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rockshock28
11-12-2009, 09:14 PM
Hey TMF, it's me again. I wrote this kind of small story in about a half-hour, so it's not perfect, probably one or two spelling errors. So, i'm trying out a new style of writing, because I want to find my best type, so please give honest feedback.

Roots Of All Evil (?/F)
By Rockshock28.
Jenny was walking through the forest. She had lost the rest of her group. She was a college student who was an aspiring artist. She and a few students had went out to study the forest to learn how to draw the trees. However, she had wandered off, and her group left. They're probably looking for me, she thought. As she was walking back, she started to hear some weird noises. She paid no attention, and just kept walking. The noises kept getting louder, though. She couldn't help but be a little frightened. She started walking quicker. As the noises gradually got louder, she kept going faster until she was sprinting. But, while running, she tripped on a root. It was strange, she didn't see the root at all. It just seemed to come out of nowhere. Then, when she was trying to get up, she couldn't. It was the oddest feeling in the world. She was completely trapped, and she didn't know why. Then, the root came around and grabbed. She screamed as it lifted her up. Then, it let go. She expected to fall, but she was just floating in mid-air. Then, to her horror, she realized she was literally tied to the air by a root. She tried wiggling and squirming, but it got her nowhere. She realized that the root was somehow alive, and the tree was using it like an arm. It removed her sneakers, and then her socks. Finally, it happened. The root started tickling her feet. She exploded into giggles. She was very ticklish, and hated it entirely. She couldn't stand being tickled for more than a minute at a time. Unfourtunately for her, the tree didn't care. It just kept mercilessly going and going, up and down, making all of her worst fears come true. The tree kept going for a good ten minutes. But, two more trees around her started taking off her shirt, revealing a white bra. Plus, two more trees took off her pants, leaving her with only a white pair of underwear. The trees spent no time waiting around. They started mercilessly going at her sides, armpits, stomach, and thighs. Jenny exploded into laughter. She was having her worst nightmare come true, and she was completely helpless. And, the trees were good, too. Every stroke caused her to laugh and scream even more, but no one could hear her. No one could help her. She was at the mercy of the trees. It's too bad the trees were merciless, though. Nothing could stop them. They just kept going, on and on for two hours until she passed out. The trees finally lowered her, and set her down in the woods. About an hour later, one of her friends found her. They brought her back to the car, and set her down in one the seats to sleep it off.

The End.

Okay, I hope you enjoy, and please comment.
Rockshock28

1290mrbob1290
11-13-2009, 05:46 AM
brief, and all one big paragraph... but good start

Marquis De Sade
11-13-2009, 04:01 PM
Not bad for half an hour Rock. There's a lot to work with here! Any plans on expanding? Or a Part II? It's good, but I can't help feeling like it's an outline for some epic fantasy/sensual/magical thing. :D

rockshock28
11-13-2009, 04:29 PM
Thanks for the kind words, guys. And to answer your question Marquis, I don't really know if i'll do a sequel. I mean, it would be pretty difficult to start it. Does Jenny go back into the woods, or a new character, there's a lot of stuff to figure out. But, currently, I do feel like I will.

jonsmith
11-21-2009, 08:02 PM
Hey, Rockshock, this is a great piece of work you've got here. There's a lot ot improve upon, and a lot that's already good.

The scene itself is great. Lost in the woods, so many things could happen.

However, the sentence structure might seem a bit troublesome, only because there are so many pauses. It's like we're stopping and starting again, it gets a little irritating.

I agree with the others who stated that it was a big paragraph, it should be split up.

However, this story has great imagery. And it has got a great plot to expand and expound upon. Keep it up Rockshock!

Black Widow
11-22-2009, 12:15 AM
Jesus Christ! I didn't expect you to have a tickling fetish. :)