The Crush (m/f)

Poor Ben.

Ben was a good guy. Everybody's friend. If you needed help moving, you called Ben. If you needed someone to take care of your dog while you were away, or run your errands while you were sick, you called Ben. He was soft-spoken, not a wisecracker, didn't get on a soapbox, never said anything particularly brilliant or quote-worthy, just a gentle, affable soul. In a word, super-nice. He'd gotten out of the military a couple of years ago, had done his time overseas where he was regarded as good-natured and dependable as he was now, back home, working at his father's hardware store. Spent a lot of time gaming, watching sports, watching movies, working on his car. His mom was always asking him if he wanted to go back to school; he didn't know what he wanted to do.

His Achilles' heel was Valerie, who lived down the street. She was a year younger and he'd always had a little thing for her. Since he'd come back, it had grown into a big thing. Val could do no wrong. She was a ravishing redhead, smiley, zesty, sassy. She was currently going to community college, and working part time cutting hair. She was planning on eventually getting into fashion, moving away from here; Ben thought she could do anything she put her mind to and told her so, all the time. He hated the idea of her leaving, but he tried not to think about it. Anyway, that was all in the distant future. Who knows what could happen? Why, the two of them could fall in love, get married and......

It's not like he didn't know it, but basically Valerie had Ben wrapped around her finger. "I'll pay you back Friday, I swear" was a common phrase he'd hear from her. "Ben, there's something wrong with my car." was another. ("Ben, can you come pick me up?" usually followed that one.) Picking up heavy things or fixing broken items was par for the course. So was lending a sympathetic ear and a shoulder to cry on during the never-ending soap-opera of Val's love life, work life, home life, and social circle. "Thanks Ben, I can always talk to you." was still yet another phrase not unfamiliar to him.

Ben did whatever she asked, whenever she asked. Just being in her company, just the smell of her hair when the wind blew through it, the sound of her laughter, intoxicating.....it practically got him high. He'd always be there for her, and one day, she'd see. She'd see he'd been there all along. He'd settle her down. He slapped his own face sometimes when he caught himself thinking this way. He couldn't help it, though. More and more these days, he just found himself daydreaming of his Val.

Valerie was oblivious to all this. Or actually, tee-hee, she wasn't. Oh well. Val was wise to guys and all their ways, knew her own power and was happy to play the game to her advantage whenever she had the chance. She always had "back up plans", guys she kept around in case she needed them. Ben was the king of the back-up plans. In fact, he was the back-up plan to the back-up plans! Awwww, she felt guilty even thinking such a thing. Sweet Ben. Always there, always can depend on him. She couldn't feel too bad though because ultimately Ben was happy, getting to spend time with her, while she got to do the things she had to do, go to the places she had to go, get the help she needed when she needed it....no harm done! Ultimately in relationships you either burned or you got burned; everyone uses everybody in the end, right? So really, if she really thought about it, Ben or no Ben, what was the difference anyway?

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So what happened was.......

One night the two of them sat in his car, outside her mom's house. They had been at the vet all day because Valerie had found a mouse caught in a glue trap her mother had put down, but seeing it tremble and squeak broke her heart, and she wanted Ben to take her to the vet so that they could rescue the rodent from certain death. Ben had left work, tried to free the little guy himself, then rushed to the animal hospital. They were assured the veterinarian on duty would do everything they could do to alleviate the suffering of the animal and were even confident they could get it off the trap and back into the wild.

For whatever reason, Valerie didn't buy any of this and railed in the car about it. Ben spent an hour or so reassuring her that what they should do is just leave it to the trained professionals. Surely they knew what they were doing.

After he succeeded in assuaging her concerns, he then listened to Valerie recount a long and complicated plot of a show she'd been binge-watching. He couldn't follow any of it, but just as he thought he was getting a handle on the story she switched subjects and was now pouring her heart out over this guy who said he'd call but didn't, even though she wasn't sure if she really liked him, but he was really cute and she wasn't even sure if she had given him the right number and.........

Ben was exhausted, but as soon as he heard the words "so Ben...what do you think?" he knew he was "on" and gave it his best shot.

