Penelope's Latest Peril (1 of 2)
by J-Dark
(Author's note: Found this a while ago. It's an old cartoon series about a lovely
southern Belle named Penelope, who happens to be a world famous race car
driver and adventurer. She's always being stalked and hunted by the eccentric
Mr. Sneaky and his alter-ego, The Purple Hooded Claw. She is also helped
by a group of seven short dwarfish cartoon gangsters, known affectionatelly as
the Anthill Mob Gang.The premise of the show is that The Hooded Claw always
captures Penelope, ties her up, and puts her into some kind of diabolical
complicated trap meant to kill her. Of course, she always escapes somehow,
either from her own ingenuity, or with the help of her inept gangster pals arriving
at the very last second. With that in mind, here's a strategy that the Hooded
Claw SHOULD have considered.)
==================================================
(Fast-paced Ragtime music playing in the background.)
Narrator: Oh No! Our story opens with our sweet heroine Penelope Pittstop on
the run from that despicable, evil Hooded Claw, and his henchmen, the Bully
Brothers! Watch out Penelope! Don't let them catch you and work their
unspeakable horror on you!
The Hooded Claw grinned, turning towards the audience. "He ain't just whistling
Dixie, either, mhuahuahuahaaa!" he chuckled evilly, as his car closed in on
Penelope's racer. "This time, my nefarious plan will put an end to Pittstop once
and for all! Mhuahuahuahaaa!"
Penelope, pushing her engine full out, glanced back at the villains chasing her.
"Well, ah do declare." she said, dripping her Southern 'Scarlet' accent over every
syllable, "that Hooded Claw is just a gettin' closer and closer every minute
Whatever am ah supposed to do!"
(Dramatic music plays as the two cars get closer and closer...)
"Okay, Bully Boys! Now! Fire the suction gun!" The Claw yelled once they were
in range.
"Right boss!" the boys replied in unison, lifting the heavy bazooka-shaped gun
with the plunger on the end. They fired, launching the projectile, which struck
Penelope square in the back. She let out a scream as she felt herself being jerked
from her car. The Bully Brothers reeled her in, pulling Penelope back through the
air and into their clutches. 'We got her, Claw, we got her!" the boys cried out,
holding the struggling girl in their grasp.
"Mhuahuahua!! Good work boys!" The Claw replied, turning his car back
towards his secret base. "I've got you now Penelope Pittstop! You're mine!
Mhuahuahuahaa!"
"You'll never get away with this, you fiend!" Penelope replied, as the boys tied
her hand and foot. She didn't even bother to struggle, as experience had taught
her it was no use. Likewise, the Bully Boys were so practiced at tying up the
slender shapely woman in their midst that they could have done it blindfolded.
Arriving back at their secret lair, they carried Penelope to a specially prepared
room, and placed her on a stone slab in the center. Above her head, Penelope
saw a round wooden chandelier with razor sharp blades imbedded. "This latest
peril will be the end of you, Pittstop!" The Claw chuckled devilishly. "Allow me
to describe what awaits you!"
Walking over to the door, he gestured to the string attached to the doorknob.
"When we leave, I'll close the door, pulling the string taunt, which will yank on
the match , lighting the candle, which will burn the rope running across your
body, attached to the weight. Once the weight drops, it'll launch the pendulum,
which will swing back and forth, cutting through the final rope holding up the
knife-equipped chandelier! Mhuahuahaaa! When those blades fall, it will finally
be the end of you, once and for all!"
"Oh you despicable monster," Penelope retorted, struggling uselessly at her
bonds. "Have you no concept of honor, or fair play?"
"Of course not, Pittstop!" the Claw chuckled, as he walked out the door. "I'm the
bad guy, remember? I don't do fair play! Mhuahuahuahaa!!" The door closed
with a click, setting the diabolical trap in motion.
Narrator: Oh my! Penelope is in real peril this time! Can anyone save out helpless
heroine! Where are the Anthill Mob boys when you really need them!
