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A concern...

Geoffler

Registered User
Joined
May 24, 2004
Messages
8
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0
Hi everyone, this is my first post here, though I have been wandering around the site unregistered for about a month now. Anyway, I have a concern and I guess this is the place to ask about it

I saw a lot of discussion about whether tickling is really a fetish, or a kink, or whatever and a lot of stuff about definition issues. Anyway, I did research of my own and I'm not sure if it's been mentioned, but it seems that (for me, at least) tickling is a paraphilia. Which is defined as

"...a condition in which a person's sexual arousal and gratification depend on fantasizing about and engaging in sexual behavior that is atypical and extreme. A paraphilia can revolve around a particular object (e.g., children, animals, underwear) or around a particular act (e.g.,inflicting pain, exposing oneself)."

this seems to ring true to me. It also says that sexual activities outside of the paraphilia, in this case tickling, lose their arousal or satisfaction potential.


Now, I'm a young guy, only 18 and still a virgin. With this tickling paraphilia of mine, how can I hope to have a normal sex life? I'd just like to hear thoughts of some guys who are in the same boat as me, or have been.
 
True, but there is no partner who is happy in this scenario. It's just me, now single, having kept it a secret from my last girlfriend.
 
your last girlfriend? meaning you broke up? anyway, you just need to find someone who likes to tickle or be tickled or both, dont worry there are plenty of us out there



 
So then, I can't have a healthy sexual relationship with anyone who doesn't share my passion for tickling.

I'm afraid I'm less optimistic at my odds of finding women who share my passion. Basically, I'm wondering how others in my shoes deal/dealt.
 
The only time your relationships arent healthy is if youre being abused, are the abuser, exploiting someone, using someone


as long as your upfront and honest you'll be fine

try posting a personal or pen pal ad here at the forum, Im sure you'll get some responses
 
iagree! as long as yu find someoen yu really like yul have ahealthy sex life..if its important to u to incorpprate ticklin yu need to fidn someone whois willing, or shares ur passion. dnt worry about it so much:)
lol dont i sound like someoen who thinks ticklin is as natural as breathing...
 
This advice may sound a little strange, but it worked for me. Look in a mirror, find a non-aggressive smile, innocent, happy, maybe lift your eyebrows a little. When I found my smile, suddenly I didn't care anymore, not in an apathetic way, but accepting of totality. It should feel uplifting, and your chest should feel a little lighter. This is confidence in it's purest form, self confidence. Now, next time you're with a girl, find this feeling again, personally, I try never to lose the feeling. Tickle her in a non-aggressive, happy, even innocent way if you'd like. If she doesn't like it, that's fine. If you don't think you can enjoy a sexual relationship without tickling, leave her. That's what dating is about, finding someone you're comfortable with. No one is looking to go on a first date and then get married. Look around, you'll find someone. Don't worry about any girls who shoot you down, any girls who think tickling is strange, all of that really doesn't amount to a dime. No one's putting tally marks on a chalk board, just be confident in yourself. You seem like a really nice guy, you'll find someone.
 
stop sugar-coating for the young lad.

truth is you're screwed.

tickling will obsess you till the day you die a miserable death, unsatisfied and unsatiated in all you have done.

have a pleasant day. (and welcome to the Forum)
 
oh baron....lol, go easy on him!

hi geoffler, and welcome to the forum. :D Don't worry about not having a normal sex life, as many others here have already said, there are a LOT of us out there, more than you'd believe, and so many WONDERFUL people on this forum, that i hafta say there is a very good chance of meeting someone else to satisfy your passion ;) Also, as in my experience, partners do not always need to be "into" tickling to enjoy it. In my case, my boyfriend (who's not into it at all- one of those guys who's a 22 on a 1-10 ticklishness scale ;) ) has reassured me numerous times that if i really wanted to, he would gladly play lee or ler if that's what would turn me on. The beauty of this obsession is that most people, regardless of how each and every one of us feels, dont think it's a big deal, and actually do enjoy tickling to some extent. It's not unpopular in forplay, and is a well known form of flirting. So really, it's not such a big deal, ya know? The first step is just to be honest about your passion for it with you next girlfriend- not right away (hell, it took me 3 years to say!) but if you think that you two have something special, experiment a little, then come out and say it. (a lot easier said than done, i know, but you get where im going w/ this, right?) you may be suprised at how open some people can be to the idea- hence, you may have a normal sex life afterall! Lol, and besides, i think you'll be fine with that whole thing in the long run no matter what happens!

Hope my ramblings helped!!

~clair ;)
 
Normal?

Everyone has their own definition of what is normal and to each their own. What is good for some may not be for others. One must follow their heart and do what feels good and hope in ones' travels one finds another to share the same feelings. Seek and ye shall find. You are young and have nothing but time. Tickling is fun and harmless and could be an intricate part of a couples sex life. You have nothing to be ashamed of or affraid of. Stash the toys until the time is right to play with that special someone who will enjoy you and what you have to offer.

If you find yourself in a "boat", start rowing my friend. Sooner or later you will find "Land"!

TTD;) :cool: :D
 
Hello Geoffler,

Welcome to the forum. Good first post.

