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Why do some people choose not to go to gatherings???

tickleteasing

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Joined
Jun 17, 2002
Messages
1,049
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Ok lets assume you have someone who does not want to go to a gathering, ok now lets assume this persons reasons for not going to a gathering is not money related or job related but simply because it makes them feel uncomfortable does this make sense to you? I guess the reason I ask is and this is not to put down gatherings but some might feel that it puts something incredibly intimate out in the open. The thing is though any time you introduce a fetish or a kink or anything like that in the bedroom it can be intense. Why do some people join the forum, post on here but when it comes to gatherings don't go? I do not regret the gatherings I have gone to because I needed that "I am not alone" verification which by the way I think everyone at the gatherings I have been at felt. Its not uncommon at a gathering to hear people say how relieved they are that they are not alone. They can chat on the forum but not want to meet the people they chat with in person?
 
It's not always that they don't want to meet the people they chat with... rather, they may be concerned about putting themselves "out there" in a group situation. They may be apprehensive about doing a scene, because they don't fully understand the rules of consent... there's all sorts of reasons that people might be afraid to go.

Hell, my main concerns, initially, were that I'd breach some unspoken rule of etiquette or offend somebody, and also the male-to-female ratio; I didn't want to wind up in a room full of guys, because talking to other guys about my fetishes is not high on my list of things I like to do.
 
It absolutely makes sense to me. Tickling for me is so very personal that yeah, to actually be "confronted" with it (even in a good, positive way) makes me feel a little uncomfy sometimes. I have yet to go to a gathering but I'm pretty sure that this was a big reason in the past. Another reason I think is because I wanted to try to bond somewhat with some people beforehand so I wasn't by myself so to speak. We shall see, I'm definitely trying to work on that but yep, this makes total sense to me. :)
 
and also the male-to-female ratio; I didn't want to wind up in a room full of guys, because talking to other guys about my fetishes is not high on my list of things I like to do.

This.

And I don't like group tickling, simply because I don't share well. ;)
 
It's not the kind of thing you can just go do at a cocktail party. Even as a 'ler, I would be apprehensive. For many of us, it would be the first time in real space with others like us. REALLY like us. It can be intimidating, no matter how friendly everyone is. Wish fulfillment can be like that. You get your wish, then it's "OK, what now?"
 
Another possible reason is that a person might feel a bit intimidated about going to an event where many people already know each other. After all, many people here communicate with each other regularly, in some cases have already met, and there's been several gatherings over the last few years. Some of the people who attend gatherings are fairly big names here on the TMF, almost "celebrities" within the tickling community. And some of them even have active fetish lives. So I couldn't entirely blame someone for feeling a little out of place among an already established, possibly "experienced" group. Maybe even a little worried about some kind of "clique" phenomenon. I must admit that I'd feel a bit like that myself, possibly enough that I'd be uncomfortable going to a gathering even if I had the time, money and mode of transport. Frankly, I'd feel like a total newbie. I'm sure people at gatherings are very kind and welcoming, but it can still be intimidating.

Another reason that comes to mind is that someone might be worried about not being appealing as a ticklee. I sure don't see myself as an interesting tickling subject, regardless of my actual level of ticklishness.
 
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I was shy but still went to a gathering when i was 20 years old. I felt like the youngest person there at the time an it was very uncomfortable to me. I then dated a few people here and there that had fetishes of their own which made it more accepting to me realizing how common it is with people or age.

Now the gatherings are more 20-30 age and it is nice to see.

I'm very open with it and naturally am very social. At all the gatherings and at NEST, i make it a point to speak to as many people as possible and make others feel comfortable as i do now.

I do understand what you mean..... What tickleteasing said about " I Am Not Alone"...it is very important for someone to see that for themselves and i encourage everyone who hasn't done so.

Happy 2010 Everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Another possible reason is that a person might feel a bit intimidated about going to an event where many people already know each other. After all, many people here communicate with each other regularly, in some cases have already met, and there's been several gatherings over the last few years. Some of the people who attend gatherings are fairly big names here on the TMF, almost "celebrities" within the tickling community. And some of them even have active fetish lives. So I couldn't entirely blame someone for feeling a little out of place among an already formed, possibly "experienced" group. Maybe even a little worried about some kind of "clique" phenomenon. I must admit that I'd feel a bit like that myself, possibly enough that I'd be uncomfortable going to a gathering even if I had the time, money and mode of transport. Frankly, I'd feel like a total newbie. I'm sure people at gatherings are very kind and welcoming, but it can still be intimidating.

Another reason that comes to mind is that someone might be worried about not being appealing as a ticklee. I sure don't see myself as an interesting tickling subject, regardless of my actual level of ticklishness.


