Is dating a dying trend?

goddess_nemesis · Jan 22, 2011

Earlier today I feeling a little, well, not lonely but a longing for a relationship. I miss having a boyfriend to spend time with, to cuddle with, to be intimate with. :lover:

Well during work this evening a cute guy came into the store and started to flirt with me. It usually throws me off kilter when that happens because I'm unused to guys showing interest in me.

Well he asked me for my phone number, and, because he was cute and I thought maybe there could be potential there, I gave it to him. He calls me later while I'm still at work and we chat a bit. He asks if he could pick me up after work, but I tell him no because I just met him and I don't go off in some stranger's car. No matter how cute he is. Then he's like when can I see you. I'm like I don't know while thinking, "ask me out on a date already." But he never asks, just going on about when he can see me. Well our conversation had to be cut off abruptly because a customer came in the store, but it was welcomed reprieve.

My interest in him died because he didn't seem interest in going on dates. He certainly didn't offer anything resembling a date. He seemed more interested in a hookup and that's not what I want or am looking for. Yet earlier when he was in the store, he asked me if I was looking for a boyfriend to which I replied "if it happens, it happens." Y'know, not actively looking, but not opposed to happening either.

So I don't know if it was a just line or if going on dates doesn't seem to happen anymore. Maybe it's me, but it seems like more people want to jump into the boyfriend/girlfriend status without actually taking the time to get to know each other enough to decide to be in a relationship.

What do you think? Is going out on dates a dying trend? :idunno:

socktickler86 · Jan 23, 2011

Hmm, "seeing" somebody doesn't mean going out on a date? I never really gave that much thought...

I personally don't think it's people wanting to jump into a bf/gf thing, they just want to have a one night stand here or there or someone to just screw around with.

BrightEyes1082 · Jan 23, 2011

Fuck dating anymore. It always ends in bullshit. At least for me.

c7_assassin · Jan 23, 2011

It sounded to me like he was asking you out...

Sometimes I'll get a girl's number, and then call her and arrange a time and place we can see each other...if that's not the same thing as dating, I must be terribly confused.

Leo tickles · Jan 23, 2011

If seeing each other isn't dating and is considered a hookup attempt......

Barney Stubble · Jan 23, 2011

It's not the same. "When can I see you" is a shitty way to ask a girl out. You might as well ask, "When can I fuck you?"

A better way to ask her out would be "Hey if you're not busy on Saturday, what would you say to dinner and a movie?" Or "Hey, I've got balcony tickets to Spiderman at the Uptown Theater for next Friday. Would you be interested in going with me?"

You have to have some kind of plan in mind that you hope will pique her interest. Offer her something other than the chance-of-a-lifetime opportunity to basque in your presence.

NWIBOY · Jan 23, 2011

Admit it, you love sex, he loves sex, you might want to consider it, that'll get you to know him right away. Don't leave in his car, have him come to you, you'll be fine.

You know I don't always believe this, I'm a guy too, a young guy just barely old enough to buy a beer, but it seems to be the way things are these days. Not that I'm one to just jump into it but I don't want a relationship all the time, but everyone loves sex so why not just cooperate and hookup and be satisfied.

ndj101982 · Jan 23, 2011

I'm taking a nice break from the dating scene myself at the moment. I'm so sick of the ridiculous bullshit that you have to deal with. The last few girls I've gone on dates with were super excited to hang out with me the first couple of dates, then like out of nowhere they just stopped calling me. No weird moments on the dates or anything, just kind of like they either decided not to pursue a relationship with me, or they met someone else in the meantime that they liked better. I decided to dial it back and avoid trying pursue meeting girls at the moment. I'm sort of hoping that something may happen by chance because whenever I pursue meeting a girl it never works out.

NWIBOY · Jan 23, 2011

I tend to agree, there always seems to be somebody else that is just more magnetic to the girl somehow. As Frank Sinatra said, "that's life."

JJB · Jan 23, 2011

It's all in the terminology. I discuss this with people all the time. To some people it's "seeing each other". To other people it's "going out" or "dating". It could mean anything. Since he's interested, why don't you initiate a next step and ask where he would like to go out on the date and see how he reacts and what happens? Maybe it's what he means and just didn't say it that way.