(Music changes to an off-key ragtime stomp, and we look in on the Anthill Mob.)
The Anthill Mob, riding in their suped up jalopy, drove back and forth across the
land, up one side of the road and back down the other, searching for Penelope.
"This is getting us nowhere, Boys," Clyde said, as they turned around in a big
circle. "We don't know where Penelope is, and we don't know where we're going
either. This is hopeless!"
"Don't worry Clyde," Pockets said, digging around in his impossibly large
pockets. "I've got a tracking device in here somewhere that'll lead us to
Penelope! I just have to find it..." (MOO!!!) "Whoa!! That's not it! That's
my automatic milk giver... hmmm... this may take longer than I thought, Clyde."
(Dramatic music reaches its climax, as we switch back to Penelope.)
Narrator: Oh Dear! Looks like help won't be arriving anytime soon! Poor
Penelope! Is this truly the end?
Penelope sighs, shaking her head. "Not if Ah can help it, Mr. Narrator. Ah been
in tough scrapes before! All Ah needs to do is catch a hold of that there little old
rope, and stop the pendulum from cutting through it to release that there weight
and I'll be okay." Moving quickly, Penelope kicks and bucks, rubbing her feet
together until she manages to loosen one of her white kid leather boots, and
slides it off, onto the stone slab. Then with her long dainty toes, she carefully
pulls off her other boot.
At that moment, the candle which had been burning, finally burned through the
rope running across her body, which began to loose its slack. Moving quickly,
Penelope raised her stockinged feet and grasped the end of the rope as it slid by,
holding with all her might. The weight on the other end teetered, ant tottered, but
held. Penelope let out a sigh of relief. "Whew! Now that was a close one. As
long as I hold onto this here rope, I'll be just fine... but how do I get loose?
AHH!! I know! If I can get just one of those knife blades on the chandelier
to fall, I can cut myself free!"
Straining, sliding the rope carefully between her toes on her right foot, Penelope
lowered her left foot, grasping her discarded boot, and with the grace and skill of
a gymnast, she kicked, flinging her boot up to the ceiling, knocking loose one of
the sharp blades, causing it to fall down to the slab below, missing her head by
inches.Gripping the rope again with both feet, she turned her head forward,
grabbed the knife blade by the handle in her mouth, and sawed through the
ropes binding her.
"Yeah! I did it! I got free! Now to get my boots and get out of here before that
evil old Hooded Claw comes back in here!" Sitting up, she released the rope with
her feet, letting the bladed death trap fall harmlessly onto the empty slab. Back
on her feet, she began looking around for her boots.
Narrator: Meanwhile, outside the room, watching through a secret hole in the
wall, the Bully Brothers talk about what they've just seen.
"You know, she's pretty good. I can see why she always manages to get away,"
the first brother said.
"I agree with ya bro," the second brother replied. "Of course, that seems to be
the whole point, doesn't it?"
"Huh? What do you mean?" the first brother asked again.
"Think about it. We've captured her more than a million times in the past five
years, tied her up, put her in some complicated trap, and then what? Left her
alone, only to come back later and find she'd escaped. Personally, I think the
Claw just likes the chase. If he really wanted to KILL her, he'd simply shoot her
or something. Why the stupid traps?" The henchman shook his head. "I tell ya,
its the old 'Batman Trap' syndrome."
"Huh? Batman Trap syndrome? What the heck is that?"
"Its like the old Batman show. The bad guys always capture Batman and Robin,
knock them out, tie them up in some kind of weird complicated trap, then leave
them alone. The villains never even watch to make sure they die, just walk away
leaving them alone. And Batman and Robin ALWAYS escape. You know why?
Because deep down, its all a game. The villains know if they ever REALLY killed
Batman, the fun would be over. They'd have no competition, no one to tease and
torment."
The first Bully Brother stood there, deep in thought for a moment. "You know,
that explains it. I thought I saw a couple of Batman comic books in the Claws
briefcase the other day, but I thought I was mistaken."
