The cops were a pain in the ass. They always were, it seemed. Jinx guessed that it was due to her squatter punk past, then after mulling over the facts she came to the conclusion that it was due to her being a bit of a bitch. She never liked them. It was amusing to see them hovering over Iron Jenny, leering and fearing her. Eventually they gathered up the courage to untie her and put her in shackles. Jenny pretended to be stoic, but wherever she glanced upon Jinx her face would change into a combination of hate and fear. It made Jinx quite uncomfortable, and she dove into the endless questions that the police asked, in order not to think about the past events.
She walked out into the street, and paused for a moment to watch the local authorities wrestle with the anvil in the middle of the street. They were having difficulty with the thing, and they were considering getting a truck or calling in some musclebound monster for help. The whole scene depressed Jinx, and she quietly went down the block to catch the city bus. Once on it, she felt better... Then she looked up into the sky, staring at that gigantic ham. It was still there, hovering as if it had always been there. Her eyes swept around the bus, catching people's reactions. Most were chatting about the ham of course, while some were in deep thought about god knows what. It was amazing to Jinx that people went about their daily lives even in the midst to the utterly absurd. She felt eyes boring into her from somewhere, and turned around to see some balding middle aged businessman undressing her in his mind. Jinx rolled her eyes. She wasn't wearing a costume or anything, just black cargo pants and a black shirt with a trenchcoat to keep the chill off of her. And there was nothing particularly sexy about her Chuck Taylors ethier. She moaned when he started to get up out of his seat, and quickly looked out the window, hoping that her stop was close. No such luck.
He sat down next to her, and began to spread the cheese. "Hello there cutie," he purred. "I love your glasses."
Be nice.
"Actually they aren't glasses, they're goggles. I'm a hero." Jinx always felt a little dim when she said that. " A hero? Really?" The man chuckled. "Now I can hardly believe that. You're so tiny. And you aren't even wearing a costume. And what super type would be riding the bus?" The man laughed and put his arm around Jinx in a show of arrogant smoothness. Jinx just looked at him and sighed, then she cut on the goggles with a thought and used the X-ray. Nothing too terribly embarassing about him. Reasonably fit, no women's underwear on him. He did pack a gun, but every other person did these days. So much for shooting him down with a hidden truth. She just wanted to get to where she was going, she thought, why this? Why me? Jinx glanced out of the window again and saw that he stop was near. Thank christ. She pulled the cord to indicate that she wanted the bus to stop. The businessman, sensing that his prey was leaving, started to make a last ditch effort to lay on the charm. "Aw c'mon baby," he cooed, "Get to know me. Am I that bad?" He grinned, showing off his perfect teeth. That smile must have cost thousands. Jinx got up and pondered smashing in those teeth, but that action would get her into trouble. She switched the goggles to Hypno, and uttered a command.
"Go piss yourself."
The man looked shocked, and then gave out a loud yell as he started to wet himself. Jinx pulled herself away from the fellow, afraid of laughing in his face and causing even more of a scene than what was already happening. She got off the bus quickly, expecting the man to follow her off and start a fight, but he remained on the bus, swearing and trying to cope. Another passenger started to get up and advance toward the businessman when the bus rolled off on it's endless route.
Jinx walked across the street to Club Comet, where Eyeball Eddie more or less lived. She would need his help in finding this Mr Ducky character, and he was a nice guy to talk to besides. She walked in, and was taken aback by the lack of people in the club. Normally the place would be full of various freaks no matter what happened. Arnold, the bartender, looked up from his crossword puzzle. He greeted Jinx with a smile and poured her a beer. She grabbed it like it was the Holy Grail and started to gulp it down.
"You look like hell honey," He said in a matter of fact tone. "Cops on your ass again?" Jinx put down her mug and grabbed a handful of cheese popcorn from the nearest munchie bowl. "Oh fuck Al, this has been one of the weirdest nights of my life. And I'm not talking about that big ass ham in the sky. I go through my own window, and Iron Jenny nearly killed me. I'll probably lose my damn apartment. Fuck it all Arnold, I feel my life falling apart."
