• The TMF is sponsored by Clips4sale - By supporting them, you're supporting us.
  • >>> If you cannot get into your account email me at [email protected] <<<
    Don't forget to include your username

The TMF is sponsored by:

Clips4Sale Banner

F/F tickling - 3rd time ever posting, tell me what you think!

Rate story

  • Perfect!

    Votes: 2 18.2%

  • Good! Would like more!

    Votes: 7 63.6%

  • Ok! Could end here, or continue!

    Votes: 1 9.1%

  • Need improvements!

    Votes: 1 9.1%

  • Terrible. I want my time back!

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Total voters
    11
First, I loved your opening paragraph; it actually helps paint a picture of where she is rather than, "She in castle, lots of woods, village too, okay setting done tickle now!" You have a wonderful attention to detail in description that manages to not over stay its welcome (ala Robert Jordan and his half-page descriptions of someone's hair).

You do have a tendency to repeat words in the same paragraph that I personally find somewhat off-putting (the one that immediately springs to mind is the 4th paragraph on the second page, where "Feather" is used in back-to-back sentences, when it really doesn't need to be; "tummy" was another one that cropped up a lot).

Oh, and I loved the ending. Absolutely adored it.
 
Featherfall said:
First, I loved your opening paragraph; it actually helps paint a picture of where she is rather than, "She in castle, lots of woods, village too, okay setting done tickle now!" You have a wonderful attention to detail in description that manages to not over stay its welcome (ala Robert Jordan and his half-page descriptions of someone's hair).

You do have a tendency to repeat words in the same paragraph that I personally find somewhat off-putting (the one that immediately springs to mind is the 4th paragraph on the second page, where "Feather" is used in back-to-back sentences, when it really doesn't need to be; "tummy" was another one that cropped up a lot).

Oh, and I loved the ending. Absolutely adored it.
Click to expand...

<3 <3 <3 <3

Thank you so awesomely much! :-D I wanna KISS YOU!

That's -the- best criticism I've had on my written work EVER! The good, the bad.. All of it!
 
Wow. Loved everything so far, very intriguing start to proceedings. Can't wait to see what else is in store. One point of criticism, I'd love more description of the actual tickling and how its unfolding, not just a location ;)
 
Yeah, sorry x)

A little back-story 'bout my writing.. I got/had loads of mini-stories around, but none finished, not even to an acceptable point.. So when I suddenly wrote this from start to end, I didn't dare to change much.. Swept through and corrected 2 minor grammatical errors. Was afraid I'd throw it away as well if I started adding/pulling away again :p
 
Wow this was really good! Your descriptions were amazing and I loved your attention to detail. I could easily paint a picture in my mind of Anna and her turmoil, and I loved how you kept Sabrina shrouded in mystery. I have to agree with Deadly though, it would have been nice to have more description of the actual tickling. Still, I voted 'Perfect!' on this and I can't wait to see more of it, whenever you get around to it. Great job!!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
What's New

4/18/2024
Need to report a post? Click the report button to its lower left!
Tickle Experiment
Door 44
NEST 2024
Register here
The world's largest online clip store

Live Camgirls!
Live Camgirls
Streaming Videos
streaming tickling videos on demand at the TMF!
Tickling videos on demand!
Pic of the Week
Pic of the Week
Congratulations to
*** brad1701 ***
 The winner of our weekly Trivia, held every Sunday night at 11PM EST in our Chat Room
Back
Top