The Archer Queen watched from her castle as the ferocious battle raged outside. With the Barbarian King leading the troops, her side appeared to be winning. Content to view the carnage from the watchtower, she sat back and drank wine. Skeletons throwing bombs across the battlefield, mages launching spells at each other and warriors duking it out with swords and axes still remained exciting for the Queen, even though she had witnessed it more times than she could count. It was as she watched this skirmish, alone in the castle, that she suddenly heard a sound behind her. She turned around and saw a lone wizard standing right in front of her. She quickly noticed that he did not bear her village's insignia.
"What do you want?" the Queen asked, startled.
"You're going to come with me, my liege," the wizard responded.
"I will not," the Archer Queen replied with a scoff.
"Look honey," the wizard retorted, "don't make me use my new spell."
The Queen laughed. Towering over everyone except the Barbarian King, the notion of a small wizard being able to best her was ridiculous. "There is no spell one puny wizard could use that would defeat the Archer Queen."
"Oh, you'd be surprised," the wizard said. Just as he prepared to use a spell, the door to the keep flung open. A troop of a dozen knights and the castle's resident Night Witch marched into the room.
Leading the group, the Night Witch yelled to the wizard, "Stop right there, wretch! We have you surrounded!"
"Thank you, dear," the Queen said to the Night Witch, "although I was just about to handle him myself."
"Not so fast," muttered the wizard. With that, he shot a freeze spell at all of the knights, immobilizing them where they stood. "Still not going to surrender?" he asked with a smirk.
"You know that won't work on me," the Night Witch blurted out. As she spoke, she drew out her arms to launch a spell back at the wizard. But she was too slow. The wizard had done the same.
Knowing that there were few spells an individual wizard could use that would even impede a Night Witch, the Archer Queen had begun to run back to the balcony to grab her crossbow. Looking back, she saw a sight that astonished her.
The Archer Queen expected the wizard's spell to do minimal damage to the Night Witch, but as his spell hit her she saw something she had never seen before. The Night Witch immediately began to scream, and she dropped her battleaxe. In a moment she realized that the Night Witch was not screaming in pain; she was... laughing?
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" the Night Witch howled as the purple spell spidered around her body. "Who tauAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAught you thiAHAHAHAHAHAHAHs!?" the now-helpless sorceress begged through tears. The magicka made its way to her curvy hips and waste, forcing her to plead for mercy. "No no noahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" she screamed. "Stop it, stop iahAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! PLEAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAS!"
The Queen was immediately alarmed by what was happening, and furious that her most trusted guard had such a childish weakness. Fearing that she was next, she began to frantically search for her crossbow, with the Night Witch crying from the tickling in the background. However, she was unable to find it.
The knights, still immobilized by the very powerful wizard, could only watch as their fearless leader was helplessly tormented by such a ludicrous spell. What a laughable weakness for such a fearsome witch. Taken down for the first time ever by her own ticklishness. It would almost be funny if the situation were not so dire.
Amidst the continued howls of the suffering Night Witch, the wizard began to speak. "You, with your legion of knights, are to assist me in escorting the Queen to my associates. Once we have finished this task, you will be freed. Do we have a deal?"
"Yes, yeahAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAS!" the Night Witch immediately responded, the magicka still tormenting her body all over. "Anything to make this stoaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAP!"
"Very well." The Wizard snapped his fingers and the knights unfroze. The tickling stopped, although the Night Witch still got a few more laughs out. Out from the halls came a gang of two dozen or so goblins. The Archer Queen noticed that one of them was carrying her crossbow.
The Night Witch picked up her battleaxe. "I'm sorry, your majesty," she said to her queen, still panting from the tickling. "But you're going to need to come with us."
In normal circumstances the Archer Queen might have stood and fight, as she still remained bigger than anyone else in the room. But with the powerful new wizard's unprecedented sorcery and the treachery she had just witnessed, she gave up. While raising her arms above her head, she spit on her ticklish guard captain. The goblins pounced on the surrendering queen, and in no time she was tied up and bound.
