The Secret Island M/F

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Very nice. I liked the setting and atmosphere.
You are very good at describing the details of what is happening.

One thing that made the story a bit hard to read was that you often used very long sentences. Breaking those down would be an improvement IMHO.

I hope to read more from you in the future.
Thanks for your work!

way too long...i just skipped to the tickling parts which seemed way too long into the story...i guess to each their own...all n all..not bad...just way too much detail in each paragragh n sentence...

Very nice. I liked the setting and atmosphere.
You are very good at describing the details of what is happening.

One thing that made the story a bit hard to read was that you often used very long sentences. Breaking those down would be an improvement IMHO.

I hope to read more from you in the future.
Thanks for your work!

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hey thanks, appreciate your comments yes i do need to work on the sentences, make them shorter, i found myself using commas to keep things going, and perhaps some of the sentence are too complicated but hey, once you get carried away its hard to stop writing

way too long...i just skipped to the tickling parts which seemed way too long into the story...i guess to each their own...all n all..not bad...just way too much detail in each paragragh n sentence...

Click to expand...

this doesnt sound very positive at all! lol actually feel like ive failed you miserably xD but yes i do take onboard your views and can understand your frustations, i do plan on completing work without such an elaborate build up but as you say its also do with my style, it would be good to hear what you thought of the tickling scenes themselves

very good keep going!!