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Birth of Knowledge, Death of a "Friend"

S

SoundSiren

TMF Master
Joined
Nov 3, 2009
Messages
834
Points
0
Was there ever an ounce of truth
In your laughing eyes?
Moves orchestrated to a symphony
Only your selfish lips could sound.
Beautiful liar tell me I can fly
And my wings will sprout.
The sky will meet my face
And kiss the feathers you’ve invented.
A feather for each false embrace
Every calculated encouragement.

To protect you said.
To shield from the pain of knowing you said.
To block the arrows from piercing your self constructed thrown...
I SAID.

Let’s call it what it is
And just be done with it.
Flat out self-serving MANIPULATION
At it’s deepest truth filled core.
The ME ME ME in you
Taking up arms.
To fend off the clarity from sinking into your silenced prisoners.
Their heads filled with tightly wound mazes you’ve oh…so…carefully drawn.

No exit in sight.
Sandbag those walls with beautiful tales
To soak up the coming storm.
Do all you can to safe face
And walk away less scarred.
Sitting back I’ll watch with awe filled eyes
As all that you are comes barreling down
To decimate all your sugar laced,
Ill thought out
L I E S.
 
That was wonderful! I loved it!!! Honest and powerful, with beautiful, raw imagery. You're a fantastic writer!
 
I'm awful at replying and even worse at remembering to thank people. :facepalm: So this is long overdue, but THANK YOU SO MUCH Myth. I'm glad that we found each other here in the NonFic section first and formed such a great bond. :twohugs: Looking forward to reading your new work in the Various Authors posting Marquis put up!! :bounce:
 
Want to point to your forth stanza:

No exit in sight.
Sandbag those walls with beautiful tales
To soak up the coming storm.
Do all you can to safe face
And walk away less scarred.
Sitting back I’ll watch with awe filled eyes
As all that you are comes barreling down
To decimate all your sugar laced,
Ill thought out
L I E S.
Click to expand...

This could be a typo. F and V are really close on the keyboard. I don't know if you wrote this on paper before, and as I type I am unsure that matters. What does matter is the actual shift this makes in what you are doing. 'Save face' is a throw away expression, something people say often when it comes to dealing with apparent lies and character flaws. It's got a multitude of uses. And it works here. But, I have read two poems, and I know already you put a premium on structure. This has been up for over a month so I imagine if it was a typo you would have corrected it.

If we go by what you wrote, there is a doubleness in face. The face is safe, the face is comforting, but it actually scars. It wounds. It inflicts damage. A snarl can be a damning thing, but a veiled glower? A blank stare with disdain embedded behind the lying eyes? That can, perhaps, be even worse. Can be even more damaging because of the inability to decipher the intentions of said face.

Unlike the first poem I read, this was less jarring in structure but at the same time was drivingly bitter. Literal hatred corrodes the characters that constitute the piece. Which...ironically enough, brings me back to 'safe face'. If that's unintentional, I would be almost disappointed.
 
suikoden said:
WTF? It doesn't even rhyme.

:shrug:
Click to expand...

Well, to be frank, Dickinson rarely rhymed in conventional means anyway, though she actually did through slant.

I think this is more in the guise of free verse, which has been around since T.S. Eliot and Ezra Pound, so I mean, yeah.
 
I liked this. Partially because I like your writing, and partially because the antagonist reminds me of me in my most innocent moments.

Yeah, a really conflicted soul.

But this is cool!
 
i don't want to be that guy... man... i really don't want to be that guy...
 
meangry said:
Want to point to your forth stanza:



This could be a typo. F and V are really close on the keyboard. I don't know if you wrote this on paper before, and as I type I am unsure that matters. What does matter is the actual shift this makes in what you are doing. 'Save face' is a throw away expression, something people say often when it comes to dealing with apparent lies and character flaws. It's got a multitude of uses. And it works here. But, I have read two poems, and I know already you put a premium on structure. This has been up for over a month so I imagine if it was a typo you would have corrected it.

If we go by what you wrote, there is a doubleness in face. The face is safe, the face is comforting, but it actually scars. It wounds. It inflicts damage. A snarl can be a damning thing, but a veiled glower? A blank stare with disdain embedded behind the lying eyes? That can, perhaps, be even worse. Can be even more damaging because of the inability to decipher the intentions of said face.

Unlike the first poem I read, this was less jarring in structure but at the same time was drivingly bitter. Literal hatred corrodes the characters that constitute the piece. Which...ironically enough, brings me back to 'safe face'. If that's unintentional, I would be almost disappointed.
Click to expand...

Not that I'm perfect or anything, but when it comes to posting my work I am meticulous to the edge of insanity. So I think you can gather your answer without me explaining anything more. :) Thanks for taking the time to read this, offer feedback, and reflect on it. Really appreciated.

suikoden said:
WTF? It doesn't even rhyme.

:shrug:
Click to expand...

:roflmao: ily. seriously. :dancingbanana:

meangry said:
Well, to be frank, Dickinson rarely rhymed in conventional means anyway, though she actually did through slant.

I think this is more in the guise of free verse, which has been around since T.S. Eliot and Ezra Pound, so I mean, yeah.
Click to expand...
Good sir I think you need to watch more Monty Python. :D

suikoden said:
Janice Dickinson is a poet?
Click to expand...
:bwahaha: *tear* Can't. Breathe.

meangry said:
Emily.

:omnomnom:
Click to expand...
There we go. ;)

Jesus Christ said:
I liked this. Partially because I like your writing, and partially because the antagonist reminds me of me in my most innocent moments.

Yeah, a really conflicted soul.

But this is cool!
Click to expand...
Hey Jesus! Inner monologue: :woot: I'm so cool Jesus commented on my poem. :boogie:

Thanks for reading and leaving feedback! :) So you related to the antagonist? Hmm, that's pretty honest of you to be so forthright with that recognition. Not sure what to say. All I know is the person I wrote this about is probably one of the only people in the world I can say I truly hate. Like seething hatred. :( Do you consider yourself that much of a manipulator? :shock: I hope not, but if you recognize it then that's a good thing. Perhaps I'm missing the sarcasm and you weren't being serious. Either way, don't be this guy. Please. This guy ends up alone with no friends and everyone he loved has walled him out.


jj82277 said:
i don't want to be that guy... man... i really don't want to be that guy...
Click to expand...

Thanks for reading and posting JJ! ;) Don't worry, I don't think you have it in you to be that guy. :twohugs: At least I hope not!
 
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