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Safety Stuff for Gatherings and Personal Meetings

brandied_nerd

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Joined
Mar 17, 2014
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I have been asked by a few people about safety & vetting for parties/gatherings and personal meet-ups. I feel like I see both extremes on this: those who walk into a situation that is full of red flags, and those who have heard so many bad stories (or experienced them) that they are afraid to be part of a fun community and end up missing out on good fun. I am not a long-time veteran of kink sites, but I have managed to survive my interactions both online and in-person and have learned from other people's positive and negative experiences. These recommendations are just my way of operating, but they also run pretty close to safety recommendations in many circles.

Threat Level Minimum:
Munches - these are a group of people in a public place - your odds of being harmed are minimal. Use the same caution you would in any public situation. Watch your drinks and don't go to dark corners of a parking lot alone. Optimally you would take a friend with you and feel even safer.

Meeting in a Public Place w/o Play - so BillyBob Ticklephile wants to meet you face-to-face. If he/she is willing to meet you in a public place in the daylight, your risk is very minimal. You interact with scarier strangers all the time. Just b/c a person is into tickling doesn't make their stranger danger greater than any other person.

Threat Level Low:
Play Parties - usually pretty safe, but be smart about it. Ask about the host/hostess in the community. Ask who else is going. Ideally that host/hostess will want to vet you before the party anyway. Practice the same safety measures you would if coming and going from a vanilla party.

Threat Level Moderate:
First Play Session - If you have met this person face-to-face or vetted them through people you trust, your odds of a dangerous situation are not that great, but still exist. Be smart: take a friend with you, arrange a safe call, give the address of where you will be to a friend and make sure your play partner knows that you have these in place.

Threat Level High:

Playing with a Stranger - you have never met this person before, have no friends in common to vet them, and are meeting them alone. Don't do this...


Red Flags

1. The person refuses to meet you in a public place, or with a friend before playing.
Why would they refuse? What do they have to hide? You should only play with people who are respectful of you and your comfort level. If they don't respect your comfort level on something as simple as coffee before a play session, how can you be sure they will respect your limits when you are alone, tied up, and behind closed doors...?

2. The person refuses to let you bring a friend to your play session as a safety net. Same questions as above.

3. Someone else warns you about them. Or they have been banned from events. These things don't mean that the person is necessarily a predator, but their behavior may be less than respectful when it comes to your limits. And if they can't respect your limits, then they don't deserve your time.

4. You get a bad gut feeling about them. Trust your gut. Trust it above anyone's word on someone else. Know the difference b/w anxiety and bad juju. And trust your gut.

Be careful, be smart, but don't be afraid. Most of the people on TMF, FetLife, and other sites are just good people looking for friends.

Another safety piece is to be active in the community. Local, in-person interaction is great, but you can also be active online and be part of a community.

I wish everyone happy tickles and whatever makes you smile. :)

Brandy
 
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