Just then, the Hooded Claw returns. "You Idiots!! What are you doing standing
round out here? Go inside and see if she's esca---I mean if she's dead yet or
not?" The two brothers exchanged glances, but merely shrugged and opened the
door. The trap had indeed been sprung, but Penelope hadn't yet made her grand
escape. All four people looked up at each other in shock. This had never
happened before.
"Claw!" Penelope sputtered, holding her boot in her hands. "Y...yer early. What
are you doing here so soon?"
The Hooded Claw was in a fix. On the one hand, his trap had failed, as he sort of
knew it would, but on the other hand, Penelope hadn't escaped yet. He still had
her, but the question was, what to do with her now? He hadn't had time to think
up any more nefarious plans to bump her off. Noticing her boot, and her slightly
ripped stockings, he smiled as a dastardly plan began to take shape in his brain.
"So, Pittstop, it seems you managed to slither out of my little trap after all," he
said, building up momentum. "But it looks like today was my lucky day! You
escaped death, but you didn't escape my clutches! Mhuahuahuhaaa! Very well.
Since I can't break your bones, I think I'll break your spirit! Boys, grab her and tie
her up again... only this time use configuration number seven.
Mhuahuahuahaa!!" Nodding, the boys grabbed Penelope and carried her off, her
discarded boots still lying on the floor. Left alone, with no one watching, the
Hooded Claw picked up one of the boot, and, checking again, sniffed it.
"Ohh! This is gonna be some fun! Mhuahhuahaaa! For me, if not poor Penelope!
Mhuahuahaaa!!"
Narrator: What a sick twisted individual you are, Hooded Claw! What
unspeakable horrors do you have planned for our dear sweet Penelope now, you
fiend?
"Hey, whazzat? Oh... oh its you, the Narrator. You wanna know what I have
planned for Penelope Pittstop this time? Well I'm afraid you'll have to find out
when the readers do... after this commercial break and the beginning of part 2!
Mhuahuhauhaaa!!"
((to be continued...))
by J-Dark
(Author's note: Found this a while ago. It's an old cartoon series about a lovely
southern Belle named Penelope, who happens to be a world famous race car
driver and adventurer. She's always being stalked and hunted by the eccentric
Mr. Sneaky and his alter-ego, The Purple Hooded Claw. She is also helped
by a group of seven short dwarfish cartoon gangsters, known affectionatelly as
the Anthill Mob Gang.The premise of the show is that The Hooded Claw always
captures Penelope, ties her up, and puts her into some kind of diabolical
complicated trap meant to kill her. Of course, she always escapes somehow,
either from her own ingenuity, or with the help of her inept gangster pals arriving
at the very last second. With that in mind, here's a strategy that the Hooded
Claw SHOULD have considered.)
==================================================
(Fast-paced Ragtime music playing in the background.)
Narrator: Oh No! Our story opens with our sweet heroine Penelope Pittstop on
the run from that despicable, evil Hooded Claw, and his henchmen, the Bully
Brothers! Watch out Penelope! Don't let them catch you and work their
unspeakable horror on you!
The Hooded Claw grinned, turning towards the audience. "He ain't just whistling
Dixie, either, mhuahuahuahaaa!" he chuckled evilly, as his car closed in on
Penelope's racer. "This time, my nefarious plan will put an end to Pittstop once
and for all! Mhuahuahuahaaa!"
Penelope, pushing her engine full out, glanced back at the villains chasing her.
"Well, ah do declare." she said, dripping her Southern 'Scarlet' accent over every
syllable, "that Hooded Claw is just a gettin' closer and closer every minute
Whatever am ah supposed to do!"
(Dramatic music plays as the two cars get closer and closer...)
"Okay, Bully Boys! Now! Fire the suction gun!" The Claw yelled once they were
in range.
