svegau
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WARNING: THIS STORY MAY GIVE YOU...IDEAS 
Those of you who read this one are either going to laugh are hate my guts!
This story is 100% original fiction and is slightly more hardcore than my previous works. This is purely a work of comedy for the enjoyment of my readers and is in no way, shape, or form a representation of the demographics depicted in this story!
ANY ATTEMPT TO REPLICATE THE EVENTS OF THIS STORY WILL RESULT IN A SEVERE @R$E-KICKING!!!
Without further ado, cheers!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
In a town like any other, and in an apartment like any other, lived two lovely young ladies. They went to the same college and were in fact roommates. One was named Elsa and the other was named Trixie. Elsa was the bright and studious one. To her, her education was paramount. She did not believe in partying late at night and rejected every young man that hit on her.
Trixie on the other hand was almost her polar opposite. She was a bit dense and didn’t take her schooling seriously. She was a booze-hound party animal. Day after day after day she would stumble in at all hours of the night and early morning smashed out of her gourd, much to the cringe of her roommate Elsa. This was because Trixie wasn’t an especially “good” drunk. She was loud, obnoxious, loud, irritating, loud, selfish…oh and LOUD! Elsa often found herself having to put up with her drunken rants about her being a “party pooper” and a “wet blanket” at night and then having to nurse her due to a bad hang-over the next morning. She owned a lot of “adult toys” and often left them lying around in plain sight, another of her very annoying habits.
It’s now nearing the end of the semester and every night Elsa is cramming like there is no tomorrow. And of course every night her roommate staggers in after a night of binge drinking:
[Elsa]: OK. (Reading) If train "A" is traveling west at 90 miles per hour and train "B" is traveling 40 miles per hour, when will they…
The door slams open.
[Trixie]: Ha Ha Ha!!! (hic) HeY eLsHa! ElShA!!! (hic) Yo MiSsHeD aNoThA gReAt PaRdY! (hic)
[Elsa]: …err…(Reading) the sum of the hypotenuse is the square root of both…
[Trixie]: HeY eLsHa!!! (hic) GiRl ArE yO sHtIlL rEaDiN’ tHaT dArN bOoK! (hic) CoMe On! LiVe A lItTlE! (hic)
[Elsa]: (Reading) [(22 X 3) + (44 X 7)]/2 equals…
Trixie starts to incessantly poke Elsa.
[Trixie]: ElShA! (hic) ElShA! (hic) ElShA! (hic) ElShA! (hic)
[Elsa]: …err…
[Trixie]: ElShA! (hic) ElShA! (hic) ElShA! (hic) ElShA! (hic)
[Elsa]: STOP IT!!!!
[Trixie]: …WhY aRe YoU yElLiN‘?
[Elsa]: BECAUSE YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY!!! Don’t you know that finals start next week!
[Trixie]: NeXt WeEk! (hic) We HaVe PlEnTy Of TiMe! (hic) CoMe On ElShA! HaVe A dRiNk WiSh Me! (hic) StOp BeInG sUcH aH dOwNeR!
[Elsa]: Unlike you, I care where I’m going to be in five years.
[Trixie]: FiVe YeArHs?! ThAs ToO fAr AwAy To WoRrY aBoUt NoW! (hic)
Trixie starts poking deeper and more persistantly.
[Elsa]: Ha Ha Ha…C-CUT IT OUT! Hahahahahahah…quit it! STO-HOP! Ha HAHA!
Elsa begins to tickle Trixie back.
[Trixie]: SeE! HAHAHAHA! YoU dO KnOw HoW tO hAvE fUn! HEE-HEE-HEEEEE!
The two tickle each other on their armpits, ribcages, and ample bare feet until Trixie falls asleep. Elsa sighs and drags Trixie to her room, puts her in bed, and leaves two aspirin on her nightstand for her to take in the morning. The next morning Trixie stumbles out of her room:
[Trixie]: Oww…
[Elsa]: Good morning. How did you sleep?
[Trixie]: Ow…Elsa…could you please stop yelling.