JJB · Jan 23, 2011

ndj101982 said:
The last few girls I've gone on dates with were super excited to hang out with me the first couple of dates, then like out of nowhere they just stopped calling me. No weird moments on the dates or anything, just kind of like they either decided not to pursue a relationship with me, or they met someone else in the meantime that they liked better.

You're like everybody else then, in that regard. We all go through it on both sides.

Knox The Hatter · Jan 23, 2011

Nemesis, why not just ask? "I'm kind of old fashioned. I feel more like a lady when a guy asks me out to dinner, to a movie. I'm not really interested in going behind the supermarket with you in your car at one-thirty in the morning. You understand, don't you?"
You'll know then and there if he's worth your time.

Aimee · Jan 23, 2011

idk.
in your situation i would have done it differently.
i definitely would have at least given the guy a chance, i think.
it's not everyday a cutie comes in and asks for your number!
i mean, yeah, "when can i see you?" is kinda putting you on the spot...
but i woulda just been like "you pick! i'm free whenever" or something like that.

i just find it so rare that a guy actually gets the courage to talk to me AND ask for my number, ya know?

Snail Shell · Jan 23, 2011

"When can I see you?" is the same thing as "Would you like to go out on a date?"

I think people are just moving away from the term 'date' because it sounds so formal. Date, see you, go for coffee, get together, hang out, chill; they all mean the same thing: spend time together to get to know you better.

SS

goddess_nemesis · Jan 23, 2011

Thanks, everyone.

I guess in a way I'm still new to the dating scene. I never had a boyfriend until I was 22 and after we broke up, I've gone on a couple of dates. But I'm still unused to a guy showing interest in me because for so long I didn't believe I could attract anyone.

Barney Stubble said:
It's not the same. "When can I see you" is a shitty way to ask a girl out. You might as well ask, "When can I fuck you?"

A better way to ask her out would be "Hey if you're not busy on Saturday, what would you say to dinner and a movie?" Or "Hey, I've got balcony tickets to Spiderman at the Uptown Theater for next Friday. Would you be interested in going with me?"

You have to have some kind of plan in mind that you hope will pique her interest. Offer her something other than the chance-of-a-lifetime opportunity to basque in your presence.

That's what I was waiting for him to ask. He asked me for my phone number, he showed interest in me, so I was waiting for the "Are you busy on such-and-such day? Maybe we can go do this?" But he didn't say anything beyond "when can I see you?" Maybe I should offered an idea, but I guess I never thought to do so and then the call ended quickly because a customer came into the store.

Knox The Hatter said:
Nemesis, why not just ask? "I'm kind of old fashioned. I feel more like a lady when a guy asks me out to dinner, to a movie. I'm not really interested in going behind the supermarket with you in your car at one-thirty in the morning. You understand, don't you?"
You'll know then and there if he's worth your time.

I'll keep that in mind. Thanks, Knox.

Aimee said:
idk.
in your situation i would have done it differently.
i definitely would have at least given the guy a chance, i think.
it's not everyday a cutie comes in and asks for your number!
i mean, yeah, "when can i see you?" is kinda putting you on the spot...
but i woulda just been like "you pick! i'm free whenever" or something like that.

i just find it so rare that a guy actually gets the courage to talk to me AND ask for my number, ya know?

I guess I was just out of my element and I didn't think of that. If he calls me again, I'll try to make an effort in offering an idea of what we can do if he asks "when can I see".

Snail Shell said:
"When can I see you?" is the same thing as "Would you like to go out on a date?"

I think people are just moving away from the term 'date' because it sounds so formal. Date, see you, go for coffee, get together, hang out, chill; they all mean the same thing: spend time together to get to know you better.

SS

It's probably me, but "When can I see you" puts it on the girl to decide what to do or at least think of something. Like I said to Barney, I was kinda waiting for him to offer something up. I thought since he showed interest and had called me that he would have an idea of something to do. It doesn't have to be anything formal. Let's go bowling, let's go out to this restaurant, or let's go see this movie. A plan to do something, not an offer to pick me up after work (which was 10p).

But if he calls again, I'll try to be more straightforward and maybe offer an idea if he still doesn't offer something and see how he reacts.

