heavy hearted, he decided to cut his losses. On the way home, the prince comes across a large field filled with medicinal herbs once harvested from distant lands many thousands of miles away. He recognizes this area as the new kingdom of Neuesgeld. This kingdom gained immense wealth because it’s king, formerly a merchant farmer, traveled around the world collecting strange and mystic herbs that were capable of curing all manner of sicknesses and brought them back to this continent. It is partly due to these herbs that all of the people of this continent enjoy good health and long lives. Healers, medicine men, and chefs all over the continent bought these herbs in mass quantities and the money has been constantly flowing in. The prince remembered that every time he had gotten sick in the past few years he was treated with herbs from this very kingdom and recovered swiftly.
---However, because this kingdom is so new not much is known about the royal family. The prince momentarily entertains the idea of meeting the princess of land, but a flashback of prior events quickly banishes the idea from his mind. Content to travel through the outer fields of Neuesgeld, the prince stops for a spell to water his horse. While his horse drinks from an irrigation stream and he sits on the ground pondering if he will ever find the perfedt princess he hears a beautiful sound. A low melodious humming. As he listens more intently, he phases out the sound of the stream, his horse, and even hi own heartbeat. All he hears now is that intoxicating humming.
[Prince]: I must find the source!
---He jumps up, startling his horse, and dashes of into the field of strange herbs. Amid the foreign and strange looking plants he feels as if he has entered a fantasy world. The humming is getting louder and louder as the prince travels through the tall herbs in the field. Almost in a siren-song induced madness, he pushes through until he is within sight of the source. A young lady, about his age, is walking along in the middle of the field spreading seeds. She wore finely made work clothing, and a wide brimmed straw hat. Her features were quite impressive. She had slight muscle tone all over her body, most likely due to working in the fields. She had long, curly, and dusty hair. Her back was turned to the prince and she hummed her mesmerizing tone while she tended to the plants.
[Prince]: My lady…
[Lady]: !?
[Prince]: I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to su…
---The young lady turned around. More of her features were now exposed to the prince. She wore finely made leather gloves that protected her hands from thorny plants and possibly kept her hands soft. She had an innocent smile, one that could dispel the darkness over a man’s heart with one glance. Her skin glistened with sweat, accentuating her curves and subtle musculature in the low light amidst the tall herbs. The prince looked on at this girl working in the fields with greater awe than all of the previous princesses he had met.
[Prince]: …prize you…
[Lady]: Oh! Hello there traveler! I was just heading to our field cabin for refreshments. Would you like some to? You look tired.
[Prince]: …Yes m’lady.
[Lady]: I am Hildie of Neuesgeld, and you are?
[Prince]: I am…from Goldenestadt…
[Hildie]: Oh! That uber-rich kingdom?! It must be so nice to live there!
[Prince]: It is.
---With the pleasantries out of the way, the girl started to walk and the prince hastened his pace so as not to fall behind. As he drew nearer he noticed that the girl had an odd stroll. He though, “well, here we go again…” but as the gap between them closed he properly observed what she was doing and was astonished by what he saw. 1. The girl was barefoot. 2. Her feet were immense! And 3. She was pulling up weeds between her toes with every step she took!!! The prince couldn’t help but stare.
[Prince]: …Extraordinary…
[Hildie]: Excuse me?
[Prince]: No-nothing m’lady.
[Hildie]: You have a fancy way of speaking. Are you a noble?
[Prince]: Uh…well…you see…
[Hildie]: It’s fine if you rather not say…
[Prince]: …
[Hildie]: Well, that’s the end of that then. By the way, I couldn’t help but notice that you couldn’t help but notice what I am doing with my feet.
[Prince]: Well, It is…unusual, but efficient!
[Hildie]: I suppose so. I guess I haven’t really thought about it.
---They arrive at a cabin that serves as a rest house for the field workers. Many of these cabins pepper the vast fields of herbs. The accommodations are unusually lavish for farmers. The cabinets, tables, chairs, and fixtures look as if they were put together by expert craftsmen. She takes a tin of tea from inside one of the fine wooden cabinets and retrieves a well made cast-iron kettle from another. Before long the tea is ready and the two sit down to drink and converse. Hildie puts her large feet up on top of an expertly upholstered foot rest and begins to drink. She once again catches the “traveler from Goldenestadt” staring at them.
[Hildie]: I never knew that my feet were so fascinating. Hee hee.
[Prince]: Ahem…please for give me. You see I once met a group of ladies who had feet as…grand…as yours.
[Hildie]: Grand…that’s a new one ;-)
[Prince]: Yes…well…they were swollen and covered with sores and bumps.