[Elsa]: I’m not yelling you drunk. Care for a breakfast smoothie? (Elsa starts the blender)
[Trixie]: Ow! Ow! Ow! Elsa!
[Elsa]: Oops…sorry. (Elsa cuts off the blender)
[Trixie]: I swear I’ll never drink again!
[Elsa]: How many times have I heard that one…
[Trixie]: I mean it this time!
[Elsa]: You mean it every time…Come on, we’re going to be late…
[Trixie]: I REALLY mean it this time!
Fast-forward to late night, Elsa is studying hard as usual.
[Elsa]: (Reading) An atom consists of electrons, protons, and neutrons. Protons and neutrons compose the nucleus, while electrons circle the nucleus at high speed. Noble gases are…
[Trixie]: ElShA! (hic)
[Elsa]: Oh no…
The door once again slams open and the soundly inebriated Trixie swaggers in:
[Trixie]: ElShA! (hic) ElShA! (hic) ElShA! (hic) ElShA! (hic)!
[Elsa]: WHAT!!!
[Trixie]: JeEz YoU’rE sO hIgH sTrUnG! I sNaGgEd YoU a 40!
[Elsa]: Beer!?
[Trixie]: YeSh! BeEr!
[Elsa]: (Sarcastically) Didn’t you say you were never going to drink again?
[Trixie]: I dIdN’t MeAn It!
[Elsa]: You said you meant it…
[Trixie]: WeLl I dId’Nt MeAn It WhEn I sAiD i mEaN iT!
[Elsa]: Oh, of course…
Trixie presses the ice cold bottle against the back of Elsa’s neck.
[Elsa]: eek!
[Trixie]: Hee hee!
[Elsa]: You think that’s funny huh! I’ll give you something to laugh about!
Elsa chases Trixie through their apartment. She catches her and another tickle fight ensues. Once again fingers glide over armpits, stomachs, and bare feet. This goes on for more than an hour until once again Trixie is worn out.
[Trixie]: I’m BeAt! I’m GoInG tO bEd!
[Elsa]: Alright! But first put that beer in the fridge and do something about THAT!
[Trixie]: ThAt?
[Elsa]: THAT!
Elsa is pointing to an object on the table, a glass phallus. Once again it appears that Trixie has left one of her “toys” out in the open.
[Trixie]: Oh! ThAt’S mY iCe-PrIcK! (hic)
[Elsa]: I don’t care what it’s called!
[Trixie]: OkAy…YoU cOuLd HaVe PuT iT aWaY yOuSeLf.
[Elsa]: NO WAY! I’m not touching that thing! I have a good idea where it’s been!
[Trixie]: I wAsH iT! YoUr SuCh A pRuDe! It WoUlDn’T HuRt YoU tO uSe It OnCe In A wHiLe! (hic) I cOuLd LeNd It To YoU.
[Elsa]: No thanks…just get it out of here!
[Trixie]: OkAy! OkAy! (hic)
Trixie goes into the kitchen while Elsa resumes her studies, She can see Trixie emerging from the corner of her eye and staggering straight to her room. Before Elsa retires for the night she once again leaves a dose of aspirin on Trixie’s nightstand and heads to her own room.
The next day starts like the last one. Trixie comes out of her room with a wicked hangover promising to never drink again. Elsa gives a sarcastic, “Yeah right…“ and prepares their breakfast. Elsa purposely runs their food processer and blender on high to agitate/punish Trixie, who is of course whining that the sound is deafening. They eat (very quietly) together, get dressed, and leave for their college campus. Their day goes as usual, with Elsa taking all of her classes and Trixie only attending the “interesting” ones. And once again Elsa is the first one home. In short order, she changes into her pajamas and rushes to get a few hours of studying in before her “wino” roommate returns home.
Having gone over her materials for biology, physics, pre-calculus, and geology, Elsa stops for refreshments. She goes into the kitchen to retrieve a cold drink when she notices that the only thing to drink is the beer that Trixie brought home last night.
[Elsa]: That irresponsible roommate of mine, it was her week to do the grocery shopping…oh well.