"Ah, don't sweat it sweetheart. I remember when you used to spare change for beer with your friends when you first came into town. Now look at you, a fucking superhero for god's sake. How would have thought that they would have let you in?" Arnold grinned. "I'm sure you're wondering about the lack of people..."
Jinx went back to her mug, then paused. "Well, it is kinda bizarre. What happened? Was there a fight?" She looked around. No broken glass or holes in the wall. It was a little eerie. "Eyeball shut it down for the night," Arnold said, "He wants to talk with you and he didn't feel like dealing with a bunch of drunks in the process. He's upstairs waiting."
Now that was weird. Jinx put down the glass and walked over to a door on the opposite side of the bar, opened it and started climbing the stairs. Eyeball was a mystic type, which always unnerved her. People who could level buildings with beams coming out of their hands she could understand somewhat. Magic on the other hand creeped her out considerably. Still, Eyeball was a great guy. He was down to earth and very funny, and he always helped out those in need. Jinx considered him a better hero than most of the other ones in the city. She was about to knock when she heard a jovial voice boom out "Come on in Jinx.
She went in, and immediately started giggling. Eyeball was there, sitting behind the desk. On the desk itself was a giant plastic penis with the classic Groucho Marx mask on it's tip. Eyeball smiled, enjoying the reaction "What? what's so funny? Are you laughing at my weenie? It's not nice to laugh at a man's weenie." Eyeball got up from his chair and lumbered over to Jinx, who was starting to get weak in the knees from laughing so hard. He was a wall of a man, not fat but very massive, and he towered over Jinx like some monstrous ogre. He playfully took the goggles off of Jinx, then picked her up gently with an arm a cradled her like a baby. "Well, that's a little better," He said with a grin. "You had the vibe of a duldrum when you came in." Jinx tried to talk inbetween giggles and finally managed to squeak out something similar to "Thanks, I needed that."
Eyeball, never the type to miss an opportunity to make his pals laugh, pulled up Jinx's shirt and started to give her big loud raspberries on her tummy, which made Jinx scream like a wounded beast and gyrate like crazy.
"BbbbBbbBbpPpppppgGgbbbbbBBB"
Jinx couldn't do a thing except pound on him with ineffective blows and wriggle. She was a hell of a fighter but weak as a kitten when somebody tickled her. She knew how Jenny felt somewhat. Eyeball started to worm his fingers into her armpits, making Jinx buck and howl with uncontrolled laughter. She would beg him to stop if she could form words, but she couldn't, and she rode it out as best she could. Actually, she rather liked it. Sort of. Eyeball poked and prodded and dug, finding all of her good spots, and when he started kneading her knees he nearly fell over laughing himself when Jinx let out a high pitched whooping sound. He considered taking her shoes off, but he decided that enough was enough and gently set her on a black leather sofa, handing her her X-zay/Hypno goggles. She put them on her stomach and lay there gasping, with a big grin on her face.
"God!!! You could have killed me you big ape!!" Jinx said when she finally caught her breath. Eyeball just grinned and tossed Jinx a bottle of rum. "You needed it, believe me. I heard you took out Iron Jenny earlier, pretty good work. I knew you could do it." Jinx pounded a swallow from the bottle, letting the rum warm her belly and innnards. "Eyeball, she nearly killed me, but you know how those strong types are. None too bright on the average." Eyeball laughed at the statement. "You saying I'm dumb? I'm a big strong type. Maybe you need a little more of my treatment?" He started to get up again, and Jinx retracted her statement rather quickly. "I'm sorry I'm sorry!!! Didn't mean it!!!"
Eyeball sat back down, with mock importance "Now that's better," he said, "damn whippersnappers." Jinx grinned and pulled another hit off of the bottle. "You're an asshole," she said. "now what did you want to talk to me about?"
