Something Amusing?

Someone emailed this to me tonight...take it with the 'ol proverbial grain of salt......



If I were President George W. Bush's Speech Writer.
By Mitchell R. Robb

Good evening my fellow Americans.
First, I want to pass on my condolences to the
people of New York and all Americans that are hurting
in this tragic time. You can rest assured that
anything and everything that can be done to assure the
safety of our country will be done. This is the
greatest country in the world and we will get through
this trying time. Now is the time for all people to
set aside our petty differences and show the world
that no one or nothing can destroy the fortitude of
the American people.

To the people responsible for today's tragedy, I say
this:
Are you fucking kidding me? Are the turbans on your
heads wrapped too tight? Have you gone too long
without a bath? Do you not know who you are fucking
with? Americans are so hungry to kill, that we shoot
at each other every day. We will relish that
opportunity for new targets for our aggression.

Have you forgotten history? What happened to the last
people that started fucking around with us? Remember
the little yellow bastards over in Japan?
We slapped them all over the Pacific and roasted about
2 million of them in their own back yard. That's what
we in America call a big ass barbecue.

Ever seen Texas on a map? Ever wonder why it's so big?
Because we wanted it that way, Mexico started jacking
around with the Alamo and now they cut our lawns.
England? We sent them packing.

Ask your buddy Saddam about fucking with the good 'ole
USA. The only reason he got away the first time is
because it's too hard to shoot someone when you're
doubled over laughing at them. Our soldiers aren't
trained to laugh and shoot at the same time. Now he
couldn't stop a pack of cub scouts from taking over
his shitty little country.

Trust us, Afghanistan will end up a giant kitty litter
box. Go ahead and try to hide, Bin Laden. There's not
a hole deep enough or a mountain high enough that's
going to keep your camel riding asses safe. We will
bomb every inch of the country that harbors him, his
camps and any place that looks and even smells like
he was there. Hell, we might even drop a few bombs on
people that have pissed us off in the past. This is
America. We kick ass. This is what we do. Go ahead and
laugh now, but theTomahawks are coming and we will
smoke your sorry asses.

God bless America!

It is difficult to respond to this post, but I want very much to do so.

It is difficult because I, like so many, have been affected in my gut by the events of 11 September. "Shock" and "horror" are words that begin to lose their force of meaning when used so often, as they have been during the past week and a half, but still there are no other words to describe what so many are feeling.

This is not to say that shock and horror are the only things I feel. I feel anger, outrage, and a bloodthirsty desire for retaliation, vengeance, and maybe even some cruelty. I am suffering, and would like to see someone suffer in return.

Because I am an animal, it is altogether fitting and proper that I should do so.

But in a larger sense, I cannot take shelter in claiming the right to act on my animal instincts; to do so is equivalent to pleading insanity in a murder trial. In a larger sense, I am more than an animal; I possess the ability to do what most animals, it seems, cannot: check my instinctive impulses with reason.

And it is my reasoning mind that chooses to respond to this post. My bloodlust cheers it, but it is not with my loins that I generate my words.

This post is laced with AD HOMINEM arguments; that is to say, personal insults directed at the Arab stereotype. To mention turbans and camels in such an insulting way is wholly unfair to the vast majority of Arabs who DID NOT commit the acts of 11 September. It serves only to vent the spleen of the speaker. As do all the vain boasts of American military might, the proud references to atomic weaponry, the sickening metaphor of Japan as a "big ass barbecue." There is overwhelming documentation of the 1841 war with Mexico that indicates it was a premeditated theft of land by American interests, as unjustifiable as any so-called terrorist act.

The point is, that in battles between states "the strong do what they can, while the weak suffer what they must." (Thucydides, History of the Peloponnesian War) But if "might makes right," then we must agree that the attack of 11 September, as an act of might, must therefore have been justifiable. Which, obviously, no one here thinks it was. So we cannot respond by saying "we're stronger than you." We can show that strength militarily, as in my opinion we now must, but we must do so in defense of ideals -- not, as I admit I would desire, in search of vengeance.

One final note: we may turn to God for strength, as a solace in time of need. Or we may continue our walk with God, if it has already been our practice to do so. But to hurl invective at our enemies, and then attempt to sanctify our anger by slapping "God Bless America" at the end of our speech, is to recreate, precisely, the emotion that drives our enemies in this matter. They kill in the name of God. Will we?

Having just submitted my reply, I re-read the original post and noticed the remark at the beginning about taking it with a grain of salt.

Mmmm....no. You cannot say such things, and then try to soften their effect by saying "but don't take me so seriously." To put it another way, one grain of salt would not be enough. Neither would all the salt in... all the salt in... well, heck, where is it that they've got a lot of salt? Not for all the salt in Utah. Don't they have a lot of salt there? (That's the best I can do for now.)

I Can't seem to get this across.

You guys, your so arogant. Do you recall in the 70's when the Russians tried to go into the country we're going to attack (Like Mr Bush you seemd to forget Canada is in this aswell). Thay had their collective Commie Ass's handed to them, as did the once world dominaiting Brittish Empire when it attempted to conquore them. To think this is going to be an easy win is foolish. We will win but it will cost many lives to do so.

.......yeah....prejudice is wrong, but sometimes, it's understandable.......

I must say, that post made me laugh more than I have in awhile. Sometimes, the only way to bounce back from a tradgety is with a little prejudice toward who comitted it.........I guess that's just how I've coped with this thing to begin with. It's natural that I feel this way, and I'm not gonna fight it. I'll cool off eventually, but for now, I think I'll stay with the attitude that I've been keeping all along.....

And that attitude is that, not all arabs are evil towlheads.....just the terrorists, and whoever harbors them. I'm prejudice toward them, not the entire arab group.......the terrorists have earned my hate....that's basically all there is to it.....

Well, I'd better stop rambling.....I'll leave you all to your thoughts now......later.......

Hey!

Glen..I think you're taking it a bit too seriously...it's meant to be satirical and not insulting. As labeled, it is supposed to represent that inner dialogue we have but don't express. The comments are of course ridiculous and that's the point! If you also read the one I "paired" this with, I think you'll see what it's all about...if not, I'll lean on my unblemished record of trying to make sure that we don't take ourselves too seriously and leave it at that. Q