She takes the beer out of the refrigerator. She then goes up to the freezer for ice.
[Elsa]: Come on Trixie, at least fill the ice tray.
When she opened the freezer and pulled the tray out, it did indeed have something in it, the ICE-Prick…
[Elsa]: You lazy good for nothing!!! You could have taken this thing in your room with you last night! Arg!!!…sigh…Now I have to make a new rule, no leaving ice-pricks in the ice box…
Deciding that the beer was cold enough, she decided to just drink the beer and have a heart-to-heart with her roomy when she returned home. This would have been the end of it, just like any other night, except for the fact that Elsa was even worse at holding her liquor than Trixie. As she drank the 40oz thoughts of anger and resentment that she had for her careless roommate began to resurface. She brooded on these thoughts as she got more and more drunk.
[Elsa]: That Bi*ch! She doesn’t do her own laundry, she doesn’t clean, cook, study, or work hard. She only (hic) KnOwSh HoW tO dRiNk!
Trixie stumbles in at about 2:30 AM this time! She’s knocking and scratching at the door.
[Trixie]: ElShA! (hic) ElShA! (hic) ElShA! (hic) ElShA! (hic)!
[Elsa]: It’Sh OpEn Ya DrUnKaRd!!!
Trixie pushes in the door. She’s barely able to make it to the couch before collapsing over the backrest. Her butt is sticking up in the air. In this position she kicks off her high heels and begins to converse with Elsa.
[Trixie]: ElShA! I bEaT hEr!
[Elsa]: BeAt WhO?!
[Trixie]: SoMe TrAmP tHaT tHoUgHt ShE cOuLd OuT dRiNk Me!
[Elsa]: CoNgRaDuLaTiOnS!!! TrY pUtTiNg ThAt On A rEsUmE. ThE eMpLoYeRs WiLl Be BaNgInG dOwN yOuR dOoR!
[Trixie]: ThEy SuRe WiLl!
[Elsa]: …
[Trixie]: Oh, I sHeE yOu DrAnK tHaT bEeR I gOt FoR yOu!
[Elsa]: YeAh! ThEn I wEnT tO pUt SoMe IsH iN iT.
[Trixie]: GoOd……….Oh…(muttering)I MeAnT tO mOvE tHaT tHiSh MoRnInG…
[Elsa]: WeLl YoU dIdN’t!!! YoU aLwAySh MeAn To Do ShOmThInG bUt YoU nEvEr Do It! YoU MeAnT tO dO tHe ShOpPiNg, YoU mEaNt To Do ThE dIsHeS, yOu MeAnT tO sHtOp DrInKiNg. BUT YOU NEVER DOOOO!!!!!!!
Elsa storms off into the kitchen. Trixie is taken aback her display. Elsa is usually so calm and collected. "Maybe I over did it this time" she thought.
[Trixie]: ElShA! I’lL cHaNgE! I rEaLlY MeAn It ThIs TiMe!!!
[Elsa]: No YoU wOn’T!!!
[Trixie]: YeSh I wIlL!
Elsa emerges quite rapidly from the kitchen, she stops right behind Trixie who is still slumped over the back of the couch.
[Elsa]: NoT oNlY dOu YoU nOt Do AnY wOrK aRoUnD hErE, yoU dIsHtUrb Me & kEeP mE fRoM DoInG MiNe!
[Trixie]: HoW?!
[Elsa]: YoU pOkE mE aNd ToUcH mE wItH fReEzInG bOtTlEs aNd TiCkLe Me!!! NoW iT’sH mY tUrn!
[Trixie]: WhAt’S gOtTeN iNtO yOu?!?!
