Friends and...I dunno.

[Marquis De Sade]

There was a little off-forum drama recently that I happened to be kinda sorta involved in. The details aside because drama is drama, it left me not wanting to be friends with this person anymore.

That got me thinking and made me realize, I'd never truly actually cared about her in the first place. She was merely an acquaintance. Someone I hung out with and laughed with and she got me a jar of something I really like and miss from England but aside from that, there was nothing else there. There hadn't been to begin with. Because I analyze everything to death, that got me wondering about the people I DO really care about...and why. I racked my brains (all of them), I traced backwards, I pointed out the usual things like a common taste in music or movies or something but REAL friendship seems to be so deep, I was finally left with this reason: I have no idea.

Surprisingly, a lot of people whom I consider really close are the ones I've made here and I've never even met any of them. Yet. But of course, that confused me even more. I have a shitload of people in real life who I hang out with, have fun with, laugh with and all that, and I am pretty damn social aside from needing My Time quite often so I meet a lot of people, go to a lot of parties and enjoy thinking to myself, "HA! One night. Twelve new Facebook Friends." but really close? Maybe two people.

Maybe.

There are a lot of things some might consider missing from the relationships with people I have here. Basic information, mostly. I don't know certain "normal" things from fav food to deeper things like how they grew up and how their childhoods shaped who they are today, and, come to think of it, I haven't dumped any of that info on them either. But does it matter? idk. I thought it did. That's what friends do, right? Or how people become friends in the first place. Isn't it? But all that doesn't seem to matter because I don't really care and they don't seem to either. It doesn't seem to make much of a difference which of course leaves me even MORE confused. Hell, one I would fight off a gang of deadly beaver ninjas for keeps thinking I'm freaking Japanese for some reason which shows you how much the usual stuff doesn't really matter.

I don't even know where this is going really, perhaps it'd be better placed as a blog. I'm just rambling at this point, but I am curious if there's a difference and why there is, if there is, between a relationship formed here and how and why it happens in the first place and lasts, even when taken out from behind a computer into the real world, in comparison to one formed in the real world.

In the end though, I still honestly have no freaking clue. Perhaps it's better off not being explained.

[Bohemianne]

You're not at all confused, and the way you "racked your brains out" just to ponder on people you care about made me smile. You simply want to distinguish one feeling to another...

I am one of those who have very very few friends in life. One best friend in high school, and one in college. They're both gone now but both having good lives. I get in touch with them from time to time...

I have pondered on human connections too, and I found out everything is fleeting. The only deepest thing I have currently is what I have - my significant other and my closest family. At times, the closest ones could be gone too, depending on the circumstances you can't control like: they have to travel or they simply left the world...

It made me think of the movie "Gone with the Wind." Life is like that, just passing by and the next day, they are all gone...

As for online connections: there are great things about it. Friendships are almost always beautiful, and you know why... there are reasons that made it so. The most trustworthy ones are built on productive efforts. There is no other way I can measure a person's online credibility and loyalty than those that involve legit means and sincere actions.

The only thing I can say is this: Whatever deep connection you have with someone, make it always the BEST of its time. This is the reason why if there is bad thing that comes, I give decent closure with people who crossed my path. I do the initiative to conclude it properly or so I hope... After that, I go on... and when it gets back to my thoughts, there is something worth smiling about...

There was a little off-forum drama recently that I happened to be kinda sorta involved in. The details aside because drama is drama, it left me not wanting to be friends with this person anymore.

That got me thinking and made me realize, I'd never truly actually cared about her in the first place. She was merely an acquaintance. Someone I hung out with and laughed with and she got me a jar of something I really like and miss from England but aside from that, there was nothing else there. There hadn't been to begin with. Because I analyze everything to death, that got me wondering about the people I DO really care about...and why. I racked my brains (all of them), I traced backwards, I pointed out the usual things like a common taste in music or movies or something but REAL friendship seems to be so deep, I was finally left with this reason: I have no idea.

Surprisingly, a lot of people whom I consider really close are the ones I've made here and I've never even met any of them. Yet. But of course, that confused me even more. I have a shitload of people in real life who I hang out with, have fun with, laugh with and all that, and I am pretty damn social aside from needing My Time quite often so I meet a lot of people, go to a lot of parties and enjoy thinking to myself, "HA! One night. Twelve new Facebook Friends." but really close? Maybe two people.

