Puncture Wounds (M/F)

Marquis De Sade · May 19, 2010

Vampires are still cool, right? Because here's a story that isn't Twilight.

Time for another experiment in format delivery. Hopefully those who are willing to take the time for the added step of opening up the attachment will enjoy this short little piece of writer's fury.

This appeared in the most recent NEST program booklet (Many thanks to Lee Allure and the NEST Team). It was written in about half an hour in a fit of rage due to Writer's Block while I was trying to work on something else that's now finally finished, and will be posted...later.

That something else, NEEDS to be delivered in PDF format as the format it's written in plays a part in the actual story itself. Nothing else will work, short of mailing you all hard copies.

So, feedback is even more appreciated here than usual. Not only on the story, but also on how you all feel about attachments.

This was written to the musical rise and flow of the two tracks below which I had on a loop the whole time, which probably explains why I hardly remember writing this at all. I was in a sort of pissed off trance.

If you want, play 'em while it you read it, unless it's too much of a distraction. I used Angel more.

P.S. Thank you Crystal, for giving this its alternative name: "This is How I Remember Happy" :redheart:

Enjoy.

jm157 · May 19, 2010

Wow!! I can't say a whole lot right now. I have to go to work. When I get back, I want to read this again, very slowly. Maybe then I will have something intelligent to say about this, other than, I really enjoyed it!

Another classic, Mr. De Sade!

MrMacphisto · May 19, 2010

YES! It's good to finally read this one. Good choice of music as well. Puscifer is perfect for this. Although I was actually thinking of several NIN and Marilyn Manson songs when I read this.

In particular, NIN's cover of "Get Down, Make Love" works well with this, as does "Tourniquet" by Manson.

I love the new style you seem to have evoked with this one. It's very different from your previous work, but it's good and very intense.

This is a random question, but you didn't happen to play Vampire: the Masquerade back in the day, did you?

myth77 · May 20, 2010

The way you crafted your words here injected the raw emotions and sensations directly into my veins.

To write from a vampire's perspective was breathtaking and chilling. To mix the panic and the rush of the tickling and the vampire's carnage was brilliant. Double-edged panic. How beautifully cruel to be at the mercy of tickling, while your life is about to be taken... :blackrose:

. You delivered the combination so masterfully. And while it was chilling, you incorporated lust, and dare I say, loving playfulness to this dark character. There was such a haunting chemistry, a bond, a deep intimacy between the vampire and his 'prey'.

Your last lines halted my own breath as her heartbeat slowed.

Thank you :clap:

. Magnificent work.

And also, many thanks for the story idea you shared with me...it seems as though art will in fact be imitating life in this case.

Swizzle Stick! · May 21, 2010

This is not a story. This is what I fucking orgasm feels like. There is erotic writing.....and then there is your writing. Others may copy or borrow but you truly capture passion like no other I have read. This is raw and sexual and primal and intimate. I have never had words fuck me quite like this. You squeeze and stretch them to you will to paint emotion. You don't respect words they respect you. I am exhausted. I need a fucking cigarette.

myth77 · May 21, 2010

Swizzle Stick! said:
This is not a story. This is what I fucking orgasm feels like. There is erotic writing.....and then there is your writing. Others may copy or borrow but you truly capture passion like no other I have read. This is raw and sexual and primal and intimate. I have never had words fuck me quite like this. You squeeze and stretch them to you will to paint emotion. You don't respect words they respect you. I am exhausted. I need a fucking cigarette.

Damn Straight!!

*lights up cigarette*

Kunzite · May 23, 2010

This was just absolutely amazing. The stream of consciousness style was perfectly done and just did such an unbelievable job of conveying raw emotion. This is the sort of writing that has to stem from an author's passion, and you my friend have it to an undeniable degree! Thank you for sharing this piece with us; as others have said and I will second, this could have been written by no one but you!

suikoden · May 24, 2010

Sorry it took me a while to get around to giving this the attention it deserves.

