MY ROOMMATE IS SUCH A BITCH
About my roommate:
She is *such* a bitch!
I'm a freshman at this college. You probably never heard of it, it's a small liberal arts college. I'm a music major.
I live in the dorms and, of course, I got assigned the *worst* roommate of all time. Her name is Lynnie.
I'm Nicole.
Last week, one afternoon, I was in my room, practicing my guitar. Guitar's kind of new to me, the clarinet is my instrument, but I'm supposed to learn an instument not in the same family as the clarinet, which is woodwinds. So I picked guitar.
So in walks Lynnie and just turns on her stereo. Loud.
"Hey?" I said, obviously pissed.
"Hey, yourself," she said, totally oblivious, or so she let on.
"I'm practicing," I said.
"Yeah?" she said.
"So can't you leave the stereo off?"
"No, I can't. I can't concentrate in dead silence."
"There wasn't dead silence," I said. "I was playing the guitar."
"Same thing," she said, opening her sketch book. She's an art major, by the way.
I walked over and turned off her stereo.
"Hey! Look, I told you *never* to do ..." she started.
I calmly started playing the guitar again.
"Why the *fuck* do I get a fucking music major for a roommate?" she screamed.
She got up and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind her hard enought to rattle everything in the room.
"Bitch," I said, to myself.
----------------
It's like that most of the time, you understand.
Later that evening, I was in the room, reading with earphones on when she came back. She'd been jogging. She sat down on her bed, breathing hard.
I kept reading.
"Hey, I'm talking to you!" I heard her shout, over the music in my earphones. I don't think it was the first time she'd said it.
"Yeah?" I said, pulling off the earphones.
"What do you know about Alex MacGill?" she asked.
"Alex MacGill," I said. "He's a junior. He's on the track team, on scholarship. He's out of your league," I said.
"Bullshit," she said.
"What's bullshit? That he's on the track team?" I said, knowing what she meant.
"No-one is out of my league," she said.
"Seventy per cent, Lynnie. It's all the girls talk about around here."
OK, you're asking, what's this seventy per cent stuff? Well, like I said, it's a liberal arts college. Lots of girls, not so many guys. Seventy percent female, to be exact. It seems to be the topic of way too many conversations among the girls here. Not that I'm happy about it myself. It's one of the reasons I decided on the guitar as a second instrument. More guys play guitar than girls.
"I was jogging with him," she said.
"Meaning you were on the track at the same time he was. Along with a few dozen other people."
"We talked."
"Wow, Lynnie," I said, in mock amazement, "you actually got to talk to a varsity athlete! Maybe next year you can talk to another one!"
"Jealous, aren't you, Short Stuff?"
OK, I admit that one got to me a little. I'm not very tall, about 5-foot-2. Lynnie's 5-foot-11, I think, although she claims to be 6-foot-one.
"Jealous of what?" I said.
She just smirked. Smirking and pouting seem to be her only expressions.
"I'm going to take a shower," she said, "play your banjo or whatever."
"Guitar," I said.
"Yeah, whatever," she said, leaving the room.
A few minutes after she left, her cellphone rang.
"Lynnie's answering service," I said.
"Is L.B. there?" asked a voice.
"Elbie?" I said.
"L. B. The Little Bitch."
"More like a Big Bitch," I said. "She's in the shower. Who is this?"
"I'm her sister. Tell her Dad's getting divorced again. No big deal. It's only the third wife he's divorced since our mother."
"OK," I said. "I'll tell her. So you call her the Little Bitch?"
"Just L.B. I don't suppose you've found a cure?"
"For her being a bitch? I've only known her a few months, I thought you might have some ideas."
"Actually, Dad used to be able to deal with her, before he divorced our mom. He used to tickle her."
"Tickle her?" I giggled.
"Oh, yeah, he'd pin her down and really tickle the hell out of her. Boy, she hated that. She used to scream bloody murder. She'd sulk for days after he did it."