Eyeball pulled out a black derby and set it on the desk. In the hat was various strips of paper, with sentences and words culled from various newspapers, magazines and books. Random letters and various works from print. He took a hatpin and pricked his finger deeply, then put a drop of blood on the rim of the hat. "You wanted to know where Mr Ducky was, now you can. Just concentrate, then take a few strips of paper and just throw them on the desk." Jinx cocked an eyebrow at him. Man he was weird. Nevermind how he knew what she wanted. She grabbed a fingerful of paper and threw it on the desk, then dropped her jaw when the strips settled. In various letters it said: "DuCky iS On THanoS aNd FIftH. bE WAry Of BrIcK aNd beAM."
Jinx stared at the message, then stared at Eyeball, who had an odd look on his face."Dude...really. How do you do that?" Jinx asked. Eyeball smiled and put his hands in his pockets, looking like a huge five year old. Jinx thought it was cute. "Well, it runs in my family. Lotta witches, secret society types, that kind of thing. I can't sling mystic bolts and all that shit, but I'm a seer. Always have been. I hope I helped you Jinx. You're a good one, which is why I helped you get the hero job. You're a little bit of a vanguard, but I knew you could handle it."
Jinx suddenly felt ashamed. She had to tell him the truth. "Eyeball," she said quietly, "I got fired today. I'm too much of a bitch and everybody complained. The cops, some of the...uh...citizens. It was okay until the big hero types started jibbering about me. After that it was just a matter of time. I'm sorry Eyeball, I feel as if I let you down somehow." She pulled another swallow out of the bottle of rum, then got up. "Well, I guess I have to go find this Mr Ducky. Jenny told me that I have something to do with that giant ham hovering over the city. I can't imagine what, but I have to find out somehow. Weird, huh? Anyways, I'll see you around."
Jinx took a step, then squealed as Eyeball picked her up again and put her back on the couch, sitting on her so she couldn't move. "So you got fired... Big deal. Don't be so hard on yourself. Your neighborhood loves you to death, everybody here loves you to death, and you don't really need a license to be a hero. So stop moping will you? Or..." Eyeball poked her sides, causing her to yipe. "I'll make you stop moping."
Jinx started to giggle despite herself. "Get off of me you big lummox!!" She couldn't do very much at all, but she did what she could. Reaching around she found one of Eyeball's arms and gave it a good pinch. Eyeball pulled away, with mock indignation on his face. "Lummox!!! You....you...." He then reached around and grabbed one of Jinx's ankles, after which he started pulling the shoe off. Jinx knew what was going to happen, and started kicking with the other foot. She was sensitive already, laughing without reason. "Oh God NO!!! I'm sorry!! I mean it. Eyeball please, I'll die laughing." Eyeball ignored her, pulling off her sock. Jinx's toes wriggled and splayed outward. Such a little foot. "Nice polish," Eyeball quipped, "Is this black?" Jinx turned around and looked at him with a haughty face. "No, you dingbat. It's plum." She knew she was going to get it, so she might as well be an ass. Eyeball laughed. "Plum huh? Well that's fitting... Because I'm gonna drive you "plum" crazy." And with that he dug his fingers into Jinx's toes, causing her to sink into hysterics. It wasn't her worst spot, but she couldn't move much, and that made it ten times worse. She couldn't talk at all ethier, not even curse. She just kicked and laughed and screamed, pounding her fists on the sofa and walls.
Eventually, he let up on her. Jinx was almost in tears from laughing, and she was too tired to go to Mr Ducky's. They sat and got drunk, making each other laugh with stories and jokes. Eyeball invited her to crash on the couch, since it got to the point where Jinx could hardly stand from drink. Jinx thanked him, and was planning to talk quite a bit, but she was too drained from the nights events, and fell asleep. Eyeball put his jacket over her, and went back to his desk with the rum. He sighed and pulled out the main drawer of the desk. In it were more sentences from the hat. They were all the same sentence, and he looked at them with curiousity and concern:
"sHe wIll AsCEnD"
He looked at the little woman, softly snorning and at peace.