Wow - I will never know where you go to in order to bring all this stuff to the surface and capture it. It is so "in the moment" that it is either very skilfully and artfully contrived or as raw as it gets. I am veering towards the latter.

"This is how I remember happy." Brilliant, there are some fantastic lines in this and the stream of consciousness cracks along at a real pace.

Strangely enough it made me think of way Cormac McCarthy writes the prison knife fight in All the Pretty Horses - urgent, bloody and vital only with a sensual, vampiric slant.

Who the fuck else would think to write a vampire feeding story and capture the hunger, the thirst, the passion and the macabre sensuality of it and blend it with the tickling fetish and then pull of the master stroke of not messing it up? Only you, Marquis, that's who.

Oh, I am also really glad it wasn't like any of that Twilight nonsense either.

SoundSiren · May 25, 2010

*bites*
You know how I feel about this, but what I didn't say is that this place doesn't deserve your talent...or at least I haven't said it publicly. I may be judging but I hate that a piece so vivid, raw, boiling hot, and exquisite is sullied with all the wank material on here.

To each their own but I prefer my stories to have depth and burn strong and slow till it rises in a full on firestorm...no matches for me thanks.

...oh and I LOVE this babe :redheart:

. Reminds me of the Coldplay song-

Tears everywhere, streaming, streaming down your face mixing with
the light from outside and making you shine like the beautiful creature
I’ve always been able to see because I see inside and inside is perfect
and beautiful and illuminates you in takememakemeyours.

Marquis De Sade · May 28, 2010

jm - Thanks man. As always, thanks for the continued support and I'm glad you enjoyed this one.

MrMacphisto - Vampire the Masquerade? Noo. Not sure what that is. But thanks again for the feedback. NIN will indeed be front and center in something coming up.

Myth - Awwwwww. Thank you. I'm glad and flattered you liked the story as much as you did and no prob about the idea. Can't wait to read it. Her heartbeat slowing was one of those things that just...happened. Not planned whatsoever. And I freaking LOVE when that happens, whether the outcome works or not, that character has brought him or herself to life and it's outta my control.

Well, I suppose in this case though, she kinda killed herself.

Swizzle - Thank you B. :redheart:

Kunzite - I honestly can't take that much credit for this if that makes any sense. I was working on something else entirely, got frustrated, just happened to be listening to the song, opened up another window in Word. Half an hour later I was staring what...well, whatever you'd even call this.

Suik - Usually thought out. Not this one at all though. LOL. I just consider myself lucky I didn't get frustrated and write some random vampire story about some James Dean-esq skinny vampire who sparkles in sunlight. That might've happened and I might've made millions.

But, we'll never know.

Siren - Thanks hon. Depth, slowburn and a firestorm. Coming from someone who writes as you do, that's a high compliment.

meangry · May 29, 2010

I read this last night, and while I enjoyed it quite a bit, I don't have this same wellspring of "wow, holy shit" reactions like I had with Coma or some of your other pieces. I understand your sense of minimalism is a sort of creed, and I think you apply it very well, but the repetition of beautiful as a modifier, the constant narrative interlude which refocuses on the lust point in the same manner...I don't know. I think you're better served in avoiding that because it makes clumsy what you have shown a propensity of having quite the amount of skill with.

On the positive, though, I'd never actually go this indepth with what I have read and pick at it unless I didn't respect you and respect what you're trying to accomplish, and as odd as it seems, I think you do accomplish what you set out to do. It's just that some of the chop or reaffirmation every few lines really bogged down your flow.

Look, again, you have fans who will tell you when things are working, one's who will blow sunshine regardless of if you've earned that right or not. Good for you that you earn it 99% of the time. I like what you're doing here, as the sort of bleeding out, soaking the sheets, all I could personally imagine was a heavy allusion to steamy oral sex. Like...do people UNDERSTAND how hard it is to make allusions in narrative in a piece of erotic fiction?! Like...for FUCKING serious.

