View Full Version : No Laughing Matter!

12-24-2001, 01:15 PM
The buzz was all over campus - the Lambda Epsilon Zeta sorority (LEZ) was holding another of its famous "public penances".

A strictly feminist group, their secret modus operandi was to target a "bimbo", some coed who through her dress and actions degraded and dehumanized all women; manipulate the victim into a situation where she had no choice but to cooperate in her own "reeducation", and then make a public spectacle of her! The public aspect was crucial; it was important that both men and women saw these sluts in as ridiculous and demeaning a light as possible.

This time, they'd managed a particularly prized "catch" - Bambi Baxter! A tall blonde tribute to comsmetic surgery with enough silicone in her to require a personal environmental impact statement; she'd been the target of a long standing LEZ sting operation! Particularly infuriating had been her appearance in Playboy's "Girls Of The East West Conference" - a glowing picture of Bambi, topless and wearing a thong at the campus pool; her quote, "Some of the other girls don't like it when I sunbathe topless but it's not about flaunting myself, I just want an even tan! If they can't deal with that, tough!"

By the time they'd confronted her, the Lambda's had obtained a prized piece of surveillance footage - Bambi selling Ecstasy at a local club! When the blonde bimbo was confronted by the sorority, she hesitantly asked why they were doing this to her. The Chapter president, Ivy Masters, coolly explained why she had been selected, noting that since offense this involved sale, not mere possession; Bambi was looking at mandatory jail time! Ivy speculated in graphic detail what prison would be like for a woman who looked like Bambi. Desperate, the now weeping blonde begged, "W-W-What do you (sob) want from me?".

Later that afternoon ...

A substantial crowd had gathered around the stocks and pillory (authentic artifacts from colonial times) which dominated one corner of the campus green. A great cheer went up (dominated by female voices) as a line of Lambda's marched across the green, accompanied by Bambi Baxter. The glamorous coed was in stark contrast to the rather plain sorority girls, who uniformly wore grey "Lamda Epsilon Zeta" sweatshirts, jeans and Birkenstock sandals. By contrast, Bambi Baxter wore a bright yellow bikini, which flattered her gorgeous tan but barely contained her massive "fun bags", She tottered along in a pair of clear lucite slides. When they reached the apparatus, Bambi meekly permitted her head and wrists to be placed in the pillory; her ankles in the stocks. She winced visibly when she heard the padlocks click, locking her in.

Wolf whistles and catty remarks punctuated Bambi's arrival, until Ivy Masters signalled for silence. "Ms. Baxter would like to address you all, particularly the sisters present ...". There was a moment's silence and Ivy glared at Bambi, who cleared her throat and spoke ...

"Thank you all for coming to my humiliation! I, Bambi Baxter, am a traitor to my gender! By my words and actions, I have intentionally fostered stereotypes of women as sexual objects which have degraded not only myself, but women everywhere. The dedicated sisters of the Lambda Epsilon Zeta sorority have selflessly dedicated themselves to educating me as to the error of my ways ... for which I thank them ...(Bambi looked to Ivy, who nodded approvingly) ... I have asked for and been granted an opportunity to do public penance for my past trangressions."

"I now request the sisters of Lambda Epsilon Zeta to administer my penance publicly in the hope that my example, others will see and understand that the promotion of degrading sexist stereotypes of women is no laughing matter."

Ivy's grim face smiled, almost imperceptably, "Sergeant at arms ... you will now ... remove her shoes!!!"

To be continued ...

12-25-2001, 11:02 AM
Heay, no fair, sceej! I already wrote a story with the title "No Laughing Matter", also about a lesbian society! ;) It slipped back to page 12:

Of course, I don't mind if you take the same title, that was meant as a friendly prodding...:D But you must promise to show us the rest of your story; the beginning sounds rather promising! :cool:

12-26-2001, 04:57 AM
I can't wait for Part II! This was a great set-up. "Fun bags"!, I love it....:D

12-26-2001, 11:23 AM
Hal, sorry for stealing your tag and thanks for the go ahead, hope you like the finished product (if I ever get it done!). Hell, I even recycled the title from an old story of my own; I have a weakness for witty titles and a shortage of wit!

Thanks to Dave for the good word too, I appreciate it coming from a guy who's a real master of the genre. Admission - I lifted the phrase "fun bags" from a non tickling story on another board (which I guess makes me a plagiarist twice, huh). Ahhh, who's t say it was even original to the other guy?

In any case, installment 2 (abbreviated, I know) is done and posted. Will get to 3 as soon as I can. Who knows, there may actually be some tickling at some point!

12-26-2001, 03:30 PM
Don't worry about ripping off "Fun Bags" from the Internet. The term originated from "Dumb and Dumber"..."Wow, check out the fun bags on that hose-hound!" :D

I can't believe I actually know that...I always remember useless facts. Just a sponge in the Sea of Knowledge here!

I can see myself on Jeopardy now...

"I'll take "Sexual Innuendo Origins" for $500, please Alex."

Wouldn't it be cool, though, if I could get on and the catagories just fell my way like they did for Cliff on Cheers?

"Today's catagories are...

Herbal Enhancements

Jedi History

Little-Known Torture Methods

Progressive Rock

Sexual Deviancies and