fm fantasy
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- Dec 22, 2003
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I am on a roll here..2 stories in a few days or something. Let me know what ye all think of this one. 
Professor Mercer was in his lab, late at night and adding the finishing touches to his latest project which was a time travel machine. He had a problem…he needed to test it out on something before he thought it would be safe enough to use on a human. He looked out the window deep in thought as to what he could use and just happened to spot the owner of the Youcube site which deletes all good tickling material and decided that he would make a good subject to try out on his machine.
Youcube’s owner decided that he would in fact volunteer as long as Professor Mercer promised to capture it on film and post it on Youcube’s site after the experiment was done. Mr Youcube sat in the chair strapped in, and said to Professor Mercer “now go get your camcorder and for god’s sake remember to post this on my site”. Professor Mercer agreed and briefed him how to get back to year 2007 by entering a four digit code on a portable wireless keypad which would make him return in an instant. Mr Youcube put the tiny keypad which was on attached to a chain around his neck and said “right lets go”.
Professor Mercer then set the time machine to year 1550 AD, and with a flash, a bang and a puff of smoke, Mr Youcube was gone. Mr Youcube awoke lying in a field on a beautiful summer’s day, but was sceptical that he was really in year 1550. He rose to his feet and followed a dirt path which didn’t seem to be going anywhere. He walked for miles and miles and never seen a soul until after about 10 miles walking he came across a road with a wooden sign…London 2 miles east. He followed the road and noticed a horse and carriage coming towards him.
He looked and noticed the driver of the carriage was wearing very old fashioned clothing…”OMG..I must be in year 1715..it must have worked”. Without hesitation he grabbed his mobile phone and set it to camera and recorded the driver coming towards him. The driver stopped the horses promptly and said “I say there…..where does thee reside…ye wears some very strange clothes”. Mr Youcube could barely contain himself..”wow, think of all the hits on my site I will get, he then said “would you mind doing something crazy like jumping off the top of your carriage and landing headfirst on the ground for the viewer of my wonderful, incredible website please?”. The driver of the carriage said “thy is a strange man and thy speaks with a forked tongue”. Mr Youcube gave up and walked away towards London.
He walked on towards London, and into London where he was bemused at the Clothing the locals wore and the stares he was receiving. Ladies with beautiful dresses made of silk laced with pearls and gold seemed to glide as they moved there long skirts were so wide and stiff they barely moved as they walked. In the not so far distance he seen what he thought was a pub or an alehouse as it was called in that day and decided he would treat himself to some refreshment. He entered the alehouse and looked around and noticed it was busy.
Suddenly the music screeched to a halt and every single person in the place turned around and just stared at him. Mr Youcube approached the bar and said to the landlord “Uhhh. Can I have a small beer please?”….No answer….”Ok howsabouts a nice cold Coke?.....Still no answer…Someone then said “Stranger with the strange clothes…what does though seek here?...who are ye?.....where is thy humble abode?”
Mr Youcube said he was from the year 2007 and that he just wanted a nice cold drink and that he would be on his way. The locals whispered “he’s a practitioner of witchcraft…..look at his clothes...quick go and fetch the lawman”
The Lawman accompanied by 4 burly guards walked into the alehouse where a bemused Mr Youcube was still awaiting his cold coke. They said to him “Thy must accompany the quartet charged by Her Majesty to stand trial for your wicked way in witchcraft” Before Mr Youcube could get a word out of his mouth, the guards grabbed him and dragged him outside and forced him kicking and screaming down the road. Mr Youcube cried “STOP, please.....I’m not a witch, I am a webmaster!!!!...I am Mr Youcube….I will delete all your clips….I will ban your IP addresses ….LET ME GOOOO!” His wireless keypad fell out of his pocket and was picked up by guards who were convinced it was an amulet from hell…a token of witchcraft in their eyes.
