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How do you approach someone online?

Q

QBWeaver

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There's a thread in AMT recently where the gentleman stated how beautiful the TMF women are when he was viewing the pics. His concern was that most of the women were rather cold when he tried to contact them. He called it the "iron curtain". We started some dialog about it and I shared with him that several of the women had been "approached" in ways that were not very flattering or they would agree to meet the guy only to find out that although he proclaimed his tickling skills he was clueless and actually just was after sex. This happens to not only the women but men as well.

So... Is there proper etiquette for reaching out to someone online to talk to them or to meet them? How do you contact someone you'd like to chat with?

Maybe by talking through some of the etiquette do's and don'ts we can get some agreement and make some recommendations on how to meet people and then hopefully make it easier for newer folks joining our troupe.

What works for you? What doesn't work?
 
I think that it's a good idea to get to know someone before ever considering to meet them. Patience is a virtue, a virtue which some people never seemed to obtain.
Even then, be ever so wary, it's a horrible thing, but people could indeed just be acting to get sex, as QB noted, and it's a lot easier to act when you don't have to show your face, I'll demonstrate, my name is Gustave :rolleyes: ....alright but some people might be smart enough not to put the face and you'd think their name really was Gustave, no offense to anyone named Gustave, I like that name. My point, before I went off in a paragraph of nincompoopery, is not to meet them alone, and as far as approaching people, be yourself, be charming, and be kind. Old advice, but still ever so wise advice.
 
I don't really know what a good way to approach someone to chat would be, as the only chatting I've ever done online was via MUDs and there it arises out of the game. As for meeting someone, I agree with Cyrano in that getting to know the person first is important. I have met a good many people in real life that i first met online, and they were all positive experiences. However, I considered them good friends before I even thought of meeting them.
 
Hanging head.....

I know I am probably guilty of this myself. It is a little bit of a pet peeve of mine if someone enters the chat, and immediately PC's me with "a/s/l....lee/ler". The main chat room is always so thristy for SOME sort of conversation, and if only the basics are being asked, they should be addressed in the main chat room. If I have 4 PC's all going at once, I loose track of everything and feel like someone is getting left out somewhere, and it's not fair to any of the parties involved. I prefer to keep all my general chat topics in the main room, and only go to PC for the more intimate things (like scenes or more personal get to know you's). If I hit it off with someone in the main room, and then we decide to take it to PC to get on a more intimate level, wonderful. But please do not PC me the second you enter the room. That has 'lurker' written all over it and is quite distasteful.

I do sincerely apologize to the gentleman mentioned above, or to anyone else I may have come across as being 'cold' to. I honestly do not mean to give anyone that impression, and would be crushed if that was the case. I want to make friends with as many people as humanly possible through this forum and the chat. If I came off as cold before, just try a new approach. PRETEND if you must, that you actually have some interest in my mind, and not just my extremely ticklish body. You'd be amazed at how much time I would be willing to devote to a one on one chat with you :) Who knows, you may even discover you actually like me :devil:

Mimi
 
Agree with Mimi

I also have a pet peeve about people sending me private messages in chat, only to ask -- right off the bat -- "a/s/l?" I get the feeling that, 99.9% of the time, such messages are sent by guys looking for a 'cyber-tickle/sex scene'.

Sometimes I'll answer, and the fact that I'm male ends the conversation. That really annoys me!! I go to the chat room to discuss ideas about tickling -- not to be solicited for cyber-scenes by people I've never talked to before. I can see why women often feel they are being bombarded by guys in heat.

Most of the time, I refuse to answer this question (because I realize that the question is only a thinly veiled attempt to confirm that I'm female). The annoyed responses I get, and the demands that I "answer the question before we talk further", give me the impression that I'm holding up someone else's masturbation session.

I echo Mimi's sentiments: get to know people in the main room first, then, after you know someone, go into private conversation to do your cyber-sexing, etc.
 
A question about a question

Forgive my ignorance, but what does "a/s/l?" mean?
 
I wouldn't dare call it ignorance, rather I'd call it innocence. It stands for age/sex/location. I agree whole heartily that shouldn't be a question asked right off the bat, in fact, I don't think it should be asked at all. If the person introduces themself that is fine, but I don't think one should be so bold as to inquire.
 
