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Humor..female perspective

qjakal

1st Level Indigo Feather
Joined
Apr 17, 2001
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Just to balance out the thread on "Old Guys" fighting the war....

In a message dated 10/25/01 5:08:46 PM Eastern Daylight Time, Terri00914
writes:

<< I really thought this was cute....
Take all American women who are within five years of menopause - train us
for a few weeks, outfit us with automatic weapons, grenades, gas masks,
moisturizer with SPF15, Prozac, hormones, chocolate, and canned tuna -drop us
(parachuted, preferably) across the landscape of Afghanistan, and let us do
what comes naturally.
Think about it. Our anger quotient alone, even when doing standard stuff
like grocery shopping and paying bills, is formidable enough to make even
armed men in turbans tremble.
We've had our children, we would gladly suffer or die to protect them and
their future. We'd like to get away from our husbands, if they haven't
left already. And for those of us who are single, the prospect of finding a
good man with whom to share life is about as likely as being struck by
lightning. We have nothing to lose.
We've survived the water diet, the protein diet, the carbohydrate diet,
and the grapefruit diet in gyms and saunas across America and never lost a
pound. We can easily survive months in the hostile terrain of Afghanistan
with no food at all!
We've spent years tracking down our husbands or lovers in bars, hardware
stores, or sporting events...finding bin Laden in some cave will be no
problem.
Uniting all the warring tribes of Afghanistan in a new government? Oh,
please ... we've planned the seating arrangements for in-laws and extended
families at Thanksgiving dinners for years ... we understand tribal warfare.
Between us, we've divorced enough husbands to know every trick there is for
how they hide, launder, or cover up bank accounts and money sources.
We know how to find that money and we know how to seize it ... with or
without the government's help!
Let us go and fight. The Taliban hates women. Imagine their terror as we
crawl like ants with hot-flashes over their godforsaken terrain.
I'm going to write my Congresswoman. You should, too! >>

;)
 
Lord almighty, what a horrid idea! Sure, they'd wipe out the Taliban. But what then? The bloodlust of the menopausal woman, once aroused, cannot be slaked by the frenzied slaughter of a few turbaned fanatics! They would swarm across Central Asia like the Mongol hordes of old, leaving sorrow and ruin in their corpse-ridden wake... And what then when they reach Japan? Certainly an insignificant obstacle such as the Pacific Ocean couldn't stop them, and on the other side lies (gulp) us!

The only way to stop such a force is almost too awful to contemplate... The television stations of the world would have to begin airing "One Life to Live," "Family Law," and old reruns of "Dallas" 24-7, in conjunction with a steady airial bombardment of bon-bons and Ben & Jerry's...

:p

ASUTickler
 
The "bomb"..

If that failed, we could try a bigscreen TV with The LifeTime channel on 24 hours a day....
 
lol. We could always make a peace offering to their fearless leader, "The Oprah..." Perhaps an expensive treadmill packed in 2 tons of jellybeans?

Then again, that might destabilize The Oprah's position of power just enough for her more militant 2nd-in-command to take over... And NO ONE would want to face an angry horde led by Janet "The Renovator" Reno.


ASUTickler
 
nuh uh guys...

...we just wave the Doritos and the remote control, and you become our complacent captives.

eq
'twas ever thus, shall ever be
 
Huh?

Did someone say Doritos...? (we need a new icon with "perked up" ears...lol. Q
 
Light on the subject?

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?........why bother? they can do the washing up in the dark.
 
Opinions....

The post preceding this is in NO WAY reflective upon the editorial opinion of the starter of the thread! (just wanted to jump ship early) Q
 
:)

qjackle,

will either of these do the job?

:wow:

or

:devil:

Myriads
 
Nice....

But could you male the horns wiggle? ;) Q
 
Re: The "bomb"..

qjakal said:
If that failed, we could try a bigscreen TV with The LifeTime channel on 24 hours a day....




or you could just "stitch" us in between two hammocks and tickle us until .....well I will leave that UNTIL up to you guys...


~D

:wow:
 
Hammock!

I call for a vote! I second the motion! All those in favor of stitching elaah into the hammock and tickling her silly? Unanimous!! Report to Long Island immediately! BTW, Myriads, nice new stuff! Keep 'em coming! Q
 
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