19/m/San Francisco looking for female ticklees/cybertickling

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I was in San Francisco this past summer. Nice city. Hopefully I'll be able to stay longer the next time I visit. Hope you had some bites on your message

sorry to tell you this boss, but for all the ladys that live in our area, none of them are into tickling. and if they are they sure as hell aren't talking about it.

Yeah? I'll have to tell 'em that. I know a few. Most of 'em are coupled, these days, but I'm fairly certain that this isn't just a single wave of us in the SF Bay Area.

It's a pisser deal that there's not more response, gents, but belittling the women who are so very cautious about responding is NOT a good way to encourage them.

If I had them show at events, and know several who STILL live there that went to my events, plus more who were never brave enough to attend gatherings, there are women there. Apparently, sadly, they're not responding well to Pen Pal and Personals ads.

For what it's worth, though, within this year one couple met here, through Personals, that I know, personally.

Sorry you gents are having such a rough time.

dvnc

aw no worries drewskee.

it seems by looking through the penpals section, as well as the personals, that im not the only one "frustrated". count the posts by men in either forum and you will see that they vastly out number any posts by women. now go to the posts that have replys and see how many of those are by other guys either sympathysing or wondering if anyone else has had any luck. what it comes down to is the fact that any women who are into tickling are already taken or are part of a tickling "clique" who float around the forums.

so why have a personals section or even a panpals one for that matter if no one of the oposite sex wants to communicate?

why so much cynicism?? sometimes you just gotta face the fact that
1. there aren't a lot of females on this forum
2. the world is a big place
3. people come and go and not everyone checks personals

so don't get frustrated. c'est la vie.


"sometimes bad things happen, and there isn't anything you can do about it, right? WRONG! when the world turns its back on you, YOU turn your back on the world..."
-timon from lion king

Perspective is everything, Jude.

Everything.

Now, envision that you're a woman. To this view, you must apply the concepts of meeting a person you don't know. Let's start with the online perspective. You need, for this, to talk to some of the women who have made themselves known in our community.

Ask a few if they've received any of the following:
a) a flood of "wannas"
b) accusations of their immorality
c) criticisms of their appearance
This, from men that have yet to actually SEE them.

Now, am I "killing it" for you? No. Women are more communicative, but require some safeties. Our gender will rush forward, boldly or foolishly, depending on the outcome. Women don't tend towards that.

This was true BEFORE the TMF. This is true in general, socially, in western culture.

How do you, then, motivate primary contact?

You can try to communicate in a safe fashion.

Or you can criticize their caution. Declaring their intent, and throwing out an emoticon with it, is interpretable as a negative perspective. At that point, you could be a tall, muscular, young, motorcycle-riding stud that's gentle and sensitive IRL, with fingers to DIE for. You just peeved your reading audience unknowingly, and closed their eyes to you.

Now, a guy reads your post and sympathizes. Does this online. You get support, as you will, as many men are frustrated by the difficulty in meeting this elusive breed known as the female ticklephile. Now there's more than one of you on the outside looking in.

Am I picking on you? No. I'm *trying* to show you where your path is going towards online isolation for every woman that visits this forum. Our of 12,000 registered users, that's a few.

It's not necessary.

Back to those women. They meet those of us that don't squick them. The few of them that take this chance, do, anyway. More, still, meet men via gatherings & munches, or other social events, as these offer more anonymity for them. More safety to observe without consequence. Some of us play by their rules, give them the benefit of what they need so they FEEL safe, FEEL comfortable. Is anyone truly safe? I don't know. I do know that I've met dozens of women in this community, coast to coast and nation to nation.

I married one of us.

I've been organizing gatherings for near a decade.

In that time I've gotten mail from SO many women, and a few men, with their worries, their concerns.

I'm *trying* to help you, by sharing perspective. You don't HAVE to take my perspective. You can, in fact, "fight the power" here. Rage against the machine. Tell me I'm wrong, and argue that the women are something negative for not appeasing a man's desire to have them communicate more conveniently.

That'll accomplish a lot. How long have you been looking?

It's wicked difficult social alchemy, getting a cool woman into the same physical space as you. Harder still to go, one by one, through the women in this community to find "the one." The one that believes as you believe, has no issue with your politic, appreciates your physical appearance, appeals to your desire. The list goes on and on.

To do this, you HAVE to meet them. HAVE to know them. HAVE to talk to them, unless you're going to accept simple physical appearance from someone.

Means you gotta reach a neutral ground for BOTH of you. Means you HAVE to find a way to approach them, those wiley, elusive and oh-so-delightful women, and communicate.

Negative motivation doesn't work well with adult women. Didn't work so well in high school. Still won't, largely.

So what do you do?

a) give up, knock them for your successes, and stay isolated
b) figure out what THEY want, and decide to achieve communication in a means that they'll appreciate, respond to, and enjoy.

I see so many of these sorts of angry responses, and remember basic Psych 101 from college. As a gender, women respond really well to CERTAIN emotional honesty. Anger isn't one of those appreciated emotions. Sorrow from a stranger isn't appreciated, in general, either.

There are other ways. Personals can be a difficult path. If you're not finding anyone this way, try another way. Either a different approach in the personals, or attending of events, which occur all over the country. Make FRIENDS with the women here. You likely have some friends already. Ask THEM if I'm talkin' outta my posterior, as they'll have an even BETTER perspective than mine, 'cause their WOMEN.

Try anything other than the negative attention approach you're doing. It's GOING to earn you a lot of silence.

