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Personal Lifestyle Responsibility And Tickling

P50

TMF Expert
Joined
Jul 20, 2003
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Should one get ones financial/domestic/etc. affairs in order first, before seeking a 'Lee or 'Ler (as the case may be) ?


OR,,,,,

Does the lack of a 'Lee or 'Ler (accordingly) cause the emotional disorder that produces unbalanced finances/domestic/etc. affairs ?
 
Hmm that is a tricky question. but i do know one thing!


all theses BIG Words are hurting my Brain...
 
It's a good question. I guess it depends on the individual. Some of us can keep it separate, ya know? (For me, it's just play, for fun and I LOVE it...)

XOXO
 
hmmm... without being nasty, try simply telling her that she doesn't have to understand WHY she it arouses you, just that it DOES.
 
FF~

Your story touched me and on some level I can relate...Just out of curiousity, how does she respond to massage? (Did she have some horrible experience as a child?)

XOXO
 
Flatfoot, my first thought was to suggest showing her TMF and letting her read what some ‘lees have had to say... but that’s what I did with my ex husband... it backfired on me, and I regret it to this day. but... maybe you could copy and save a few of the stories written by we ‘lees of the ‘gentler persuasion’. that way she gets to see it from our side without taking away (what was/is to me, and I’m assuming is to you too) your support system.
 
P50, feel good about who, what and where you are. that’s sexy.
 
.......Well..From my experience...If something turns off a women,
there is absolutely nothing that will change her mind. This is also true if she isn't attracted to you. You can't talk her into it either.
Its there or it isn't. Sorry, but these are the facts of life. And if its a kink, most women are turned off out of the starting gate. They
don't want anything out of the ordinary. So you're dealing with a losing battle my friend...........
 
Wow great thread. Flatfoot, you are not even close to being alone in this. I have an ex-wife (emphasis on "X") who was amazingly ticklish and hated it. She could be poked or played with a little bit but tickling her for more than a second or two made her mad so I didn't tickle her much out of respect. What really sucked was that she had such a great laugh, and had a perfect body for tickling. Plus she liked being tied up from time to time as long as I promised not to tickle her.
Now I have a girlfriend who isn't very ticklish at all but she tickles me all the time and she loves that. It doesn't seem that I can find everything in the same package because although being tickled is fun to me, I really like tickling more.
As far as separating financial/personal issues from this fetish goes, I don't see a big correlation. No matter what's going on in life, I think our 1st priority needs to be our personal affairs. In fact, I've found that how attractive we are to someone is directly effected by how stable and confident we are. My advice would be to get it together and everything else will fall into place.
 
when my partner told me, i was.. hard to explain really, I could neither understand the arousal, and still cant fully. I hope in his mind that my reaction was not shock and horror. I can only hope that it wasnt. Thinking back to that moment i think i was more.. mm.. okay.. its not something i cant live with but may take time for me to adjust. Hehe it didnt help that he went OTT with it for the first 12 months so that sex was based purely around his fetish and only that. :( It took 1-2 yrs for me to fully accept that this is something my partner enjoys immensely. All through those years of coming to terms with something that is admittedly unusual but by no means sadistic or freaky, I discovered through his fetish that i seem to really really really enjoy my feet being played with in all forms - stroking/massaging/sucking, and although the tickling i dont get as much enjoyment out of. I do once ive orgasamed myself :) Oh boy are my feet dead ticklish then !!!! ;)

The sad thing is, that, now that i have fully accepted my partner's likes, and want to be more involved in both tickling for him and the stroking etc for me he now wishes that he had never told me :(

So from one extreme 'flatfoot' [your partner] to another extreme, where he rarely uses his fetish on me but would rather i give him a handjob whilst he looks at movies. with regards to your partner being put off sex because of the fetish, Im also the same, i dont feel any attraction towards him when he starts off the tickling as at present its, tickling first [no warming up my engine] and then he expects me to be all ready for him when it comes to the sex point. Perhaps if he could warm my engine up so to speak first.. tickle a bit, then reheat me, tickle and so on, perhaps that might work. Otherwise it may be just a case of time I hope.