Maybe.

There are a lot of things some might consider missing from the relationships with people I have here. Basic information, mostly. I don't know certain "normal" things from fav food to deeper things like how they grew up and how their childhoods shaped who they are today, and, come to think of it, I haven't dumped any of that info on them either. But does it matter? idk. I thought it did. That's what friends do, right? Or how people become friends in the first place. Isn't it? But all that doesn't seem to matter because I don't really care and they don't seem to either. It doesn't seem to make much of a difference which of course leaves me even MORE confused. Hell, one I would fight off a gang of deadly beaver ninjas for keeps thinking I'm freaking Japanese for some reason which shows you how much the usual stuff doesn't really matter.

I don't even know where this is going really, perhaps it'd be better placed as a blog. I'm just rambling at this point, but I am curious if there's a difference and why there is, if there is, between a relationship formed here and how and why it happens in the first place and lasts, even when taken out from behind a computer into the real world, in comparison to one formed in the real world.

In the end though, I still honestly have no freaking clue. Perhaps it's better off not being explained.

[McNoodle]

I find there is a large difference. I have always felt my real life friends will always be my friends regardless of how often we communicate. We'll alway have that bond of shared adventures and good times together.

My online friends I find the friendship is like a super nova. It burns very hot in the start but eventually burns out, especially if you no longer frequent whatever online medium brought you together in the first place.

There are exceptions to both rules of course and I'm certainly not cynical when I make friends online. I just feel on my deathbed the people I will think about and reminisce about the most will be my family and real life friends.

[Leo tickles]

If everybody took the time to figure things out as you did, they would probably realize that at least half of their "friends" are nothing more than people to call when they're bored.

[Skipadeedoodah]

I totally get where you're coming from. I just had this conversation with Bella and LeeAllure this past weekend. As much as I love and adore my vanilla friends, the more I get to know people here, the less important alot of them have become. I still see them and hang out with them, and one of them is and will always will be one of the few people in this world I can truly tell anything to, trust, and love with all my heart. That having been said, there is an important distinction between the majority of my vanilla relationships and the majority of my kink-inspired relationships, and that distinction is comfort and acceptance.

I've said a million times that I never feel more myself than when I'm surrounded by you crazy tickle freaks, literally (at a gathering) or figuratively (on the forum). I think that the bond that we all share is so much deeper than having the same favorite color or liking the same music. It's more intimate, and for many of us it's incredibly private. Even if we don't talk about it, and our interactions are no different than those with members of our vanilla world, just knowing that another person shares such an intimate aspect of my life, doesn't judge me for having it, and accepts me, not despite it, but largely because of it, is liberating and exciting, and makes me fall a little bit in love with each and every one of you.

P.S. You're not Japanese?!

[..Glamorous..]

There was a little off-forum drama recently that I happened to be kinda sorta involved in. The details aside because drama is drama, it left me not wanting to be friends with this person anymore.

That got me thinking and made me realize, I'd never truly actually cared about her in the first place. She was merely an acquaintance. Someone I hung out with and laughed with and she got me a jar of something I really like and miss from England but aside from that, there was nothing else there. There hadn't been to begin with. Because I analyze everything to death, that got me wondering about the people I DO really care about...and why. I racked my brains (all of them), I traced backwards, I pointed out the usual things like a common taste in music or movies or something but REAL friendship seems to be so deep, I was finally left with this reason: I have no idea.

Surprisingly, a lot of people whom I consider really close are the ones I've made here and I've never even met any of them. Yet. But of course, that confused me even more. I have a shitload of people in real life who I hang out with, have fun with, laugh with and all that, and I am pretty damn social aside from needing My Time quite often so I meet a lot of people, go to a lot of parties and enjoy thinking to myself, "HA! One night. Twelve new Facebook Friends." but really close? Maybe two people.

Maybe.

