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The Djinn Within (sketchy stuff)

jonsmith

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Just something I wrote up, I want to know what you guys and gals think of it. Even though there is a slight tickling in it, the focus isn't tickling.

And if it sucks, say so, because I know I thought it did. HAHA.:bubble:

The Djinn Within

“I want her.”
“You'll sit where you are.”
“I want her.” He points to the plump young woman sitting alone studying at the desk. Her skin is a golden brown, and her hair is short, in waves that shine like oil. She wears a purple polyester shirt and a pair of foot length blue jeans. Her tight green leather boots encase a pair of feet inside that my Djinn is hungering for.

“I want her.”
“I want her too, but you want to use her.”
“So do you.”
“I want to love her.”
“Use her for lovemaking.”
“No, use her to learn how to love.”
“Same bloody difference.” He points at her. “I want her feet.”
“And I her body, but we can't both have what we want, now can we?”
“I can have everything.”
“You will gain nothing.”
“And we both will be even, but I still want the girl.”
“You want her feet.”
“GIVE HER TO ME!”
“No.”
“Why not?!?!”
“You are too impatient. Note, imp is the first half of the word.”
“Heh, and asian is the last. LOL.”
“Don't speak in acronyms.”
“I can do better than you.” He taunts me, “I can make her mine.”
“Oh?” I feel the bulge in my pants rising as I see the images pass through my mind; kissing, hugging, dancing smiling sucking licking delicately tickling caressing holding; images embolding; Her grinning in pleasure, and I in extreme depravity, masters of our own domains, hers of solitude, mine of versimilitude, wait, I don't even know what that means. Forget it.

“Fine,” I say as I allow my pet free reign and I watch as his dark tendrils cover the etheric sinews of my soul for yet another moment of lust personified, if he can manage it. “Show me what you can do, if you fail, I'm going to train you like a marine mother fucker.”

“Dude,” he says looking at me from over his right shoulder with a smile; my smile. Darker, more villainous, but still my smile. “Trust me,”
“Like I haven't heard that before,” I murmur as I remember the crotch kick I got from the lady he snuck up behind and tickled the crap out of. I don't thik I'll have kids.

That's what I thought.

“Hey,” he says to the girl, she looks up. She's even more beautiful than I thought she was. Up close she's like an angel, a short haired angel. “How are you?” he smiled his average smile. Knowing that just because he's average doesn't mean he can't make himself greater than average. He knows shit, as Lucifer complemented me on his performance.

I was a bit unnerved by that.

“I'm good, how are you?” She smiled. My djinn pulled out a pen and notepad from my backpack.
“I'm quite well. I was wondering if I could borrow like, three minutes of your time, I'm doing a study for my anatomy class.”
“Okay, if it's just three minutes.”

He began looping her some lies. Quite well thought out lies, he obviously took advantage of the passage of time between the ethereal and the physical. Three or four times the length of a second if Gabriel told me right.

But that's not the point. The bloody Djinn got her to give him her feet. Now she was sitting on her chair, undoing her boots, and her socks were up to her knees. I knew what he was going to do now.

He turned to me, and winked as I felt my forefinger dig into her plump socked sole. It was moist, warm, and cottony. Her face broke into a wide grin and she threw her head back, and screamed with amusement as the fingers on my hands marched along her soles.

The djinn was enjoying himself. “I am happy you're my master.” He smiled, “but when are you going to get around to training me?”
“As soon as I get to love the young lady.”
“How, long will that take?”
“It'll take a few minutes, now that she's smiling so. Shouldn't be too long.”
“Let's hope you don't die while loving her.”
“I won't die.”
“Because you know if I'm not trained right, we're both going to Hell.”
“I know.”
“And I don't want to go to Hell.”
“I can understand...”
“And you'll just stink.”
“Shut up. You know, this almost sounded like a cool conversation.”
 
Ok. Totally honest opinion, this doesn't suck. :p However I do think you could have been a little less heavy handed in making us aware this is the same person. The best example in ticfic writing that I can think of that demonstrates this concept perfectly is Marquis De Sade's Some Used More Than Others. His character in the story never directly acknowledges that the evil character is also him but it's still apparent. You really had that in place in the first part of the story. The place it faultered to me was with the line about "my smile" being his smile. It's not necessary to point this out. You already had done a great job eluding to these two being one imo ;).

I really loved the heaven and hell concept that you gave to this story. It added so much depth and originality to not only the story but the characters as well. Your take on this was refreshing and I'd love to see you expand upon it with a full length story. :)
 
Thanks, for you input, I probablyt am going to expand on this. Always appreciated.

And yeah, Marquis De Sade's story seriously stuck with me.
 
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