"Ah, Jinx. I hope you can handle it."
She walked out into the street, and paused for a moment to watch the local authorities wrestle with the anvil in the middle of the street. They were having difficulty with the thing, and they were considering getting a truck or calling in some musclebound monster for help. The whole scene depressed Jinx, and she quietly went down the block to catch the city bus. Once on it, she felt better... Then she looked up into the sky, staring at that gigantic ham. It was still there, hovering as if it had always been there. Her eyes swept around the bus, catching people's reactions. Most were chatting about the ham of course, while some were in deep thought about god knows what. It was amazing to Jinx that people went about their daily lives even in the midst to the utterly absurd. She felt eyes boring into her from somewhere, and turned around to see some balding middle aged businessman undressing her in his mind. Jinx rolled her eyes. She wasn't wearing a costume or anything, just black cargo pants and a black shirt with a trenchcoat to keep the chill off of her. And there was nothing particularly sexy about her Chuck Taylors ethier. She moaned when he started to get up out of his seat, and quickly looked out the window, hoping that her stop was close. No such luck.
He sat down next to her, and began to spread the cheese. "Hello there cutie," he purred. "I love your glasses."
Be nice.
"Actually they aren't glasses, they're goggles. I'm a hero." Jinx always felt a little dim when she said that. " A hero? Really?" The man chuckled. "Now I can hardly believe that. You're so tiny. And you aren't even wearing a costume. And what super type would be riding the bus?" The man laughed and put his arm around Jinx in a show of arrogant smoothness. Jinx just looked at him and sighed, then she cut on the goggles with a thought and used the X-ray. Nothing too terribly embarassing about him. Reasonably fit, no women's underwear on him. He did pack a gun, but every other person did these days. So much for shooting him down with a hidden truth. She just wanted to get to where she was going, she thought, why this? Why me? Jinx glanced out of the window again and saw that he stop was near. Thank christ. She pulled the cord to indicate that she wanted the bus to stop. The businessman, sensing that his prey was leaving, started to make a last ditch effort to lay on the charm. "Aw c'mon baby," he cooed, "Get to know me. Am I that bad?" He grinned, showing off his perfect teeth. That smile must have cost thousands. Jinx got up and pondered smashing in those teeth, but that action would get her into trouble. She switched the goggles to Hypno, and uttered a command.
"Go piss yourself."
The man looked shocked, and then gave out a loud yell as he started to wet himself. Jinx pulled herself away from the fellow, afraid of laughing in his face and causing even more of a scene than what was already happening. She got off the bus quickly, expecting the man to follow her off and start a fight, but he remained on the bus, swearing and trying to cope. Another passenger started to get up and advance toward the businessman when the bus rolled off on it's endless route.
Jinx walked across the street to Club Comet, where Eyeball Eddie more or less lived. She would need his help in finding this Mr Ducky character, and he was a nice guy to talk to besides. She walked in, and was taken aback by the lack of people in the club. Normally the place would be full of various freaks no matter what happened. Arnold, the bartender, looked up from his crossword puzzle. He greeted Jinx with a smile and poured her a beer. She grabbed it like it was the Holy Grail and started to gulp it down.
"You look like hell honey," He said in a matter of fact tone. "Cops on your ass again?" Jinx put down her mug and grabbed a handful of cheese popcorn from the nearest munchie bowl. "Oh fuck Al, this has been one of the weirdest nights of my life. And I'm not talking about that big ass ham in the sky. I go through my own window, and Iron Jenny nearly killed me. I'll probably lose my damn apartment. Fuck it all Arnold, I feel my life falling apart."