They arrived at a thick wooden pole in the middle of a square and lashed his arms above his head to the pole stretched to the point until it was almost painful. They then lashed his feet to the pole. He couldn’t move at all. Meanwhile a small crowd had formed to see the witch man from the future. One youth shouted to him “thee laughing ladies of London will make YOU repent”. Mr Youcube asked the youth who the laughing ladies of London were. The youth replied “They are Her Majesties most reliable subjects for extracting confessions and purifying the soul after contamination by witchcraft”. Mr Youcube thought he was going to be burned at the stake or something. Then the crowd went silent. Mr Youcube heard footsteps approaching from behind him and around came 3 ladies all wearing white silk gowns with a feather embroidered on the back laced with diamonds, emeralds and pearls.
They lifted there arms pointing there arms upright allowing there sleeves to fall back. Mr Youcube noticed that all 3 had really long nails, not so much manicured but really long. He also noticed that they seemed to have really long fingers too and that they were wiggling their fingers rapidly and whispering amongst themselves whilst occasionally glancing over at him. Then the 3 put their heads down and walked away and Mr Youcube thought that was that. But the crowd didn’t disperse; in fact he could sense that they were beginning to get excited.
Just at that he felt an immense tickly feeling to his waist and screamed “NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, OH NOOOOOOOOO,PLEA ARGGHH HA HA HA HA HA HA….ARGHH HA HA HA HA” then he felt someone at his feet, they spider tickled his feet one at a time the other hand holding the foot firm so it couldn’t move against the leather restraints. Then he felt his armpits, scrape scrape scrape as the nails did their dastardly work on breaking poor Mr Youcubes resolve and spirit. He begged and begged and begged but they refused to even make eye contact with him, such was their concentration in dishing out their punishment. The crowd encouraged the ladies and they speeded up their already torturous assault.
Mr Youcube begged some more and bucked and wriggled like a man possessed, hence the locals thinking that there was a demon inside Mr Youcubes body and it didn’t want to leave. He Screamed and screamed and begged and pleaded. He cried, his voice broken and trembling and breathless from the torture….please nooooooo….I just want to go home. One of the ladies said “We will have confession from you by god we will” Mr Youcube could not think straight, where was the next attack was coming from? They attacked his feet, knees, behind his knees, the lady who was now facing him worked on his armpits, waist, ribs and naval area.
Mr Youcube had never been tickled like this before in his life, he felt he was going insane such was the expertise in the ladies went at him. His head thrashed from side to side in panic, but still the ladies would not stop, their fingers were now digging into his sides and wiggling with such speed that they appeared almost blur like to the crowd. “I confess, I confesssssss……I confess…Stop…I..I” The ladies used their nails to drive him crazy from the tickling, no spot went missed, as much as he wriggled his waist and torso, it was no good, they weren’t going to stop and there was nothing he could do about it.
Then the tickling stopped. The lawman ordered the laughing ladies to stand down and that his guards untie him. Mr Youcube collapsed to the ground. The Lawman ordered him up and that he follows him. The guards dragged him up and frogmarched him into a beautiful looking palace. Mr Youcube followed the Lawman into the Palace and continued down a long corridor where 2 huge wooden doors with gold handles and decoration faced them. The doors opened slowly and Mr Youcube was ordered to enter.
He entered to be confronted by two lines of guards either side in splendid red and black velvet regalia. He walked down the centre on a narrow carpet and when he reached the end of the guards, two spears crossed over to block his path. The Queen then emerged from a door accompanied by 7 beautiful maids and said to him “I am Queen of England. I demand to know how you got here and what you want here. My guards have shown to me your amulet which they seized at the time of your arrest in the alehouse. It’s a strange article not of this world…so tell me time traveller where have you come from” Mr Youcube replied “I am from London, but London in the year 2007. He went on to explain he was not a wizard or a witch but he was a webmaster and that he had only volunteered to ‘try out’ a time machine so he could write about it on his website.
