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A Bigger Deal Than It Really Is?

Marquis De Sade

1st Level Blue Feather
Joined
Nov 21, 2007
Messages
5,175
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It seems a lot of posts and threads over the past few months have been about coming out about what turns you on, sharing with your partners, etc. and there seems to be so much fear and hesitation about it.

In some cases, the mere mention of the actual word itself, "Tickle".

It's really gotten me wondering WHY it's such a big deal. What're you afraid of? What emotional connotations have you wrapped that word in that make you so hesitant? There are a multitude of fetishes that would, and I'm speculating here, produce much, MUCH more of a negative reception if they were shared with a loved one. Adults who like to be dressed in diapers, people that are turned on when someone defecates or urinates on them, extreme rape fantasies, etc.

Being a member of a forum, almost a secret subculture if you will, is indeed a little different from coming out and letting your partner in on what turns you on, sure. You have friends with funny screen names your partner might not know about it, some close, some you've actually met and talked to. That might be a little harder. Especially if it's been on ongoing thing for years. So those are two separate things - coming out about your fetish and coming out about being a member here.

But why soooo hesitant about coming out? Again, out of all the fetishes, it's most likely one of the most fun, one of the most playful, enjoyable and sensual and harmless kinks. It's bases lies in the sensations of TOUCH and LAUGHTER. Both of which are HOT and are tied into PLEASURE and SENSUALITY and sexuality. Not to mention the primal inherent aspects of control and submission, trust, etc. So...why the big deal? Why the HUGE deal? Is it perhaps out of guilt? You being a member here and keeping it a secret? Or is it because you really, truly fear what the other person will say? Be laughed at? Rejected? Labeled a freak?

Has being on here skewered your perception in any way at all about what's socially acceptable?

Here's my take on it and one of you has heard this before and agreed with me. I'd just like some more opinions. When Hugh Hefner started Playboy he didn't apologize for putting boobs on the cover of his magazines. He wasn't shy about it, he didn't slap the magazines with any label - "BOOB FETISH", "VAGINA FETISH" He came up with a catchy name and BOOM, tits and ass was born. He PUT them right in your face and pretty soon, it was socially acceptable to walk around wearing Ed Hardy crap and jabba on about how much T&A you're getting. The media has TOLD us boobs and ass and even legs are hot. That it's OKAY to say that out loud to your friends and partners and I can't help but feel if Hugh or anyone else has done with tickling what was done with T&A, none of this would be the huge deal that it seems to be.

Next time you're with that special someone, given the right mood, the right settings, set of circumstances, etc. let that person know, somehow, some way, what turns you on. Why feel bad, shy, disgusted, fearful about it? It's what YOU'RE into and who you're with should care enough to explore it with you, or at least give it a shot and see if it does anything for them. It's better than keeping that part of you locked away because you're not being fully present both in the relationship or in bed. There's something missing and that something just might take your relationship or sex life to a whole new level.

And, before anyone asks me about personally, I'm lucky enough to function at a 100% without it. If there's no burning need to, why tell? Vanilla sex works just fine for me, as does vanilla foreplay. If there is that need or urge to take something a little higher, then I'll share, and I learned a long time ago it's HOW you say something not WHAT you say. Given the right set of circumstances, the right mood and setting, and made unique to that person, a positive reaction is usually what gets returned.

Again, one more reminder, I don't mean coming out about being here. That's a whole other issue of privacy. ;)
 
I wish I knew why coming out is so difficult for me? Good topic though!

And I happen to think boobs are pretty damn swell too! :bounce:
 
WOW

Marquis,

Amen for your beautiful post. Why not come out with it?

It's always best when u discuss it as a two-way street. Your partner has sexual secrets he/she wants to share and is sometimes waiting for u to share urs.

There are some people who find things 'weird' and have just not opened up their minds. That's always a turnoff, but then perhaps a vanilla kind of person is not suppose to end up with a tickler/ticklee.
 
You know what's weird about me? Ok, one of the many weird things about me? I have other fetishes, none as strong as tickling mind you, but I'm able to share those. Maybe after some liquid courage it might be easier?
 