"Hmmm. She's way bigger than me," I said. "I don't think I could do it."
"Yeah, she was a lot smaller when Dad did it. Sure did shut her up for a while. What's your name, by the way?"
"Nicole."
"I'm Callie. Good to talk to you. Tell her about the divorce."
"Yeah, I will. Bye."
--------------------------
Lynnie just smirked when I told her about her Dad's divorce.
"And another one bites the dust," she said.
She was asleep within minutes. Obviously it didn't bother her.
I went to sleep myself.
----------------------------
The next day, I was walking across campus with my guitar, and who walks in step with me but Alex McGill?
"Hey, I'm Alex."
"Nicole."
I gotta admit, Lynnie has good taste in guys. Alex McGill is hot.
"Is that a lute?" he asked.
"Guitar," I said, trying not to sound dopey. I was grinning way too much.
"Do you play the lute?" he asked.
"No," I said.
"Would you like to learn?"
I stopped walking.
"What's all this about a lute?" I asked.
"It's the Medieval Club."
"The what?"
"Medieval Club. You know, the medieval period in history. We do reenactments, fund-raisers, stuff like that. We need a lute player. We provide the lute. Our lutist quit the club."
Did I mention Alex McGill is hot? Being in a club with him sounded like a cool idea.
"Uh, well, I guess I could learn, it must be sort of like playing the guitar, right?"
"I guess. I don't play music."
"You run track."
"Actually I do the shot put, I'm not a runner."
"Oh, my roommate said she ran with you."
"I run for conditioning. Your roommate wouldn't be named Lynnie, would she?"
"That's the one," I said.
"You don't sound too thrilled about it."
"It's a girl thing," I said.
"I can imagine she'd be a pain in the ass," he said.
"I though guys liked the tall, blonde, willowy type," I said. Damn, that sounds like whining, since I'm none of those things.
"Not when they're cock teasers," he said.
My jaw dropped.
"You look surprised," he said.
"I guess I'm not, really," I said. "What did she do to you?"
"Not me. Some other guys. Mostly the brainy geek types who have trouble getting dates even with the odds here. She gets them hot and bothered and then gets them to do her classwork for her. Then she says 'thanks, bye!' and leaves. She's got quite a reputation. I'm surprised you haven't heard."
"I tune out most of the girl talk in the dorms," I said. "So I take it you're not inviting her into this Medieval Club?"
Alex sighed.
"We really could use another artist," he said. "We've got so many history and language majors it isn't funny. She asked me about it."
"Forget it, she's a bitch."
"The other girls in the club have ways of dealing with bitches," said Alex, grinning.
"Like what, tickle torture?"
Alex looked at me like I was really weird.
"Why? Are you ticklish?"
"Hardly at all. But Lynnie is."
"Really?" he said slowly. "how do you know that? What goes on in those dorms?"
"Oh, last night I talked to Lynnie's sister on the phone. She said their Dad used to tickle-torture her as punishment when she was little. Apparently it was very effective punishment," I said, grinning.
Alex had a faraway look in his eye. He looked very thoughful for a few seconds.
"Nicole, I'm inviting you and Lynnie to join the Medieval Club. The next meeting is tomorrow night at eight. Can you make it?"
"Sure. But ..."
"... you don't want to be in a club with Lynnie."
"That's about it."
"Look, Nicole. It may be worth your while. I'm not promising anything, but I have an idea. Just come and see what happens, OK?"
"OK," I said, curious about what he meant.
---------------------------
"There's going to be an initiation," said Lynnie. We were in our dorm room.
"Huh? This isn't a Greek thing," I said. "Besides, hazing's been banned, remember?"
"Yeah, right," said Lynnie, as if she knew everything. "They'll probably make us run across campus naked or something. You'll chicken out for sure."
"You ready to go?" I said, changing the subject.
"God, Nikkie, do you have to put on a leg show for the guys all the time?"
"I'm comfortable in shorts."