"Well....I don't know Val. You know, you are, like.....so amazing. And....everyone loves you. My mom always asks about you. She asks 'how is Val', stuff like that. And it just seems to me that, like....you don't need to settle for some jerk, you know? Some jerk that doesn't call you. Like.....who needs him? You know?"

Val looked at him for a moment, frozen, almost perplexed, seemingly processing this profound and sagely advice.

"Aww, Ben....such a sweet guy. That's really nice." she finally said, looking in her purse for her phone.

"No, really, I mean it."

"Such a widdle sweetie" she said, pinching his cheek. "Thank you, Ben."

He turned to her, his eyes burning with sincerity, need and yearning.

"You know I really care about you, Valerie. You know I care and....I just....hate to see you upset like this."

"Aww Ben, you're so awesome, I can always depend on you, Ben.... Ben?...... Ben, what are you doing?!!!! "

She pulled back grimacing as Ben leaned in for a smooch, his eyes shut, his lips puckered out as far as he could push them. But when he fluttered opened his eyes and saw her utter revulsion, he retreated, leaning back in his seat, his eyes darting out the window, his hand rubbing the back of his own neck, trying to figure things out. He looked back at her; she had her hand defensively resting on her chest, as if to say "well I never!" He grinned bitter-sweetly.

"Well....I guess I have to go slay some more dragons......"

Valerie put her hand on his arm.

"Oh no no no, Ben, it's not that, I'm flattered, really.... it's just..........I think of you as a friend, you know? I would never want to mess that up."

"I understand. Of course."

"It wouldn't be right. I know I can trust you, it's too special what we have, you know what I mean?"

"Me too. It wouldn't be worth it, messing up what we have. I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking...."

"It's ok...."

"...I must have been out of my mind..."

"It's ok, Ben."

"....I'll never try to do that again."

"Hey!" She took her hand, grabbed him by the chin, and turned his face to hers. "It's ok, silly!"

He mustered up a weak smile. She mouthed "it's ok" to him one more time and let the moment settle. In her head, she counted to five, then broke the silence.

"Hey! I just remembered something! Now, promise you won't be mad....but could I ask a little itty bitty favor?"

Ben was game.

"Sure, anything. Absolutely. Especially after what I just did. I'm such an idiot...."

"Oh stop it Ben, that's all over with! Now listen...what I wanted to ask is....could you pick me up a little earlier tomorrow? I need to run a few errands I've been putting off and I don't want to drive my car, you know, because, like....you know.. anyway, that would be amazing if you could do that."

"Um....ok.....sure, I can pick you up at, like, 3:00."

"Well....can you make it 2:00, actually? It would really help me."

2:00 was going to be tough. But he looked up and saw Val's pleading eyes. She needed him, and if he came through, he could hopefully bury this embarrassing incident.

"Uh, sure, yeah, 2:00, I suppose I could make that work. Let's see....I just have to tell my Dad that I have to leave. He's gonna be really pissed about that, especially after today but....I guess if I find somebody to take the rest of my shift then I'll be able t......"

"Thanks, Ben, that would be the best!"

"Yeah, ok, 2:00." Then he clumsily added "Hey....I meant what I said....about you not having to settle for some jerk and all....."

"Awww, you're sweet."

"And no more lovey dovey stuff." He pumped his fist in the air. "Friends for life."

Valerie looked sympathetic and put her hand on his arm. "Awwwww." Then chirped happily as she got out of the car: " I knew you'd understand! I'll see you tomorrow, Ben!"

He watched her walk to her doorstep, giving him a quick wave on the way. The door opened, she went inside and seconds later she was all gone.

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Sure enough, his father gave him holy hell for ducking out of work as second day in a row, but Ben was able to get the night guy to cover for him. He raced through traffic to get to Val in time, even running through a stop sign. He rapped on the screen door at 1:59 sharp.

"Hi Ben! Val's in the other room, she'll be right with you."

Ben nodded politely and thanked "Mrs. Val", as he always called her. Such a nice lady, Ben thought, and a great mom to Valerie. He took a seat on the sofa and twiddled his thumbs. He could hear her on the phone, like a babbling brook in the distance. But he started to pick up on certain words and his ears perked up.