She was intrigued as he explained all about youcube and its amazing clips. He told her of the tickle torture he had to endure from the 3 laughing ladies. He said he that he would delete every single tickling clip from his website with women present as a result of his torture he had suffered. The Queen laughed. She then ordered the guard to hand back the amulet to Mr Youcube. “Hand back the time travellers amulet at once!!” The guard gave it back to him without delay. The queen asked him what type of amulet it was. He replied still hoarse from the tickling “cough…Its not an amulet, it’s a wireless keypad, and it’s purpose is for me to get back to my year of 2007”.
The queen nodded and asked if there was anything she could do to make it up to him for the torture he endured; Mr Youcube replied “well can I ask to take a video clip of you on my mobile phone so I can post it on my site?” She replied of course you can please go ahead and so he did. After getting his clip of the queen in her throne he then bid the queen farewell and pushed the code into the keypad. 2007 he pushed, then he disappeared in a flash and a puff of smoke then he was gone. The queen and everyone present in the Palace Throne Room was amazed
Mr Youcube awoke and found himself back in the chair of the time travel machine. Professor Mercer said “there seems to have been a malfunction, can we try again maybe this time year 1970?” Mr Youcube rose rapidly from the chair frowning and told Professor Mercer “not on your Nellie mate”, I have been tickle tortured, arrested and accused of witchcraft and severely traumatised by that nightmare episode….I am not going back on that thing or back in time again for all the tea in China!”. Professor Mercer said “Nonsense, you haven’t been anywhere you have been sat there the whole time!!”
Mr Youcube gave the Professor a piece of his mind “You Charlatan!, go get someone else to experiment on with your quackery, what do you think I am?, A Guinea Pig???”
Mr Youcube left the Professor in his lab, confused with Professor stating he hadn’t left at all. “Oh well” Mr Youcube sighed “back to reality”. When he got home he thought he had better update his website and check his email, he took out his phone and scanned for new media clips…..he checked his phone… to his disbelief the clips were there from his nightmare time in 1550 AD. “Holy Sh…” he immediately uploaded them to his site and told his unbelievable story and deleted all tickling material from his site and vowed never to let tickling near his site again.
To be Continued.
Professor Mercer was in his lab, late at night and adding the finishing touches to his latest project which was a time travel machine. He had a problem…he needed to test it out on something before he thought it would be safe enough to use on a human. He looked out the window deep in thought as to what he could use and just happened to spot the owner of the Youcube site which deletes all good tickling material and decided that he would make a good subject to try out on his machine.
Youcube’s owner decided that he would in fact volunteer as long as Professor Mercer promised to capture it on film and post it on Youcube’s site after the experiment was done. Mr Youcube sat in the chair strapped in, and said to Professor Mercer “now go get your camcorder and for god’s sake remember to post this on my site”. Professor Mercer agreed and briefed him how to get back to year 2007 by entering a four digit code on a portable wireless keypad which would make him return in an instant. Mr Youcube put the tiny keypad which was on attached to a chain around his neck and said “right lets go”.
Professor Mercer then set the time machine to year 1550 AD, and with a flash, a bang and a puff of smoke, Mr Youcube was gone. Mr Youcube awoke lying in a field on a beautiful summer’s day, but was sceptical that he was really in year 1550. He rose to his feet and followed a dirt path which didn’t seem to be going anywhere. He walked for miles and miles and never seen a soul until after about 10 miles walking he came across a road with a wooden sign…London 2 miles east. He followed the road and noticed a horse and carriage coming towards him.
He looked and noticed the driver of the carriage was wearing very old fashioned clothing…”OMG..I must be in year 1715..it must have worked”. Without hesitation he grabbed his mobile phone and set it to camera and recorded the driver coming towards him. The driver stopped the horses promptly and said “I say there…..where does thee reside…ye wears some very strange clothes”. Mr Youcube could barely contain himself..”wow, think of all the hits on my site I will get, he then said “would you mind doing something crazy like jumping off the top of your carriage and landing headfirst on the ground for the viewer of my wonderful, incredible website please?”. The driver of the carriage said “thy is a strange man and thy speaks with a forked tongue”. Mr Youcube gave up and walked away towards London.