"It's almost winter, in case you haven't noticed."
Lynnie was wearing jeans, but between the low-rise jeans and belly shirt there was a good foot of bare belly.
"Is your belly-button insulated? Besides, it's not cold yet."
"You're going to chicken out during the initiation," she smirked.
-----------------------
It wasn't that far, but Lynnie drove her car. It was in the basement of an off-campus house where Alex and two other guys lived. Both of them were in the club, too.
Alex led us into the basement. It looked like a typical club at our school. Six guys, twenty girls. Everyone was dressed for the occasion, in medieval dress. Alex was in a kilt, not the little kind, but the big one that wraps all around like Mel Gibson in Braveheart. I won't say he looked as good as Mel Gibson, but close.
A couple of the girls took Lynnie and me into a bathroom and had us change into long medieval skirts. So much for my leg show, the skirt came down to my toes. The bodice was cool, though. Lynnie got this strapless thing with detachable sleeves.
We went back out to the main room. Everyone was waiting for us.
"I want to present our two new prospective members," said Alex. "Lynnie here is an art major, so maybe we can get some of those murals finished. And Nicole's a guitarist who's willing to learn the lute to replace dear departed Leah."
I heard a few murmurs from the girls. It sounded like one said "bitch." Apparently Leah was one of the bitches they had dealt with. I made a mental note to ask how they did it. I could use some hints.
"Now, before we accept Lynnie and Nicole into our club, we must first ask them to perform some simple tasks for us. As it happens, I have finished the new set of stocks for our fund-raisers. Lynnie, would you be so kind as to sit on the bench?"
Lynnie gave me a knowing smile. Obviously this was part of the initiation. She sat down on the bench.
I could barely keep a straight face. This just *had* to have something to do with my remark about tickling. She'd be a sitting duck in the stocks. It obviously hadn't occurred to her.
Alex locked her ankles in the stocks. Then he had me come over and stand behind Lynnie. There was an upright post behind the bench with some leather straps. He told me to put Lynnie's wrists in the straps. I locked them in. Her arms were raised above her head.
I could barely contain my glee. Between the strapless top and the detachable sleeves were nothing but bare armpits. Ticklish armpits, if Callie was right.
"So what do you do with these to raise money?" asked Lynnie. There was a little quaver in her voice. Obviously she was a bit scared at being locked in.
"Oh, mostly we charge people money to throw things at the person in the stocks."
"Um, what sorts of things?" said Lynnie, trying not to sound nervous.
"Nothing dangerous," said Alex, smiling. "Usually wet sponges, styrofoam balls, things like that. We're not out to get anyone hurt."
"That's good," said Lynnie, forcing a smile. She had talked so brave about the initiation. She had no idea what was coming.
"Try to get out of the stocks, Lynnie," said Alex.
Lynnie pulled and rattled the heavy wood, and pulled on the leather straps. It was all obviously quite secure.
"Can't get out," said Lynnie, still trying to cover up her fear with a smile.
"Of course," said Alex, "there's one sure way to make sure the stocks are secure. It's quite traditional, I assure you."
He pulled off Lynnie's medieval shoes. At this point I think Lynnie got an inkling of what was coming. Her eyes got big and she gulped a couple times. I was biting my lip, trying to keep from laughing.
Alex stuck out one finger and tickled Lynnie's right foot.
"AAAAAAAAHHHHH!" she screamed.
Damn, I thought, I just used to giggle when my big brother tickled my feet. I sort of liked it. But Lynnie sounded like she'd been scalded or something.
Alex did the one-finger thing on each of her feet for several second. Lynnie screamed, pulled on the straps and twisted every which way.
Alex let her catch her breath for a minute. I could her people chuckling behind me. Lynnie almost composed herself and said:
"Pretty secure, I think, Alex?'
It sounded like begging. No, no, I thought, give her some more of this.
"Hmmm," said Alex, pretending to think, and walking around, looking. Lynnie's eyes followed him, begging.