I've had that same thought before. Like, when I do end up at a gathering and want to engage in some tickling, is there going to be someone that would want to tickle me? Obviously this would have to be a person that I felt comfy with and not just anyone but I worry that I wouldn't find a "connection" in that way. I haven't always been the best when it comes to self confidence. Definitely glad to see I'm not alone with this. :)
 
Another possible reason is that a person might feel a bit intimidated about going to an event where many people already know each other. After all, many people here communicate with each other regularly, in some cases have already met, and there's been several gatherings over the last few years. Some of the people who attend gatherings are fairly big names here on the TMF, almost "celebrities" within the tickling community. And some of them even have active fetish lives. So I couldn't entirely blame someone for feeling a little out of place among an already formed, possibly "experienced" group. Maybe even a little worried about some kind of "clique" phenomenon. I must admit that I'd feel a bit like that myself, possibly enough that I'd be uncomfortable going to a gathering even if I had the time, money and mode of transport. Frankly, I'd feel like a total newbie. I'm sure people at gatherings are very kind and welcoming, but it can still be intimidating.

Another reason that comes to mind is that someone might be worried about not being appealing as a ticklee. I sure don't see myself as an interesting tickling subject, regardless of my actual level of ticklishness.


This is exactly how I feel. I almost feel like theres cliques already established and if i went to one, I would feel:

-Odd because I'm at a party with a ton of people who KNOW I like to be tickled, but none of whom I feel comfortable enough to allow to touch me because they are still strangers and I havn't spent time with any of them prior to this gathering

-Left out because some lers already have their set lees that they love to attack at every gathering

-I wouldn't make a good lee due to my nervousness and that would in turn find me ticklishly unattractive at the gathering


I'm not saying I'll NEVER go to a gathering, but it just makes me nervous right now. I would prefer to have a friend w/ me as a way out in case I feel uncomfortable so if i dont want to "play" I'm not stuck alone by myself somewhere or bored in my hotel room. :(
 
This is exactly how I feel. I almost feel like theres cliques already established and if i went to one, I would feel:

-Odd because I'm at a party with a ton of people who KNOW I like to be tickled, but none of whom I feel comfortable enough to allow to touch me because they are still strangers and I havn't spent time with any of them prior to this gathering

-Left out because some lers already have their set lees that they love to attack at every gathering

-I wouldn't make a good lee due to my nervousness and that would in turn find me ticklishly unattractive at the gathering


I'm not saying I'll NEVER go to a gathering, but it just makes me nervous right now. I would prefer to have a friend w/ me as a way out in case I feel uncomfortable so if i dont want to "play" I'm not stuck alone by myself somewhere or bored in my hotel room. :(

I'll go with you! :twohugs:

I totally get what you're saying as well. All things that I have thought about before myself.
 
I'll go with you! :twohugs:

I totally get what you're saying as well. All things that I have thought about before myself.


aww yay I found a friend. :p But what if u get comfortable before i do and u get pulled away to play and u disappear for a whole day? Then what do I do? :lurking:

Also there's the expenses. I dont think I'll ever have money to fly and afford lodging on my own and I have no car to drive anywhere :(
 
I could write so much more than I'm about to, but my bed is calling to me. Maybe I'll add some later. For now...

Internet Life vs. Real Life.

That is all.
 
aww yay I found a friend. :p But what if u get comfortable before i do and u get pulled away to play and u disappear for a whole day? Then what do I do? :lurking:

Also there's the expenses. I dont think I'll ever have money to fly and afford lodging on my own and I have no car to drive anywhere :(

Lol, I don't think I'd get pulled anywhere and if I did, I'd just tug ya along. :jester:

I wouldn't go to one expecting to be tickled because it would be nice to just meet some of the people that I talk to on here but yeah, deep down, I'm sure I'd be hoping that I did get tickled somehow.
 
It absolutely makes sense to me. Tickling for me is so very personal that yeah, to actually be "confronted" with it (even in a good, positive way) makes me feel a little uncomfy sometimes. I have yet to go to a gathering but I'm pretty sure that this was a big reason in the past. Another reason I think is because I wanted to try to bond somewhat with some people beforehand so I wasn't by myself so to speak. We shall see, I'm definitely trying to work on that but yep, this makes total sense to me. :)

This makes sense to me, and I've BEEN to two NESTs. This isn't to say that I didn't have a good time at them, but for the most part I prefer to keep my sex to myself.
 