He walked on towards London, and into London where he was bemused at the Clothing the locals wore and the stares he was receiving. Ladies with beautiful dresses made of silk laced with pearls and gold seemed to glide as they moved there long skirts were so wide and stiff they barely moved as they walked. In the not so far distance he seen what he thought was a pub or an alehouse as it was called in that day and decided he would treat himself to some refreshment. He entered the alehouse and looked around and noticed it was busy.
Suddenly the music screeched to a halt and every single person in the place turned around and just stared at him. Mr Youcube approached the bar and said to the landlord “Uhhh. Can I have a small beer please?”….No answer….”Ok howsabouts a nice cold Coke?.....Still no answer…Someone then said “Stranger with the strange clothes…what does though seek here?...who are ye?.....where is thy humble abode?”
Mr Youcube said he was from the year 2007 and that he just wanted a nice cold drink and that he would be on his way. The locals whispered “he’s a practitioner of witchcraft…..look at his clothes...quick go and fetch the lawman”
The Lawman accompanied by 4 burly guards walked into the alehouse where a bemused Mr Youcube was still awaiting his cold coke. They said to him “Thy must accompany the quartet charged by Her Majesty to stand trial for your wicked way in witchcraft” Before Mr Youcube could get a word out of his mouth, the guards grabbed him and dragged him outside and forced him kicking and screaming down the road. Mr Youcube cried “STOP, please.....I’m not a witch, I am a webmaster!!!!...I am Mr Youcube….I will delete all your clips….I will ban your IP addresses ….LET ME GOOOO!” His wireless keypad fell out of his pocket and was picked up by guards who were convinced it was an amulet from hell…a token of witchcraft in their eyes.
They arrived at a thick wooden pole in the middle of a square and lashed his arms above his head to the pole stretched to the point until it was almost painful. They then lashed his feet to the pole. He couldn’t move at all. Meanwhile a small crowd had formed to see the witch man from the future. One youth shouted to him “thee laughing ladies of London will make YOU repent”. Mr Youcube asked the youth who the laughing ladies of London were. The youth replied “They are Her Majesties most reliable subjects for extracting confessions and purifying the soul after contamination by witchcraft”. Mr Youcube thought he was going to be burned at the stake or something. Then the crowd went silent. Mr Youcube heard footsteps approaching from behind him and around came 3 ladies all wearing white silk gowns with a feather embroidered on the back laced with diamonds, emeralds and pearls.
They lifted there arms pointing there arms upright allowing there sleeves to fall back. Mr Youcube noticed that all 3 had really long nails, not so much manicured but really long. He also noticed that they seemed to have really long fingers too and that they were wiggling their fingers rapidly and whispering amongst themselves whilst occasionally glancing over at him. Then the 3 put their heads down and walked away and Mr Youcube thought that was that. But the crowd didn’t disperse; in fact he could sense that they were beginning to get excited.
Just at that he felt an immense tickly feeling to his waist and screamed “NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, OH NOOOOOOOOO,PLEA ARGGHH HA HA HA HA HA HA….ARGHH HA HA HA HA” then he felt someone at his feet, they spider tickled his feet one at a time the other hand holding the foot firm so it couldn’t move against the leather restraints. Then he felt his armpits, scrape scrape scrape as the nails did their dastardly work on breaking poor Mr Youcubes resolve and spirit. He begged and begged and begged but they refused to even make eye contact with him, such was their concentration in dishing out their punishment. The crowd encouraged the ladies and they speeded up their already torturous assault.
Mr Youcube begged some more and bucked and wriggled like a man possessed, hence the locals thinking that there was a demon inside Mr Youcubes body and it didn’t want to leave. He Screamed and screamed and begged and pleaded. He cried, his voice broken and trembling and breathless from the torture….please nooooooo….I just want to go home. One of the ladies said “We will have confession from you by god we will” Mr Youcube could not think straight, where was the next attack was coming from? They attacked his feet, knees, behind his knees, the lady who was now facing him worked on his armpits, waist, ribs and naval area.