My take on it: If the paraphilla prevents you from enjoying a base sexual encounters (base means involve zero tickling, just so we are on the same page)then you have an issue.

If you have no problem having fun in base encounters, then tickling is but an extra to you. not unlike anothers prefrence for the lady to be on top, or a handjob over a blowjob.

Your paraphillia can just be an added color to your sex life, and so long as it doesn't "wag the dog' then it's fine.

Myriads
 
That's precisely it, I'm worried that it will prevent me from enjoying base sexual encounters. Mind you, I don't have much experience to determine whether or not it does, but based on the definition (which seems to apply) and the fact that things such as regular pornography doesn't arouse me, I'm worried that I may have that issue.
 
Hey man

Basic porn doesnt arouse me, I actually get nothing at all from it or rather dislike it. Anyways I love tickling I do it for fun but it also arouses me unless I fight the sexual urge off. Anyways I can tell you that I can get, for lack of a better word, a hard on even if no tickling is present Im a virgin too, proud of it at this point, but I've done enough to know that I can be just fine sexually even without tickling. However I do need it in my life and must find someone who likes it aswell or at least dont mind it. Kinda like the girl I have a crush on now.
 
That's precisely it, I'm worried that it will prevent me from enjoying base sexual encounters. Mind you, I don't have much experience to determine whether or not it does, but based on the definition (which seems to apply) and the fact that things such as regular pornography doesn't arouse me, I'm worried that I may have that issue.

Not liking porn does not say much of anything about your greater sexuality. You simply might not like porn :) Lot's of people get nothing from porn.

The problem would exist if given the possibility of a base sexual encounter with a partner you found attractive and desirable, resulted in non performance and disinterest once sexual interaction was underway.

THAT'S a problem. If sexual interaction comes to depend on any one situation, object, position, whatever there is a problem.

Relax and enjoy what comes along in your sex life. Keep an eye open to what you feel and are enjoying. Odds are tickling is just a button you have the arouses, that is different from the buttons most people have.

Myriads
 
I wonder if some people may be missing Geoffler's point here. I don't think he's using the word "normal" in a way that implies any value judgments. Rather, I think he's saying, does being a ticklephile mean that one's potential for intimate gratification depends on tickling, or is it possible to have satisfying sexual relationships without it? And this is an important question, because, honestly, there aren't necessarily enough ticklephiles out there to be assured of finding a mate who is both a ticklephile and compatible in all the other ways you need to be compatible.

To Geoffler, I would pose this question. Forget porn. Do you sometimes get turned on by talking intimately with a girl (or young woman), admiring her attractiveness while enjoying the companionship, imagining yourself getting closer? Do you sometimes get turned on when a girl touches you in a way that suggests sensuality, even if no tickling is involved?

And to others, I would help focus Geoffler's question by asking this: Can anybody speak up who is in a sexually satisfying relationship that doesn't involve tickling?

This is a question worth exploring, without there likely being one universal answer.
 
Hmm, as to Myriads's last post, yes I can find myself attracted to a girl without having tickling involved, so perhaps there is hope yet.

and as to WorkInProgress, yes that was the essence of my question, thanks for phrasing it better. I would also like to hear of any ticklephiles in a sexually gratifying relationship that doesn't involve tickling.
 
Now, by relationship, do you mean sex, or an actual committed relationship? I've been with a few girls who weren't ticklish at all, (what a crime, huh? All girls should be ticklish) and just had a great time. With these girls I just try to set the mood and enjoy the moment. And as corny as it may sound, I pay a lot of attention to a woman's eyes, during sex a woman will do things with her eyes that will leave me stunned for weeks.

I'm not sure I've ever been in a "meaningful" relationship with a girl, but that's all a matter of opinion.
 
When you know the exitement of slow dancing up
close...of a young woman intentionally rubbing
her breasts on you...of sucking and kissing
her neck and ears and your nose buried in her
scented hair then you know that tickling is
just one aspect, albeit a glorious one, in the
realm of arousal...

Happy hunting my son!
 
No one has mentioned this yet in so many words, but there is a wonderful, maddeningly unpredictable factor at work when it comes to love and sex, and that is: Fate.

About 18 years ago, I thought my life was all set. I had finally found another man who was a fanatical tickle top, and we fell in love. I relocated 1200 miles to be with him. He would tie me to his king-size bed and tickle me for days on end--with breaks for meals, naps, and the occasional shower. Our sex life was FANTASTIC.

Other than that, though, our relationship was a complete mess. It turned out that this unfortunate guy had many, many serious problems that I had not foreseen...it became, finally, physically dangerous for me to continue the relationship, and I had to get out.

Fast forward. I'm now with a wonderful guy who isn't into tickling at all. But I finally came out to him about it, and day by day he is expressing more of an interest in tickling me, because he loves me and wants to please me. This is VERY new to both of us because I kept it a secret for so long, but I am feeling very optimistic about our future....

So in spite of your best laid plans, you really can't predict how a relationship is or isn't going to work out, whether tickling is involved or not. You just have to trust that there is someone out there for you, and if you're honest enough, something good will happen for you.

Best wishes!
 
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