"Right boss!" the boys replied in unison, lifting the heavy bazooka-shaped gun
with the plunger on the end. They fired, launching the projectile, which struck
Penelope square in the back. She let out a scream as she felt herself being jerked
from her car. The Bully Brothers reeled her in, pulling Penelope back through the
air and into their clutches. 'We got her, Claw, we got her!" the boys cried out,
holding the struggling girl in their grasp.
"Mhuahuahua!! Good work boys!" The Claw replied, turning his car back
towards his secret base. "I've got you now Penelope Pittstop! You're mine!
Mhuahuahuahaa!"
"You'll never get away with this, you fiend!" Penelope replied, as the boys tied
her hand and foot. She didn't even bother to struggle, as experience had taught
her it was no use. Likewise, the Bully Boys were so practiced at tying up the
slender shapely woman in their midst that they could have done it blindfolded.
Arriving back at their secret lair, they carried Penelope to a specially prepared
room, and placed her on a stone slab in the center. Above her head, Penelope
saw a round wooden chandelier with razor sharp blades imbedded. "This latest
peril will be the end of you, Pittstop!" The Claw chuckled devilishly. "Allow me
to describe what awaits you!"
Walking over to the door, he gestured to the string attached to the doorknob.
"When we leave, I'll close the door, pulling the string taunt, which will yank on
the match , lighting the candle, which will burn the rope running across your
body, attached to the weight. Once the weight drops, it'll launch the pendulum,
which will swing back and forth, cutting through the final rope holding up the
knife-equipped chandelier! Mhuahuahaaa! When those blades fall, it will finally
be the end of you, once and for all!"
"Oh you despicable monster," Penelope retorted, struggling uselessly at her
bonds. "Have you no concept of honor, or fair play?"
"Of course not, Pittstop!" the Claw chuckled, as he walked out the door. "I'm the
bad guy, remember? I don't do fair play! Mhuahuahuahaa!!" The door closed
with a click, setting the diabolical trap in motion.
Narrator: Oh my! Penelope is in real peril this time! Can anyone save out helpless
heroine! Where are the Anthill Mob boys when you really need them!
(Music changes to an off-key ragtime stomp, and we look in on the Anthill Mob.)
The Anthill Mob, riding in their suped up jalopy, drove back and forth across the
land, up one side of the road and back down the other, searching for Penelope.
"This is getting us nowhere, Boys," Clyde said, as they turned around in a big
circle. "We don't know where Penelope is, and we don't know where we're going
either. This is hopeless!"
"Don't worry Clyde," Pockets said, digging around in his impossibly large
pockets. "I've got a tracking device in here somewhere that'll lead us to
Penelope! I just have to find it..." (MOO!!!) "Whoa!! That's not it! That's
my automatic milk giver... hmmm... this may take longer than I thought, Clyde."
(Dramatic music reaches its climax, as we switch back to Penelope.)
Narrator: Oh Dear! Looks like help won't be arriving anytime soon! Poor
Penelope! Is this truly the end?
Penelope sighs, shaking her head. "Not if Ah can help it, Mr. Narrator. Ah been
in tough scrapes before! All Ah needs to do is catch a hold of that there little old
rope, and stop the pendulum from cutting through it to release that there weight
and I'll be okay." Moving quickly, Penelope kicks and bucks, rubbing her feet
together until she manages to loosen one of her white kid leather boots, and
slides it off, onto the stone slab. Then with her long dainty toes, she carefully
pulls off her other boot.
At that moment, the candle which had been burning, finally burned through the
rope running across her body, which began to loose its slack. Moving quickly,
Penelope raised her stockinged feet and grasped the end of the rope as it slid by,
holding with all her might. The weight on the other end teetered, ant tottered, but
held. Penelope let out a sigh of relief. "Whew! Now that was a close one. As
long as I hold onto this here rope, I'll be just fine... but how do I get loose?
AHH!! I know! If I can get just one of those knife blades on the chandelier
to fall, I can cut myself free!"