It hurts and upsets me that I took the time to accept and join this forum so as to better understand his fetish only for him to no longer want to involve me as much as he once wanted to. which really really pisses me off to be honest.

At the end of the day i feel that there can be understanding between two people, and i indulged his fetish as i felt arousal at HIS arousal at the tickling. Despite the situation at the moment, because i loved him then and still do, I will continue to accept his fetish. Its part of him. A case of understanding goes a long long way.

Im screwed if i dont and screwed if i do :(

Bluddy hell!! im shaking like a leaf typing this!!.. :ermm:

I just wish he that he didnt feel that he no longer wishes he had told me :(

I do have to say, that joining this forum rather late in those years, has certainly helped me understand and accept, his fetish was never anything i felt was weird ever. And i have to thank you guys for all your advice and your down to earth attitude. You lot are a great bunch of guys \o/
 
Last edited:
P50 said:
Should one get ones financial/domestic/etc. affairs in order first, before seeking a 'Lee or 'Ler (as the case may be) ?


OR,,,,,

Does the lack of a 'Lee or 'Ler (accordingly) cause the emotional disorder that produces unbalanced finances/domestic/etc. affairs ?


It depends on the individual. You have given no information to answer your questions. For instance, are you currently in a relationship? If so, is there tickling involved? If not, are you seeking a new relationship with someone who is into tickling, or simply someone who would be a tickling friend to play with? Is your desire predicated strictly on tickling or is lonliness a factor as well?

By the time you answer those questions, you'll probably know the answers to the ones you've posed.
 
I think it's dependant on the person/people involved. For some people, having a play partner is important enough to them to put other things aside and let it get out of hand. For others, it's simply fun that they enjoy when they can. I'm sure there's several degrees in between the two...and likely some extreme cases at either end.

When I first accepted my love of tickling, I was tempted to grab every opportunity that presented itself. But, I'd also just grown used to questioning things as wants vs. needs before I did anything. Tickling may have felt like a need at times. But, I knew it wasn't. So, I focused on the real needs and waited.

I may get kicked for the following. But, I can't respond without the full truth of what I think. Soo....

From a purely moral/responsibility standpoint (boring as it may sound), I think it's highly irresponsible to go running all over the place looking for play when your personal life/finances/whatever are in a shambles. I don't judge anyone who does that. But, I DO question the emotional well-being that allows them to put trivial things before their every day life. Yes, I DID refer to ticklign as trivial. In comparison to the main issues of our lives, it is...no matter how ingrained it is in us.

I'm not sure I'd say that the actual lack of a play partner causes the problems. I think it's the perception of that as a need...and in many cases as a fix...that causes the problems. If I'm having personal problems and running all over for as many tickle fixes as I can get, then something is wrong. They don't solve the problem. They simply give me an endorphine rush that makes me feel better for a moment. It's like drinking or taking drugs when used that way...and just as potentially destructive. In a case like that, the person really needs to seek counselling and find out what the issues are that are causing them to "need" this as an escape.

While this may seem drastic, I can say from personal experience that it's a LOT more enjoyable to engage in tickling for its own sake rather than as an escape, etc.

Ann
 
P50...I sense sincerity in your wanting a real answer rather than discussion so I will offer my thoughts in an attempt to aid u in achieving that as a few others here have done:)
You wrote:


Personal Lifestyle Responsibility And Tickling
Should one get ones financial/domestic/etc. affairs in order first, before seeking a 'Lee or 'Ler (as the case may be) ?
OR,,,,,
Does the lack of a 'Lee or 'Ler (accordingly) cause the emotional disorder that produces unbalanced finances/domestic/etc. affairs ?