:shrug:

Snail Shell · Jan 23, 2011

I think we was asking when he could see you more to ask when you were available, not out offering an idea, but hey, I could be wrong.

SS

goddess_nemesis · Jan 23, 2011

Snail Shell said:
I think we was asking when he could see you more to ask when you were available, not out offering an idea, but hey, I could be wrong.

SS

Hmm, I guess, I didn't think of it like that.

I'll see if he calls me again.

NWIBOY · Jan 23, 2011

I don't know why some girls have to be such *stiffs* about sex. Face it, you're going to be stimulating yourself somehow at home, why not share it with a guy. BS is what it is.

Leo tickles · Jan 23, 2011

NWIBOY said:
I don't know why some girls have to be such *stiffs* about sex. Face it, you're going to be stimulating yourself somehow at home, why not share it with a guy. BS is what it is.

I'm a guy and I can tell you that I'd rather stimulate myself than be stimulated by somebody I have no emotional connection with.

I can only guess the females you speak of feel the same way.

Morpheus72 · Jan 23, 2011

goddess_nemesis said:
Earlier today I feeling a little, well, not lonely but a longing for a relationship. I miss having a boyfriend to spend time with, to cuddle with, to be intimate with. Well during work this evening a cute guy came into the store and started to flirt with me. It usually throws me off kilter when that happens because I'm unused to guys showing interest in me.

Well he asked me for my phone number, and, because he was cute and I thought maybe there could be potential there, I gave it to him. He calls me later while I'm still at work and we chat a bit. He asks if he could pick me up after work, but I tell him no because I just met him and I don't go off in some stranger's car. No matter how cute he is. Then he's like when can I see you. I'm like I don't know while thinking, "ask me out on a date already." But he never asks, just going on about when he can see me. Well our conversation had to be cut off abruptly because a customer came in the store, but it was welcomed reprieve.

My interest in him died because he didn't seem interest in going on dates. He certainly didn't offer anything resembling a date. He seemed more interested in a hookup and that's not what I want or am looking for. Yet earlier when he was in the store, he asked me if I was looking for a boyfriend to which I replied "if it happens, it happens." Y'know, not actively looking, but not opposed to happening either.

So I don't know if it was a just line or if going on dates doesn't seem to happen anymore. Maybe it's me, but it seems like more people want to jump into the boyfriend/girlfriend status without actually taking the time to get to know each other enough to decide to be in a relationship.

What do you think? Is going out on dates a dying trend?

I get the impression you lost interest in this guy because he didn't use the right combination of words in showing his interest for you. "When can I see you" equates to "when are you free?" As in, when are you free for a date. Because you didn't pick up on this - either intentionally or unintentionally - you helped kill a conversation that you seemingly wanted to continue. He asked you for your number, you gave it, and he moved along to trying to set up a time for a date. Just because he didn't say, "Are you free Friday? How about Saturday? Maybe the 17th?" doesn't mean he wasn't trying. You could have easily said, "well, I'm free Friday" and then left the ball in his court.

I agree that his asking if he could pick you up is too forward in this day and age, but you could have done more to make this work here.

Dave

darkscar · Jan 23, 2011

I don't think dating is a dieing trend, Sounds to me he don't know how to ask a girl out. You got guys that and just snap their fingers and they get a chick to go out with them, Others have an anxiety mind battle going on inside there head.

Here is the crap I'm calculating inside my head. 1. finding out if shes got a BF or not, 2. Am i going to fast if i ask for a number of a girl i just met? 3. If other people are around how do i go about asking her without putting her on the spot because of the other people. 4. I don't want to get her in trouble with her boss (If at work) waiting around for the right time. 5. Maybe its not the right time to ask because she looks busy. On top of that i can't read body language and hints to save my life, So i can't see any Green Lights or Red Lights.

I can say Hi and maybe get into a small conversation with them. When it comes to the closing, my anxiety wins and i close with a simple "have a nice day" and a smile.

If i get past that phase and get a number i can come up with all kinds of stuff to do on a first date.

he just seemed to bomb in phase 2. He did not ask for the actual date. Its the guys job to come up with the What, Where, When, and How for the date. Is he going to pick you up or are you going to meet there etc. Ether you agree with the terms of the date the guy came up with, or you alter it a little till it fits both of you.