I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. I was still standing behind Lynnie.
I turned around and saw one of the girls. She handed me a wooden box and held her finger to her lip, signaling me be quiet. I opened the box.
It was full of feathers!
Alex winked at me. I winked back.
I pulled out a feather and looked at it, lovingly. I had never been so happy to have a feather in my hand.
"I think we need a bit more testing," said Alex. Lynnie's jaw dropped. She opened and closed her mouth several times, trying to think of something to say.
I saw Alex nod. I ever so lightly touched Lynnie's armpit with my feather.
Bingo! She screamed, she twisted, she pulled on the straps and jerked the post back and forth. I was laughing my ass off. I got another feather and did both 'pits at once. Lynnie was trying to pull her arms down, but only was able to lift herself off the bench. I think the tension actually tightened her 'pits and made her more ticklish. If such a thing were possible.
I was loving every minute of it. I turned around. People were rolling on the floor, laughing. I gave them a wide-eyed grin.
Lynnie's mouth was open, her face was red, she was screaming and pulling and just about going ballistic. She couldn't hide those armpits from me, though. I was so zeroed in.
I gotta admit, it was a good test for the stocks. Hee hee. Glad to help. Tee hee hee.
Alex gave her a few final toe-tickles, then said:
"OK, that was a good test. We can let her out now."
He nodded at me. Reluctantly, I undid the straps just as Alex opened the part that held her ankles.
Lynnie was gasping for breath. She sort of huddled up on the bench and didn't say anything, staring at the floor.
Sulking, I think it's called.
"OK, let's all give Lynnie a hand for being such a good sport!" said Alex, loudly.
They all clapped, including me. Lynnie didn't appear to notice. Still sulking.
She walked away from the bench and sat on the floor away from the others.
"Now it's Nicole's turn!" shouted a girl. It was the girl who had handed me the feathers.
"Hmmm," said Alex, grinning at me, "I think you're right. These stocks need a second opinion, so to speak."
Oops. I felt my heart skip a beat. I had told him I wasn't ticklish. I hoped I was right. It had been a while.
I gotta admit, it was a little scary, being locked in the stocks, knowing what was coming. I was surprised Lynnie didn't offer to join in. I thought she'd be after my throat ... er, toes. She just sat on the floor and sulked. I thought she'd be the first one with the feathers.
Well, I'm a little ticklish. Alex got me giggling pretty good on my feet. No big deal. My armpits weren't exposed, but my navel was bared by my bodice when I raised my arms, so the feather-girl had a go at my middle. I squealed a few times to make it look good. Really, my feet are the only place I'm ticklish even a little. She tried the feathers between my toes and got me to react a little more, a few real squeals.
Then it was over.
"See? No big deal for me either," I whispered to Lynnie, smiling.
She looked up for the first time and glared. Then she went back to sulking.
Then there was a meeting. Old and new business was discussed. Alex gave me a lute and an instruction book for it. Lynnie sulked the whole time.
Finally it was time to go. They told Lynnie and me we could keep our costumes as long as we were in the club. I decided to wear mine home.
Everyone was saying their goodbyes at the door when I saw Lynnie drive off.
"Uh, that was my ride ..." I said to Alex.
"I'll drive you home," he said.
"No, it's not far. I can walk," I said, like a dummy.
"No, not at night," he said.
So I got a ride home from a guy in a kilt. That was a first for me.
"Do you think she'll be back? To the club, I mean," asked Alex.
"No way," I said. "Do you want her back?"
"Not really. But she did provide good entertainment for an evening."
"*I* was certainly entertained," I said, grinning from ear to ear.
"We made a good team," he said.
"Yeah, people can call us if they want to be tickle-tortured," I said, giggling.
The car stopped in front of my dorm.
"OK, this is it?"
"Yep," I said, wanting to continue the conversation, somehow.
So I kissed him. Or he kissed me. Maybe we both did.
Suddenly having a bitch roommate didn't seem to matter.