[Elsa]: NO!!! IT’S WHAT’S GETTING INTO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Elsa pulls the frozen ICE-Prick from behind her back, tugs on Trixie’s panties and before Trixie even has time to react, shoves the full length of the freezing cold glass phallus into it’s “familiar home”! The is barely a second’s delay from Trixie when…
[Trixie]: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Trixie’s eye blow open so wide they nearly pop out of her head! She lets out an ear splitting squeal that in first reverberates all around their apartment. Then the entire building! The unbroken scream continues to increase in pitch until it starts to shatter all of the glass in their apartment. Their old RCA television screen blows out, their china cracks and shatters, even their windows begin to break! The volume and pitch increase until the scream can no longer be heard…by human ears. Dogs begin to bark and howl all over the neighborhood. Every bird in a ten block radius takes off flying for parts unknown, the bats that fly past the outskirts of town every night begin to crash into building, trees, and each other due to the sound waves screwing up their bio-sonar! Scream Queen and Black Canary have nothing, absolutely nothing on Trixie!!! She screams at this volume for a considerable amount of time, until she runs out of breath and even then her mouth hangs open and her eyes are still popping out.
[Elsa]: ThErE! ThAt’Ll TeAcH yA!!! YoU…yOu…Yo…(zzzzz)
Exhausted from her studying and feeling the effects of the alcohol, she falls asleep on her feet. She later wakes up in her bed.
[Elsa]: Oooh…my head…
[Trixie]: Here. (Trixie hands Elsa two aspirin pills.)
[Elsa]: Thank you…!!!…Trixie! Your eyes…
It seems that Trixie’s eyes are still wide open, glazed over, and blood shot.
[Trixie]: Yeah…um…I haven’t been able to blink ever since you…um…you know.
[Elsa]: What? …OH! Uh…sorry…How are you feeling?
[Trixie]: Actually, I’m more alert now that…well…ever! It really cleared my head, it was a…sobering experience.
[Elsa]: I’M REALLY SORRY!!!
[Trixie]: Don’t worry about it. But let’s not talk about it, okay…
[Elsa]: …Okay.
They continued their morning, but with their roles reversed. Trixie was the one preparing breakfast in her “heightened state of awareness” while Elsa was the one with the splitting headache. All throughout the remainder of the day, Elsa spent most of her day trying to cover up her hangover while many of Trixie’s teachers and drinking buddies couldn’t help but notice her attentiveness. Fast-forward once again to the night before the start of exam week… Elsa is in the apartment doing her final preparations while her formerly irresponsible roommate is out buying stationary and groceries.
[Elsa]: Let’s see, pencils, pens, erasers, calculator, ruler, scrap paper, compass, final report. All ready!
(Knock Knock)
[Elsa]: Trixie? Did you forget your key? (opens the door) Oh!
It’s Trixie’s old drinking buddies. All of them are female. They seem to be buzzed.
[Person1]: YoUr ElShA rIgHt?
[Elsa]: Yes…
[Person2]: We NeEd YoUr HeLp!
[Elsa]: With what?
[Person1]: WhAt EvEr YoU dId To TrIxIe, We NeEd YoU tO dO iT tO uS!
[Elsa]: WHAT!!!
[Person3]: ShE wOuLdN’t TeLl Us WhAt It WaSh, BuT sHe SaId It SoBeReD hEr Up RiGhT!
[Elsa]: NO!!! I couldn’t possibly!
[Person 2]: OK! WERE’RE SORRY!
[Elsa]: About what?!
[Person1]: AlL tHe BaD sTuFf We SaId AbOuT yOu! We DiDn’T kNoW tRiXiE wOuLd BlAb!
[Elsa]: …
[Person3]: Oh CoMe On! HaVe A HeArT!!! If I fLuNk OnE mOrE cLaSs mY fOlKsH aRe GoNnA cUt Me OfF!
[Elsa]: …Ooookayyyy. I think I WILL “help” you all. Alright! Line up!
[All]: THANK YOU! YOU ARE A LIFE SAVIOR!
[Elsa]: (Muttering)We’ll see if you think that in a few moments…
[Person1]: WhAt?
[Elsa]: Nothing! Nothing! Er…I will need a few moments to prepare my…instrument.
And for the rest of that evening the dogs were howling, the birds were flying, and the bats were crashing into everything and each other. On the Brightside though, everyone who took Elsa’s “treatment” passed their finals. And the college Zoology club got their first city grant, to investigate why the animals surrounding the college are acting so strange at night…
Those of you who read this one are either going to laugh are hate my guts!