To me "when can i see you" sounds like a line you say when your nervous and that's the first thing your mind came up with.

The same thing i feel in phase 1 When i think I'm about to crash and burn.

If you ever see The Big Bang Theory think of Rajesh Koothrappali

He can't ever talk to a cute girl unless he drinks or is on some anti depressant. Of course i am not as bad as he is, but traces of it is there.

Jagermeistered · Jan 23, 2011

Dating is not dead! Seems to me that conformity, and "social comfort": synthetic acceptance; is the parasite here! Why should I learn "how to" ask out a girl? It seems to me that individualism is a lost cause, and every concept of life comes with a manual to it. Whether true or wrong.

goddess_nemesis · Jan 23, 2011

NWIBOY said:
I don't know why some girls have to be such *stiffs* about sex. Face it, you're going to be stimulating yourself somehow at home, why not share it with a guy. BS is what it is.

Yeah thank you so much for that eye opening post. If I wanted sex then I would've fucked him. But since I didn't know him from Adam, yeah I cared a little bit more about my safety than getting sex. Plus I like to know a guy better than just his name and how cute he was.

Leo tickles said:
I'm a guy and I can tell you that I'd rather stimulate myself than be stimulated by somebody I have no emotional connection with.

I can only guess the females you speak of feel the same way.

Thank you, Leo.

Morpheus72 said:
I get the impression you lost interest in this guy because he didn't use the right combination of words in showing his interest for you. "When can I see you" equates to "when are you free?" As in, when are you free for a date. Because you didn't pick up on this - either intentionally or unintentionally - you helped kill a conversation that you seemingly wanted to continue. He asked you for your number, you gave it, and he moved along to trying to set up a time for a date. Just because he didn't say, "Are you free Friday? How about Saturday? Maybe the 17th?" doesn't mean he wasn't trying. You could have easily said, "well, I'm free Friday" and then left the ball in his court.

I agree that his asking if he could pick you up is too forward in this day and age, but you could have done more to make this work here.

Dave

Yeah I realize that now. I guess I could've suggested something, but I interpreted what he said differently. I'll try to remember that in the future.

darkscar said:
I don't think dating is a dieing trend, Sounds to me he don't know how to ask a girl out. You got guys that and just snap their fingers and they get a chick to go out with them, Others have an anxiety mind battle going on inside there head.

Here is the crap I'm calculating inside my head. 1. finding out if shes got a BF or not, 2. Am i going to fast if i ask for a number of a girl i just met? 3. If other people are around how do i go about asking her without putting her on the spot because of the other people. 4. I don't want to get her in trouble with her boss (If at work) waiting around for the right time. 5. Maybe its not the right time to ask because she looks busy. On top of that i can't read body language and hints to save my life, So i can't see any Green Lights or Red Lights.

I can say Hi and maybe get into a small conversation with them. When it comes to the closing, my anxiety wins and i close with a simple "have a nice day" and a smile.

If i get past that phase and get a number i can come up with all kinds of stuff to do on a first date.

he just seemed to bomb in phase 2. He did not ask for the actual date. Its the guys job to come up with the What, Where, When, and How for the date. Is he going to pick you up or are you going to meet there etc. Ether you agree with the terms of the date the guy came up with, or you alter it a little till it fits both of you.

To me "when can i see you" sounds like a line you say when your nervous and that's the first thing your mind came up with.

The same thing i feel in phase 1 When i think I'm about to crash and burn.

If you ever see The Big Bang Theory think of Rajesh Koothrappali

He can't ever talk to a cute girl unless he drinks or is on some anti depressant. Of course i am not as bad as he is, but traces of it is there.

I agree. I guess I have expectations of how a guy would approach a girl that he showed interest in. But I see how I could've handled it differently to get the outcome I hoped for. :shrug:

badreligion · Jan 23, 2011

Dating isn't a dying trend , finding girls who are not total bitches thats the kicker .

sasaxrah · Jan 23, 2011

badreligion said:
Dating isn't a dying trend , finding girls who are not total bitches thats the kicker .

With that winning attitude, it's no wonder you're having trouble.

Is dating a dying trend?

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