I know I come off as a dick, not only to you, but surely to a lot of people who follow your writing and had a great time with this. You're great. Legendary, even. We come from the same place. So, I'd rather tell you how I feel than anything else.

Marquis De Sade · May 29, 2010

meangry said:
I read this last night, and while I enjoyed it quite a bit, I don't have this same wellspring of "wow, holy shit" reactions like I had with Coma or some of your other pieces. I understand your sense of minimalism is a sort of creed, and I think you apply it very well, but the repetition of beautiful as a modifier, the constant narrative interlude which refocuses on the lust point in the same manner...I don't know. I think you're better served in avoiding that because it makes clumsy what you have shown a propensity of having quite the amount of skill with.

On the positive, though, I'd never actually go this indepth with what I have read and pick at it unless I didn't respect you and respect what you're trying to accomplish, and as odd as it seems, I think you do accomplish what you set out to do. It's just that some of the chop or reaffirmation every few lines really bogged down your flow.

Look, again, you have fans who will tell you when things are working, one's who will blow sunshine regardless of if you've earned that right or not. Good for you that you earn it 99% of the time. I like what you're doing here, as the sort of bleeding out, soaking the sheets, all I could personally imagine was a heavy allusion to steamy oral sex. Like...do people UNDERSTAND how hard it is to make allusions in narrative in a piece of erotic fiction?! Like...for FUCKING serious.

I know I come off as a dick, not only to you, but surely to a lot of people who follow your writing and had a great time with this. You're great. Legendary, even. We come from the same place. So, I'd rather tell you how I feel than anything else.

A dick? Nah, everyone's entitled to their opinion. As you've said in PM, it's all subjective.

As for this, I really can't say much. I have no real opinion of it, I'm not even sure what it is. This was machine-gunned out in 30 minutes without thought or preconceived structure or even where it was going. From the first breath to the final heartbeat, it all just sort of...happened.

I don't even remember writing it so, I'm not even sure what I was setting out to accomplish really. If anything, the repetition was probably some sub-conscious way of grounding myself, or my muse, or whatever it was that was writing this, least I fly completely off the handle and only into God knows where. Or it was some way to push myself, with each repetitive note, a little self-challenge to start over and go further simply because this is easy for me and that in itself, is an issue.

I looked back on it after, wanting to re-write parts but as I said in PM, I read it and didn't even recognize it.

If anything, what I did accomplish with this was getting over writer's block.

Kunzite · May 29, 2010

Marquis De Sade said:
Kunzite - I honestly can't take that much credit for this if that makes any sense. I was working on something else entirely, got frustrated, just happened to be listening to the song, opened up another window in Word. Half an hour later I was staring what...well, whatever you'd even call this.

Well honestly, writing is largely instinct in my opinion, and this piece shows you have it in spades. As odd as it may sound, I often tend to stay away from pieces that are this visceral since that's not where my instincts lie, which is why I respect this all the more. All modesty aside, it's great stuff!

Angel77 · May 30, 2010

I need to read this again. This time, lights off, candles lit......

This was so up my alley.

The music was awesome to play while reading through.

Another fine job my friend! :clap:

SoundSiren · Jun 14, 2010

Puncture Wounds (M/F)

Marquis De Sade

1st Level Blue Feather

jm157

TMF Master

MrMacphisto

Level of Lime Feather

myth77

1st Level Orange Feather

Swizzle Stick!

TMF Regular

myth77

1st Level Orange Feather

Kunzite

TMF Master

suikoden

4th Level Red Feather

SoundSiren

TMF Master

Marquis De Sade

1st Level Blue Feather

meangry

Verified

Marquis De Sade

1st Level Blue Feather

Kunzite

TMF Master

Angel77

Level of Garnet Feather

SoundSiren

TMF Master