[Hildie]: How dreadful. I hope they are alright. Should I make an herb paste for them? I use it for my own feet so they do not become callused from working outside all day.
[Prince]: Yes. I can tell. They are lovely…
[Hildie]: Really!
[Prince]: Uh…That is to say they are perfect.
[Hildie]: Oh my!
[Prince]: uh…(sigh)
[Hildie]: Many people have talked about my feet but this is the first time I have received such high praise for them. I feel a little giddy. Here, have a closer look!
---She then laid her feet in the prince’s lap. She spread her tremendous toes and flexed her ankles to expose her deep arches and smooth soles.
[Prince]: …M’lady…
[Hildie]: It’s my own herb recipe. I makes the skin smooth and supple. It even evens out wrinkles. Go ahead, feel for yourself!
---With a bead of sweat on his brow…
[Prince]: …If m’lady insists…
---The prince poked the girls foot. She pulled back and twitched a little, stifling a giggle. Amused the prince poked some more and she jumped some more.
[Hildie]: HEY! You can’t get the full feel if you just use your finger tip!
[Prince]: …Indeed.
---The prince then begins to rub and fondle the girl’s huge feet. He even starts to poke around between the girls toes.
[Hildie]: Hee-hee-heh-eheee-heeheh-eee!
---The prince was absolutely enraptured with this maiden. He felt that he could talk and laugh with her forever. However past experiences kept nagging him, so this was all underscored by a feeling of uncertainty.
[Prince]: M’lady!
[Hildie]: HaHaaa…Yes?!
[Prince]: I have an odd question to ask you.
[Hildie]: Ask it!
[Prince]: Well…DO YOU PASS LOUD AND COPIOUS STOOLS!!?
[Hildie]: !!!…uh…no.
[Prince]: Do you dance in a magical garden at night where time stands still?
[Hildie]: no…
[Prince]: Thank the heavens!
[Hildie]: Oh my! You seem to have met some interesting people…
[Prince]: M’lady…you don’t know the half of it! … … one last thing.
[Hildie]: What might that be!
---The Prince hesitates for a moment. Then, leaning forward into the huge bare feet in his lap. He inhales deeply! He could detect no foul odor, just the light feminine musk of Hildie’s feet intermingled with fertile soil and the sweet aroma of the herb paste she applied to them. The smell went straight to his brain and sent a quiver down his spine.
[Prince]: (SNIIIIIIIIIFF) … Ahh.
[Hildie]: ooh…didn’t see that coming…
[Prince]: I…was just curious to know if you’re feet stink…
[Hildie]: Another past encounter?
[Prince]: yes…Afraid so m’lady.
[Hildie]: Why are you traveling? Really?
[Prince]: I am seeking the perfect bride. And I believe that you might just be the one I am seeking.
[Hildie]: I don’t think so…It isn’t nice to tease people!
[Prince]: Why do you say that I am teasing you?
[Hildie]: My family has been setting up marriage interviews with eligible bachelors for many months now. However when the young men see me they say my feet are too big. No man wants a bride with feet as massive as mine…But I don’t care. I like working in the fields. The plants I help grow heal many people!
---She takes her feet down from the princes lap only to notice the large lump in his trousers.
[Hildie]: !!!
[Prince]: Oh dear! How embarrassing! But as you can see, I have no problem with your feet. In fact I’m rather fond of them.
[Hildie]: …
[Prince]: M’lady, I know we just met, but would you be interested in becoming my bride?
[Hildie]: I…I’m…afraid my family would not approve of me marrying a stranger I met in the fields. A stray animal as a pet maybe, but a stray man as a husband may be…pushing it.
[Prince]: Alas. I see your point. I don’t think my family would welcome the though of my marrying a lady I happened to meet in a field either.
[Hildie]: Well, I…it was a pleasure making your acquaintance. I hope to see you again soon.
[Prince]: (glancing down at his throbbing “trouser tent”) And it was an…extreme…pleasure to make yours.
---The prince departs from the lavish cabin
[Hildie]: Hmm…In another place and another time…(sigh)
---As the Prince is walking back to his horse.
[Prince]: My lady. If only you were a princess…(sigh)
---The prince rides hard for his homeland. He arrives in a matter of days, just ahead of a group of ominous dark clouds. As the heavy hearted prince returns home torrents of rain start to pour down all over the kingdom, heaviest around the palace.
[King-Father]: My son. How was your journey.
[Queen-mother]: Did you find your perfect princess.
[Prince]: No! I met many princesses, but all were far from perfect! If they weren’t flailing whips about or producing enough feces to fertilize an entire field of crops their feet were ugly and reeked to high heaven!