There are a lot of things some might consider missing from the relationships with people I have here. Basic information, mostly. I don't know certain "normal" things from fav food to deeper things like how they grew up and how their childhoods shaped who they are today, and, come to think of it, I haven't dumped any of that info on them either. But does it matter? idk. I thought it did. That's what friends do, right? Or how people become friends in the first place. Isn't it? But all that doesn't seem to matter because I don't really care and they don't seem to either. It doesn't seem to make much of a difference which of course leaves me even MORE confused. Hell, one I would fight off a gang of deadly beaver ninjas for keeps thinking I'm freaking Japanese for some reason which shows you how much the usual stuff doesn't really matter.

I don't even know where this is going really, perhaps it'd be better placed as a blog. I'm just rambling at this point, but I am curious if there's a difference and why there is, if there is, between a relationship formed here and how and why it happens in the first place and lasts, even when taken out from behind a computer into the real world, in comparison to one formed in the real world.

In the end though, I still honestly have no freaking clue. Perhaps it's better off not being explained.

Same here.. I have like 2 people off the forum I really consider friends. Everyone else, I end up saying a few things about when they aren't around. lol. But like, I've made some of the best friends ever here. Some of those I still have yet to meet!



Now, go and get my chainsaw.

[Borg Perfection]

There was a little off-forum drama recently that I happened to be kinda sorta involved in. The details aside because drama is drama, it left me not wanting to be friends with this person anymore.

That got me thinking and made me realize, I'd never truly actually cared about her in the first place. She was merely an acquaintance. Someone I hung out with and laughed with and she got me a jar of something I really like and miss from England but aside from that, there was nothing else there. There hadn't been to begin with. Because I analyze everything to death, that got me wondering about the people I DO really care about...and why. I racked my brains (all of them), I traced backwards, I pointed out the usual things like a common taste in music or movies or something but REAL friendship seems to be so deep, I was finally left with this reason: I have no idea.

Surprisingly, a lot of people whom I consider really close are the ones I've made here and I've never even met any of them. Yet. But of course, that confused me even more. I have a shitload of people in real life who I hang out with, have fun with, laugh with and all that, and I am pretty damn social aside from needing My Time quite often so I meet a lot of people, go to a lot of parties and enjoy thinking to myself, "HA! One night. Twelve new Facebook Friends." but really close? Maybe two people.

Maybe.

There are a lot of things some might consider missing from the relationships with people I have here. Basic information, mostly. I don't know certain "normal" things from fav food to deeper things like how they grew up and how their childhoods shaped who they are today, and, come to think of it, I haven't dumped any of that info on them either. But does it matter? idk. I thought it did. That's what friends do, right? Or how people become friends in the first place. Isn't it? But all that doesn't seem to matter because I don't really care and they don't seem to either. It doesn't seem to make much of a difference which of course leaves me even MORE confused. Hell, one I would fight off a gang of deadly beaver ninjas for keeps thinking I'm freaking Japanese for some reason which shows you how much the usual stuff doesn't really matter.

I don't even know where this is going really, perhaps it'd be better placed as a blog. I'm just rambling at this point, but I am curious if there's a difference and why there is, if there is, between a relationship formed here and how and why it happens in the first place and lasts, even when taken out from behind a computer into the real world, in comparison to one formed in the real world.

In the end though, I still honestly have no freaking clue. Perhaps it's better off not being explained.

Physical proximity is not a requirement for validity of friendship or closeness, nor is information such as people's real names.

All that matters is the authenticity of the energy you share between one another. If the friendships you value most are maintained through an online forum, it doesn't make them any less legit.

[Bohemianne]

Physical proximity is not a requirement for validity of friendship or closeness, nor is information such as people's real names.

All that matters is the authenticity of the energy you share between one another. If the friendships you value most are maintained through an online forum, it doesn't make them any less legit.

You make sense in a way, especially on anonymity of "names". Based on pure trust, who needs to be legit? A true one will always act on a promise and deliver stuff as committed. I have good experiences on that. At times, I admit it is the amazing thing about online connection that differentiates from real life deal.

[Borg Perfection]

You make sense in a way, especially on anonymity of "names". Based on pure trust, who needs to be legit? A true one will always act on a promise and deliver stuff as committed. I have good experiences on that. At times, I admit it is the amazing thing about online connection that differentiates from real life deal.

Yes, and I forgot to add: It is often "real-life" that is more afflicted with inhibitions. When getting to know someone through a medium such as the internet, it seems to be that the walls come down and you get to know the true person.