This story is 100% original fiction and is slightly more hardcore than my previous works. This is purely a work of comedy for the enjoyment of my readers and is in no way, shape, or form a representation of the demographics depicted in this story!
ANY ATTEMPT TO REPLICATE THE EVENTS OF THIS STORY WILL RESULT IN A SEVERE @R$E-KICKING!!!
Without further ado, cheers!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
A SOBERING EXPERIENCE!
In a town like any other, and in an apartment like any other, lived two lovely young ladies. They went to the same college and were in fact roommates. One was named Elsa and the other was named Trixie. Elsa was the bright and studious one. To her, her education was paramount. She did not believe in partying late at night and rejected every young man that hit on her.
Trixie on the other hand was almost her polar opposite. She was a bit dense and didn’t take her schooling seriously. She was a booze-hound party animal. Day after day after day she would stumble in at all hours of the night and early morning smashed out of her gourd, much to the cringe of her roommate Elsa. This was because Trixie wasn’t an especially “good” drunk. She was loud, obnoxious, loud, irritating, loud, selfish…oh and LOUD! Elsa often found herself having to put up with her drunken rants about her being a “party pooper” and a “wet blanket” at night and then having to nurse her due to a bad hang-over the next morning. She owned a lot of “adult toys” and often left them lying around in plain sight, another of her very annoying habits.
It’s now nearing the end of the semester and every night Elsa is cramming like there is no tomorrow. And of course every night her roommate staggers in after a night of binge drinking:
[Elsa]: OK. (Reading) If train "A" is traveling west at 90 miles per hour and train "B" is traveling 40 miles per hour, when will they…
The door slams open.
[Trixie]: Ha Ha Ha!!! (hic) HeY eLsHa! ElShA!!! (hic) Yo MiSsHeD aNoThA gReAt PaRdY! (hic)
[Elsa]: …err…(Reading) the sum of the hypotenuse is the square root of both…
[Trixie]: HeY eLsHa!!! (hic) GiRl ArE yO sHtIlL rEaDiN’ tHaT dArN bOoK! (hic) CoMe On! LiVe A lItTlE! (hic)
[Elsa]: (Reading) [(22 X 3) + (44 X 7)]/2 equals…
Trixie starts to incessantly poke Elsa.
[Trixie]: ElShA! (hic) ElShA! (hic) ElShA! (hic) ElShA! (hic)
[Elsa]: …err…
[Trixie]: ElShA! (hic) ElShA! (hic) ElShA! (hic) ElShA! (hic)
[Elsa]: STOP IT!!!!
[Trixie]: …WhY aRe YoU yElLiN‘?
[Elsa]: BECAUSE YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY!!! Don’t you know that finals start next week!
[Trixie]: NeXt WeEk! (hic) We HaVe PlEnTy Of TiMe! (hic) CoMe On ElShA! HaVe A dRiNk WiSh Me! (hic) StOp BeInG sUcH aH dOwNeR!
[Elsa]: Unlike you, I care where I’m going to be in five years.
[Trixie]: FiVe YeArHs?! ThAs ToO fAr AwAy To WoRrY aBoUt NoW! (hic)
Trixie starts poking deeper and more persistantly.
[Elsa]: Ha Ha Ha…C-CUT IT OUT! Hahahahahahah…quit it! STO-HOP! Ha HAHA!
Elsa begins to tickle Trixie back.
[Trixie]: SeE! HAHAHAHA! YoU dO KnOw HoW tO hAvE fUn! HEE-HEE-HEEEEE!
The two tickle each other on their armpits, ribcages, and ample bare feet until Trixie falls asleep. Elsa sighs and drags Trixie to her room, puts her in bed, and leaves two aspirin on her nightstand for her to take in the morning. The next morning Trixie stumbles out of her room:
[Trixie]: Oww…
[Elsa]: Good morning. How did you sleep?
[Trixie]: Ow…Elsa…could you please stop yelling.