[King-Father]: ?!?!?!?!
[Queen-mother]: They aren’t making them the way they are used to… I’m sorry your trip was unsuccessful.
[Prince]: Well…there was ONE girl that was perfect for me, but she wasn’t a princess.
[King-Father]: SO!
[Queen-Mother]: So? It isn’t proper for a REAL prince not to marry a REAL princess!
[King-Father]: Petty details! Love is love!
[Prince]: She rejected me though.
[King-Father]: Oh! Well in that case you can’t force her.
[Queen-Mother]: Exactly! My son, you leave everything to me! You will have a worthy bride before long!
[Prince]: Alright…
---The prince retired to his room where he stayed for a long time. His every though consumed by the lady he met in the field that put his heart at such complete ease. He returned to his normal life, but with a sullen demeanor that was notice able to all. It also rained heavily almost everyday since his return until the palace had a guest one month later.
[Queen-mother]: My son! Your depression has not escaped my notice. I believe I have found you a worthy bride. One that will lift your spirits and ensure your good health!
[Prince]: (blandly) Is that so?
[Queen-Mother]: It is! She will be here this afternoon! Come to the grand hall at two o’clock.
---The prince did in fact make an appearance at the grand hall if for no other reason but to sent this princess packing. The royal court eagerly awaited the princesses caravan with work dry towels and warm drinks for her expectedly large entourage. Two o’clock passed, then three, then four…Nothing, Then a soft knock was at the grand hall door heard at Five o’clock.
[Queen-mother]: She had better have a good reason for arriving so late!
[King-Father]: Calm down my dear. She has arrived, now we can eat!
[Queen-mother]: (HUFF!) You and your stomach!
---The word stomach caused the prince’s own stomach to turn due to his experience with the loud pooping princess.
The horns blew. The announcement was made,
[Knight]: Introducing the Princess of the grand kingdom of Neuesgeld, Broonhild.
---The doors were opened and on the other side there was no great caravan or entourage. There was just a single maiden. Her hair was ornate but her hairstyle was ruined by the rain in such a way that it drooped over her face concealing it. She wore a fine silk gown that was totally drenched. She stood there holding an expensive looking umbrella, CLOSED, in her hand and a small animal in her other hand. The entire court was looked on with astonishment. Finally the king spoke.
[King-Father]: What are you all waiting for! Bring her in and dry her off!
[Queen-Mother]: Must we right now? I care for our citizens as much as you do, but we are waiting here for the princess.
[Maiden]: Well your wait is over, I have arrived! (looking around) Oh my! Is all of this for me!?
[Everyone]: !!!
[King-Father]: What happened?
[Princess Broonhild]: This puppy was drowning In your mote, so I kind of dove in to save it.
[Queen-Mother]: …
[King-Father]: Well now! I’d say that makes you a hero! Come in! Come in!
---The princess was ushered in and let to a chair where the palace maids got to work drying off the soaking wet princess.
[King-Father]: My dear! Did you come alone?
[Princess Broonhild]: Yes. It was my choice. I rather enjoyed the journey. Odd weather you have here though.
[King-Father]: Indeed!
[Queen-Mother]: …
---As the princess is being dried off, one of the maids asks her to lift her legs so that they may dry her feet. She lift up her legs and hikes up long dress to reveal a pair of incredibly large and beautiful bare feet.
[Queen-Mother]: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Prince]: It couldn’t be…
[King-Father]: GOOD GRACIOUS! Err..I mean…what ever happened to your shoes?
[Princess Broonhild]: The floated away when I dove in to save this puppy.
[King-Father]: My word! The dog shall be cared for and I will see to it that your shoes are recovered!
[Princess Broonhild]: Don’t go through any trouble over my shoes, I rather move around without them actually. But please do take care of this dog.
[King-Father]: I give you my word that it will be raised to be a fine hound!
[Princess Broonhild]: Thank you!
---The maids are finishing drying her off when one comes in with a brush and moves the hair away from the princess’ face. The prince Instantly recognizes her a “Hildie” from the field and the princess instantly recognizes the prince as the “traveler from Goldenestadt.” They do not immediately let on though. The prince and princess exchange the customary pleasantries and spend the rest of the evening dining and dancing together. The queen mother however still has her apprehensions about this so-called princess. No entourage, no caravan, no escort of any kind, and she dives into motes to save puppies!
[Queen-Mother]: We shall see if she is a real princess! KI know just the test! A princess is the most delicate and sensitive thing in the world. I shall hide a pea pod under her mattress tonight. Judging by her condition tomorrow, we shall see if she is who she says she is!