Sneaking such a large woman out of the castle was no easy task, but with most of the town out fighting the battle it was doable. With a bag over her head, the Queen was taken outside of city limits through nightfall, with the wizard, his gang of goblins and the Night Witch and her men. Loading the Queen onto a cart, they continued to take her away into the night. Eventually she managed to fall asleep.
* * *
The Archer Queen woke to the sound of voices greeting her captors.
"Jaakko!" A voice shouted. "You actually did it. I'm impressed."
"Please," the wizard responded. "Did you ever doubt that I would?"
As the chit chat continued, the goblins began to remove the bag over the Queen's head. After he eyes adjusted to the light she realized where she was. They were on the outskirts of the village of the enemy clan her town was fighting.
"You bastard!" the Queen shouted at the wizard, whose name she now knew was Jaakko. "You've turned me over to my enemies."
"Not for a small fee, if it makes you feel any better," Jaakko said, taking his bag of coinage from the villager who had greeted his envoy. "And with that, I'm off," he continued. "Tell me how it goes when I get back, Herman."
"Yup, see ya this afternoon," the villager replied back. The two waved as Jaakko set out with the Night Witch and her knights. The goblins were let loose to spend their day in the town.
"Now for you to meet the townspeople," the villager Herman told the Queen. She scowled.
Herman, with other villagers, brought the Archer Queen into the city square, townsflok cheering and booing as the cart made its way. Eventually, they arrived at the town square in front of the Lord Mayor's residence, with much of the village out to see this event. The Queen groaned when she saw what was waiting for her. There, in the middle of the plaza, was a massive set of stocks, designed specifically for her.
"What do you want from me?" the Queen asked, unamused.
"I think you know very well," Herman responded.
Several workers proceeded to open the large set of stocks, and prepare the seat for the Queen. Then, they worked together to carry her from the cart into the seating. Her wrists were tied to the large wooden backboard, making her aim her arms up. Eventually, her ankles were put into the stocks and the contraption was closed, locking her enormous (and now bare) feet to be exposed to all around her. Though she struggled, with so many men partaking in the process, she was unable to stop any of it, and was no thoroughly immobile.
"The grand inquisitor!" the town trumpeter shouted before blowing his bugle. Out from the mayor's house came a well-dressed man with a white beard. To applause from the villagers he walked down to the foot of the stocks, looking up at the very large Archer Queen.
"Let us get down to business," he told the Queen. "We need to know the location of your city's elixir so that we may end this terrible war as soon as possible. I don't want to hurt you, so I suggest that you give it over now, and minimize the discomfort for all of us."
Instead of acquiescing, the Archer Queen laughed. "Hurt me? You can't! All of your warriors are out in the field fighting because you are losing! These peasants couldn't harm me if they tried, yourself included. You've wasted your gold; I won't be giving up the location of the elixir."
The Grand Inquisitor was visibly angered by the comments because he knew she was right. Stealing the elixir was the city's last-ditch hope to end the war, with their fighting force outnumbered and dwindling. Even restrained as she was, the Queen was so much more powerful than anyone remaining in the town that attempting any form of torture would be futile.
The interrogator continued, "We have other methods--"
"Like what?" the Archer Queen shot back, her voice booming over his. "You are even more helpless than I am, for I know that I will be liberated in only a day or two!"
The whole square heard her and began nodding their heads to each other and conversing. "I will be back," the inquisitor said angrily as he went to discuss with advisers. Huddled together, the town's rulers concluded that they would have to wait for Jaakko to return to begin any sort of enhanced interrogation -- after all, he had managed to somehow subdue the Queen and bring her here. In the meantime, they would have to bide time, doing what they could.
For at least an hour the Inquisitor had been questioning the Queen, but she refused to cooperate whatsoever. The crowd shrunk, but some still lingered. Eventually, the Grand Inquisitor himself decided to take a break, returning to the manor to have lunch. The Archer Queen was left unattended, but completely restrained. At around noon, villager women began sweeping and cleaning the square. Some of them, seeing the Queen in stocks, couldn't resist the urge to speak to her.