I personally think that getting/having ones financial/domestic affairs in order is esential regardless of whether one is seeking a partner or not...personal responsibility begins with being responsible for your person,lol...this may sound condescending or overly simplistic but I assure you it is not intended that way...it's just that simple and logical to me to take care of oneself before adding anyone else in any capacity to your life:)

Whether that person is a Lee, Ler or has nothing to do with tickling, has little bearing on it, says me:)

To answer the second part of your question/concern...I will say, again at the risk of my intentions being misconstrued that if the lack of a significant other, regardless of tickling preferences causes an unbalanced financial, domestic, emotional or otherwise state of your life, it may not in fact be what it appears.

The lack of a significant other may appear to be the cause of unhappiness but what it truly is could in fact be an absence of true self...there is a great difference between doing without that which we desire and accepting with gratitude what we do have.....and desiring that which we do not have with grievance attitudes or feeling we deserve it...

one denotes acceptance and real hope and one encompasses longing without any real reason to expect that it will occur.

I may have seemed to digress from the apparent scope of your original concern but I think if you look a bit closer and re read it you may see a deeper motivational factor behind what you are looking to find out.

Let me end this somewhat intrusive opinionated post by saying that I do not know if you have Christ in your life but I can personally attest to the fact that we are never more "us" until we give ourselves to "Him"...God bless and good luck in your search:)
peace n love

~Margie

:bouncybou :dog: :smilestar
 
P50;

A couple of people have already contributed to answering your question (rather effectively, I may add), but I'd like to give kis's 2cents worth.

I personally don't think a person should be involved in any form of relationship unless they have their life under control. It isn't fair to get someone involved in a relationship when finances or personal issues are not together. It would put a huge strain between both of you. I have been around too many men who have no job, no place to live, no car to drive, but want a good woman to settle down (use profusely) with. Before one pursues a relationship with others, he or she must have a healthy relationship with self. If not, it's just baggage.

I am single by choice right now because I want to finish school. I have raised my children into their teens (one an almost 19 yr old adult) and have sacrificed my education and income potential. It's what a mother should do and I have no regrets investing in my children as opposed to a full-time career. But it's time for me to take care of myself. I have recovered from the financial and credit devastation left by the ex, I have found a career that is profitable and I generally enjoy. Now, it's time to finish the degree I left behind almost 20 years ago. Until then, no relationships. It is not fair for a man not to have attention given to him. Right now that time and attention is being focused on school...I have no time to pursue a relationship. When I get my act together, then I am in a better position to be a good companion to someone else. I can also demand his business be together...you can't ask of others what you don't possess yourself.

I'm not trying to act as if I'm better than anyone else out here. To be exact, it is just the opposite. I get criticized by my peers for not owning my own home, or having assets at my age. I do have assets, two well adjusted, well behaved, loving, sharing, giving, blessed children that society won't be afraid to have around. Now I need to work on retirement funds I'll need someday.
 
Ann, nothing you wrote comes across as "drastic" to me in the least. I see much much much common sense and useful ideas are in what you've written me.

Thanks-a-mundo mucho
 
Ticklemmmeeeeee, I do not receive any condescension from your comments; indeed, I thank you for, and commend your attitude. As far as being simplistic; worry not, I'm the #1 fan of etymology in understanding ones thoughts, feelings, and so on.

(Take-home test: what was the original root word and language from which we get the word "responsibility" in the first place ? The answer really made me think a lot when I finally learned it; took me three days to find it !)
 
Kis123 wrote,,,

<I> It is not fair for a man not to have attention given to him. </I>

Ditto for a woman, (and I highly commend you for such an attitude) but let's focus on the male side for my own selfish reasons; and to avoid tangents right now.

That very concept is a pivotal part of what I'm wondering. Is the lack of attention exacerbating current affairs; or are current affairs isolating me from positive attention ? It's quite easy (and downright habbit forming) to continue the isolation. It's risky and scary to take the needed action(s) to alter the current circumstances.