---While everyone is partying in the grand hall, Queen-Mother slips off to hide the pea pod under the princess’ mattress in her bed chambers. She returns to the party confident in her plan.
---After a full evening of partying, everyone retires to their chambers for a good night’s rest. The princess is ushered to her where she takes in the opulent accommodations and immediately falls into as sound sleep upon hitting the soft mattress, completely oblivious of the pea pod under her mattress.
---Under the cover of night, the prince sneaks out of his room and makes his way to the guest wing of the palace without being seen. He lightly knocks on the for, but can only hear the snoring of the princess on the other side. He clutches the doorknob to let himself in but hesitates when he remembers the incident at the palace of the twelve dancing princesses.
[Prince]: Nightmare my @r$e!!!
---But the memories of Hildie’s perfect feet quickly dominate his earlier trauma and he opens the door. As expected, his first sight is the big and beautiful soles of his future wife sticking out from beneath the blankets. Remembering his first experience with them, he reaches out to them. He rubs them. He fondles them. He smells them. And he kisses them. Almost like snow white the kiss awakens the princess. She peers at the amorous prince who has suddenly let himself into her room.
[Prince]: (Whispering) I’m sorry. I couldn’t stay away. I had to see you.
[Princess “Hildie”]: (Also whispering) I see.
---The prince stands up, revealing the same affliction that struck him the last time he interacted with the princess’ feet. His huge throbbing boner poking at the front of his trousers.
[Prince]: I’ve disgraced myself…I shall take my leave.
[Princess “Hildie”]: No! Please stay a while… The night air is cold… Lie down under my blanket and let us talk for a while.
[Prince]: Hildie…
---The prince did as she asked. He climbed into bed next to her, wrapping his arms around her, his erect phallus poking and goading her in the back. The prince gave an embarrassed laugh which the princess returned. The two of them laid together in this position all night sharing their life stories. Speaking of their greatest and most tragic moments and just about everything in between.
---Time flew by and the sun rose. There wasn’t a single cloud in the sky. The rain had stopped, not that these two had noticed. A knock came at the door which startled them both.
[Servant]: (Knock knock knock) Breakfast is ready!
[Princess “Hildie”]: Alright.
---The prince threw a nervous glance at Hildie.
[Prince]: They can’t see us leaving this room together.
[Princess “Hildie”]: Why not. We are already engaged and besides, nothing happened.
[Prince]: It would create a scandal! I didn’t intend to stay so long…but I loved every moment of it.
[Princess “Hildie”]: Alright. Here is what we will do. I will peek out of the door and when the coast is clear you leave and go to the dinning hall for breakfast. Then in ten minutes I’ll come out and ask one of the servants to take me there. This way no one will know we spent he night together.
---The plan is set a carried out. No one was the wiser. At breakfast…
[Queen-Mother]: (Anxious to see if her plan worked) Well my dear. Did you sleep well?
[Princess “Hildie”]: Honestly, (looking at the prince’s nervous expression) not very well…
[Queen-Mother]: OH???
[Princess “Hildie”]: You see your highness, (throwing a coy glance at the prince) there was something hard in my bed.
[Prince]: (GULP)!!!?
[Queen-Mother]: Was there???
[Princess “Hildie”]: Oh yes! It kept jabbing me in the back all night long!
[Prince]: (Anguished expression)
[Queen-Mother]: Can you describe it???
[Prince]: (Sweating profusely)
[Princess “Hildie”]: Well, It was so big and so hard. It was like sleeping on a bolder!
[Prince]: (Smiles to himself…) heh heh…
[Princess “Hildie”]: (turns back to the queen) I’ll just have to get used to sleeping on a bed with a “hard thing” in it I suppose.
[Prince]: AHEM…
[Princess “Hildie”]: Hee hee…
[Queen-Mother]: (lets out sigh of relief, confident that Broonhild is a real princess) Oh I’m sorry you didn’t sleep well, I’ll have the mattress in your bed chambers replaced with a soft one personally! Now to discuss your wedding plans!
[Princess “Hildie”]: Yes! Let us do so!
[Prince]: Whew…
[Queen-Mother]: My son? Is something wrong?
[Prince]: Nothing mother. I’m just happy to Have your approval.
[Queen-Mother]: And why not! After all you are marring a REAL princess!
[Princess “Hildie”]: ???
[Prince]: ???
[Queen-Mother]: Oh never mine, Tee Hee. We have a wedding to prepare! OH THANK GOODNESS FOR PEAS!!!
[Princess “Hildie”]: (Whispering to the prince) Peas? What is she on about?
[Prince]: I haven’t the slightest idea my love…
---And they lived together happy and peacefully ever after. Or at least they did until…
THE END???
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