"What are you ogling at?" the Queen snapped at the surrounding peasants. "Don't you have dung to wipe from the streets?"
"No need to be so rude," responded one villager woman. "You know, I think you're in a bad mood because you're a bit dirty right now. Looking good always raises my spirits."
"Or maybe it's because I've been sold out to be held captive in an enemy city," the giant Queen said, rolling her eyes.
"Here, let's wipe you down," another villager said, preparing her mop. "It's the least we could do."
"I'd really appreciate that you would not," the Archer Queen ordered, but it was too late. The villagers had grabbed their mops, scrubs, brushes and sponges already.
It was around this time that Jaakko returned to town, complete with his new platoon of knights and the Night Witch. Knowing that he was the only one in town possessing any sort of military might, he had planned on extorting the village for even more of their remaining gold in order to get an answer out of the Queen. What he saw when he returned to the town square amused him. There was the mighty Archer Queen, now being attended only by several cleaning women, who were now raising their cleaning utensils to wash her majesty. Walking up to the situation, he observed things play out.
"What are you doing?" the Queen yelped as she felt a broom trace her belly. "Please, please don't do thiahas!" she demanded, a mop now rubbing her thighs.
"What's wrong?" asked the first villager. "Does our powerful queen here have a weakness?"
"No, I really don't," the Queen responded, "it's just, I'd prefer you not--"
Before she could finish the villager started vigorously scrubbing the Queen's enormous bare beet. She began to howl.
"NO NO NO NOAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP RIGHT NOWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! PLEAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAS! I'M BEGGING YOUAHAHAHAHAHA!" The Queen was in hysterics, but her torment continued. All around the town the people, hearing the Queen's bellowing laughter, wondered what had caused such a commotion. Dashing out of the house, the Grand Inquisitor saw the amazing sight. There she was, the stoic, noncompliant enemy Queen, laughing like crazy as she was mercilessly tickled as part of a cleaning procedure.
"I DEMAND THAT YOU STOP!" she shouted between belly-laughs.
"We're almost done, sweetheart," the villager replied before driving another brush up and down the Queen's arches.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH STOP! I'M TICKAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHLAHAHAHASH! NO MORAHAHAHAHRE! PLEAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAS!"
Eventually the cleaning stopped, but in the villagers' place was Jaakko and the Inquisitor. The Archer Queen knew what would follow.
"I will not tell you!" she barked, remaining defiant.
"Yes, you will," Jaakko responded. Pulling out several feathers from his cloak and handing one to the Inquisitor and one to Herman, they got to work.
"Stop! No! NoahahahAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"
For minutes on end the Queen was tormented by the three of them. Upon hearing laughing throughout the town, more villagers came out to watch. Jaakko's goblins even joined in on the tickling, searching her sides for any coins in her outfit. The Queen couldn't bear the torment, but, shockingly, she still refused to give in.
"I WILL NEVAHAHAHAHAHA TELL YOU WHERE THEAHAHAHAHAHA ELIXIR HAHAHA ISAHAHAHAHAHA!" the Queen managed as her feet were run with feathers and her sides were rapidly tickled.
"This is something else," the Grand Inquisitor said to Jaakko, "but she's still not giving in."
"Don't worry," Jaakko responded. "We have someone else who's almost as ticklish."
On Jaakko's queue, the goblins brought in the Night Witch, now herself bound.
"Let's let the Queen here join her knights in the town jail. We have someone to take her place."
The Archer Queen, panting profusely, was let out of the stocks and escorted to the jail cell by the workers, who still poked and tickled her, forcing out some squirms and shrieks. But as she looked back she saw her former guard, the Night Witch, now occupying the stocks.
"It's in the crypt below the west gate!" she blurted out. "I swear!"
The Archer Queen was petrified, as she knew this was the correct answer.
"Nice try," the Grand Inquisitor replied. "We've already fully scouted out that area twice."