You know what's weird about me? Ok, one of the many weird things about me? I have other fetishes, none as strong as tickling mind you, but I'm able to share those. Maybe after some liquid courage it might be easier?

I can relate to what you are saying Angel. As I said in the thread about using the word tickle, I can talk about other fetishes that I have as easy as anything but saying the word tickle is not easy for me even when I'm talking to someone at a fetish club. I do talk about it quite a lot but for some reason it is not as easy as talking about my foot fetish or bdsm etc...
 
:hello: I know why it is a big deal, but I also agree with your Hefner point. It's hard because there are people who say they Hate to be tickled. It's not so common to hear someone say they Hate boobs. But people have flat out said they hate being tickled if you ask them if they are ticklish. As a Ler, I imagine the thought of that could be tough to face. As a Lee, it is a bit easier, because you aren't asking to do that to someone, just to have it done to you.

However in light of the other fetishes, it is considerably tame, but does pose infinite possibilities for fun and mayhem:devilish:. That should be thought about when considering "coming out" to your significant other...that it's not a bad thing you're proposing. And if that person does find it so weird that they would laugh at you or leave you, would you have really wanted to be with someone like that anyway? We should consider it a testing ground. If all other aspects of the relationship are wonderful, perhaps tickling is something that does not have to take place in the relationship :)(), but if there are other areas where the relationship isn't quite right, perhaps a new relationship is in order.
 
Sexuality is just one of those things that people get anxious about, and when you get anxious, your brain starts to convince you of certain things (usually worst case scenarios) as a way to explain the anxiety:

"... she will up and leave me if tell her ..."
"... everyone else I know is 100% vanilla ..."
"... I will be ridiculed as a freak and a pervert ..."

I dunno if it's society's "hush-hush" attitude towards sex or perhaps your own specific sexual hang-ups, but I think people just don't realize A) how common non-vanilla interests are, whether they be kinks, fetishes, or curious experiments and B) if someone is really into you, they will indulge you. It just usually takes that initial first step of opening up about it to find these things out.
 
I agree with what you are saying Marquis and myth. Some of the people I have told about the tickle fetish have been very surprised at first because they didn't even know this fetish existed but I say that it is very tame compared to some of the things that people are into and they always agree.
 
:hello: I know why it is a big deal, but I also agree with your Hefner point. It's hard because there are people who say they Hate to be tickled. It's not so common to hear someone say they Hate boobs. But people have flat out said they hate being tickled if you ask them if they are ticklish. As a Ler, I imagine the thought of that could be tough to face. As a Lee, it is a bit easier, because you aren't asking to do that to someone, just to have it done to you.

However in light of the other fetishes, it is considerably tame, but does pose infinite possibilities for fun and mayhem:devilish:. That should be thought about when considering "coming out" to your significant other...that it's not a bad thing you're proposing. And if that person does find it so weird that they would laugh at you or leave you, would you have really wanted to be with someone like that anyway? We should consider it a testing ground. If all other aspects of the relationship are wonderful, perhaps tickling is something that does not have to take place in the relationship :)(), but if there are other areas where the relationship isn't quite right, perhaps a new relationship is in order.


Myth makes a good point. Some people talk about how they hate to be tickled. Why would you tell someone like that about your fetish? Those relationships are the hard ones.

This is a great post Marqui. I have always believed in telling someone what turns you on. If someone loves you they will accept it. I have told people involved with about my fetish. Most of the girls didn't care and even let me do it.

I totally agree with you. Just come out and tell them.
 
"Coming Out" to a partner is difficult for me, especially as a tickle sub, or "Lee"... I'm not a bubbly outgoing person; I have a great sense of humor but I seldom laugh and almost never smile.
I've dressed in mostly black for 20 years and have no intention of changing- I'm tall and imposing to some people, and wanting to be tied and tickled seems so silly or childish; it's like Darth Vader asking you to tie him up and tickle him with feather dusters.

I know big guys who are outgoing and exuberant, who smile and laugh a lot; you could picture them wanting to be tickled at length, but I'm not that personality type.
 