I totally agree. A long time ago, there was a thread started after some conversations I had with Cosmo, Everlast, Myriads and a few other guys about the chatroom. It was basically about how a lot of guys complain(ed) about the "lack of female members" but immediately pounced on them whenever they came into the chatroom.

Meeting someone online should be done with the same taste and etiquette as meeting someone in person. You don't walk up to someone at a party or any other gathering and ask "How old are you, where do you live?" Right?

Now that there are more women on the boards and taking part, and now that Mia and Evilqueen are getting more female oriented things started, let's show the ladies some respect.

Most of us do, that's just a general statement, by the way. We are a close family and for the most part, this is one of the most civil discussion boards on the Net, even considering a few recent ripples.

So as far as approaching someone, I would suggest simply pretending that person is someone standing in front of you and not just an anonymous screen name. There are real people behind these mind-numbing glass and plastic sludge boxes.....:cool:
 
Whenever I get the a/s/l question I have a canned response.

in years/not enough/here

Most of the time it starts up some fun discussion but if it doesn't... then I'm OUTTA there!

Someone in an email sent me an answer to the original question about "How to you approach someone online?" He said... Just throw rocks and see if they get mad. If not, you're in. If they do get mad... Run like heck! LOL
 
How do you approach women online? Be funny and persistant. I used to enter AOHell chatrooms to squeeze a tickling story out of an unsuspecting female chatter once in a while. If you are straight to the point, and FUNNY they will drop their other messages to chat with you.

Steve
 
Q

Sorry...although I'm a big fan of chatting/posting, I don't see the point of "hunting" down the women and trying to force a meeting. The chatrooms I've visited have been pretty tame, and appear to be populated by a younger crowd. I like a lively conversation, but as Mimi stated, it can get a bit confusing in there with all the talking "over" each other and multiple threads. We could use a new medium, preferably one with some basic controls and screening for more intelligent and easier viewing...when the heck is Dave gonna be done perfecting that Holographic Interfacing system that Strel and I sent the diagrams for? I realize it takes awhile to transfer the thing off that many cocktail napkins, but c'mon! As for basic courtesy...forget it...it's akin to common sense...all too rare. The women of the TMF are brave indeed to even sign on...although I guess the attention might be nice once in a while. Whatever...rambling mind \, I'm one of a kind! ;) Q
 
Mimi, how could anybody not like you?:D

QB and Steve, you offer great suggestions.

I go into the chat room regularly but you will rarely see evilqueen there because EQ gets PM'd far too much. So I chat with friends under other identities. I'd like to get to know more people but like Q I find the experience overwhelming. Too many people begging for attention. Too many chat windows making my machine crash.

Trivia night is always fun because there's a structure to the conversation and lots of involvement that give you a better sense about others' personalities. When I suggested in one post that the old-timers set a day/time to get together for chat, Myriads said Just come and show up - the majority always steers the conversation. Well, Q, QB and all? Shall we name a time?:p

eq
____________
[email protected]
 
I must say that I agree with a lot of you so far. As a frequent user of the TMF chatroom, I must say that it really bothers me when somebody asks me the "a/s/l" question seconds after I enter the room. Whenever that happens, I just simply won't answer. Also, as one of the chat moderators, I get so tempted to kick the person out of the room ... but I instead warn them first not to do it again. If they ignore the warning, they're booted.

However, there is one thing I must point out to one and all. Because of the way the TMF chatroom works, you can never tell if a person really is what they claim to be. It is impossible to verify such information. Lately, I've been having problems running into people in the chatroom who claim to be female...when based on their actions and things they say to me, clearly they are not.

Beware the liars.

The Rhythm Doctor
 
Friday PM?

I had answered that post, I believe with a suggestion that we set aside some time on Friday nights for the "older" crowd to wander into a room and drool on their keyboards and try to keep track of even one conversation at a time...lol. Q
 
Rhythm Doctor,

I know exactly what you mean about people posing as something they are not. I've talked to lots of the guys online who have been duped by guys posing as women. It's a shame that people feel the need to do that.