With that, the tickling began. As the Archer Queen looked back, seeing the Night Witch howl with laughter, she could have sworn she saw Jaakko wink. She heard the laughter all night, the Night Witch begging her captors to stop abusing her ticklishness, to no avail. In two day's time, the town was liberated by the Queen's village and her highness returned to her castle, albeit with new guard staff.
"What do you want?" the Queen asked, startled.
"You're going to come with me, my liege," the wizard responded.
"I will not," the Archer Queen replied with a scoff.
"Look honey," the wizard retorted, "don't make me use my new spell."
The Queen laughed. Towering over everyone except the Barbarian King, the notion of a small wizard being able to best her was ridiculous. "There is no spell one puny wizard could use that would defeat the Archer Queen."
"Oh, you'd be surprised," the wizard said. Just as he prepared to use a spell, the door to the keep flung open. A troop of a dozen knights and the castle's resident Night Witch marched into the room.
Leading the group, the Night Witch yelled to the wizard, "Stop right there, wretch! We have you surrounded!"
"Thank you, dear," the Queen said to the Night Witch, "although I was just about to handle him myself."
"Not so fast," muttered the wizard. With that, he shot a freeze spell at all of the knights, immobilizing them where they stood. "Still not going to surrender?" he asked with a smirk.
"You know that won't work on me," the Night Witch blurted out. As she spoke, she drew out her arms to launch a spell back at the wizard. But she was too slow. The wizard had done the same.
Knowing that there were few spells an individual wizard could use that would even impede a Night Witch, the Archer Queen had begun to run back to the balcony to grab her crossbow. Looking back, she saw a sight that astonished her.
The Archer Queen expected the wizard's spell to do minimal damage to the Night Witch, but as his spell hit her she saw something she had never seen before. The Night Witch immediately began to scream, and she dropped her battleaxe. In a moment she realized that the Night Witch was not screaming in pain; she was... laughing?
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" the Night Witch howled as the purple spell spidered around her body. "Who tauAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAught you thiAHAHAHAHAHAHAHs!?" the now-helpless sorceress begged through tears. The magicka made its way to her curvy hips and waste, forcing her to plead for mercy. "No no noahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" she screamed. "Stop it, stop iahAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! PLEAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAS!"
The Queen was immediately alarmed by what was happening, and furious that her most trusted guard had such a childish weakness. Fearing that she was next, she began to frantically search for her crossbow, with the Night Witch crying from the tickling in the background. However, she was unable to find it.
The knights, still immobilized by the very powerful wizard, could only watch as their fearless leader was helplessly tormented by such a ludicrous spell. What a laughable weakness for such a fearsome witch. Taken down for the first time ever by her own ticklishness. It would almost be funny if the situation were not so dire.
Amidst the continued howls of the suffering Night Witch, the wizard began to speak. "You, with your legion of knights, are to assist me in escorting the Queen to my associates. Once we have finished this task, you will be freed. Do we have a deal?"
"Yes, yeahAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAS!" the Night Witch immediately responded, the magicka still tormenting her body all over. "Anything to make this stoaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAP!"
"Very well." The Wizard snapped his fingers and the knights unfroze. The tickling stopped, although the Night Witch still got a few more laughs out. Out from the halls came a gang of two dozen or so goblins. The Archer Queen noticed that one of them was carrying her crossbow.
The Night Witch picked up her battleaxe. "I'm sorry, your majesty," she said to her queen, still panting from the tickling. "But you're going to need to come with us."
In normal circumstances the Archer Queen might have stood and fight, as she still remained bigger than anyone else in the room. But with the powerful new wizard's unprecedented sorcery and the treachery she had just witnessed, she gave up. While raising her arms above her head, she spit on her ticklish guard captain. The goblins pounced on the surrendering queen, and in no time she was tied up and bound.
Sneaking such a large woman out of the castle was no easy task, but with most of the town out fighting the battle it was doable. With a bag over her head, the Queen was taken outside of city limits through nightfall, with the wizard, his gang of goblins and the Night Witch and her men. Loading the Queen onto a cart, they continued to take her away into the night. Eventually she managed to fall asleep.
