The Tickleman Cometh (intro.)

I was in our guesthouse one afternoon last summer doing some cleaning up after the relatives left. It was a typical hot and humid afternoon. Our guesthouse is an A-frame 3 level with a loft, originally built for lots of skiers. It is a place that I like to go to and just be alone, well sort of. The slider opened and in walks my neice, Jacqueline. Jackie is my favorite of all my neices and nephews. She is the oldest child of my oldest brother. She will be graduating high school and turning 19 this summer. Jackie stands about 5'9 inches, 2" taller than me and she is always so well tanned and very much in-shape. She is a soccer player and will be playing soccer for her college in the fall. I asked what was up and she had said not much, she just wanted to ask me about the day before. "What about it?", I asked. She said that she had been walking by and that she could hear me laughing hysterically inside. "What was all that about?", she asked. I tried to act dumb and just brush it off but she persisted. "Cory, I heard you from the sidewalk. Who were you here with? What was all the loud laughing? " "Nobody", I told her. "Oh, so you were just laughing hysterically in here all by yourself?". I asked if she had seen anything and she said that she hadn't, she just heard loud hysterical tortured laughter. "Ok", I told her. "It was the Tickleman." She just stood there looking at me. "Who is the Tickleman? One of your friends? Some guy was in here and he was tickling you? You just let some guy tickle you? OK, TMI." "No, no.", I told her."Tickleman is this guy, this thing, he's not real. Well, he IS real but he's not really human. He just exists. He has visited me in my dreams since I was little and he sometimes materializes when I am alone, like in here. He appears here a lot." Jackie stood there looking at me almost dumbfounded."OK. So there is this guy...but he's not real...but he appears sometimes and he tickles you. Does he come down the chimney, too? Does he hide eggs when he comes? " "Don't be talking like that in here.", I told her. "Oh, what? Can he hear me? Will he come and tickle me? Hey ! Tickleman! I'm here ! Come and tickle me, I'm waiting." "Shhhhh.", I said. "Don't do that. He doesn't like being made fun of." "So, what is this guy like? What does he look like?", she asked. "Well", I told her..."He is tall, like 7 feet tall. He has a real deep voice. He has long arms and fingers." Jackie just stood there looking at me with a blank expression. "He is dressed all in black..." "With a black hood on his head, kind of like Spiderman, only black", she said. Now I was dumbfounded. "Yes, how do you know that?" Now Jackie was starting to get creeped out. "After I heard you yesterday, I went home. I thought about it before bed and wondered what was up. I had a dream of this guy. Just like you said. The guy all in black. He called my name but when I tried to answer him, the alarm went off and I woke up. I thought it was just because I had heard you yesterday, that I went to bed thinking about it." "He knew you were there.", I told her. "You might be next." To be continued......

My first attempt here so please excuse the layout of the text.

Constructive criticism is always welcome.

Ok,.....

A first-person yarn with magic as the vehicle shouldn't present too many barriers to plot development. Relax and go slow. Details. And start a new paragraph every once in a while,... particularly when lines of dialogue alternate from character to character. Tone's not bad.

Do you know how the story ends?

I do, yes.

Ok, I wrote the next part, working for over an hour and it didn't post. Wtf.

Try using a writing program like Word for your work, that way you can save it regularly and won't lose anything. You can also spell check and format nicely. Then, when it's done, you can just copy and paste the whole thing, and you're able to take your time crafting the story

Ok, Mantis. Thank you.