"Your cellphone sucks, you're breaking up.....Who's taking me? Ugh, Ben, Mr. Personality......He is such a piece of wood!......No, no, he's a sweet guy, I know, he's harmless, it's just like....I mean, he's totally in love with me.....last night he tried to kiss me!...I had to tell him hey buddy, lay off!......You know.....like, I'm not that kind of girl!....wait, I can't hear you, you're breaking up again.......How did he react?.....Oh you know him, he's a pussycat, he's all 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry, blah blah blah', with that hangdog look, you know how guys are....."

Whomever she was talking to must have said something particularly witty because Val burst into a cackle. "I know, right?.....Yeah, I know, they're all the same..... I caught him looking at my boobs while we were talking, and I'm, like....dude, I'm up here! Hello?! Talk to the face, not to the boobs! Pfft"

Ben was completely humiliated. Why was she making up stuff like that? He didn't check out her boobs! He would never do that! The room started swimming, Ben felt woozy. He didn't know whether or not to punch the wall, throw up....or burst out crying. Better yet, storm into the other room and demand to know what the hell was going on.

Keep cool he told himself, and slowly he pulled his composure together. His mood turned livid, but controlled. He started licking his lips, and when he heard her say "ok, bye", he casually strode into the room. He felt strangely confident.

"Oh, hi Ben. Right on time, as usual!"

"So...who was that?"

"Oh nobody, just Chad."

Chad. If Ben's blood had been running hot before, it was at full boil now. Chad was his nemesis, the other guy who Valerie was friends with. Chad wore trendy clothes, had his hair dyed pink and was a flamboyant, wisecracking joker who always had Val in stitches over the stupid stuff he said. Unlike Ben, Chad had actually fooled around with Val a couple of times. Before that, Ben had assumed Chad was gay. Chad was always patronizing to Ben and Ben particularly chaffed at the sarcastic way Chad would greet him, with a long, dry "Hiiiii Ben." Ben had never been able to figure out where the bad vibes were coming from, but it was all falling in to place now. Ben put on his poker face.

"Oh, and how is Chad? Good, I hope."

"Yeah, you know Chad....always chipper! Chipper Chad!" Valerie's face got serious. "Listen....you're going to kill me but....I'm not ready to go."

"Oh........ok........but you told me 2:00."

"Yeah I know but....." A fountain of excuses poured out of her mouth; he was so numb to everything he just nodded and said "ok" alot.

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As she prattled on in the car about everything and anything, Ben just let his anger simmer and drove in relative silence, mmm-hmming and yeah-ing every few seconds. He couldn't concentrate on anything she was saying, nor did he want to, so he just let her babble.

"......and that's when Stacy said....."

"mmm-hmm."

But then he looked over. God, she was gorgeous. He didn't want to believe his own ears and tried to reconcile his two conflicting emotions. He ended up doing what he always did: compartmentalizing them. He could either focus on how hurt and outraged he was, dwelling on how he was being treated...or he could look at her and melt, drinking in her sheer prettiness, just as he was doing now, taking in the privilege of being so close to a beauty he never, ever had quite gotten over being around.

"....oh, and then we have to swing by that bar Lulu's, it's my friend's birthday. You don't have to stay if you don't want to."

"No, I'll come in." Now that he knew he wasn't wanted, he was going to make sure to hang around as long as he could. Fuck it.

"It's probably going to be boring, Ben. You won't know anybody."

"That's ok. I always like meeting new people."

Valerie sighed and looked ahead.

"Chad is going to be there." she warned.

"Great! Chad! See? I'm going to know someone there after all!" He turned to her and grinned.

"Fine." she sulked.

Something about seeing her so openly contemptuous of him made him drop the charade.

"Hey....why the long face, Val? You know, I'm the one who had to wait while you got ready, I'm the one who got yelled at by my Dad."

"Oh, don't start, Ben. Really. I'm not in the mood"

"Don't start, she says. Ha! Like I ever start with you. I mean, what are you, embarrassed by me or something?"

"What are you talking about, of course I'm not embarrassed by you!"

"I mean, I know I have the personality of a piece of wood!"