* * *
The Archer Queen woke to the sound of voices greeting her captors.
"Jaakko!" A voice shouted. "You actually did it. I'm impressed."
"Please," the wizard responded. "Did you ever doubt that I would?"
As the chit chat continued, the goblins began to remove the bag over the Queen's head. After he eyes adjusted to the light she realized where she was. They were on the outskirts of the village of the enemy clan her town was fighting.
"You bastard!" the Queen shouted at the wizard, whose name she now knew was Jaakko. "You've turned me over to my enemies."
"Not for a small fee, if it makes you feel any better," Jaakko said, taking his bag of coinage from the villager who had greeted his envoy. "And with that, I'm off," he continued. "Tell me how it goes when I get back, Herman."
"Yup, see ya this afternoon," the villager replied back. The two waved as Jaakko set out with the Night Witch and her knights. The goblins were let loose to spend their day in the town.
"Now for you to meet the townspeople," the villager Herman told the Queen. She scowled.
Herman, with other villagers, brought the Archer Queen into the city square, townsflok cheering and booing as the cart made its way. Eventually, they arrived at the town square in front of the Lord Mayor's residence, with much of the village out to see this event. The Queen groaned when she saw what was waiting for her. There, in the middle of the plaza, was a massive set of stocks, designed specifically for her.
"What do you want from me?" the Queen asked, unamused.
"I think you know very well," Herman responded.
Several workers proceeded to open the large set of stocks, and prepare the seat for the Queen. Then, they worked together to carry her from the cart into the seating. Her wrists were tied to the large wooden backboard, making her aim her arms up. Eventually, her ankles were put into the stocks and the contraption was closed, locking her enormous (and now bare) feet to be exposed to all around her. Though she struggled, with so many men partaking in the process, she was unable to stop any of it, and was no thoroughly immobile.
"The grand inquisitor!" the town trumpeter shouted before blowing his bugle. Out from the mayor's house came a well-dressed man with a white beard. To applause from the villagers he walked down to the foot of the stocks, looking up at the very large Archer Queen.
"Let us get down to business," he told the Queen. "We need to know the location of your city's elixir so that we may end this terrible war as soon as possible. I don't want to hurt you, so I suggest that you give it over now, and minimize the discomfort for all of us."
Instead of acquiescing, the Archer Queen laughed. "Hurt me? You can't! All of your warriors are out in the field fighting because you are losing! These peasants couldn't harm me if they tried, yourself included. You've wasted your gold; I won't be giving up the location of the elixir."
The Grand Inquisitor was visibly angered by the comments because he knew she was right. Stealing the elixir was the city's last-ditch hope to end the war, with their fighting force outnumbered and dwindling. Even restrained as she was, the Queen was so much more powerful than anyone remaining in the town that attempting any form of torture would be futile.
The interrogator continued, "We have other methods--"
"Like what?" the Archer Queen shot back, her voice booming over his. "You are even more helpless than I am, for I know that I will be liberated in only a day or two!"
The whole square heard her and began nodding their heads to each other and conversing. "I will be back," the inquisitor said angrily as he went to discuss with advisers. Huddled together, the town's rulers concluded that they would have to wait for Jaakko to return to begin any sort of enhanced interrogation -- after all, he had managed to somehow subdue the Queen and bring her here. In the meantime, they would have to bide time, doing what they could.
For at least an hour the Inquisitor had been questioning the Queen, but she refused to cooperate whatsoever. The crowd shrunk, but some still lingered. Eventually, the Grand Inquisitor himself decided to take a break, returning to the manor to have lunch. The Archer Queen was left unattended, but completely restrained. At around noon, villager women began sweeping and cleaning the square. Some of them, seeing the Queen in stocks, couldn't resist the urge to speak to her.
"What are you ogling at?" the Queen snapped at the surrounding peasants. "Don't you have dung to wipe from the streets?"
"No need to be so rude," responded one villager woman. "You know, I think you're in a bad mood because you're a bit dirty right now. Looking good always raises my spirits."
