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can you ever shake the feeling of darkness about this passion?

JPie1

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after all this time of play and coming out with my husband I still have an incredible feeling of wrong doing in being part of this tickling passion and of this community. For all the wonderful put together people I have met I still feel like this is a deep dark secret. My husband knows and my best friend knows but that is it. I still feel like the good mother that shouldn't be fullfilling my passions this way, that somehow I am doing something wrong. I love it and so much of me has come out but why does doing something that feels good to you have to feel ackward and wrong? Just one of my good girls don't do this moments!
 
The Cycle........

We all struggle with aspects of this fascination at times. Don't beat yourself up about it is about all I've learned in 5 decades. We're wired this way because we are....end of story and all the straining I've ever done "against" it has only brought me exhaustion and a very temporary illusion of normalcy. Finally decided that we can be yet another Chosen people and to feel sorry for the vanilla world that can't imagine the excitement we generate while engaged in our passion....what they have seems to be a pale imitation or weak shadow of the intensity we can experience...*shrug*...feel lucky is my advice!

Q
 
JPie -

this is why i medicate heavily. and actually exactly why i haven't yet brought myself to attend NEST. its more innocent and personal one on one for me. but when the whole gang gets together in public and shines the light on this passion - it creeps me out.

sort of like i generally support the death penalty in principle, but get very disturbed at state sponsored murder.

oh, look at the time. that yellow pill is calling.
 
JPie1 said:

can you ever shake the feeling of darkness about this passion?

Never had a dark feeling. I have always enjoyed it and accepted it for what it is and who I am. It is actually quite nice to be able to display publically this side whereas many other passions HAVE to be hidden from view.

I feel very lucky to be "wired this way " :D

Ray
 
A jewish girl, feeling guilt? Imagine that!

What Ray said! Ain't no darkness in anything related to this that I do! Nothing that brings this much joy should make a healthy person feel badly for partaking in it. You clearly just need a thorough tickling, is all! :p
 
I think we all have big dark secerts. Every one of us. I'm not saying this is a "problem" (to have a passion for tickling) but some might at least call it a burdern. It's defintely a burdern to me in my opinion b/c it's something I have probably spent countless hours online trying to satisfy my appeal to it from the lack of it I have in my real life. Many times I have said to myself, I am just going to break my membership to every club and forum, erase all these links from my favorites and never come on again. But everytime I try that it never lasts... It's just a part of me that's never going to go away so I have just learned to accept it.
The thing is there are so many worse passions then tickling and you should just be thankful you don't have one of those. Just have fun with it like other people said. Don't spend so much time on it where it's starting to effect your life with your husband and your family, but I think you owe yourself to enjoy it on some of your free time. Everything in moderation! Just try to let things just take it's course! Good luck!
-Chris
 
I’m a good girl who does.

but I’m also a good girl who’s a whole person. denying yourself the things that truly make you happy makes for a pretty unhappy good girl (did it and was). I say forget being a good girl and make being a good (happy!) person the goal. it’s more realistic. :twohugs:

besides... Ray says we're Evil! ;)
 
BARON

the_Baron said:
JPie -

this is why i medicate heavily. and actually exactly why i haven't yet brought myself to attend NEST. its more innocent and personal one on one for me. but when the whole gang gets together in public and shines the light on this passion - it creeps me out.

sort of like i generally support the death penalty in principle, but get very disturbed at state sponsored murder.

oh, look at the time. that yellow pill is calling.

SICK SICK SICK :p
 
I feel the same way...and especially because DH knows what I like but it's not something he enjoys on any level. He participates to make me happy, but knowing that he's doing it for me but only for me doesn't make me enjoy it more, because I know he's not having as much fun as I am.

So go figure. Italians are also really good at piling on the guilt! Couple that with being a "good Catholic girl" and it's time to battle Baron for some of those yellow pills (granted, it'll have to be a ticklefight...)

I've been closeted all my life and have a really intense passion for this little interest of ours. I've had it since I was a tiny ticklish tot. And I feel uncomfortable about it every day and have been from the time I snuck encyclopedias out of the library as a kid to my clandestine forays into TMF today. I guess in the end, when we're not ready to "let it all hang out" for reasons of varying complexity, we just live with it and find tremendous pleasure from this community -- from participating in forums to living vicariously through the adventures of those braver than we! All I know is that this amazing community, from the early days of asff/asft to TMF, has for the last decade showed that I'm not alone, a freak, an unnatural woman, or anything but a happy person who just happens to get off on a little extra, physically-induced happiness ;)

Does it make the darkness go away? Somewhat but it'll never disappear. But that's ok. As others have said, there are far more intense passions that can exact a heavy price on personal peace and health physical and mental. To me, we have a great community, the opportunity (should we choose) to interact with that community on whatever level makes us feel comfortable, and most importantly, we live in an age of 200 gigabyte hard drives <grin>. With these degrees of expression and interaction available to us, we may at times be in darkness, but we're never alone.

Peace,
Stacy
 
I'm half Italian, and 100% Catholic, amd have never felt bad because I like tickling, and being tickled. Besides that, I'm afraid of the dark!
 
i know exactly how you feel- im only 19 and ive gone through "the purge" at least twice! I feel....ashamed (?) of it, in a way I guess, and have a very hard time opening up about it. I feel that it's wrong, for some odd reason...like this isn't the way we're supposed to be, this isn't normal! But...then i "look around" (as much as i can do here, lol!) and i realize that...yes, this IS ok, and i AM normal- it could be SOOOO much worse! I try not to take that step back and say "ok, what exactly is it that i like so much about this?" and just enjoy it for what it is. It's good that we all have each other, here, for reassurance that it's ok and that we're normal, because at one time or another, we're all going to need others to fall back on. So the moral of the story? Hey, if this is wrong, than I don't wanna be right!!!