Boom! There, he said it. Valerie's stomach dropped. Ok, so he'd obviously heard her talking to Chad. Now she knew what this all was really about. Her mind raced. What had she said, exactly? She tried to replay the conversation in her head but she had to come up with something fast, so she switched to the old standby: blame-shifting.

"It meant I thought you were strong and dependable, Ben! Like a tree! Like a, like a...piece of wood!"

Ben wanted to believe her, even though he didn't.

"Ok, if you say so. I guess I misunderstood."

"Yes, you did."

"Ok, well....my bad."

"Listen, if you don't want to give me a ride, just forget it."

"No, no, c'mon, I'm driving you already, aren't I? Relax, everything's fine."

Val didn't say anything, she just sat there, tight lipped. Ben started to feel bad.

"C'mon, truce, ok? Let's just forget it. So I'm a piece of wood, who cares."

"I didn't mean anything by it."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, let's just drop the whole thing."

They drove the rest of the way in silence and Valerie was surprised when they got there and Ben shut off the car and got out of it with her.

"You're still coming in?"

Ben thought that had all been settled. "I told you I was. C'mon."

Val sighed and gave a curt "Fine." But it didn't stop her from grabbing his arm when they walked in. This was what she usually did when she made an entrance, he didn't know why. He always felt proud, for those first few minutes when everyone would take him for her boyfriend.

She spied her friends at the bar, grabbed Ben's hand and ran up to them.

"Hiiiiii!" she squealed and gave hugs.

"And who's this?" one of her girlfriends asked.

"This is Beeeeen. Ben is my big teddy bear, aren't you Ben?"

Everybody hi-Ben'ded him. But Ben cocked his head and tried to figure out what was going on. Something was off the way she was talking.

"Ben would do aaaaaanything for me. Anything! Wouldn't you Ben? Ben loves me. Tell them how much you love me, Ben!"

Ben just grinned at her, swaying. Now he knew. She was making fun of him, in front of her friends.

"Well, why don't you say something, Ben? Ben is shy, don't mind him. He's sweet, though. He's a sweetie pie. You gotta have sweetie pies in the world, right Ben?"

Ben just looked down at her, as her friends laughed. Valerie leaned back against him, and reached behind, wrapping her hands around his neck.

"Ben is always protecting me. He wants to be my boyfriend!"

Ben couldn't believe two things: first, he couldn't believe that she was hanging all over him; she had never done that before. Secondly, he couldn't believe she was dissing him like this, in front of all her friends, after all he had done for her, after all he had done for her just this week! Just this night!

Feeling her against him, and looking down her long body, stretched out and vulnerable, he suddenly got the notion out of nowhere: free shot. Fuck it, he thought. Tickle her. She deserves it. Tickle her, Ben.

So he did. He took his big man hands, put it around her slim, tight waist....and squeezed.

Valerie shrieked and crumpled forward, giggling, putting her hands over his.

"Ben, that tickles! Stooooop!" she laughed and looked at her friends. "He's tickling me" she informed them, as if they hadn't gotten the picture and then eeked a "Ben!" that broke into hyper-urgent laughter.

Ben just let his fingers do the talking. He'd seen other guys tickle her before, guys she was flirting with, guys she had dated. Now it was his turn.

"Get off me, you pervert!" she screamed, laughing, trying to slap his hands off of her.

Ben wasn't going to respond. She was getting the silent treatment. She was getting the silent treatment while he doled out the tickle treatment.

"Help!" she suddenly shrieked as he stepped it up, breaking her down and unleashing a flood of giggling. Everyone just held their beer and smiled, as if they were looking at a puppy.

"I'm being tickled!" she suddenly screamed, as if it were cause to call the police. Instead, this made the bar laugh more and the crowd started rooting him on.

"Go Ben!"

Seeing the crowd was on his side, Val began to panic. He wasn't going to stop, was he? She kept trying to joke around and make wisecracks, but every sentence would be interrupted by him hitting a good spot, and her face, breaking up into forced joy, showed he had hit something serious.

"I can't believe I'm being tickled by my ride!" she squealed. That stung, so Ben opened his palms and moved them forward around her belly, arched his hands, and started spidering all over her stomach. She buckled forward but he leaned over her and she was trapped, enveloped by his big arms. She tried everything, putting her hands over his hands that were locked around her midsection like a chastity belt; she wrapped her hands around his wrists and forearms, trying to pry them away. No luck. Ben might have been a pussycat inside, but physically, he was all man.