I often get mistaken for a guy due to my screen name, "QB"Weaver. They always think QB stands for QuarterBack. I sure love football but I'm far from being a guy. The other response I get is some of the guys won't believe I'm a woman unless they get to talk to me on the phone. Oh Yeah, like I'm going to pass out my home phone number to every guy who ever said that. Sorry! Ain't gonna happen. But all they need to do is to talk to many others in this community who have met me and they get verification. Someday I'll post my pic here on TMF too. I'm sure no Brittany Spears (FAR from it actually) but at least they'd get to see the REAL me.

Unfortunately the internet provides the convenient cover for guys who want to pose as women. Someday when we ALL have the video phones or the cams attached to the computers it will be much easier to flush out the imposters.
 
Dave2112 said:
Meeting someone online should be done with the same taste and etiquette as meeting someone in person. You don't walk up to someone at a party or any other gathering and ask "How old are you, where do you live?" Right?

I was going to respond to this thread with something like what you've said, Dave; I think you said it better.

On the other hand ... there's no need to ask the a/s/l question at a party because you can more or less tell that by looking at the person. Although I really dislike asking that question in chat, I do regard it as rather fundamental and primary. I am not a guy in heat looking for sexually arousing conversation. (Well, hardly ever!) I am not a cyber-sex kinda guy. And I certainly won't avoid conversation with you just because you're male. But I think it's a fair question, although it seems overused. But, oh boy, you're so right, Dave, in your philosophy of "meeting people online."

I also agree with the guy who counseled patience before meeting offline. It seems to me that after a few weeks of 1. online chat, 2. chat + phone, 3. chat + phone + webcam ... you ought to have some idea of whether you'll like each other in person.
Click to expand...
 
Nonsmoker?

Congrats if you've just made the decision to get "clean" EQ! Tough thing to do...I still remember my 3 pack a day habit well...even though it's been nearly 15 years since I quit. I was one of the cursed that is also physically addicted to nicotine, so the first 3-5 days were a mess of dry heaves, sweats, shakes and delirium. Followed it up with a month of depression, lethargy and general crankiness. Fortunately it was SO bad I never wanted to go through it again and managed to stay off...it gets better....little by little. Handcuffs can be quite useful in these trying times...;) Q
 
The question getting asked in this thread is one I see come up all the time, so :bump: for those who havn't already seen it.


For me personally, I find that a r/l contact is only made after I and the lady have known each other online for some time. This will usually include some talking on the phone. After a few months of that it progresses to agreeing to meet in a public place, and if we like each other after a chat, it progresses to some tickling play. Anyone else have any thoughts or opinions on this?
 
you must sneak up behind them, very quietly.

shhhh. i'm hunting wabbits.........
 
When people IM me and they just are like "Hi asl" they go to ignore damn quick, same as if they IM me and expect me to know them "You dont remember me? Come on, yu must!"
 
Yeah, I would expect people to use the same common courtesy you would expect anywhere else.... taking time to get to know someone is essential before any ideas of meeting in person, which I have yet to do, because essentially I live too far away from most friends I've made here :(
 
That "ASL" thing really bothers me too.
I've gotten to the point where I basically answer "years/yes/here" and leave it at that. Generally anyone asking that type of question is fairly new to the board or just socially challenged.

I sometimes discuss how they would go about meeting a woman in public. Would they ask those type of questions of a person they walked up to? Would they modify it to ask "How old are you? Are you really a woman? and Where to you live?"

When I tell a guy my real age I usually get this..."I really love older women". Or "Do you like younger men?" Oh brother! Grow up already! LOL

Then we get into the conversation about why that would matter. 9 times out of 10 it's because they want to jump in the sack with anyone who's willing. It's just gotten so ridiculous online. A Lady can't even go online without getting this just about every time they log on.

Sorry guys. I look for the quality in the man and most ladies look for the same thing. Get those hormones under control and treat a lady like a lady. It will be much more fun for both of you.
 
That's something I've learned; that anyone at the TMF should be approached and treated the exact same way as if you'd just met them in a social club. It also seems to be best if you chat to someone in detail for some months before you agree to a tickle session.
 
You know who the jerks are in the chatroom...usually within only a few minutes. It requires very little exercise of the motor skills to detect them. And, if you're human, and have some modicum of intelligence, you ignore them.
 
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