That sucks. No man needs that. No man wants that for long. Better to find the One.

dvnc

i think this has gotten blown WAY out of proportion!

yes, my original reply to this post was out of frustration.
i had posted to both the personals and penpals section of not only this forum, but other well known tickle forums as well, only to have no replys what so ever after having the posts up for months.
also, i have NEVER posted anything derogatory or threataning concerning my search for a ticklee. so to be lectured on the reason why no one responds to me seems at best, weak.

but if you feel the need to further delve into the depths of my character, then feel free to ask a mutual friend of ours just how wonderful a guy i am.

QBweaver was the first person i had ever met who was into tickling as much as i was. she has been a wonderful friend and someone who has always been there for me when i felt alone in our little world of tickling. ask her about me, im sure your view will change.

until next time....

jude

to dvnc: you have a cool writing style. i like the sarcasm and its a good way to get your point across. kinda reminds me of how i write when i'm seriously motivated to lecture someone out.

to jude: i'm sorry that your reputation got kinda mangled thru all of this. but there's no need to get defensive. and if you do get responses, and you do make friends...what exactly is the problem again...?

to drewskee: sorry for filling your personals post with statements of the obvious.

to all: maybe this is the wrong place for a discussion like this. it sure as heck isn't going to help drewskee find an 18-21 lee from sf.

and with that, i'm out. cya.
-stg

Jude - brother, I'd figured you were the Jude that knew QBWeaver. She spoke really well of ya, back in the day, and I know you're good people. Post wasn't just t'you, sir. It's a forum. THOUSANDS can read what's sent in frustration, and if not given appropriate attention, that's thousands of fellow ticklephiles that think things are WAY worse than they really are. I did sign ya up for the West Coast Gatherings list, and checked reference to you back then.

I dig where you think my perspective is weak. I also dig where I'm married to one of us that I met through means online. Perspective is a powerful thing. Don't much matter t'me if you LIKE that I point out your negatives ARE being seen poorly by women reading this. I get those mails, brother. I school this not just for you, but for ALL of us that read this board. It helps many. If it helps you, too, cool. Like I said before, I hear you're good people, and figure you deserve the same chance at such company as the thousands of others doin' as you do.

FWIW, you've not tried all methods, as you never attended a gathering. Many having done so are now involved with someone into this. There's more than one way, and I hope you find the one that works for you.

I'll now remind you of your quote:
"so why have a personals section or even a panpals one for that matter if no one of the oposite sex wants to communicate?"

Do you think women will feel encouraged to mail guys, seeing that, here? Do you think they'll feel all warm and fuzzy about havin' one of us touch one of them, when one of us is TELLING them what they don't want?

Women, unlike us, aren't so inclined to blow off such a comment, in many cases. You don't NEED to believe me. Those that want to meet those women DO need to understand this, though. I mod this section 'cause I WANT us to meet them, to partner, to marry, and grow old delighted by a partner into what we're into.

Can't happen if I let any one of us drive them away. Won't let that happen without statement showing that a) some of us learned what's cool and what ain't in such cases, and b) that Jude's just frustrated, and typin' out in frustration.

Again, brother, I *know* QBWeaver thinks well of ya. Means a great deal to me, or I'd've just yanked your post as derisive. I *know* you don't mean to be potentially hurtin' feelings of thousands of women, but you are, with that post.

Y'don't have to like me, after all. I'm the section mod, the house dad for this area. Few men LIKE bein' moderated much. It's not all men, here, though. Gotta look out for the women, too.

Hope you understand, sir. Your reputation in this, IMHO, will stand above it anyway. I remember a bit about you, and women here would kill to get hands on ya, and that bike...

Yeah. Like I said. QBWeaver mentioned ya well.

Good luck, sir!

Props t'drewskee, btw. Some SF ticklephile outta find the man, and give some sympathy to him for havin' his thread stomped a bit. OTOH, it's got eyes on it, brother. She may yet find ya here. If not, there's munches in the South Bay Area again. Also out in Sac. Do pay touch in person and make friends. EASIEST method to meet us is to have folks that can say, "I know him and he's cool."

Trust me on it. I'm scruffy, and involved wit' one of us. If I can, ANYONE can. Faith.

dvnc

QB spoke very well of you too my friend! and you are right, i have not tried everything. i appreciate all that you and QB have done for the community with the organization of the gatherings, which she has repeatedly invited me too, and which i have repeatedly failed to go to.

i will end with this, i am truly sorry for anything offensive or personal that may have upset you or anyone else on this forum.

lets move on and hope for the best.

Jude

Dave~you're adorable! (sorry for the derail!) Are you feeling better post-op? When are y'all coming out?

XOXO

Drewski, yer winnnin', big time, for the volume of traffic your post's gettin', brother. Hope some bright and interesting woman see's you're lookin' and clearly patient!

BTW, there was a munch in the south bay recently, and gatherings are rumored to be returning to there, shortly. It *WILL* help both you and Jude to find them ever-elusive, oh-so-succulent 'lees that scamper about behind the scenes.

Jude, yer a better man than most, sir. I dig your situation, man. We're all there 'til we find her. They're likewise. Just gotta meet a million and find the one. You, sir, really should attend gatherings. NEST most especially, 'cause the event's huge, and you get a crew around you that's not in your usual stomping grounds. Trust me when I say that California ain't all that, compared to life in love wit' yoru own 'lee. Add steak and wine, and it don't get much better, y'know?

Steph, I'm well and good, darlin'. No one wantin' t'meet young Drewski cares, though. At least, one hopes they don't. We old guys figure they care more about IMs wit' a youngblood in SF who's not tryin' to put the make on 'em, first off. I sure HOPE so. Thanks for askin', though!

Peace,

dvnc

Ok hon got it Glad to hear it though!

XOXO