"Or maybe it's because I've been sold out to be held captive in an enemy city," the giant Queen said, rolling her eyes.
"Here, let's wipe you down," another villager said, preparing her mop. "It's the least we could do."
"I'd really appreciate that you would not," the Archer Queen ordered, but it was too late. The villagers had grabbed their mops, scrubs, brushes and sponges already.
It was around this time that Jaakko returned to town, complete with his new platoon of knights and the Night Witch. Knowing that he was the only one in town possessing any sort of military might, he had planned on extorting the village for even more of their remaining gold in order to get an answer out of the Queen. What he saw when he returned to the town square amused him. There was the mighty Archer Queen, now being attended only by several cleaning women, who were now raising their cleaning utensils to wash her majesty. Walking up to the situation, he observed things play out.
"What are you doing?" the Queen yelped as she felt a broom trace her belly. "Please, please don't do thiahas!" she demanded, a mop now rubbing her thighs.
"What's wrong?" asked the first villager. "Does our powerful queen here have a weakness?"
"No, I really don't," the Queen responded, "it's just, I'd prefer you not--"
Before she could finish the villager started vigorously scrubbing the Queen's enormous bare beet. She began to howl.
"NO NO NO NOAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP RIGHT NOWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! PLEAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAS! I'M BEGGING YOUAHAHAHAHAHA!" The Queen was in hysterics, but her torment continued. All around the town the people, hearing the Queen's bellowing laughter, wondered what had caused such a commotion. Dashing out of the house, the Grand Inquisitor saw the amazing sight. There she was, the stoic, noncompliant enemy Queen, laughing like crazy as she was mercilessly tickled as part of a cleaning procedure.
"I DEMAND THAT YOU STOP!" she shouted between belly-laughs.
"We're almost done, sweetheart," the villager replied before driving another brush up and down the Queen's arches.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH STOP! I'M TICKAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHLAHAHAHASH! NO MORAHAHAHAHRE! PLEAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAS!"
Eventually the cleaning stopped, but in the villagers' place was Jaakko and the Inquisitor. The Archer Queen knew what would follow.
"I will not tell you!" she barked, remaining defiant.
"Yes, you will," Jaakko responded. Pulling out several feathers from his cloak and handing one to the Inquisitor and one to Herman, they got to work.
"Stop! No! NoahahahAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"
For minutes on end the Queen was tormented by the three of them. Upon hearing laughing throughout the town, more villagers came out to watch. Jaakko's goblins even joined in on the tickling, searching her sides for any coins in her outfit. The Queen couldn't bear the torment, but, shockingly, she still refused to give in.
"I WILL NEVAHAHAHAHAHA TELL YOU WHERE THEAHAHAHAHAHA ELIXIR HAHAHA ISAHAHAHAHAHA!" the Queen managed as her feet were run with feathers and her sides were rapidly tickled.
"This is something else," the Grand Inquisitor said to Jaakko, "but she's still not giving in."
"Don't worry," Jaakko responded. "We have someone else who's almost as ticklish."
On Jaakko's queue, the goblins brought in the Night Witch, now herself bound.
"Let's let the Queen here join her knights in the town jail. We have someone to take her place."
The Archer Queen, panting profusely, was let out of the stocks and escorted to the jail cell by the workers, who still poked and tickled her, forcing out some squirms and shrieks. But as she looked back she saw her former guard, the Night Witch, now occupying the stocks.
"It's in the crypt below the west gate!" she blurted out. "I swear!"
The Archer Queen was petrified, as she knew this was the correct answer.
"Nice try," the Grand Inquisitor replied. "We've already fully scouted out that area twice."
With that, the tickling began. As the Archer Queen looked back, seeing the Night Witch howl with laughter, she could have sworn she saw Jaakko wink. She heard the laughter all night, the Night Witch begging her captors to stop abusing her ticklishness, to no avail. In two day's time, the town was liberated by the Queen's village and her highness returned to her castle, albeit with new guard staff.