Looming question; is that an act of responsibility or irresponsibility ? There is a very strong case for either answer.

Like, yikes, what am I building here ?
 
kis123 wrote,

<I>When I get my act together, then I am in a better position to be a good companion to someone else. </I>

And there's the crux of my worry. All I have to do is find another imperfection in my life, and I'm off the hook again. Can't think about women right now, I have to go do the laundry. (Absurd and extreme, yes, but it gets the point across)
 
kis123 wrote,,,

<I>I get criticized by my peers for not owning my own home, or having assets at my age. </I>

I would quickly find another peer group.
 
Let me provide a little more insight into my current state of affairs for those who have been so thoughtful and offered such useful comments, both long and short.

I am currently being de-facto forced by economic, employment, financial, and familial circumstances to live in an everironment which <I><B>COULD BE</B></I> elegant, charming, comfortable, and conducive to creativity which I could use for productive and profitable activity(ies)

Due to the finances and family psychodynamics involved, I am essentially forced to live with junk and clutter just about everywhere, which greatly impedes (humans with brains understand what that phrase means) creative thought and any comfort that might exist in this otherwise delightful setting.

So I ponder,,,

Would a 'Lee be a good thing to have in my life at this moment ?

Would a 'Lee provide me with the light of hope in the darkness; to encourage and motivate me to press on in these discouraging times ?

Or,,,

Am I just so down that I want to get a cheap high ?

Or even possibly,,,

Am I just thinking that a 'Lee would be an unhealthy attempt to escape reality as it is right now, so that I'll stay in this pig-sty and let my wonderful industrious brain rot instead of doing anything ?
 
P50;

I can only tell you what works for me, I may not be able to give you a complete answer. Especially, if you continue to answer your questions with even more questions. You may be going too deep on this one, but that is merely my assessment.

Maybe it's my age, but folks over the age of 35 need to have something together before they pursue intimate relationships. If you want to have a "buddy", I guess that's okay. I did that for a couple of years until I decided I didn't want an overaged adolescent that could only provide one thing for me I couldn't successfully do for myself. Maybe my goals are different, and I know I've gotten much pickier (if there is such a word) than I was years ago. I believed less of myself, so I felt I deserved less. I don't believe that anymore and am willing to wait on the right person to spend my time with. My choice to remain single until I finish school was the result of years of being told either the relationship or education, I couldn't pursue both. Besides, if I keep the gpa up, I could graduate cum laude, and that is extremely important to me.

So do whatever you desire, but do something. You can think years of your life away with no results to show for it. Take it from someone who knows.
 
well.. despite my earlier post in this thread me and my boyfriend write stories together.

Apparently the stories i write are too damn good ;) if you get my meaning ;) but im not very good at filling out the details, so i do the sketching of a story and he fills it in and so far we've only posted one story on here, the rest he wants to keep to himself ;)
 
P50...

you wrote...

Is the lack of attention exacerbating current affairs; or are current affairs isolating me from positive attention ? It's quite easy (and downright habbit forming) to continue the isolation. It's risky and scary to take the needed action(s) to alter the current circumstances.



Worry not about thinking too much, I think about things all the time...at least I think I do...lol. Okay, enough silliness...lol...

The lack of "attention" i.e., companionship, someone to share things with, someone to have fun and express your ticklish side with, etc...can be a primary source of occasional unrest, discomfort and discontent...as is normal...

however, if the absence of such a person in ones life exacerbates irresponsibility or displeasure with ones personal situation...the discomfort of not having that person may in fact be more a manifestation of something deeper than the absence of the person. Make sense?

In regards to part B of your question...the fact that you are bothered by your current state of affairs is probably enough to isolate you from the attention you seek. Make sense again?...stay with me...lol.