~clair ;)
 
i used to get those dark feelings but i agree withflatfoot its apleasure thing like those pleasures everyone indulges themselves infrom time to time..who is it that had that siggy that had that quote that sed, happiness comes in small bits, a thiry second orgasm...a five mintute ciggarette etc....lol
the only difference withtickling is it is pleasure wit no bad consequenses.all you are doing by indulging yourself in what you love is keeping yourself happy...an lets face it if you arent happy then there really isnt much point!
do not feel guilty about tickling yur a great person and tickling is a totally harmless interest......think about what does it for other peopel ....iv jus wrote a 1700 word thesis on fetishes and porn and there are some sick one s out there! stress is thebiggest killer, you deserve to be happy, so do it and dnt worry about it..its liek saying nicd girls dotn have sex for pleasure.....of course they do but its still an ideology for soem people that they dont...as long as yur indulgence isnt taking over your life then you are fine......quit worrying and enjoy it....i too feel lucky to have been bl;essed with this prefernece! hope your ok!! jen:)
 
stacy -

did you say tickle fight for pills?

add a buffet and we've got heaven on earth.

this is sick brad wishing you all a pleasant day.
 
The only time I've ever felt guilty/awkward/whatever about this is when I've allow things to cross my own set of boundaries. It's so easy to get carried away with the moment and not say anything. But, if you set and stick with reasonable boundaries, you can still enjoy play without feeling weird about it later. I think the sense of guilt may come more easily for those of us who are married/have SOs. When we let things go too far, there's someone who we know could be hurt by it. That in itself is incentive to hold to the boundaries and not let it happen. There's nothing wrong with play. We just need to be reasonable about it.

just my 2 cents,
Ann
 
excellent point, Ann! I was thinking more of friends and family with my ‘don’t worry be happy’ response. it’s none of their business anyway. but it IS (of course!) your partner’s business. in that case I would say, talk talk and talk. open honest communication about feelings, expectations and boundaries is so important. in all aspects of the relationship, not just this. that and respect. respect for each other’s feelings and opinions. no one is perfect. we all make mistakes along the way... but I like to think that even the mistakes aren’t so bad if we learn and grow from them.
 
Great topic AND discussion..

My take...

"I've had it since I was a tiny ticklish tot. And I feel uncomfortable about it every day and have been from the time I snuck encyclopedias out of the library as a kid to my clandestine forays into TMF today."

I am totally with you on this one Stacy!!
I also looked up tickling in the dictionary/encyclopida just read the frickin' word!!!

I think we all though at one point or anyother that we were "weird" for LOVING tickling...I mean your buds/girls talk about boobs and butts and vanilla sex and maybe the french kiss but not tickling or spanking or bondage.
And because we are "different" we put guilt to the attachment because we must be guilty of something for loving tickling...

I think what happens here is that folks can get into tickle overload..you go from reading the word tickling in a dictionary, maybe the occational real life experience(or mainstream scene) that you play over and over and over again in your head and then you come here and you get read stories, find out there are THOUSANDS of us, see images, watch tickling clips, order movies all from behind a computer screen and no one needs to know.
I think that is why we see the going away for a while, then they come back after a few months, weeks, days...it is a PART of us but not the whole...moderation is the key, which can be very tough when one has held back all these feelings for so long.

And THEN you happen to go to a gathering...GOD LORD does that change everything!!! Then you really KNOW there are others out there...and they have toys!!!:wow: :D

Because for a good portion of us tickling is linked to our sexuality it can REALLY be tough...as the less tickling we get, the less "sex" we get or sexual stimulation...

I too have done the pull back and forth thing and recently thought about pulling back but simply decided it is a part of me that needs to be moderated but not closed off...its not going away so I might as well enjoy who I am.

All the best!!!

Tickle On,
Tommytikl
 
But the darkness about tickling is one of the things that makes it interesting. Besides, tickling has been a big part of who I am for many years now and now that almost everyone knows, I don't seem to care anymore about whether it's right or wrong. After all, there are far more worse things than tickling. Look at serial killers and kidnappers, thats what gets them all fired up. This is just tickling and if it doesn't hurt anyone, then just go for it.
 
jpie only you can make this needed change

first, no i have never felt that my love of tickling was a "dark" thing. i have always been ok with myself.
is it dark, or wrong, to like the sight of a broad pair of shoulders? or a tight butt? is it wrong to hug, or kiss your husband, or friend?
the same applies to tickling. it's just one of the activities you enjoy. it's part of the total you.

now look in the mirror and tell that great lady looking at you, "you are a good person" repeat that till you learn it, live it, love it!

steve
 
Re: jpie only you can make this needed change

areenactor said:
first, no i have never felt that my love of tickling was a "dark" thing. i have always been ok with myself.
is it dark, or wrong, to like the sight of a broad pair of shoulders? or a tight butt? is it wrong to hug, or kiss your husband, or friend?
the same applies to tickling. it's just one of the activities you enjoy. it's part of the total you.

now look in the mirror and tell that great lady looking at you, "you are a good person" repeat that till you learn it, live it, love it!

steve

Thank you steve, that was really nice.

Thank you all...just at a point of a bit of soul searching these days. Maybe a midlife crisis who knows...Maybe I have gone a bit overboard with this, but something the last couple of years just came out in me with this community. When I go to gatherings like the recent Nest I feel free and a bit sassy, both the ler side of me and the lee side of me comes out to play. I think part of this is that I just came from a very conservative world. But I love being part of this and as Dan said I would just love the Jewish guilt to go away!!

Judy
 
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