About my roommate:
She is *such* a bitch!
I'm a freshman at this college. You probably never heard of it, it's a small liberal arts college. I'm a music major.
I live in the dorms and, of course, I got assigned the *worst* roommate of all time. Her name is Lynnie.
I'm Nicole.
Last week, one afternoon, I was in my room, practicing my guitar. Guitar's kind of new to me, the clarinet is my instrument, but I'm supposed to learn an instument not in the same family as the clarinet, which is woodwinds. So I picked guitar.
So in walks Lynnie and just turns on her stereo. Loud.
"Hey?" I said, obviously pissed.
"Hey, yourself," she said, totally oblivious, or so she let on.
"I'm practicing," I said.
"Yeah?" she said.
"So can't you leave the stereo off?"
"No, I can't. I can't concentrate in dead silence."
"There wasn't dead silence," I said. "I was playing the guitar."
"Same thing," she said, opening her sketch book. She's an art major, by the way.
I walked over and turned off her stereo.
"Hey! Look, I told you *never* to do ..." she started.
I calmly started playing the guitar again.
"Why the *fuck* do I get a fucking music major for a roommate?" she screamed.
She got up and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind her hard enought to rattle everything in the room.
"Bitch," I said, to myself.
----------------
It's like that most of the time, you understand.
Later that evening, I was in the room, reading with earphones on when she came back. She'd been jogging. She sat down on her bed, breathing hard.
I kept reading.
"Hey, I'm talking to you!" I heard her shout, over the music in my earphones. I don't think it was the first time she'd said it.
"Yeah?" I said, pulling off the earphones.
"What do you know about Alex MacGill?" she asked.
"Alex MacGill," I said. "He's a junior. He's on the track team, on scholarship. He's out of your league," I said.
"Bullshit," she said.
"What's bullshit? That he's on the track team?" I said, knowing what she meant.
"No-one is out of my league," she said.
"Seventy per cent, Lynnie. It's all the girls talk about around here."
OK, you're asking, what's this seventy per cent stuff? Well, like I said, it's a liberal arts college. Lots of girls, not so many guys. Seventy percent female, to be exact. It seems to be the topic of way too many conversations among the girls here. Not that I'm happy about it myself. It's one of the reasons I decided on the guitar as a second instrument. More guys play guitar than girls.
"I was jogging with him," she said.
"Meaning you were on the track at the same time he was. Along with a few dozen other people."
"We talked."
"Wow, Lynnie," I said, in mock amazement, "you actually got to talk to a varsity athlete! Maybe next year you can talk to another one!"
"Jealous, aren't you, Short Stuff?"
OK, I admit that one got to me a little. I'm not very tall, about 5-foot-2. Lynnie's 5-foot-11, I think, although she claims to be 6-foot-one.
"Jealous of what?" I said.
She just smirked. Smirking and pouting seem to be her only expressions.
"I'm going to take a shower," she said, "play your banjo or whatever."
"Guitar," I said.
"Yeah, whatever," she said, leaving the room.
A few minutes after she left, her cellphone rang.
"Lynnie's answering service," I said.
"Is L.B. there?" asked a voice.
"Elbie?" I said.
"L. B. The Little Bitch."
"More like a Big Bitch," I said. "She's in the shower. Who is this?"
"I'm her sister. Tell her Dad's getting divorced again. No big deal. It's only the third wife he's divorced since our mother."
"OK," I said. "I'll tell her. So you call her the Little Bitch?"
"Just L.B. I don't suppose you've found a cure?"
"For her being a bitch? I've only known her a few months, I thought you might have some ideas."
"Actually, Dad used to be able to deal with her, before he divorced our mom. He used to tickle her."
"Tickle her?" I giggled.
"Oh, yeah, he'd pin her down and really tickle the hell out of her. Boy, she hated that. She used to scream bloody murder. She'd sulk for days after he did it."