It seems a lot of posts and threads over the past few months have been about coming out about what turns you on, sharing with your partners, etc. and there seems to be so much fear and hesitation about it.

In some cases, the mere mention of the actual word itself, "Tickle".

It's really gotten me wondering WHY it's such a big deal. What're you afraid of? What emotional connotations have you wrapped that word in that make you so hesitant? There are a multitude of fetishes that would, and I'm speculating here, produce much, MUCH more of a negative reception if they were shared with a loved one. Adults who like to be dressed in diapers, people that are turned on when someone defecates or urinates on them, extreme rape fantasies, etc.

Being a member of a forum, almost a secret subculture if you will, is indeed a little different from coming out and letting your partner in on what turns you on, sure. You have friends with funny screen names your partner might not know about it, some close, some you've actually met and talked to. That might be a little harder. Especially if it's been on ongoing thing for years. So those are two separate things - coming out about your fetish and coming out about being a member here.

But why soooo hesitant about coming out? Again, out of all the fetishes, it's most likely one of the most fun, one of the most playful, enjoyable and sensual and harmless kinks. It's bases lies in the sensations of TOUCH and LAUGHTER. Both of which are HOT and are tied into PLEASURE and SENSUALITY and sexuality. Not to mention the primal inherent aspects of control and submission, trust, etc. So...why the big deal? Why the HUGE deal? Is it perhaps out of guilt? You being a member here and keeping it a secret? Or is it because you really, truly fear what the other person will say? Be laughed at? Rejected? Labeled a freak?

Has being on here skewered your perception in any way at all about what's socially acceptable?

Here's my take on it and one of you has heard this before and agreed with me. I'd just like some more opinions. When Hugh Hefner started Playboy he didn't apologize for putting boobs on the cover of his magazines. He wasn't shy about it, he didn't slap the magazines with any label - "BOOB FETISH", "VAGINA FETISH" He came up with a catchy name and BOOM, tits and ass was born. He PUT them right in your face and pretty soon, it was socially acceptable to walk around wearing Ed Hardy crap and jabba on about how much T&A you're getting. The media has TOLD us boobs and ass and even legs are hot. That it's OKAY to say that out loud to your friends and partners and I can't help but feel if Hugh or anyone else has done with tickling what was done with T&A, none of this would be the huge deal that it seems to be.

Next time you're with that special someone, given the right mood, the right settings, set of circumstances, etc. let that person know, somehow, some way, what turns you on. Why feel bad, shy, disgusted, fearful about it? It's what YOU'RE into and who you're with should care enough to explore it with you, or at least give it a shot and see if it does anything for them. It's better than keeping that part of you locked away because you're not being fully present both in the relationship or in bed. There's something missing and that something just might take your relationship or sex life to a whole new level.

And, before anyone asks me about personally, I'm lucky enough to function at a 100% without it. If there's no burning need to, why tell? Vanilla sex works just fine for me, as does vanilla foreplay. If there is that need or urge to take something a little higher, then I'll share, and I learned a long time ago it's HOW you say something not WHAT you say. Given the right set of circumstances, the right mood and setting, and made unique to that person, a positive reaction is usually what gets returned.

Again, one more reminder, I don't mean coming out about being here. That's a whole other issue of privacy. ;)

Maybe you should be our leader. Go on Letterman and explain yourself.
Only joking, I don't really think it's a big deal either, but I will say, the people I have told in the past don't speak to me anymore.
:lurking:
 
You know what's weird about me? Ok, one of the many weird things about me? I have other fetishes, none as strong as tickling mind you, but I'm able to share those. Maybe after some liquid courage it might be easier?

I can totally relate to this, Angel :) I don't know why it's so hard either... but I finally did come out with it with my last girlfriend and it actually turned out much better than I ever would have expected :) But for some reason, it was much easier for me to tell her about having a mild "foot fetish" first, lol... which she simply loved :D I guess that made it easier for me and prepared me for when I would eventually drop the "T" word :idunno: Weird eh?