"Ah, don't sweat it sweetheart. I remember when you used to spare change for beer with your friends when you first came into town. Now look at you, a fucking superhero for god's sake. How would have thought that they would have let you in?" Arnold grinned. "I'm sure you're wondering about the lack of people..."
Jinx went back to her mug, then paused. "Well, it is kinda bizarre. What happened? Was there a fight?" She looked around. No broken glass or holes in the wall. It was a little eerie. "Eyeball shut it down for the night," Arnold said, "He wants to talk with you and he didn't feel like dealing with a bunch of drunks in the process. He's upstairs waiting."
Now that was weird. Jinx put down the glass and walked over to a door on the opposite side of the bar, opened it and started climbing the stairs. Eyeball was a mystic type, which always unnerved her. People who could level buildings with beams coming out of their hands she could understand somewhat. Magic on the other hand creeped her out considerably. Still, Eyeball was a great guy. He was down to earth and very funny, and he always helped out those in need. Jinx considered him a better hero than most of the other ones in the city. She was about to knock when she heard a jovial voice boom out "Come on in Jinx.
She went in, and immediately started giggling. Eyeball was there, sitting behind the desk. On the desk itself was a giant plastic penis with the classic Groucho Marx mask on it's tip. Eyeball smiled, enjoying the reaction "What? what's so funny? Are you laughing at my weenie? It's not nice to laugh at a man's weenie." Eyeball got up from his chair and lumbered over to Jinx, who was starting to get weak in the knees from laughing so hard. He was a wall of a man, not fat but very massive, and he towered over Jinx like some monstrous ogre. He playfully took the goggles off of Jinx, then picked her up gently with an arm a cradled her like a baby. "Well, that's a little better," He said with a grin. "You had the vibe of a duldrum when you came in." Jinx tried to talk inbetween giggles and finally managed to squeak out something similar to "Thanks, I needed that."
Eyeball, never the type to miss an opportunity to make his pals laugh, pulled up Jinx's shirt and started to give her big loud raspberries on her tummy, which made Jinx scream like a wounded beast and gyrate like crazy.
"BbbbBbbBbpPpppppgGgbbbbbBBB"
Jinx couldn't do a thing except pound on him with ineffective blows and wriggle. She was a hell of a fighter but weak as a kitten when somebody tickled her. She knew how Jenny felt somewhat. Eyeball started to worm his fingers into her armpits, making Jinx buck and howl with uncontrolled laughter. She would beg him to stop if she could form words, but she couldn't, and she rode it out as best she could. Actually, she rather liked it. Sort of. Eyeball poked and prodded and dug, finding all of her good spots, and when he started kneading her knees he nearly fell over laughing himself when Jinx let out a high pitched whooping sound. He considered taking her shoes off, but he decided that enough was enough and gently set her on a black leather sofa, handing her her X-zay/Hypno goggles. She put them on her stomach and lay there gasping, with a big grin on her face.
"God!!! You could have killed me you big ape!!" Jinx said when she finally caught her breath. Eyeball just grinned and tossed Jinx a bottle of rum. "You needed it, believe me. I heard you took out Iron Jenny earlier, pretty good work. I knew you could do it." Jinx pounded a swallow from the bottle, letting the rum warm her belly and innnards. "Eyeball, she nearly killed me, but you know how those strong types are. None too bright on the average." Eyeball laughed at the statement. "You saying I'm dumb? I'm a big strong type. Maybe you need a little more of my treatment?" He started to get up again, and Jinx retracted her statement rather quickly. "I'm sorry I'm sorry!!! Didn't mean it!!!"
Eyeball sat back down, with mock importance "Now that's better," he said, "damn whippersnappers." Jinx grinned and pulled another hit off of the bottle. "You're an asshole," she said. "now what did you want to talk to me about?"