"Hmmm. She's way bigger than me," I said. "I don't think I could do it."
"Yeah, she was a lot smaller when Dad did it. Sure did shut her up for a while. What's your name, by the way?"
"Nicole."
"I'm Callie. Good to talk to you. Tell her about the divorce."
"Yeah, I will. Bye."
--------------------------
Lynnie just smirked when I told her about her Dad's divorce.
"And another one bites the dust," she said.
She was asleep within minutes. Obviously it didn't bother her.
I went to sleep myself.
----------------------------
The next day, I was walking across campus with my guitar, and who walks in step with me but Alex McGill?
"Hey, I'm Alex."
"Nicole."
I gotta admit, Lynnie has good taste in guys. Alex McGill is hot.
"Is that a lute?" he asked.
"Guitar," I said, trying not to sound dopey. I was grinning way too much.
"Do you play the lute?" he asked.
"No," I said.
"Would you like to learn?"
I stopped walking.
"What's all this about a lute?" I asked.
"It's the Medieval Club."
"The what?"
"Medieval Club. You know, the medieval period in history. We do reenactments, fund-raisers, stuff like that. We need a lute player. We provide the lute. Our lutist quit the club."
Did I mention Alex McGill is hot? Being in a club with him sounded like a cool idea.
"Uh, well, I guess I could learn, it must be sort of like playing the guitar, right?"
"I guess. I don't play music."
"You run track."
"Actually I do the shot put, I'm not a runner."
"Oh, my roommate said she ran with you."
"I run for conditioning. Your roommate wouldn't be named Lynnie, would she?"
"That's the one," I said.
"You don't sound too thrilled about it."
"It's a girl thing," I said.
"I can imagine she'd be a pain in the ass," he said.
"I though guys liked the tall, blonde, willowy type," I said. Damn, that sounds like whining, since I'm none of those things.
"Not when they're cock teasers," he said.
My jaw dropped.
"You look surprised," he said.
"I guess I'm not, really," I said. "What did she do to you?"
"Not me. Some other guys. Mostly the brainy geek types who have trouble getting dates even with the odds here. She gets them hot and bothered and then gets them to do her classwork for her. Then she says 'thanks, bye!' and leaves. She's got quite a reputation. I'm surprised you haven't heard."
"I tune out most of the girl talk in the dorms," I said. "So I take it you're not inviting her into this Medieval Club?"
Alex sighed.
"We really could use another artist," he said. "We've got so many history and language majors it isn't funny. She asked me about it."
"Forget it, she's a bitch."
"The other girls in the club have ways of dealing with bitches," said Alex, grinning.
"Like what, tickle torture?"
Alex looked at me like I was really weird.
"Why? Are you ticklish?"
"Hardly at all. But Lynnie is."
"Really?" he said slowly. "how do you know that? What goes on in those dorms?"
"Oh, last night I talked to Lynnie's sister on the phone. She said their Dad used to tickle-torture her as punishment when she was little. Apparently it was very effective punishment," I said, grinning.
Alex had a faraway look in his eye. He looked very thoughful for a few seconds.
"Nicole, I'm inviting you and Lynnie to join the Medieval Club. The next meeting is tomorrow night at eight. Can you make it?"
"Sure. But ..."
"... you don't want to be in a club with Lynnie."
"That's about it."
"Look, Nicole. It may be worth your while. I'm not promising anything, but I have an idea. Just come and see what happens, OK?"
"OK," I said, curious about what he meant.
---------------------------
"There's going to be an initiation," said Lynnie. We were in our dorm room.
"Huh? This isn't a Greek thing," I said. "Besides, hazing's been banned, remember?"
"Yeah, right," said Lynnie, as if she knew everything. "They'll probably make us run across campus naked or something. You'll chicken out for sure."
"You ready to go?" I said, changing the subject.
"God, Nikkie, do you have to put on a leg show for the guys all the time?"
"I'm comfortable in shorts."
"It's almost winter, in case you haven't noticed."
