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Beyond One Syllable

Beyond One Syllable Volume 2 #1 "Because"

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Long ago, in another life, I used to write a monthly column named Beyond One Syllable. It was about all aspects of sexuality, and it lead me to some interesting places. Some good, others bad. Not unlike life.

It was in the days before the web, and before information about ones sexuality was easy to find or share. When having a fetish isolated a person, rather then was a golden ticket to meet a group of like minded people. Many of you reading this have no way of knowing how much the world has changed in just twenty years.

I always keep those days in mind when I am here at the forum. When I have to deal with a problem or issue here. I remember the people who would write to me. How they were just looking for a connection. For a person who understood. A validation of who they were. Even if it came from someone who they did not know, and only saw some random words from each month.

People want to be seen and feel that someone cares enough to listen.

Even though we have this forum, and it's simpler then ever to meet others who like tickling in its many forms, I realize that at the core of many peoples reasons for poking their heads up here, for reaching out and joining, it comes down to those same reasons I saw in those people who wrote me honest to gods paper with stamps on 'em letters. They seek connection, validation, to be part of something where their like is seen as normal.

Our tools change, but we, those who wield them, tend to stay the same. The same needs and wants are there in our heads driving us.

"So what?!" I can hear many of you saying. What does it matter? "Big deal, so my motivations match some people from the days when phones had dials and didn't fit in your pocket. Who cares?

To me it matters because it lets me strip off all the crap and fluff that the web adds. It lets me understand the real reasons motivating people to want to leave the forum, to fight with friends, and to just be confused and hurt.

When I see a member saying they feel excluded, or left out I hear: "I felt like this place was sorta mine, and I fit here, and now I feel I don't."

When I see a member saying they are taking a break, I hear: "It hurts me to be here, because I suddenly feel alone here."

When I hear talks of cliques I hear: "I don't understand what binds them together and not me also. Don't we all like the same thing?"

A prank, which in all honestly was not a very big deal in any real way did one thing that it's creators did not expect. It made people feel left out of an aspect of a place they have come to care about and felt they had some 'ownership' in, based on the time and emotion they had invested here.

I don't think anyone gives a damn about the the fact that some folks had fun with a prank. I think they care about how the prank was executed, how it seemed as if no one cared how it would make them feel.

It made people feel as if no one listened to them. Understood what mattered to them here. That no one thought about them when actions were made.

A fun idea failed at execution because it made people who are not aware of the forums history and traditions scared. Scared that someplace they cared about had changed under them. Scared that people they had come to care about interacting with might not be able to find them. Scared of change. It sucks to feel as if the one place you felt you fit in might suddenly not be what you thought. That the people you respected and thought cared about you, might not have handled that responsibility as they should have.

I wanted to take a moment to tell any and all of you who felt that way, who still feel that way, and who might be angry or any of the other things that it's okay to feel like you are.

I get why you do.

But please remember, no one meant to hurt you. No one meant to make you feel unwanted, apart, or not accepted here. An unmindful prank is just that. A prank.

The forum is a community. I take pride in saying that. When I became admin almost ten years ago I hoped to see a tenth of what we have now happen. We have gone so far past where I expected us to be now that I can't see that old goal line.

The forum is more then just a place that one finds media that gets us off.

It's the sum of it's many members, crazy and serious, and silly and timid, as they all may be.

And like any relationship, sometimes we accidently say or do things that hurt each other. We misunderstand, misinterpret, and confuse each other. We are most often, both sides at fault.

But we don't throw it away at such times.

We move forward. Talk through it and learn.

I hope that I see all of you around this place we have come to see as a sort of home. I know that I'm quiet, but I do read much, and know many of you through your posts and conversations. I watch and listen. And am here to help when needed.

Start your next day here by letting go of some weight that you don't need to carry. Remember why you came, and don't let some drama make you want to leave a place you care for.

Because you matter.

And as always, thank you for listening.

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    As always, you seem to have nailed it. Now, let's just hope all those involved actually read this.
    You're ridiculously awesome
    Very well said, Myriads.

    I hope you're going to continue writing these...
    Updated 07-07-2009 at 11:06 AM by dvnc
    That was well said, Myriads. It's something everyone should read.
    Well said, brother! Hope you keep sharing your insights. I'll be looking in to see.

    I think you have an excellent way of explaining things to me in a way that I understand. Thank you for that.

    Overdue for an update....don't make me ghost write this thing, buddy. Find us an hour this month,ok?

    Best blog post ever!

    Seriously, thank you so much for posting this. It's put a lot of things into perspective lately...