But knowing all that, it will make things much easier the next time around I think... best to be open and up front about such things sooner rather than later. (And no, I'm not talking about on the first few dates, LOL) :jester:
 
Well, for a lot of people tickling equals torture - and people who like torture are weird. :)

It's just a matter if liking something unusual really. And comparing it to other fetishes who aren't as harmless won't make it better because the other person won't have to deal with those, so they don't matter.

Liking tickling is like being the nerd in Highschool! Nobody wanted that!
 
I have a boob fetish.

Duh. Have ya SEEN yours?!

I wish I knew why coming out is so difficult for me? Good topic though!

And I happen to think boobs are pretty damn swell too! :bounce:

They are. :D

It's always best when u discuss it as a two-way street. Your partner has sexual secrets he/she wants to share and is sometimes waiting for u to share urs.

There are some people who find things 'weird' and have just not opened up their minds. That's always a turnoff, but then perhaps a vanilla kind of person is not suppose to end up with a tickler/ticklee.

Perhaps not and I can only imagine that if you have a kink that's a huge part of you, strictly vanilla sex and foreplay would be kinda dull so in the end you would probably want to leave based on boredom and not experimenting regardless of what the other person thinks. They're the ones missing out on what could be a lot of fun and a more intimate relationship both in and out of the bedroom.

I have a Glam's Boobs fetish.

Don't blame ya one bit.

It's hard because there are people who say they Hate to be tickled. It's not so common to hear someone say they Hate boobs. But people have flat out said they hate being tickled if you ask them if they are ticklish. As a Ler, I imagine the thought of that could be tough to face. As a Lee, it is a bit easier, because you aren't asking to do that to someone, just to have it done to you.

Interesting point. I wasn't thinking about the lee or ler's POV, just the topic in a general sense. But not that you mention it...

If someone says they HATE being tickled, I would assume it comes from a negative experience. The action itself is sorta like the word, "Fuck" though and can be used in multiple different ways. IMO, you get that person to be open to it enough to let them experience it how you enjoy it, or hopefully how you would want the to enjoy it (especially if they told you they hated it), and you just might be onto something. I believe it's possible to show someone there's a difference between being gang tickled in a schoolyard, picked on for it, held down and tickled 'til you piss your pants or something and tickled sensually, sexually and hopefully enjoyably. As long as they're comfortable enough with allowing you to try and give them a different association with the word, action and experience in the first place of course.

Then again, if you're into hardcore, non-con type tickling and someone says they hate it, then yeah, you're pretty much fucked.

And if that person does find it so weird that they would laugh at you or leave you, would you have really wanted to be with someone like that anyway? We should consider it a testing ground. If all other aspects of the relationship are wonderful, perhaps tickling is something that does not have to take place in the relationship :)(), but if there are other areas where the relationship isn't quite right, perhaps a new relationship is in order.

Agreed about the really wanting to be with that person part. And as far as a new sort of relationship is concerned, I also believe it brings you closer in a sense. It's pretty awesome being in a room full of people, poking your SO and having only them know exactly what that means and what you're in the mood for later. :firedevil

Sexuality is just one of those things that people get anxious about, and when you get anxious, your brain starts to convince you of certain things (usually worst case scenarios) as a way to explain the anxiety:

"... she will up and leave me if tell her ..."
"... everyone else I know is 100% vanilla ..."
"... I will be ridiculed as a freak and a pervert ..."

I dunno if it's society's "hush-hush" attitude towards sex or perhaps your own specific sexual hang-ups, but I think people just don't realize A) how common non-vanilla interests are, whether they be kinks, fetishes, or curious experiments and B) if someone is really into you, they will indulge you. It just usually takes that initial first step of opening up about it to find these things out.

A very, VERY intelligent response.

"Coming Out" to a partner is difficult for me, especially as a tickle sub, or "Lee"... I'm not a bubbly outgoing person; I have a great sense of humor but I seldom laugh and almost never smile.
I've dressed in mostly black for 20 years and have no intention of changing- I'm tall and imposing to some people, and wanting to be tied and tickled seems so silly or childish; it's like Darth Vader asking you to tie him up and tickle him with feather dusters.