Mr Youcube had never been tickled like this before in his life, he felt he was going insane such was the expertise in the ladies went at him. His head thrashed from side to side in panic, but still the ladies would not stop, their fingers were now digging into his sides and wiggling with such speed that they appeared almost blur like to the crowd. “I confess, I confesssssss……I confess…Stop…I..I” The ladies used their nails to drive him crazy from the tickling, no spot went missed, as much as he wriggled his waist and torso, it was no good, they weren’t going to stop and there was nothing he could do about it.
Then the tickling stopped. The lawman ordered the laughing ladies to stand down and that his guards untie him. Mr Youcube collapsed to the ground. The Lawman ordered him up and that he follows him. The guards dragged him up and frogmarched him into a beautiful looking palace. Mr Youcube followed the Lawman into the Palace and continued down a long corridor where 2 huge wooden doors with gold handles and decoration faced them. The doors opened slowly and Mr Youcube was ordered to enter.
He entered to be confronted by two lines of guards either side in splendid red and black velvet regalia. He walked down the centre on a narrow carpet and when he reached the end of the guards, two spears crossed over to block his path. The Queen then emerged from a door accompanied by 7 beautiful maids and said to him “I am Queen of England. I demand to know how you got here and what you want here. My guards have shown to me your amulet which they seized at the time of your arrest in the alehouse. It’s a strange article not of this world…so tell me time traveller where have you come from” Mr Youcube replied “I am from London, but London in the year 2007. He went on to explain he was not a wizard or a witch but he was a webmaster and that he had only volunteered to ‘try out’ a time machine so he could write about it on his website.
She was intrigued as he explained all about youcube and its amazing clips. He told her of the tickle torture he had to endure from the 3 laughing ladies. He said he that he would delete every single tickling clip from his website with women present as a result of his torture he had suffered. The Queen laughed. She then ordered the guard to hand back the amulet to Mr Youcube. “Hand back the time travellers amulet at once!!” The guard gave it back to him without delay. The queen asked him what type of amulet it was. He replied still hoarse from the tickling “cough…Its not an amulet, it’s a wireless keypad, and it’s purpose is for me to get back to my year of 2007”.
The queen nodded and asked if there was anything she could do to make it up to him for the torture he endured; Mr Youcube replied “well can I ask to take a video clip of you on my mobile phone so I can post it on my site?” She replied of course you can please go ahead and so he did. After getting his clip of the queen in her throne he then bid the queen farewell and pushed the code into the keypad. 2007 he pushed, then he disappeared in a flash and a puff of smoke then he was gone. The queen and everyone present in the Palace Throne Room was amazed
Mr Youcube awoke and found himself back in the chair of the time travel machine. Professor Mercer said “there seems to have been a malfunction, can we try again maybe this time year 1970?” Mr Youcube rose rapidly from the chair frowning and told Professor Mercer “not on your Nellie mate”, I have been tickle tortured, arrested and accused of witchcraft and severely traumatised by that nightmare episode….I am not going back on that thing or back in time again for all the tea in China!”. Professor Mercer said “Nonsense, you haven’t been anywhere you have been sat there the whole time!!”
Mr Youcube gave the Professor a piece of his mind “You Charlatan!, go get someone else to experiment on with your quackery, what do you think I am?, A Guinea Pig???”
Mr Youcube left the Professor in his lab, confused with Professor stating he hadn’t left at all. “Oh well” Mr Youcube sighed “back to reality”. When he got home he thought he had better update his website and check his email, he took out his phone and scanned for new media clips…..he checked his phone… to his disbelief the clips were there from his nightmare time in 1550 AD. “Holy Sh…” he immediately uploaded them to his site and told his unbelievable story and deleted all tickling material from his site and vowed never to let tickling near his site again.
To be Continued.
