Rockauthor
TMF Master
- Joined
- Apr 21, 2001
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REPOST: "Alien Abduction" (but if you've never read it, then it's new to YOU)
KATHIE LEE GIFFORD
Starring in
Alien Abduction
(A ticklish celebrity fantasy)
Poor Frank Gifford. Just when he thought his life would be getting back to normal, his disgruntled (but beautiful) wife Kathie Lee has let her jealously of Regis get the best of her and now she’s left “Live” to pursue her musical career. Just when he thought she’d be out of the house for most of the time, Kathie Lee comes back home to drag him and the kids to another one of her annoying concerts.
Boy, I need sex from Susan Johnson, now more than ever, Frank thought while he drank his morning coffee. He sat at the breakfast table with the face of an emotionally beaten man. He dragged his hand down his face and let a frustrated sigh escape his lips.
That’s when the pristine queen of morning TV, herself, Kathie Lee walked in with that all too familiar, self-important look about her.
“Good morning, dear.” She greeted.
“Morning,” replied Frank, forcing a plastic smile on his face.
“Did you sleep well last night?” Kathie Lee asked, joining him at the table.
“You were right there next to me and it was silent. I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way,” he answered. But lucky for him Kathie Lee failed to realize that he was giving her a backhanded complement.
“Oh, you’re such a sweetheart, Frank.” Kathie Lee praised, spooning him. “Hey, honey, I just had a brilliant idea.”
Frank braced himself with a bigger than usual gulp of his java, anticipating the worst.
“Yes, dear?”
“You know, we just don’t do enough together, as a family. I think we should take the kids on a camping trip. Someplace spectacular. How does the Grand Canyon sound?”
Oh, Lord. One little affair and I deserve this? Frank pondered. “That sounds like a lovely idea, Kathie Lee.” He lied.
“Great! I’ll call the travel agent A-S-A-P and book us on a flight to Arizona for next month. Oh, this is going to be so much fun. Just the four of us. One big, happy family.”
Shoot me. Just shoot me now, please. Frank contemplated.
Two weeks later...
Kathie Lee, Frank, Cody, & Cassidy were all at the floor of the Grand Canyon at their own little private campsite. Everything was just how Kathie Lee had planned it. They were right along the Colorado River with a breathing taking view of clear, blue skies and gorgeous scenery. Frank and she had their own tent and the kids had one right next to theirs.
Well, nightfall came around and Frank had threw some more logs on the campfire while Kathie Lee prepared smores for everyone. All the time, Frank couldn’t help but dream about the sexy blonde stewardess he admired on the flight out there.
“Thank you, mommy.” Cody said, taking the inviting tower of chocolate, marshmallow, and graham cracker in his hand.
“You’re welcome, sweetie,” Kathie Lee replied. “Frank...Frank...Frank!”
Frank finally broke out of his trance. “Huh?” He grunted.
“Do you want a smore?” She asked.
“Oh. Sure, dear.”
So far so good. This camping trip wasn’t as bad as Frank had anticipated. But then Kathie Lee did the unspeakable. She went back inside her tent and later came out with a songbook and her acoustic guitar.
When Frank saw that, he was so mortified he could have died. And he even wished he had because the kids all applauded and gathered around their mother.
“What song would you like to sing, kids?” Kathie Lee asked.
“Let’s sing She’ll Be Comin’ ‘Round The Mountain, mommy.” Cassidy shouted.
Oh, God. Please get me out of this. I’ll never cheat on my wife again as long as I live. Just send a UFO or something to fly over and beam up Kathie Lee. I can’t take it anymore. Frank thought.
Suddenly, a strong wind blew up from out of nowhere. And there was an intense, loud, grumbling noise that followed. Everyone was confused and a little scared. Then they all looked up in the sky and couldn’t believe their eyes.
A large, black flying saucer was actually hovering above them. It made the very ground around the secluded campsite shake vehemently as a circle of bright lights from under the U.F.O. shone down on the Giffords.
I can’t believe this is really happening, Frank thought.
The kids were terrified. Kathie Lee and Frank were absolutely stunned. They just continued to stare feebly at the phenomenon. Then a circular door at the bottom of the alien ship opened from the center, revealing a blinding light from within.
The Giffords all shut their eyes to avoid the glaring ray and before they knew it the light had dimmed to a dull violet ray. The beam closed in on Kathie Lee, and all of a sudden an invisible force pulled the TV personality up in the air and towards the ship.