[Elsa]: I’m not yelling you drunk. Care for a breakfast smoothie? (Elsa starts the blender)
[Trixie]: Ow! Ow! Ow! Elsa!
[Elsa]: Oops…sorry. (Elsa cuts off the blender)
[Trixie]: I swear I’ll never drink again!
[Elsa]: How many times have I heard that one…
[Trixie]: I mean it this time!
[Elsa]: You mean it every time…Come on, we’re going to be late…
[Trixie]: I REALLY mean it this time!
Fast-forward to late night, Elsa is studying hard as usual.
[Elsa]: (Reading) An atom consists of electrons, protons, and neutrons. Protons and neutrons compose the nucleus, while electrons circle the nucleus at high speed. Noble gases are…
[Trixie]: ElShA! (hic)
[Elsa]: Oh no…
The door once again slams open and the soundly inebriated Trixie swaggers in:
[Trixie]: ElShA! (hic) ElShA! (hic) ElShA! (hic) ElShA! (hic)!
[Elsa]: WHAT!!!
[Trixie]: JeEz YoU’rE sO hIgH sTrUnG! I sNaGgEd YoU a 40!
[Elsa]: Beer!?
[Trixie]: YeSh! BeEr!
[Elsa]: (Sarcastically) Didn’t you say you were never going to drink again?
[Trixie]: I dIdN’t MeAn It!
[Elsa]: You said you meant it…
[Trixie]: WeLl I dId’Nt MeAn It WhEn I sAiD i mEaN iT!
[Elsa]: Oh, of course…
Trixie presses the ice cold bottle against the back of Elsa’s neck.
[Elsa]: eek!
[Trixie]: Hee hee!
[Elsa]: You think that’s funny huh! I’ll give you something to laugh about!
Elsa chases Trixie through their apartment. She catches her and another tickle fight ensues. Once again fingers glide over armpits, stomachs, and bare feet. This goes on for more than an hour until once again Trixie is worn out.
[Trixie]: I’m BeAt! I’m GoInG tO bEd!
[Elsa]: Alright! But first put that beer in the fridge and do something about THAT!
[Trixie]: ThAt?
[Elsa]: THAT!
Elsa is pointing to an object on the table, a glass phallus. Once again it appears that Trixie has left one of her “toys” out in the open.
[Trixie]: Oh! ThAt’S mY iCe-PrIcK! (hic)
[Elsa]: I don’t care what it’s called!
[Trixie]: OkAy…YoU cOuLd HaVe PuT iT aWaY yOuSeLf.
[Elsa]: NO WAY! I’m not touching that thing! I have a good idea where it’s been!
[Trixie]: I wAsH iT! YoUr SuCh A pRuDe! It WoUlDn’T HuRt YoU tO uSe It OnCe In A wHiLe! (hic) I cOuLd LeNd It To YoU.
[Elsa]: No thanks…just get it out of here!
[Trixie]: OkAy! OkAy! (hic)
Trixie goes into the kitchen while Elsa resumes her studies, She can see Trixie emerging from the corner of her eye and staggering straight to her room. Before Elsa retires for the night she once again leaves a dose of aspirin on Trixie’s nightstand and heads to her own room.
The next day starts like the last one. Trixie comes out of her room with a wicked hangover promising to never drink again. Elsa gives a sarcastic, “Yeah right…“ and prepares their breakfast. Elsa purposely runs their food processer and blender on high to agitate/punish Trixie, who is of course whining that the sound is deafening. They eat (very quietly) together, get dressed, and leave for their college campus. Their day goes as usual, with Elsa taking all of her classes and Trixie only attending the “interesting” ones. And once again Elsa is the first one home. In short order, she changes into her pajamas and rushes to get a few hours of studying in before her “wino” roommate returns home.
Having gone over her materials for biology, physics, pre-calculus, and geology, Elsa stops for refreshments. She goes into the kitchen to retrieve a cold drink when she notices that the only thing to drink is the beer that Trixie brought home last night.
[Elsa]: That irresponsible roommate of mine, it was her week to do the grocery shopping…oh well.