However, there is the occasional "super-ticklish girl" from the next state over who turns out to be some shirtless dude sporting a Cobra Commander helmet.

[Skipadeedoodah]

However, there is the occasional "super-ticklish girl" from the next state over who turns out to be some shirtless dude sporting a Cobra Commander helmet.

That would be me...

[Borg Perfection]

That would be me...

Hahaha, no harm meant. I just couldn't resist

Your room looks pretty badass by the way.

[Babbles]

P.S. You're not Japanese?!

A think a number of us were wondering... (With a Frankish twist of course)

[Skipadeedoodah]

Hahaha, no harm meant. I just couldn't resist

Your room looks pretty badass by the way.

Thanks, bro. *scratches balls*

[Borg Perfection]

Thanks, bro. *scratches balls*

As Cobra Commander you should have Baroness scratch 'em for ya.

With her toes.

[Marquis De Sade]

The only thing I can say is this: Whatever deep connection you have with someone, make it always the BEST of its time. This is the reason why if there is bad thing that comes, I give decent closure with people who crossed my path. I do the initiative to conclude it properly or so I hope... After that, I go on... and when it gets back to my thoughts, there is something worth smiling about...

Thanks for the insights Bohemianne. And yes, things, people, some things, they are fleeting so indeed make the most of out of them. As for the online connections I have, it's pleased me that I've brought some of the relationships outside of the forum and the bonds are somewhat stronger in some cases. Sometimes, you take away that one common thread between someone and yourself and there's no more glue. I'm happy that hasn't been the case.

As for closure, I operate a little differently if we're talking about the same sort of closure. Closure for me happens in about five seconds no matter what the history was between us. If someone goes out of their way to upset things on purpose, there is no history. It's gone, deleted. I don't even remember, nor do I feel anything. Dunno why, just always been like that.

With someone people though, very, very few, I find the mere thought of that damn near impossible. I suppose that means the connection has been fused together permanently. Something I'm very okay with.

My online friends I find the friendship is like a super nova. It burns very hot in the start but eventually burns out, especially if you no longer frequent whatever online medium brought you together in the first place.

McNoodle, I used to be like that, until I found this place. I feel it was little to do with kink, it's the people here.

Now, I mostly work how you do with people in real life. They come, they go, we have a blast, we say hi now and then, hang out...then eventually it just kinda fades. I'm sure this also has plenty to do with where I live, what field of work I'm in and the overall stereotypical mentality that's rather correctly associated with both.

If everybody took the time to figure things out as you did, they would probably realize that at least half of their "friends" are nothing more than people to call when they're bored.

Very. True.

Even if we don't talk about it, and our interactions are no different than those with members of our vanilla world, just knowing that another person shares such an intimate aspect of my life, doesn't judge me for having it, and accepts me, not despite it, but largely because of it, is liberating and exciting, and makes me fall a little bit in love with each and every one of you.

Wait...you have a fetish? See, I sometimes forget. Only one of my friends from here even really talks about it with me off of here. I dunno if this is because it feels uncomfortable for the rest or it just doesn't matter, or it's a little bit of both. There are socials do's and don'ts afterall and I wouldn't go up to one of my friends irl and ask how they're sex life's going unless I was intentionally trying to be funny. I've always felt one should conduct themselves irl as they would online.

Unless you're drunk. Them I'ma be aaaaaaall up in ya bizznezz. Word.

P.S. You're not Japanese?!

Fail.

But like, I've made some of the best friends ever here. Some of those I still have yet to meet!

Now, go and get my chainsaw.

Well talk him into taking you guys here!!!!1111111oneleven

This is your excuse:

Physical proximity is not a requirement for validity of friendship or closeness, nor is information such as people's real names.

All that matters is the authenticity of the energy you share between one another. If the friendships you value most are maintained through an online forum, it doesn't make them any less legit.

This, Borg, set my mind at ease. The authenticity and energy you share between one another...that should be up on a plaque somewhere.

It's the answer I believe I was looking for when I posted this up last night. It has little to do with following tested and tired social protocol interactivity like place of birth, fav kind of music, movies, books, color, yadda yadda yadda all the things one usually has in common with another and everything to do with what you explained.

Thank you.

A think a number of us were wondering... (With a Frankish twist of course)

HAHAHAHA!!! SOAWESOME.