You are right about there being risk and fear in taking action to change ones life...not to be overly simplistic but the risk involved is inevitable so if u view that for what it is, it should become manageable...

the fear is the natural result of the risks involved...fear is a healthy emotion, it warns us that we should be on alert ...fear does not have to immobilize and hinder one from taking action...

if it does, the risks are far greater than if u acted because even though it may feel safe to not take risks, the risk (chance that something negative will occur) becomes a definite reality in that nothing is improving if things remain the same.

Okay...that was either quite brilliant of me or it was the most ridiculous piece of post I have ever posted..lol. Tell me to stop typing now...LOL..good luck to ya:)

peace n love...
~margie


To Kis123...I read your posts and I think you and I have so much in common:) I, too am a young single mom and am working toward my masters degree in Human Behavior w/ a concentration in Psych..(3.8 GPA..yay me..lol) I earned my B.A. in Psych also while a single parent and have worked hard to be all...mom, dad, student and girlfriend...not being in a relationship right now saddens me because I have so much love to share but you are so right about a man (any partner) deserving much attention...that said...I am rather ecstatic about being single at the moment... I am empowered by the control I have over my own life...it is lonely but in many ways it feels so good to only have to focus on my little girl, God, myself and school/work..that's enough!!!..lol...anyway, my point?..yes there is one..lol..I wanted to say I commend your attitude and wish u well in all u do..if u ever wish to talk or correspond I would love it..my email is [email protected]
peace n love
~margie :)
 
Oh we do have a lot in common honey, I'm sorry to hear it--perhaps YOURS should have married mine...I wish I could do what you've done and shown her but like Ayla, I'd bet my life it'll backfire. For better or worse, there really isn't much to complain about except this one thing. I own my own 4 bedroom house w/pool. We both drive sports cars that are paid off, are gainfully employed w/no kids and our only other debt is $1000 credit card bill, whoop dee doo, I could pay that off tomorrow if I wanted to...We care about each other a lot as friends, my "weird situation" stems from not REALIZING how I felt about this all until recently. Ah, the choices we make, hmmm? For whatever it's worth he has his "thing" too (porn) And although it's not the nastiest of the nasty, I'm REALLY open minded and some of this stuff is just sick IMHO...

XOXO

Flatfoot said:
I apologize for the delayed reaction, Steph. I didn't get online in the evening yesterday. As far as massage goes, it doesn't turn her on or anything (I'm beginning to wonder if anything does! :rolleyes: j/k), but she does ask to have her back rubbed a lot, because she always gets pain under her left "wing". Also, when she used to be a manager at BK, where she'd be running around all day, she used to ask me to rub her feet a lot, but it doesn't arouse her. Sometimes, she'd say it feels so good she could fall asleep to it, though.

As far as her having any traumatic experiences as a child, she's never told me about any. She's also not really bothered by tickling, per se. I mean, she has no problem getting into tickle-fights with her friends, but the fact that tickling arouses me seriously bothers her(because it's "not normal"), so she does not want to touch me in any way that would tickle me (God forbid she touch me in a way that I'd enjoy! :illogical Sorry. Trying to NOT be negative here.) , and she doesn't want me tickling her.

What she's shared with me is that the clips on my computer is mainly what freaks her out. She seriously thought it was all non-consentual torture! :confused: I hoped that after I explained a little bit about how I ACTUALLY feel about tickling that she'd lighten up a little bit. I don't really know if our discussion has changed anything, since she changed the subject after only a few minutes, and if she follows the pattern she normally does, I'm willing to bet that she'll pretend the problem isn't there and never bring the subject up again, until I mention it. She has been slightly more affectionate, but she tends to do that anytime we make up after a large fight. I don't know.
 
The reason I avioded this thread for so long is that I thought it would be a lot of REALLY long posts since P50 (no offense) is known for long posts, but I saw the first couple and they where short so I read on to find the rest where REALLY long. Anyways that is a good question that I dont have the answer to. My finances are good right now (who says crime doesn't pay) and I hope that stay that way and ill never have to find out about it.

Psycho
 
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