I know big guys who are outgoing and exuberant, who smile and laugh a lot; you could picture them wanting to be tickled at length, but I'm not that personality type.

Yes, but I did mean coming out to a loved one, someone you're in a relationship with and I assume if you're with that person, then they would know that you're not what what you wear, not what you necessarily look like or come across as. There are different sides to everyone regardless of what labels society slaps you with and if Darth Vader wants to be tied up and tickled then Darth Vader should be with someone who knows what he actually looks like underneath that badass helmet.

I can totally relate to this, Angel :) I don't know why it's so hard either... but I finally did come out with it with my last girlfriend and it actually turned out much better than I ever would have expected :) But for some reason, it was much easier for me to tell her about having a mild "foot fetish" first, lol... which she simply loved :D I guess that made it easier for me and prepared me for when I would eventually drop the "T" word :idunno: Weird eh?

But knowing all that, it will make things much easier the next time around I think... best to be open and up front about such things sooner rather than later. (And no, I'm not talking about on the first few dates, LOL) :jester:

Yup.

Well, for a lot of people tickling equals torture - and people who like torture are weird. :)

It's just a matter if liking something unusual really. And comparing it to other fetishes who aren't as harmless won't make it better because the other person won't have to deal with those, so they don't matter.

Liking tickling is like being the nerd in Highschool! Nobody wanted that!

Agree with the comparisons. As far as the torture aspect goes, I think my response to myth above suffices.

And, I was far from being the nerd in high school. :firedevil
 
Wow, good topic.

About 10 years ago, before I started producing, I was so afraid to let people know what I liked that I would say "I'm into bondage" just to prevent having to explain a tickling fetish. Sometimes I would say "foot fetish" to throw people off the trail. What I found is even a "foot fetish" isn't socially acceptable, although you see it pop up more and more now in sitcoms, etc...

Tickling is a tough one. I mean we all know youtube puts tickling vids right up there, (or down there) with Blowjob vids...no wonder tickle fetishists have so much guilt.

We just have to have some more confidence. After having to recruit models for the last 10 or so years, I've had alot of people alienate me, stop talking to me, avoid me, etc...You know what though? Being labeled a pervert is much preferred to being ashamed of what gives me wood. This is a really innocent and TOTALLY LEGAL fetish done between consenting adults. I am so comfortable in who I am now and what my fetish is that it makes those around me comfortable. If they aren't comfortable, fuck 'em. (I mean literally as they would prefer that to a good tickle session.) You just have to treat this fetish just like any other, big booties, big tits, nice legs...you know, if Hef was a footman all those years ago, chicks might be spending money to get their FEET enhanced! LOL

Just play it cool..."yeah, baby...I like tickling...it turns me on"

And stop being so creepy, dammit! LOL


-SLADE
 
You know what's weird about me? Ok, one of the many weird things about me? I have other fetishes, none as strong as tickling mind you, but I'm able to share those. Maybe after some liquid courage it might be easier?


That sounds relatively familiar. I can talk about damn near anything BDSM...i have no problem telling someone who is 100% vanilla that I am into it, but I get hung up on the word "tickle." Here's where I think it comes from: for me anyway, tickling was the first thing that I realized excited me (way back in my youth) and this was a different kind of excitement, it was almost inexplicable, so much so that I felt the need to keep it private.

I think the initial desire to keep that out of the realm of "public knowledge" grew with me. As I came into my own sexuality and realized my penchant towards BDSM I also became more open about my sexuality, but the initial cover up of that one little thing remained.
 
I've never understood why it's such a big deal. I accept that it is for some people, and I respect their decisions (it's up to them, not me). But for myself, there are very few people that I consider friends who don't know that I'm kinky. In fact offhand I can't think of a single one. They may not know exactly what all of my kinks are, but they all know that I'm polyamorous (I live with two women; hard to hide that), and that I like bondage and some other unspecified things. If anyone asks what those other things are, I tell them.

Family is a little different, but that's mainly because I'm not nearly as close to my family as I am to most of my friends. If I talked to my family enough for it to come up, I expect they'd know too.
 
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