She takes the beer out of the refrigerator. She then goes up to the freezer for ice.
[Elsa]: Come on Trixie, at least fill the ice tray.
When she opened the freezer and pulled the tray out, it did indeed have something in it, the ICE-Prick…
[Elsa]: You lazy good for nothing!!! You could have taken this thing in your room with you last night! Arg!!!…sigh…Now I have to make a new rule, no leaving ice-pricks in the ice box…
Deciding that the beer was cold enough, she decided to just drink the beer and have a heart-to-heart with her roomy when she returned home. This would have been the end of it, just like any other night, except for the fact that Elsa was even worse at holding her liquor than Trixie. As she drank the 40oz thoughts of anger and resentment that she had for her careless roommate began to resurface. She brooded on these thoughts as she got more and more drunk.
[Elsa]: That Bi*ch! She doesn’t do her own laundry, she doesn’t clean, cook, study, or work hard. She only (hic) KnOwSh HoW tO dRiNk!
Trixie stumbles in at about 2:30 AM this time! She’s knocking and scratching at the door.
[Trixie]: ElShA! (hic) ElShA! (hic) ElShA! (hic) ElShA! (hic)!
[Elsa]: It’Sh OpEn Ya DrUnKaRd!!!
Trixie pushes in the door. She’s barely able to make it to the couch before collapsing over the backrest. Her butt is sticking up in the air. In this position she kicks off her high heels and begins to converse with Elsa.
[Trixie]: ElShA! I bEaT hEr!
[Elsa]: BeAt WhO?!
[Trixie]: SoMe TrAmP tHaT tHoUgHt ShE cOuLd OuT dRiNk Me!
[Elsa]: CoNgRaDuLaTiOnS!!! TrY pUtTiNg ThAt On A rEsUmE. ThE eMpLoYeRs WiLl Be BaNgInG dOwN yOuR dOoR!
[Trixie]: ThEy SuRe WiLl!
[Elsa]: …
[Trixie]: Oh, I sHeE yOu DrAnK tHaT bEeR I gOt FoR yOu!
[Elsa]: YeAh! ThEn I wEnT tO pUt SoMe IsH iN iT.
[Trixie]: GoOd……….Oh…(muttering)I MeAnT tO mOvE tHaT tHiSh MoRnInG…
[Elsa]: WeLl YoU dIdN’t!!! YoU aLwAySh MeAn To Do ShOmThInG bUt YoU nEvEr Do It! YoU MeAnT tO dO tHe ShOpPiNg, YoU mEaNt To Do ThE dIsHeS, yOu MeAnT tO sHtOp DrInKiNg. BUT YOU NEVER DOOOO!!!!!!!
Elsa storms off into the kitchen. Trixie is taken aback her display. Elsa is usually so calm and collected. "Maybe I over did it this time" she thought.
[Trixie]: ElShA! I’lL cHaNgE! I rEaLlY MeAn It ThIs TiMe!!!
[Elsa]: No YoU wOn’T!!!
[Trixie]: YeSh I wIlL!
Elsa emerges quite rapidly from the kitchen, she stops right behind Trixie who is still slumped over the back of the couch.
[Elsa]: NoT oNlY dOu YoU nOt Do AnY wOrK aRoUnD hErE, yoU dIsHtUrb Me & kEeP mE fRoM DoInG MiNe!
[Trixie]: HoW?!
[Elsa]: YoU pOkE mE aNd ToUcH mE wItH fReEzInG bOtTlEs aNd TiCkLe Me!!! NoW iT’sH mY tUrn!
[Trixie]: WhAt’S gOtTeN iNtO yOu?!?!
