SCENE I: Will's Apartment
[Saturday morning. JACK is asleep on the couch. WILL tries to wake him up.]
WILL: Jack, wake up.
[WILL TAPS JACK ON THE LEG. JACK DOESN'T MOVE.]
WILL: Jack? Oh, no, I think there's a tickle bug in the couch.
[WILL WALKS UP TO JACK AND BEGINS TICKLING HIM.]
JACK: Not a tickle bug! Not a tickle bug! [LAUGHS] Not a tickle bug!
[JACK SWATS WILL AWAY.]
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VAL: So what are you working on there, G-Dog?
GRACE: Um, it's a meditation room for this client I'm trying to land.
VAL: Wow. That's nifty. I'd sure love a room like that.
GRACE: I'm surprised the court hasn't ordered you to be in a room like that.
VAL: Very funny! [VAL TICKLES GRACE] Tickle-tickle-tickle-tickle-tickle-tickle!
VAL: You're ticklish. See? You know what? I miss this! I miss this so much.
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ROSARIO: You two are like "dumb and drunker."
KAREN: Don't you love our Ro-Ro? Let's tickle her!
JACK: Dog-pile on, Rosie!
ROSARIO: No, no, no, don't tickle me. No, please, I have to finish this sweater for Mr. Stan so you can take it to him tomorrow when you visit him.
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SISSY: Well, I thought you said that you were teaching a class tonight.
JACK: Yeah, but I don't wanna. Work's no fun. I wanna stay here and play with you, like we used to [POUTS].
SISSY: I remember that sour puss. I also remember the only thing that could turn that frown upside down. A visit from Mr. Tickle-Wickle.
JACK: Uh-uh, uh-uh!
[SISSY TICKLES JACK AND HE CACKLES LIKE A KID.]
JACK: [SIGHS] Now that's fun, okay?
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WILL: Ooh, badges. Get those in cub scouts? I myself will never know the joy of scouting because I like to kiss other boys. What are you, actors? My God, the lengths this woman will go to entertain herself.
KORN: Sir, we're not actors.
WILL: Oh, come on. Sure you are. In fact, I think I saw you in a commercial for, uh, anti-anxiety medicine. You couldn't leave the house? Now you're the life of the party. [WILL DOES A LITTLE DANCE.]
PEMBLETON: Sir, this is serious.
WILL: Yeah, I know, I know. You're "FBI agents." But come on. I mean, would actual feds be this ticklish? [TICKLING PEMBLETON] Blblblblbl! [PEMBLETON DOESN'T FLINCH.]
PEMBLETON: For the last 11 months, we've been conducting an investigation into Stanley Walker's financial affairs.
WILL: [TICKLING PEMBLETON] Blblblbl! [PEMBLETON DOESN'T FLINCH.]
PEMBLETON: We've discovered several discrepancies which have led us to believe-- [WILL TICKLES PEMBLETON AND FINDS HIS TICKLISH SPOT] Ha ha ha! [STEPPING BACK] Please!
[KORN PULLS PEMBLETON BEHIND HER.]
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GRACE: [GIGGLING] Oh, Will, stop tickling me.
WILL: I'm not tickling you.
MARILYN: Oh, I'm so sorry, Grace. My goodness, that's a thick stubble. I thought that was George's leg.
[WILL LAUGHS.]
GRACE: [EMBARASSED] Will was rushing me. I didn't have time to--
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KAREN: Listen, face your fears. You're not a kid, anymore. You're a big, strong man, so get over it.
JACK: Karen, there's no way I'm going over to that... You just called me a big, strong man.
KAREN: Yes, I did, you big, strong man.
JACK: Ok, I'll go. I'm gonna go. Big, strong man.
KAREN: There's a bunny! [TICKLING JACK]
JACK: Ha ha! Stop it!
KAREN: Little bunny! [TICKLING JACK]
JACK: Stop it!
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[Saturday morning. JACK is asleep on the couch. WILL tries to wake him up.]
WILL: Jack, wake up.
[WILL TAPS JACK ON THE LEG. JACK DOESN'T MOVE.]
WILL: Jack? Oh, no, I think there's a tickle bug in the couch.
[WILL WALKS UP TO JACK AND BEGINS TICKLING HIM.]
JACK: Not a tickle bug! Not a tickle bug! [LAUGHS] Not a tickle bug!
[JACK SWATS WILL AWAY.]
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VAL: So what are you working on there, G-Dog?
GRACE: Um, it's a meditation room for this client I'm trying to land.
VAL: Wow. That's nifty. I'd sure love a room like that.
GRACE: I'm surprised the court hasn't ordered you to be in a room like that.
VAL: Very funny! [VAL TICKLES GRACE] Tickle-tickle-tickle-tickle-tickle-tickle!
VAL: You're ticklish. See? You know what? I miss this! I miss this so much.
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ROSARIO: You two are like "dumb and drunker."
KAREN: Don't you love our Ro-Ro? Let's tickle her!
JACK: Dog-pile on, Rosie!
ROSARIO: No, no, no, don't tickle me. No, please, I have to finish this sweater for Mr. Stan so you can take it to him tomorrow when you visit him.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
SISSY: Well, I thought you said that you were teaching a class tonight.
JACK: Yeah, but I don't wanna. Work's no fun. I wanna stay here and play with you, like we used to [POUTS].
SISSY: I remember that sour puss. I also remember the only thing that could turn that frown upside down. A visit from Mr. Tickle-Wickle.
JACK: Uh-uh, uh-uh!
[SISSY TICKLES JACK AND HE CACKLES LIKE A KID.]
JACK: [SIGHS] Now that's fun, okay?
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WILL: Ooh, badges. Get those in cub scouts? I myself will never know the joy of scouting because I like to kiss other boys. What are you, actors? My God, the lengths this woman will go to entertain herself.
KORN: Sir, we're not actors.
WILL: Oh, come on. Sure you are. In fact, I think I saw you in a commercial for, uh, anti-anxiety medicine. You couldn't leave the house? Now you're the life of the party. [WILL DOES A LITTLE DANCE.]
PEMBLETON: Sir, this is serious.
WILL: Yeah, I know, I know. You're "FBI agents." But come on. I mean, would actual feds be this ticklish? [TICKLING PEMBLETON] Blblblblbl! [PEMBLETON DOESN'T FLINCH.]
PEMBLETON: For the last 11 months, we've been conducting an investigation into Stanley Walker's financial affairs.
WILL: [TICKLING PEMBLETON] Blblblbl! [PEMBLETON DOESN'T FLINCH.]
PEMBLETON: We've discovered several discrepancies which have led us to believe-- [WILL TICKLES PEMBLETON AND FINDS HIS TICKLISH SPOT] Ha ha ha! [STEPPING BACK] Please!
[KORN PULLS PEMBLETON BEHIND HER.]
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GRACE: [GIGGLING] Oh, Will, stop tickling me.
WILL: I'm not tickling you.
MARILYN: Oh, I'm so sorry, Grace. My goodness, that's a thick stubble. I thought that was George's leg.
[WILL LAUGHS.]
GRACE: [EMBARASSED] Will was rushing me. I didn't have time to--
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KAREN: Listen, face your fears. You're not a kid, anymore. You're a big, strong man, so get over it.
JACK: Karen, there's no way I'm going over to that... You just called me a big, strong man.
KAREN: Yes, I did, you big, strong man.
JACK: Ok, I'll go. I'm gonna go. Big, strong man.
KAREN: There's a bunny! [TICKLING JACK]
JACK: Ha ha! Stop it!
KAREN: Little bunny! [TICKLING JACK]
JACK: Stop it!
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