for the 99% of the time when gatherings aren't on

It may sound obvious, but I just wanted to point out there's another place where a degree of social interaction is possible - these very online worlds of the TMF.

The positive thing a lot of us have remarked about social meets is that whatever else happens, people come away with a sense of peer support about their interest in something that's a bit on-the-fringes. In other words, there is a genuinely cool aspect to just chatting or sharing a beverage with others on Team Tickle.

Then there's the cynical view, which is socialising is just something to participate in as a means to an ends....

I think how we choose to function on these boards and the PM system is a good reality check for where we sit between those two ends of the spectrum.

Since signing up here in November 2007 I've achieved the mighty total of 37 inward and 45 outward PMs. Those inbound ones involved about 10 different people and outbound looks to be around 15.

Buried in those meager stats is one important thing - I've never left a 'greetings' message completely un-answered. When someone says a passing 'Hi', they'll get a response in-kind, even if it takes me a while to notice and reply (obviously 37 messages in 2.5 years equates to pretty patchy attendance from me!).

As to the imbalance between the 45 and 37 - a few cases things moved across to a webchat setting; a couple of the extras were just a 'ps' that needed no response.

And lastly, some were messages from me of 'Hello' or 'how's things?' that went completely ignored.

It's always unwise to over simplify a situation. But that said, I think a good rule of thumb would be if that we have time to log in and post to the forums, then shooting off a a 7-15 word reply so as to not leave someone's hello gesture hanging is probably also do-able.

That to me is a part of keeping the flicker of a flame alight on our long term goal of feeling vaguely like an Aus community. To not bother seems cynical - like it's only worthwhile replying to things that deliver a strategic benefit towards that elusive tickle meet.

Feel free to discuss (or.... to ignore )

hewitt99 said:

I think how we choose to function on these boards and the PM system is a good reality check for where we sit between those two ends of the spectrum.

Since signing up here in November 2007 I've achieved the mighty total of 37 inward and 45 outward PMs. Those inbound ones involved about 10 different people and outbound looks to be around 15.

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Most people I've exchanged PM's with (or those who I have met offline) I got to know thoroughly on the forums before exchanging that PM. I've discussed this in detail with many as well. There's nothing in a PM that can't be said on the regular forums while you get to know somebody. If you can't, that's probably why many go unanswered. Most people are unwilling to put in that time.

hewitt99 said:

And lastly, some were messages from me of 'Hello' or 'how's things?' that went completely ignored.

Click to expand...

Some people don't like to communicate or start a conversation with a complete stranger (which is their personal choice), which is once again why it's best to "get to know people" on the forums so they can learn about you in a public forum before you move onto private messages.

hewitt99 said:

It's always unwise to over simplify a situation. But that said, I think a good rule of thumb would be if that we have time to log in and post to the forums, then shooting off a a 7-15 word reply so as to not leave someone's hello gesture hanging is probably also do-able.

Click to expand...

True, although that's rarely how it happens on the forums, especially with female 'lees. In addition to that "hello", they get bombarded with questions about their ticklish spots, what their feet look like, and so on, which is rude. Although it's fine by me, because then they delete those PM's and move onto the ones with individuals they've gotten to know better and eventually meet up with.

Yeah the thing where girls get bombarded with imposing questions is a very valid point.

And if it was that sort of approaching that I was doing, my whole spiel above would be pretty lame.

I've actually hopefully trodden pretty cautiously there - only said hi to a girl in reply to their PM and only said hi to guys who said they were open to hearing from other guys.

Your intentions sound good. Unfortunately, many others end up ruining conversations for people like you since females become so jaded to the (online) experience. Just post on any topic that even remotely interests you, and eventually you become more "recognized" and approachable. There's no room for wallflowers on the internet. Jump into everything and start dancing (posting).

I hate it when you PM a person, saying Hi...introducing yourself politely and you don't get a reply. In Australia there isn't that many of us on the TMF, so it's not like the person who is not responding is getting 20 emails a day on tickling from Aussies. Of course, some people are busy and don't have the time to answer straight away, but after a couple of weeks there is not really an excuse. So you come to the conclusion that a) the person is no longer using the TMF or b) they are simply to rude to basically email you back and just say they are not interested. Basic manners is not really that hard.

I agree with.. well all of the above.

I think the biggest problem is that there are too many rude people on the forum sending PM's to people, ruining the chances for people who just wanna have a chat.

I can imagine as a girl, between getting 25 "are you ticklish, do you have pics of your feet" PM's a day, getting an occasional "hello, how are you?", it's hard for her to determine whether that person is genuine, or another one of those bothersome rude people just looking to wack off.

It's a matter of giving people a chance to let you get to know them and understand their genuine intentions, and knowing who is worth giving that chance to.
Personally I try as hard as I can to engage into conversation with everyone who wishes to, and give them a chance to talk to me about who they are, but I do admit that I occasionally will give certain people less of a chance when it shows they're just another one of those people that just wants to hear how I would tickle them, or how ticklish I am.

First impression seems to be the key, sending someone a visitor message or a PM giving off the right initial impression, but doing that to every single person you wanna talk to can seem a drag in itself, and I have experienced enough the nerve wracking discouragement that getting no replies brings.
Did they get my message? Did I say something wrong? Are they ignoring me? Should I send another one, or will that just annoy them?
It can be pretty stressful.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is, whoever reads this, please put in a moment of your time to reply to any genuinely friendly messages; not everyone's as creepy as some of the people that probably have PM'ed you in the past, who knows, you might become good friends.
And as said above, there's really not many of us Australians here, let alone Sydney-siders, so let's stick together ya'll!

Well said. You are right, it is stressful not knowing what the person whom you sent a pm is thinking. Sometimes I wish the roles were reversed. If guys were in the minority on here and it was women who had to do the asking. How would they feel if their polite emails were simply ignored? Most of the guys I have chatted to on here seem pretty decent blokes, of course I can't vouch for the emails they send girls as I am not privvy to them but I assume they are just everyday, nice guys wanting to meet someone. I will say it again, a simple, "no thankyou" is all that's required if you are not interested, as opposed to ignoring it.

Just for the maintenance of balance, the examples of non-replies covered in my original post didn't involve female members.

Yeah, it's a sad situation in that respect. Just got to find different means other than the TMF.

Good topic

I've been here for a few years (many years lurking before that) and I never PM'ed much. Funny enough, most of my PMs had been to fellow (male) ticklers, and video producers, chatting business ideas. (Yes, I have fantasised about making tickling/feet videos, but the outlay is just way too much) I just KNOW that women of TMF are mostly inundated with undesirable PMs from people who don't have much social decorum, so I didn't even try.

But I'm with Hewitt. PMs are a good way to build a network, even among niche groups like Aussie ticklephiles.