I can totally relate to where you're coming from, dizzy. I can not tell you how many times when I was a teenager in high school I sat by watching my thinner skinnier friends being tickled senseless by our male friends...despite the fact I did everything in my power to instigate such attacks, and my friends always complained about the attention. I couldn't win, and the damage done to my self-esteem was unbelievable.
Things changed a bit when I got older, but only because I finally realized my interest in tickling, and I came out of the closet about it with my friends. After that, my male friends took on the attitude it was "cute" that tickling had such an effect on me, and they took pleasure in getting me all flustered in that manner.
When I was invited to my first gathering, I tried to decline at first. I gave a bunch of excuses, but the truth was finally wretched from me....I was afraid to go because of my weight. I was afraid that all the guys at the gathering would flock to the skinny girls, and I once again would be sitting on the sidelines watching the action, yearning to participate. I was assured that would not happen, and was finally convinced to attend. Boy, am I glad I did. Tall, short, skinny, big...none of that mattered. If you were a girl, ticklish, and willing to play, all the men lavished you in attention. It was a truly awesome experience to be in an enviroment where all of us women were equal. Gotta love the incredible fella's here in the TK community.
Now my life is a fairy tale. I am engaged to a fellow ticklephile (Lazarus) who also happens to be a die-hard fan of larger ladies. I couldn't be happier.
Chin up, little trooper. Things DO get better. It just takes men a little longer to learn to look at the girl inside the skin.
Mimi