As he continued tickle-torturing Val, he overheard a quick exchange between two of her on-looking girlfriends

"Oh I can't take it when that gets done to me." one said to the other.

"Neither can I" her friend answered. Ben caught a glimpse of them. Pretty and with pity in their eyes, they tried to encourage their friend in her time of need.

"Hang in there, Val! Be strong!" The two friends looked around, nervously, as if afraid someone might tickle them if they got out of line.

Ben was oblivious to that, however; he was relishing every touch, how she felt, how she looked, how she sounded. He couldn't see it, but her face was one of radiant joy and happiness, her eyes squeezed shut. The more deliberate his touch, the bigger her tickle-smile grew, and he flashed on all the shit she put him through. Time to break the silent treatment.

"So....you only call me to get you out of jams, right?"

Deep in giggles, she was unrepentant. "Oh, you loved it!"

He dug his fingers in more.

"Oh yeah, I loved getting yelled at by my dad." He flurried his fingers furiously and made her laugh.

"If you don't stop tickling me, I'm not going to be your friend anymore, Ben!' she brayed.

"Promise?" he laughed, and made it tickle even more.

Both Ben and Val felt very "on". Everybody in the bar could see what was happening to her. Even the bartender was pointing and laughing. As he ran his fingers all over Val's ticklish middle, Ben happened to catch a glimpse of Chad, who wore a look of mea culpa. Ben relished it; he wanted to remember that resigned and disappointed facial expression on that silly asshole's mug for the rest of his life, and he made sure to meet Chad's eyes and grin devilishly as he dug into Valerie's ticklish bod even more and forced new eruptions of giggles from her, the two beaus-in waiting locking eyes as if to acknowledge their mutual unspoken lust for her. I bet Chad would love to be doing this to her right now, Ben thought. But I am.

As if reading Ben's mind, Chad tipped his bottle towards him and nodded, almost as a salute, a gesture that, in Ben's eyes, made Chad almost complicit in her getting tickle tortured, as if to say "yes, Ben, very good....that is exactly what you should be doing to her right now....Do it for me. Make it tickle really bad." Ben nodded back with a sly grin on his face, as if he were reading Chad's mind. I will, he thought.

Val in the meantime was desperately trying to peel his hands off of her, but to no avail. She knew this is what she got for messing with him; the way she had always looked at it was that sooner or later in a gal's life, she's going to get tickled. It's just inevitable, something she has to learn to get through. She also knew that sometimes the girl brings it on herself.

And Val knew this was one of those times.

Valerie was no stranger to getting tickled and as she went limp because she had no more fight left in her, memories of this familiar predicament started flashing through her mind. The one guy she'd been seeing a few months ago. He liked to tickle. And her ex-boyfriend from a couple of years ago, he got her in bed a few times that had her hysterical. Then there was the guy that she could never go barefoot around, she'd almost forgot about him. He'd even tried to suckle her toes once, but she was way too ticklish and had ended up kicking him in the jaw. And those were just the ones that immediately sprang into her mind; there had been others.

But Ben was currently giving them all a run for their money, giving her a tickling she already knew she would never forget. Strangely, she reveled in the fact that her ticklishness was on full display, to an audience, revealing something only a few guys and maybe a couple of girlfriends knew about. She loved the attention. As she continued to deal with the onslaught of fingers grazing her belly, she started to get the impression that he was getting off on tickling her. Poor Ben, she thought. Let him have his fun. She had it coming for all she'd been putting him through. She wished she could like him but.....eeeew! Letting him touch her all over like this, with his big grubby paws, making her laugh.....what the hell, she thought. Let him see how her boyfriends got to handle her.

Ben knew he was going to have to stop soon....but he didn't want to. He just shut his eyes and held his head close to her back, and just tickled and tickled her with all his might, really letting himself feel everything, letting himself savor every warm micro-inch of hyper-sensitive, ticklish flesh that his flurrying fingertips grazed, savoring every quiver and shriek and the feel of her laugh in his hands, and the sound of her laugh in his ears, the vision of exploding beauty, ticklish beauty, the ticklish beauty and sizzling hotness of his crush, the very essence of her, exploding out of her pretty mouth from his mere touch.....he was never going to have this chance again. He knew what she thought of him now; it made him want to tickle her even worse.