Lynnie was wearing jeans, but between the low-rise jeans and belly shirt there was a good foot of bare belly.
"Is your belly-button insulated? Besides, it's not cold yet."
"You're going to chicken out during the initiation," she smirked.
-----------------------
It wasn't that far, but Lynnie drove her car. It was in the basement of an off-campus house where Alex and two other guys lived. Both of them were in the club, too.
Alex led us into the basement. It looked like a typical club at our school. Six guys, twenty girls. Everyone was dressed for the occasion, in medieval dress. Alex was in a kilt, not the little kind, but the big one that wraps all around like Mel Gibson in Braveheart. I won't say he looked as good as Mel Gibson, but close.
A couple of the girls took Lynnie and me into a bathroom and had us change into long medieval skirts. So much for my leg show, the skirt came down to my toes. The bodice was cool, though. Lynnie got this strapless thing with detachable sleeves.
We went back out to the main room. Everyone was waiting for us.
"I want to present our two new prospective members," said Alex. "Lynnie here is an art major, so maybe we can get some of those murals finished. And Nicole's a guitarist who's willing to learn the lute to replace dear departed Leah."
I heard a few murmurs from the girls. It sounded like one said "bitch." Apparently Leah was one of the bitches they had dealt with. I made a mental note to ask how they did it. I could use some hints.
"Now, before we accept Lynnie and Nicole into our club, we must first ask them to perform some simple tasks for us. As it happens, I have finished the new set of stocks for our fund-raisers. Lynnie, would you be so kind as to sit on the bench?"
Lynnie gave me a knowing smile. Obviously this was part of the initiation. She sat down on the bench.
I could barely keep a straight face. This just *had* to have something to do with my remark about tickling. She'd be a sitting duck in the stocks. It obviously hadn't occurred to her.
Alex locked her ankles in the stocks. Then he had me come over and stand behind Lynnie. There was an upright post behind the bench with some leather straps. He told me to put Lynnie's wrists in the straps. I locked them in. Her arms were raised above her head.
I could barely contain my glee. Between the strapless top and the detachable sleeves were nothing but bare armpits. Ticklish armpits, if Callie was right.
"So what do you do with these to raise money?" asked Lynnie. There was a little quaver in her voice. Obviously she was a bit scared at being locked in.
"Oh, mostly we charge people money to throw things at the person in the stocks."
"Um, what sorts of things?" said Lynnie, trying not to sound nervous.
"Nothing dangerous," said Alex, smiling. "Usually wet sponges, styrofoam balls, things like that. We're not out to get anyone hurt."
"That's good," said Lynnie, forcing a smile. She had talked so brave about the initiation. She had no idea what was coming.
"Try to get out of the stocks, Lynnie," said Alex.
Lynnie pulled and rattled the heavy wood, and pulled on the leather straps. It was all obviously quite secure.
"Can't get out," said Lynnie, still trying to cover up her fear with a smile.
"Of course," said Alex, "there's one sure way to make sure the stocks are secure. It's quite traditional, I assure you."
He pulled off Lynnie's medieval shoes. At this point I think Lynnie got an inkling of what was coming. Her eyes got big and she gulped a couple times. I was biting my lip, trying to keep from laughing.
Alex stuck out one finger and tickled Lynnie's right foot.
"AAAAAAAAHHHHH!" she screamed.
Damn, I thought, I just used to giggle when my big brother tickled my feet. I sort of liked it. But Lynnie sounded like she'd been scalded or something.
Alex did the one-finger thing on each of her feet for several second. Lynnie screamed, pulled on the straps and twisted every which way.
Alex let her catch her breath for a minute. I could her people chuckling behind me. Lynnie almost composed herself and said:
"Pretty secure, I think, Alex?'
It sounded like begging. No, no, I thought, give her some more of this.
"Hmmm," said Alex, pretending to think, and walking around, looking. Lynnie's eyes followed him, begging.
