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So this Rabbi, Catholic priest, and a Baptist minister are all standing at the pearly gates, when St. Peter tells them they can not enter heaven until they convert a bear. ZAP! They are sent to Earth. The Baptist speaks up first, and says" I'll go first." He comes back some time later shaking...

Men Are Just Happier People-- Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another petrol...

Too much polishing the rifles............ makes the wrists sore....... if you know what I mean?

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log. "My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood. The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away! Further down the road, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again-this...

Some newly married friends were visiting us when the topic of children came up. The bride said she wanted three children, while the young husband said two would be enough for him. They discussed this discrepancy for a few minutes until the husband thought he'd put an end to things by saying...

Superman's had a hard week of fighting crime in Metropolis and is ready for some R&R. So Friday afternoon he looks up his pals Batman and Spiderman to see if they're up for going on the prowl that evening. Both turn him down on account of prior commitments and Superman is pretty ticked. As he's...

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she had selected the following items: A half-gallon of 2% milk, A half carton of eggs, A quart of orange juice, A small head of romaine lettuce, A 2-pound can of coffee, And a 1-pound package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the...

A well dressed, debonair man in his mid nineties enters an upscale cocktail lounge and finds a seat next to a good looking woman. Trying to remember his best pick-up line, he says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"

A parrot swallows a Viagra tablet. His owner, disgusted, puts him in the freezer to cool off. Later when he opens the freezer, he finds the parrot sweating. "How come you are sweating?" he asks. The parrot replies, "Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken?"

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was trudging through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried towards it, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand selling ties. The Taliban asked, “Do you have water?” The Jewish...

A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing. ''Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have really helped, but I'm afraid that you're giving...

A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea 'Do you enjoy it?' The doctor asked. 'Actually, yes, I do.' 'Does it hurt you?' he asked. 'No. I rather like it.' 'Well, then,' the...

A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made. "Olympic condoms?" she asks, "What makes them so special?" "There are three colors," he replies, "Gold, Silver and...

As a boat is about to sink, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces: "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks: "Is there someone on this ship who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his...

Two Arabs boarded a flight out of London. One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, an American sat down in the aisle seat. After takeoff, the American kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat...

A couple was invited to a swanky Halloween party by a family friend, in which all attendees were required to wear a mask. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone, and to make sure to say hello to her family. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she...

A drunk stumbles along a Baptismal service on a Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to stumble down into the water and stands next to the Minister. The Minister turns, notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk looks back and says, "Yes sir, I...

A guy dies, and goes to Heaven. When the guy arrives in Heaven, St. Peter greets him, and says, "Come with me, and I will show you where you will be staying." St. Peter and this guy are walking along side of the golden fence of Heaven, and the guy notices many clocks on the fence. Out of...

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive, anyway.

A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?" "Both son. God is both." After a while the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?" "Both son, both." The child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"