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They called me freak

The words used to echo in my head like a looped tape.

From time to time I would agree with them, and would try to abstain from any tickling or even thoughts of tickling. But it seemed to be everywhere. Cartoons, TV shows, random people at the mall getting poked by a friend.. tickling seemed to pursue me. Then, like any other addiction, the cycle would start again.

When I turned 18, I went to a local video store to see what the big deal with X-rated videos was all about. A few minutes into shopping the back room, and there it was... tickle pornography... no, more than that.. girl on GIRL tickle pornography! I actually broke out in a sweat just looking at the tape box. After an awkward moment at the sales counter with the store owner, I smuggled the tape home before anyone else came home.

Now, I will not get graphic, but I spent the next month wearing that tape, and myself, out. But I found a new perspective. Maybe I was a freak.. a tickle freak.. but there are so many other worse things to be in life. I wanted to tickle someone.. not everyone.. but someone special... someone who got as excited being tickled as I got tickling someone.

More importantly, I realized that most people were freaks of one kind or another. I started taking notes, and saw people my own age getting excited by things like promiscuity, sex with virgins, having sex only when drunk, or sex in cars. There were biters, lovers of anal sex... or only oral sex.. there were bi-curious and bisexuals as well as gays of both kinds. It seemed like almost everyone had some deep secret turn-on they were protecting.

I had come to terms that a playful childhood activity had taken on a whole new meaning to me. I had found my fetish, and although I didn't print up t-shirts or calling cards, I also did not feel stigmatized anymore. There would be no more frantic, crying runs into the girls' room to lock myself into a stall until my heart slowed to normal, and the redness in my face went away.

So, now.. if someone calls me a freak.. I consider the source. Maybe that girl looks tired because she spent the whole night watching home shopping network... or that guy who is always broke has a thing for strip clubs... or maybe they are into something darker that I might even consider freaky.

Sure, tickling is kinky.. and even a little on the BDSM side. But no one gets beaten, bloodied or pierced.. no one is under aged and no animals are included... and the only reason anyone gets tied up is to make sure no one gets kicked or falls off the bed. I understand the whole "fight or flight" reaction that makes tickling a form of torture, but I also understand the aerobic and biological benefits of increased airflow and the release of adrenaline and endorphins into the bloodstream. Whether the tickling becomes torture or pleasure is in the hands, so to speak, of the tickler.

So that's where the stigma originates. And.. that is why the term freak used to upset me so much.

But now, thanks to several more tape purchases and a thing called the internet (a cool piece of software that had a section called TMF) I am at ease with my fetish. Finally.

I am a freak.

And that is pretty cool.

What a totally COOL way to look at all of it! I have mused about this very subject many a time, and came to the same conclusion. Mine was not so definitively CLEAR, but very much along the same lines! And it IS helpful, right? Makes you feel better! I've seen 'lees I have tickled and have even been the lee that is wearing a look of inexplicable relief of some sort after the scene is finished; not relief of it being over, relief that they got those laughs out!!
 
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