I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. I was still standing behind Lynnie.
I turned around and saw one of the girls. She handed me a wooden box and held her finger to her lip, signaling me be quiet. I opened the box.
It was full of feathers!
Alex winked at me. I winked back.
I pulled out a feather and looked at it, lovingly. I had never been so happy to have a feather in my hand.
"I think we need a bit more testing," said Alex. Lynnie's jaw dropped. She opened and closed her mouth several times, trying to think of something to say.
I saw Alex nod. I ever so lightly touched Lynnie's armpit with my feather.
Bingo! She screamed, she twisted, she pulled on the straps and jerked the post back and forth. I was laughing my ass off. I got another feather and did both 'pits at once. Lynnie was trying to pull her arms down, but only was able to lift herself off the bench. I think the tension actually tightened her 'pits and made her more ticklish. If such a thing were possible.
I was loving every minute of it. I turned around. People were rolling on the floor, laughing. I gave them a wide-eyed grin.
Lynnie's mouth was open, her face was red, she was screaming and pulling and just about going ballistic. She couldn't hide those armpits from me, though. I was so zeroed in.
I gotta admit, it was a good test for the stocks. Hee hee. Glad to help. Tee hee hee.
Alex gave her a few final toe-tickles, then said:
"OK, that was a good test. We can let her out now."
He nodded at me. Reluctantly, I undid the straps just as Alex opened the part that held her ankles.
Lynnie was gasping for breath. She sort of huddled up on the bench and didn't say anything, staring at the floor.
Sulking, I think it's called.
"OK, let's all give Lynnie a hand for being such a good sport!" said Alex, loudly.
They all clapped, including me. Lynnie didn't appear to notice. Still sulking.
She walked away from the bench and sat on the floor away from the others.
"Now it's Nicole's turn!" shouted a girl. It was the girl who had handed me the feathers.
"Hmmm," said Alex, grinning at me, "I think you're right. These stocks need a second opinion, so to speak."
Oops. I felt my heart skip a beat. I had told him I wasn't ticklish. I hoped I was right. It had been a while.
I gotta admit, it was a little scary, being locked in the stocks, knowing what was coming. I was surprised Lynnie didn't offer to join in. I thought she'd be after my throat ... er, toes. She just sat on the floor and sulked. I thought she'd be the first one with the feathers.
Well, I'm a little ticklish. Alex got me giggling pretty good on my feet. No big deal. My armpits weren't exposed, but my navel was bared by my bodice when I raised my arms, so the feather-girl had a go at my middle. I squealed a few times to make it look good. Really, my feet are the only place I'm ticklish even a little. She tried the feathers between my toes and got me to react a little more, a few real squeals.
Then it was over.
"See? No big deal for me either," I whispered to Lynnie, smiling.
She looked up for the first time and glared. Then she went back to sulking.
Then there was a meeting. Old and new business was discussed. Alex gave me a lute and an instruction book for it. Lynnie sulked the whole time.
Finally it was time to go. They told Lynnie and me we could keep our costumes as long as we were in the club. I decided to wear mine home.
Everyone was saying their goodbyes at the door when I saw Lynnie drive off.
"Uh, that was my ride ..." I said to Alex.
"I'll drive you home," he said.
"No, it's not far. I can walk," I said, like a dummy.
"No, not at night," he said.
So I got a ride home from a guy in a kilt. That was a first for me.
"Do you think she'll be back? To the club, I mean," asked Alex.
"No way," I said. "Do you want her back?"
"Not really. But she did provide good entertainment for an evening."
"*I* was certainly entertained," I said, grinning from ear to ear.
"We made a good team," he said.
"Yeah, people can call us if they want to be tickle-tortured," I said, giggling.
The car stopped in front of my dorm.
"OK, this is it?"
"Yep," I said, wanting to continue the conversation, somehow.
So I kissed him. Or he kissed me. Maybe we both did.
Suddenly having a bitch roommate didn't seem to matter.