Eyeball pulled out a black derby and set it on the desk. In the hat was various strips of paper, with sentences and words culled from various newspapers, magazines and books. Random letters and various works from print. He took a hatpin and pricked his finger deeply, then put a drop of blood on the rim of the hat. "You wanted to know where Mr Ducky was, now you can. Just concentrate, then take a few strips of paper and just throw them on the desk." Jinx cocked an eyebrow at him. Man he was weird. Nevermind how he knew what she wanted. She grabbed a fingerful of paper and threw it on the desk, then dropped her jaw when the strips settled. In various letters it said: "DuCky iS On THanoS aNd FIftH. bE WAry Of BrIcK aNd beAM."
Jinx stared at the message, then stared at Eyeball, who had an odd look on his face."Dude...really. How do you do that?" Jinx asked. Eyeball smiled and put his hands in his pockets, looking like a huge five year old. Jinx thought it was cute. "Well, it runs in my family. Lotta witches, secret society types, that kind of thing. I can't sling mystic bolts and all that shit, but I'm a seer. Always have been. I hope I helped you Jinx. You're a good one, which is why I helped you get the hero job. You're a little bit of a vanguard, but I knew you could handle it."
Jinx suddenly felt ashamed. She had to tell him the truth. "Eyeball," she said quietly, "I got fired today. I'm too much of a bitch and everybody complained. The cops, some of the...uh...citizens. It was okay until the big hero types started jibbering about me. After that it was just a matter of time. I'm sorry Eyeball, I feel as if I let you down somehow." She pulled another swallow out of the bottle of rum, then got up. "Well, I guess I have to go find this Mr Ducky. Jenny told me that I have something to do with that giant ham hovering over the city. I can't imagine what, but I have to find out somehow. Weird, huh? Anyways, I'll see you around."
Jinx took a step, then squealed as Eyeball picked her up again and put her back on the couch, sitting on her so she couldn't move. "So you got fired... Big deal. Don't be so hard on yourself. Your neighborhood loves you to death, everybody here loves you to death, and you don't really need a license to be a hero. So stop moping will you? Or..." Eyeball poked her sides, causing her to yipe. "I'll make you stop moping."
Jinx started to giggle despite herself. "Get off of me you big lummox!!" She couldn't do very much at all, but she did what she could. Reaching around she found one of Eyeball's arms and gave it a good pinch. Eyeball pulled away, with mock indignation on his face. "Lummox!!! You....you...." He then reached around and grabbed one of Jinx's ankles, after which he started pulling the shoe off. Jinx knew what was going to happen, and started kicking with the other foot. She was sensitive already, laughing without reason. "Oh God NO!!! I'm sorry!! I mean it. Eyeball please, I'll die laughing." Eyeball ignored her, pulling off her sock. Jinx's toes wriggled and splayed outward. Such a little foot. "Nice polish," Eyeball quipped, "Is this black?" Jinx turned around and looked at him with a haughty face. "No, you dingbat. It's plum." She knew she was going to get it, so she might as well be an ass. Eyeball laughed. "Plum huh? Well that's fitting... Because I'm gonna drive you "plum" crazy." And with that he dug his fingers into Jinx's toes, causing her to sink into hysterics. It wasn't her worst spot, but she couldn't move much, and that made it ten times worse. She couldn't talk at all ethier, not even curse. She just kicked and laughed and screamed, pounding her fists on the sofa and walls.
Eventually, he let up on her. Jinx was almost in tears from laughing, and she was too tired to go to Mr Ducky's. They sat and got drunk, making each other laugh with stories and jokes. Eyeball invited her to crash on the couch, since it got to the point where Jinx could hardly stand from drink. Jinx thanked him, and was planning to talk quite a bit, but she was too drained from the nights events, and fell asleep. Eyeball put his jacket over her, and went back to his desk with the rum. He sighed and pulled out the main drawer of the desk. In it were more sentences from the hat. They were all the same sentence, and he looked at them with curiousity and concern:
"sHe wIll AsCEnD"
He looked at the little woman, softly snorning and at peace.
"Ah, Jinx. I hope you can handle it."