“Frank! Someone please, help me,” yelled Kathie Lee.
“Honey!” Frank shouted, with mixed feelings.
“Mommy! Mommy!” Cody and Cassidy cried.
But they were all helpless and could only watch as Kathie Lee Gifford was pulled into the large spacecraft. Once inside, that blinding light confronted Kathie Lee again. Then all of a sudden, everything went black and she was rendered unconscious.
When Kathie Lee awoke, she was looking up and saw that she was surrounded by twelve strange looking creatures. They all had generic alien faces and red skin. Poor Kathie Lee couldn’t move a muscle or speak a word. The odd creatures all stared at her and conversed with each other as if they were appraising a newly discovered artifact or something. The shock was too much for the Broadway performer and again she fainted.
When she came to again, moments later, Kathie Lee was in a room that had a dim, neon- lighted sort of background. She almost passed out again when she looked in front of her and saw three clear crystal-like sculpture stands: one stand had a living disembodied torso, one was a long stand which lay a pair of legs, and the third had a pair of feet sticking out of a crystal-like plate mounted on the stand.
Kathie Lee’s eyes were wide with fear and her mouth dropped open as she realized that the disembodied body parts were her own - and that her very head was separated from her body and sitting on the same type of sculpture stand, utterly helpless.
That was when the twelve alien men entered the room. They all had what seemed to be some sort of high-tech Etch-A-Sketch set in hand. Kathie Lee could still feel her trapped body, even though it was confined in this weird disembodied state. She could wiggle and flex her feet, jerk her torso, and shake her legs a little.
The aliens all separated into little groups, surrounding the sculpture stands that held her vulnerable body parts in place with that same scientific studying purpose about them. This made Kathie Lee Gifford incredibly nervous, especially when the alien scientist began to feel with their hands all over her vulnerable and exposed body parts. KATHIE LEE WAS EXTREMELY TICKLISH.
The red-skinned creatures poked and prodded and stroked and squeezed her body parts, they would discuss amongst one another in their own little alien jibberish, and they would occasionally enter information on their little Ech-A-Sketch computer pads.
Kathie Lee went wild!
“OH MY GOD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HEY! STOP THAT! YOU’RE TICKLING ME! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HEEHEEHEEEHEEEHEE! HEY! THAT TICKLES! HA HAHAHAHAHAHA! DON’T TOUCH ME! HEY! WAIT1 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! HEEHEEHEEHEEHEE! STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHP! OH! HOW DARE YOU! HAHA HAHA! PLEASE! I CAN’T HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA BARE TO BE EEEEEEEEEEK TICKLED! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! NO! NO! DON’T TOUCH ME! OH! HOW DARE YOU! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! HEY! WAIT! I CAN HAHAHAHAHAHA BARELY BREATHE! HEY, YOU! DON’T HAHAHAHAHA TOUCH ME THERE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! NO! NOT THE SOLES OF MY FEET! HEY! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! HAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! STAHAHAHAHAHAP! PLEEEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEEEEEEEEEASE! NOT MY SIDES! NO! PLEASE! I’M TOO TICKLISH AROUND MY WAIST! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! STOP! STOP! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! PLEEEEEEEEEEEEASE! STOP! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! NOT MY TOES! HEY, YOU! STOP THAT! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! WHY ARE YOU AAAAAAAAAAAAGH DOING THIS TO HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ME! GOD, I’M SO TICKLISH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! WAIT! HEY! NO! STOP THAT! THAT HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA TICKLES!
This went on for what seemed like hours. Poor Kathie Lee was being tickle-tortured like she’s never been before in her life. All she could do was scream and laugh and scream and laugh while these alien doctors freely explored her most sensitive and ticklish regions.
Back down on earth, Frank and the kids were still watching the idle spacecraft that hovered high above them.
“Will the spaceship ever let mommy go, daddy?” Cody asked.
“Not if we’re lucky. I-I-I mean, God, I hope so.”
And back on the spaceship, after a brief rest, Kathie Lee continued to go berserk as the creatures proceeded with their ticklish examination of the human specimen.
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! DON’T! PLEASE! OH! OH! NOT MY ARMPITS! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! NOT MY ARMPITS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME! I’M HAHAHAHAHAHAHA KATHIE LEE! I’M A VERY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH IMPORTANT PERSON! YOU PUT ME BACK TOGETHER, RIGHT NOW! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! HEEHEEHEEHEEHEE! NO! NO! OH! OH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! NOT THERE! STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHP! YOU’LL BE HEARING FROM MY LAWYER ABOUT THIS!!!”