Some people can more than fulfill there needs by chatting, posting, etc.
I have total respect for this, and have made some great friends online with people I know I probably will never meet.
I personally have a goal to make it to NEST, even from my distant location, because that's just me.
The worst thing I believe you can do is "push" people into a gathering ahead of when they are ready. The gatherings that happen on a regular basis already, have rapidly increasing numbers as the community grows. :community:
So people are obviously attending, just in there own time. :happyfloa :gathering:
 
All sorts of reasons - you have a family/partner/bf/gf etc (so not so appropriate to go), you're worried it'll mostly be older and/or akward guys (who can't get a girl) who you'd not want pressuring to tickle ya/tickle them, prefering to keep real life vs tmf life seperate, shyness, not enough people you'd be interested in etc etc. For me it's a combination of a number of those reasons :p
 
I've had that same thought before. Like, when I do end up at a gathering and want to engage in some tickling, is there going to be someone that would want to tickle me? Obviously this would have to be a person that I felt comfy with and not just anyone but I worry that I wouldn't find a "connection" in that way. I haven't always been the best when it comes to self confidence. Definitely glad to see I'm not alone with this. :)

Angel, if it makes you feel any better, id volunteer to tickle you so youll be happy. :woot:

The reason i dont go to gatherings, is first, im not exactly a real social butterfly anyway, and second, im uncomfortable being around, and or talking about tickling with men. if gatherings were just women, id be going to all of them. i just feel creeped out being around men when involviing a fetish situation.
 
All sorts of reasons - you have a family/partner/bf/gf etc (so not so appropriate to go), you're worried it'll mostly be older and/or akward guys (who can't get a girl) who you'd not want pressuring to tickle ya/tickle them, prefering to keep real life vs tmf life seperate, shyness, not enough people you'd be interested in etc etc. For me it's a combination of a number of those reasons :p

I see what you're saying here, and here are a few responses to this:
- There are people who have spouses and families that go to gatherings with their partner's blessing
- There is no pressure to play at gatherings. If someone is inappropriate they are dealt with.
- I've yet to see "mostly older/awkward guys" at these things.
- I've seen a lot of self-described shy people open up at gatherings.

Sure, it's nerve-wracking to enter a group that seems to all know each other. But it's not middle school and people are really friendly. And we all had to start at the same place, not knowing anyone in the community.

I had many of your fears before my first gathering, but now I can't imagine my life without going. We're all "normal" people and the events feel very warm and welcoming.
 
Clean other end of the country for me, plus the considerable expence of travel, renting a car, hotel. With that money, I could have a real party out here. :-D
 
Usually it is a timing thing for me. The dates just never seem to work.
 
Honestly, my main reason for not going, I get uncomfortable around people I don't know who already know each other. So it's more of I don't want to have the whole complex that I stand alone and everyone wonders who the weird new guy is. Even though my fiance is open to going, I am one of those people mentioned earlier who are worried they won't know anyone
 
I didn't take time to read all of the responses. So, pardon me if this has already been mentioned. Though I DO go to gatherings and have a great time at them, I find larger (20+ is large to me) groups of people to be very draining...esp. if they're loud. Last year's NEST was a perfect setup for me because I could escape to the quiet of my room every so often to decompress. For wahtever reason, loud noise makes me very tense and wears me out very quickly. (Even here at home, if Drew wants to play a concert or something loudly, I have to put in ear plugs in order to be able to handle it.) So, while I love gatherings, I really need to rest up a lot in advance and sneak in as many quiet moments during as possible. If I don't have the opportunity to do so, I tend to get very quiet and shut down.

I'm sure I'm not entirely alone in this.
 
To me, tickling is very sexual. I like sex, I have no problem talking about sex, but I don't go to gang-bangs. Same thing with tickling and gatherings! :)
 
To me, tickling is very sexual. I like sex, I have no problem talking about sex, but I don't go to gang-bangs. Same thing with tickling and gatherings! :)


Nice! :) Maybe I can host a gathering for the "Blow job lovers of America - Girls using your shaft" ? BLOAGUYS!
 
I went to my first gathering, MTP, in 2008. It was a bit nerve wracking for me, as I didn't "know" anyone there. I just decided to bite the bullet and go. Prior to 2008, I just wasn't ready to attend a gathering, simple as that.

Now, I am GLAD I have gone! I have made some solid friends, like the hosts ticklingfeet4fun and sadira. We all play fantasy hockey now, which has been a blast and it's another thing we have in common. Next up, fantasy baseball! I've also met my nerd brother from another mother, TKLMAN. We now enjoy trying to "out nerd" each other in various threads.

Speaking strictly from my own experience, the friends you can meet at a gathering can lead to far more than tickling, as it's easy to make new friends, period. Whenever you feel you are "ready" to go, I would advise it. There's nothing wrong with making new friends after all!
 
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