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Bob was sitting on the plane waiting to fly to Detroit, when a guy took the seat beside him. The guy was an emotional wreck, pale, hands shaking, moaning in fear. "What's the matter?" Bob asked. "I've been transferred to Detroit - I've heard the people are crazy there. They've got lots of...

Curtis & Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily in Starkville, MS and bought a mule for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day. The next morning the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news… the mule died last night." Curtis & Leroy replied, "Well...

My buddy John is old enough to be retired. He and his wife, Mary were at home watching TV. John had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel. Mary became more and more annoyed and finally said: "For god's sake, John! Leave it on the porn channel...

:upsidedow Something for the ladies: 1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX? (because they are plugged into a genius) ----------------------------------------------- 2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX? (they don't have enough time) ----------------------------------------------- 3...

This was (supposedly) an internal memo sent out by IBM to all of their field engineers about a computer peripheral problem. :typerhappy: If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement...

Sensitivity Training For Men * I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair. But, by turning to religion I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam and we're stoning her in the morning! * The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis...

Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up. Michael O'Connor looks around and asks, 'Oh, me...

How retired folks can make TRASH DAY more exciting… Now that I'm retired I find Mondays are just like Fridays...nothing special. Life can get pretty boring and I am always looking for ways to "juice" things up. So, I said to myself, what would really make things dicey around the old...

A man received the following text from his neighbor: I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with...

Women! Who can figure 'em? :shock: I spent $5,000 on a boob job for the wife. She was delighted. I spent another $2,000 on a nose job for her. She was ecstatic. I spent $2,000 on liposuction for her and she couldn't thank me enough! But I spend 50 bucks on a blowjob for myself and she goes...

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions" he observed. To the first mother, (from Toronto) Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second mom...

Three dead bodies turn up at the Dublin mortuary all with very big smiles on their faces. The Police want to know why. The Coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened. 'First body: Pierre Dubois, Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his 20-year old mistress...

Tommy was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids, when he came into the house and asked her, 'Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?' She was a little taken...

Blonde Cruise A blonde sees a posting on a bulletin board that says, "Cruise -- Only $5." She goes to the address on the back and hands the receptionist $5. The receptionist nods to a burly man reading a newspaper. He walks over to the blonde and knocks her unconscious. The blonde wakes up...

from my favorites archive: A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. 'Human beings are the only animals that stutter,' she says. A little girl raises her hand. 'I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.' The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked...

Origin of Yodeling Many years ago a man was traveling through the mountains of Switzerland Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had nowhere to sleep. He went up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night. The farmer told him that he could sleep in the barn. As the...

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I...

Milagros joke about age and sex reminded me of one in my repertoire: Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One lady turns and asks, 'Do you still get horny?' The other replies, 'Oh sure I do.' The first old lady asks, 'What do you do about it?' The second old lady...

As a joke, my brother Jay used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings overflowed, his poor...

I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to fart. The place was packed but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my farts to the beat of the music. After a couple of songs I started to...