THE END
KATHIE LEE GIFFORD
Starring in
Alien Abduction
(A ticklish celebrity fantasy)
Poor Frank Gifford. Just when he thought his life would be getting back to normal, his disgruntled (but beautiful) wife Kathie Lee has let her jealously of Regis get the best of her and now she’s left “Live” to pursue her musical career. Just when he thought she’d be out of the house for most of the time, Kathie Lee comes back home to drag him and the kids to another one of her annoying concerts.
Boy, I need sex from Susan Johnson, now more than ever, Frank thought while he drank his morning coffee. He sat at the breakfast table with the face of an emotionally beaten man. He dragged his hand down his face and let a frustrated sigh escape his lips.
That’s when the pristine queen of morning TV, herself, Kathie Lee walked in with that all too familiar, self-important look about her.
“Good morning, dear.” She greeted.
“Morning,” replied Frank, forcing a plastic smile on his face.
“Did you sleep well last night?” Kathie Lee asked, joining him at the table.
“You were right there next to me and it was silent. I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way,” he answered. But lucky for him Kathie Lee failed to realize that he was giving her a backhanded complement.
“Oh, you’re such a sweetheart, Frank.” Kathie Lee praised, spooning him. “Hey, honey, I just had a brilliant idea.”
Frank braced himself with a bigger than usual gulp of his java, anticipating the worst.
“Yes, dear?”
“You know, we just don’t do enough together, as a family. I think we should take the kids on a camping trip. Someplace spectacular. How does the Grand Canyon sound?”
Oh, Lord. One little affair and I deserve this? Frank pondered. “That sounds like a lovely idea, Kathie Lee.” He lied.
“Great! I’ll call the travel agent A-S-A-P and book us on a flight to Arizona for next month. Oh, this is going to be so much fun. Just the four of us. One big, happy family.”
Shoot me. Just shoot me now, please. Frank contemplated.
Two weeks later...
Kathie Lee, Frank, Cody, & Cassidy were all at the floor of the Grand Canyon at their own little private campsite. Everything was just how Kathie Lee had planned it. They were right along the Colorado River with a breathing taking view of clear, blue skies and gorgeous scenery. Frank and she had their own tent and the kids had one right next to theirs.
Well, nightfall came around and Frank had threw some more logs on the campfire while Kathie Lee prepared smores for everyone. All the time, Frank couldn’t help but dream about the sexy blonde stewardess he admired on the flight out there.
“Thank you, mommy.” Cody said, taking the inviting tower of chocolate, marshmallow, and graham cracker in his hand.
“You’re welcome, sweetie,” Kathie Lee replied. “Frank...Frank...Frank!”
Frank finally broke out of his trance. “Huh?” He grunted.
“Do you want a smore?” She asked.
“Oh. Sure, dear.”
So far so good. This camping trip wasn’t as bad as Frank had anticipated. But then Kathie Lee did the unspeakable. She went back inside her tent and later came out with a songbook and her acoustic guitar.
When Frank saw that, he was so mortified he could have died. And he even wished he had because the kids all applauded and gathered around their mother.
“What song would you like to sing, kids?” Kathie Lee asked.
“Let’s sing She’ll Be Comin’ ‘Round The Mountain, mommy.” Cassidy shouted.
Oh, God. Please get me out of this. I’ll never cheat on my wife again as long as I live. Just send a UFO or something to fly over and beam up Kathie Lee. I can’t take it anymore. Frank thought.
Suddenly, a strong wind blew up from out of nowhere. And there was an intense, loud, grumbling noise that followed. Everyone was confused and a little scared. Then they all looked up in the sky and couldn’t believe their eyes.
A large, black flying saucer was actually hovering above them. It made the very ground around the secluded campsite shake vehemently as a circle of bright lights from under the U.F.O. shone down on the Giffords.
I can’t believe this is really happening, Frank thought.
The kids were terrified. Kathie Lee and Frank were absolutely stunned. They just continued to stare feebly at the phenomenon. Then a circular door at the bottom of the alien ship opened from the center, revealing a blinding light from within.
The Giffords all shut their eyes to avoid the glaring ray and before they knew it the light had dimmed to a dull violet ray. The beam closed in on Kathie Lee, and all of a sudden an invisible force pulled the TV personality up in the air and towards the ship.
“Frank! Someone please, help me,” yelled Kathie Lee.
“Honey!” Frank shouted, with mixed feelings.