[Elsa]: NO!!! IT’S WHAT’S GETTING INTO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Elsa pulls the frozen ICE-Prick from behind her back, tugs on Trixie’s panties and before Trixie even has time to react, shoves the full length of the freezing cold glass phallus into it’s “familiar home”! The is barely a second’s delay from Trixie when…
[Trixie]: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Trixie’s eye blow open so wide they nearly pop out of her head! She lets out an ear splitting squeal that in first reverberates all around their apartment. Then the entire building! The unbroken scream continues to increase in pitch until it starts to shatter all of the glass in their apartment. Their old RCA television screen blows out, their china cracks and shatters, even their windows begin to break! The volume and pitch increase until the scream can no longer be heard…by human ears. Dogs begin to bark and howl all over the neighborhood. Every bird in a ten block radius takes off flying for parts unknown, the bats that fly past the outskirts of town every night begin to crash into building, trees, and each other due to the sound waves screwing up their bio-sonar! Scream Queen and Black Canary have nothing, absolutely nothing on Trixie!!! She screams at this volume for a considerable amount of time, until she runs out of breath and even then her mouth hangs open and her eyes are still popping out.
[Elsa]: ThErE! ThAt’Ll TeAcH yA!!! YoU…yOu…Yo…(zzzzz)
Exhausted from her studying and feeling the effects of the alcohol, she falls asleep on her feet. She later wakes up in her bed.
[Elsa]: Oooh…my head…
[Trixie]: Here. (Trixie hands Elsa two aspirin pills.)
[Elsa]: Thank you…!!!…Trixie! Your eyes…
It seems that Trixie’s eyes are still wide open, glazed over, and blood shot.
[Trixie]: Yeah…um…I haven’t been able to blink ever since you…um…you know.
[Elsa]: What? …OH! Uh…sorry…How are you feeling?
[Trixie]: Actually, I’m more alert now that…well…ever! It really cleared my head, it was a…sobering experience.
[Elsa]: I’M REALLY SORRY!!!
[Trixie]: Don’t worry about it. But let’s not talk about it, okay…
[Elsa]: …Okay.
They continued their morning, but with their roles reversed. Trixie was the one preparing breakfast in her “heightened state of awareness” while Elsa was the one with the splitting headache. All throughout the remainder of the day, Elsa spent most of her day trying to cover up her hangover while many of Trixie’s teachers and drinking buddies couldn’t help but notice her attentiveness. Fast-forward once again to the night before the start of exam week… Elsa is in the apartment doing her final preparations while her formerly irresponsible roommate is out buying stationary and groceries.
[Elsa]: Let’s see, pencils, pens, erasers, calculator, ruler, scrap paper, compass, final report. All ready!
(Knock Knock)
[Elsa]: Trixie? Did you forget your key? (opens the door) Oh!
It’s Trixie’s old drinking buddies. All of them are female. They seem to be buzzed.
[Person1]: YoUr ElShA rIgHt?
[Elsa]: Yes…
[Person2]: We NeEd YoUr HeLp!
[Elsa]: With what?
[Person1]: WhAt EvEr YoU dId To TrIxIe, We NeEd YoU tO dO iT tO uS!
[Elsa]: WHAT!!!
[Person3]: ShE wOuLdN’t TeLl Us WhAt It WaSh, BuT sHe SaId It SoBeReD hEr Up RiGhT!
[Elsa]: NO!!! I couldn’t possibly!
[Person 2]: OK! WERE’RE SORRY!
[Elsa]: About what?!
[Person1]: AlL tHe BaD sTuFf We SaId AbOuT yOu! We DiDn’T kNoW tRiXiE wOuLd BlAb!
[Elsa]: …
[Person3]: Oh CoMe On! HaVe A HeArT!!! If I fLuNk OnE mOrE cLaSs mY fOlKsH aRe GoNnA cUt Me OfF!
[Elsa]: …Ooookayyyy. I think I WILL “help” you all. Alright! Line up!
[All]: THANK YOU! YOU ARE A LIFE SAVIOR!
[Elsa]: (Muttering)We’ll see if you think that in a few moments…
[Person1]: WhAt?
[Elsa]: Nothing! Nothing! Er…I will need a few moments to prepare my…instrument.
And for the rest of that evening the dogs were howling, the birds were flying, and the bats were crashing into everything and each other. On the Brightside though, everyone who took Elsa’s “treatment” passed their finals. And the college Zoology club got their first city grant, to investigate why the animals surrounding the college are acting so strange at night…
THE END
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