And so he did. He spun her around, got her against the wall, and dug into her sides ferociously for one last licks. And as he did, he got real close to her ear and growled in a low voice: "I liked you. Why did you have to treat me so mean?"

Ben thought he saw her mouth "I'm sorry" in silent laughter. She started to slide down the wall, and managed to twist herself around; his hands never left her torso. Valerie put her hands against the wall, and tried to push backwards to get him off her. That left her exposed and vulnerable and Ben wasted no time. That's it, he thought to himself. Now she's going to get it.

Ben took his ten fingers and spidered them up, right into her exposed armpits and Val lost it. Her arms clamped down, trapping his tickling fingers which only made it worse for her. Her laughter became so high pitched, it was practically just a squeak. His fingers dragged themselves all around her pits, completely free to do as they wanted. Ben himself probably hadn't known how good he would be at this until this moment. There's a good job for me, Ben thought to himself. Tickling Valerie. Sure, he could run her errands and get her out of jams. But he could dole out the punishment too. For everyone. Keep a running list. Check in with her mother. "Has Val been good today?"

He spun her around again and just started poking and grabbing and pinching and tickling wherever he could get her. Val put her hands up in defense, and he let his eyes take in the flickering fountain of prettiness that was before him, Valerie, going through her little show of giggles, wriggles and twists, her facial reactions directly related to his fingertips, as if she were his little tickle puppet. Do what I want, Val, he thought to himself. Move this way or that way or I'll touch you here or I'll touch you here...........

How long had it been? Ten seconds? One minute? Ten? Whatever it was, he decided she'd had enough. Winding it up with one last grab around the waist, he showed mercy. The entire bar burst into applause. Ben helped her to her feet.

"You....you're good at that." she said, catching her breath.

"Yeah." he mumbled, awkwardly.

"You got me, you got me...." Then she turned to her audience and informed them: "He got me! He definitely got me!"

He held her arm up like a champ; some joker leaned in and poked her armpit, and she twisted away, giggling. Ben shot the culprit a dirty look. Even now, he felt protective of her.

Surprisingly, newly free, she didn't run away but lingered next to him as he took his congratulations, everyone patting him on the back, a couple of more deigning to take a few quick free pokes, trying to get something going, making her flinch and hold up her hand in warning and defense. Was she just basking in the reflected attention he was getting? Showing she was a good sport? At one point she actually ruffled his hair and kissed him on the cheek. Thoughts came flooding into his mind, fast and furious. Did she like him now? Was being manhandled by him just to thing to get him out of the friend zone? The more he thought about it, the more convinced he was that tonight...just might be the night! If he could just get her at the right moment, he'd try and kiss her, and he bet she'd kiss him back.

As the hubbub died down, someone bought him a beer and he took a seat at the bar. He looked around and... she was all gone. He took a swig from his bottle, looked over at the far end of the bar..... and there was Valerie, fully recovered, back to her old self, chattering away to some tall dude who'd bought her a drink after he'd seen Ben tickle her, helping her get over it. Ben's heart deflated like an old balloon and for a moment, he sat there, feeling like a loser, crestfallen.

But Ben could still feel her luscious body in his fingers. He could still hear her sweet laughter reverberating in his ears. He caught her eye while she was in mid-sentence, and Valerie smiled kindly at him, still talking to her new friend. She had moved on with her night. Ben thought about her, an hour or so from now, how she'd be making out with the tall guy. Going home with the tall guy. Getting tickled by the tall guy in his bed. He took a long, bitter swig of beer and then chuckled. He had her first. In his hands. And he got her good, by god, he really got her good. A big grin came over his face as he looked back over at her, pretty and beautiful, innocent and guilty, forever his Achilles' heel, forever his crush. And he thought to himself: I made her squirm, I made her laugh, I tickled her, I tickled my crush till she was hysterical and begged me to stop...... I'm the man!

the end