“Mommy! Mommy!” Cody and Cassidy cried.
But they were all helpless and could only watch as Kathie Lee Gifford was pulled into the large spacecraft. Once inside, that blinding light confronted Kathie Lee again. Then all of a sudden, everything went black and she was rendered unconscious.
When Kathie Lee awoke, she was looking up and saw that she was surrounded by twelve strange looking creatures. They all had generic alien faces and red skin. Poor Kathie Lee couldn’t move a muscle or speak a word. The odd creatures all stared at her and conversed with each other as if they were appraising a newly discovered artifact or something. The shock was too much for the Broadway performer and again she fainted.
When she came to again, moments later, Kathie Lee was in a room that had a dim, neon- lighted sort of background. She almost passed out again when she looked in front of her and saw three clear crystal-like sculpture stands: one stand had a living disembodied torso, one was a long stand which lay a pair of legs, and the third had a pair of feet sticking out of a crystal-like plate mounted on the stand.
Kathie Lee’s eyes were wide with fear and her mouth dropped open as she realized that the disembodied body parts were her own - and that her very head was separated from her body and sitting on the same type of sculpture stand, utterly helpless.
That was when the twelve alien men entered the room. They all had what seemed to be some sort of high-tech Etch-A-Sketch set in hand. Kathie Lee could still feel her trapped body, even though it was confined in this weird disembodied state. She could wiggle and flex her feet, jerk her torso, and shake her legs a little.
The aliens all separated into little groups, surrounding the sculpture stands that held her vulnerable body parts in place with that same scientific studying purpose about them. This made Kathie Lee Gifford incredibly nervous, especially when the alien scientist began to feel with their hands all over her vulnerable and exposed body parts. KATHIE LEE WAS EXTREMELY TICKLISH.
The red-skinned creatures poked and prodded and stroked and squeezed her body parts, they would discuss amongst one another in their own little alien jibberish, and they would occasionally enter information on their little Ech-A-Sketch computer pads.
Kathie Lee went wild!
“OH MY GOD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HEY! STOP THAT! YOU’RE TICKLING ME! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HEEHEEHEEEHEEEHEE! HEY! THAT TICKLES! HA HAHAHAHAHAHA! DON’T TOUCH ME! HEY! WAIT1 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! HEEHEEHEEHEEHEE! STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHP! OH! HOW DARE YOU! HAHA HAHA! PLEASE! I CAN’T HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA BARE TO BE EEEEEEEEEEK TICKLED! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! NO! NO! DON’T TOUCH ME! OH! HOW DARE YOU! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! HEY! WAIT! I CAN HAHAHAHAHAHA BARELY BREATHE! HEY, YOU! DON’T HAHAHAHAHA TOUCH ME THERE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! NO! NOT THE SOLES OF MY FEET! HEY! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! HAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! STAHAHAHAHAHAP! PLEEEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEEEEEEEEEASE! NOT MY SIDES! NO! PLEASE! I’M TOO TICKLISH AROUND MY WAIST! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! STOP! STOP! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! PLEEEEEEEEEEEEASE! STOP! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! NOT MY TOES! HEY, YOU! STOP THAT! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! WHY ARE YOU AAAAAAAAAAAAGH DOING THIS TO HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ME! GOD, I’M SO TICKLISH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! WAIT! HEY! NO! STOP THAT! THAT HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA TICKLES!
This went on for what seemed like hours. Poor Kathie Lee was being tickle-tortured like she’s never been before in her life. All she could do was scream and laugh and scream and laugh while these alien doctors freely explored her most sensitive and ticklish regions.
Back down on earth, Frank and the kids were still watching the idle spacecraft that hovered high above them.
“Will the spaceship ever let mommy go, daddy?” Cody asked.
“Not if we’re lucky. I-I-I mean, God, I hope so.”
And back on the spaceship, after a brief rest, Kathie Lee continued to go berserk as the creatures proceeded with their ticklish examination of the human specimen.
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! DON’T! PLEASE! OH! OH! NOT MY ARMPITS! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! NOT MY ARMPITS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME! I’M HAHAHAHAHAHAHA KATHIE LEE! I’M A VERY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH IMPORTANT PERSON! YOU PUT ME BACK TOGETHER, RIGHT NOW! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! HEEHEEHEEHEEHEE! NO! NO! OH! OH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! NOT THERE! STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHP! YOU’LL BE HEARING FROM MY LAWYER ABOUT THIS!!!”
THE END