Straining, sliding the rope carefully between her toes on her right foot, Penelope
lowered her left foot, grasping her discarded boot, and with the grace and skill of
a gymnast, she kicked, flinging her boot up to the ceiling, knocking loose one of
the sharp blades, causing it to fall down to the slab below, missing her head by
inches.Gripping the rope again with both feet, she turned her head forward,
grabbed the knife blade by the handle in her mouth, and sawed through the
ropes binding her.
"Yeah! I did it! I got free! Now to get my boots and get out of here before that
evil old Hooded Claw comes back in here!" Sitting up, she released the rope with
her feet, letting the bladed death trap fall harmlessly onto the empty slab. Back
on her feet, she began looking around for her boots.
Narrator: Meanwhile, outside the room, watching through a secret hole in the
wall, the Bully Brothers talk about what they've just seen.
"You know, she's pretty good. I can see why she always manages to get away,"
the first brother said.
"I agree with ya bro," the second brother replied. "Of course, that seems to be
the whole point, doesn't it?"
"Huh? What do you mean?" the first brother asked again.
"Think about it. We've captured her more than a million times in the past five
years, tied her up, put her in some complicated trap, and then what? Left her
alone, only to come back later and find she'd escaped. Personally, I think the
Claw just likes the chase. If he really wanted to KILL her, he'd simply shoot her
or something. Why the stupid traps?" The henchman shook his head. "I tell ya,
its the old 'Batman Trap' syndrome."
"Huh? Batman Trap syndrome? What the heck is that?"
"Its like the old Batman show. The bad guys always capture Batman and Robin,
knock them out, tie them up in some kind of weird complicated trap, then leave
them alone. The villains never even watch to make sure they die, just walk away
leaving them alone. And Batman and Robin ALWAYS escape. You know why?
Because deep down, its all a game. The villains know if they ever REALLY killed
Batman, the fun would be over. They'd have no competition, no one to tease and
torment."
The first Bully Brother stood there, deep in thought for a moment. "You know,
that explains it. I thought I saw a couple of Batman comic books in the Claws
briefcase the other day, but I thought I was mistaken."
Just then, the Hooded Claw returns. "You Idiots!! What are you doing standing
round out here? Go inside and see if she's esca---I mean if she's dead yet or
not?" The two brothers exchanged glances, but merely shrugged and opened the
door. The trap had indeed been sprung, but Penelope hadn't yet made her grand
escape. All four people looked up at each other in shock. This had never
happened before.
"Claw!" Penelope sputtered, holding her boot in her hands. "Y...yer early. What
are you doing here so soon?"
The Hooded Claw was in a fix. On the one hand, his trap had failed, as he sort of
knew it would, but on the other hand, Penelope hadn't escaped yet. He still had
her, but the question was, what to do with her now? He hadn't had time to think
up any more nefarious plans to bump her off. Noticing her boot, and her slightly
ripped stockings, he smiled as a dastardly plan began to take shape in his brain.
"So, Pittstop, it seems you managed to slither out of my little trap after all," he
said, building up momentum. "But it looks like today was my lucky day! You
escaped death, but you didn't escape my clutches! Mhuahuahuhaaa! Very well.
Since I can't break your bones, I think I'll break your spirit! Boys, grab her and tie
her up again... only this time use configuration number seven.
Mhuahuahuahaa!!" Nodding, the boys grabbed Penelope and carried her off, her
discarded boots still lying on the floor. Left alone, with no one watching, the
Hooded Claw picked up one of the boot, and, checking again, sniffed it.
"Ohh! This is gonna be some fun! Mhuahhuahaaa! For me, if not poor Penelope!
Mhuahuahaaa!!"
Narrator: What a sick twisted individual you are, Hooded Claw! What
unspeakable horrors do you have planned for our dear sweet Penelope now, you
fiend?
"Hey, whazzat? Oh... oh its you, the Narrator. You wanna know what I have
planned for Penelope Pittstop this time? Well I'm afraid you'll have to find out
when the readers do... after this commercial break and the beginning of part 2!
Mhuahuhauhaaa!!"
((to be continued...))
