married and tickling
does anyone else have problems meeting women to tickle while being married.
can't even buy tickling videos or view online movies(via Real Tickling)
my wife is ticklish,but doesn't like to be tickled
Well I used to have that problem in a past life but "knot" now. As a Master, my partner indulges me to no end. As she is not the most ticklish woman in the world she knows and understands my needs for it. If I tickle another, she is happy because she enjoys seeing me happy and excited. My only hope is that others shall be as happy as I someday.
But, honey, it's just a feather...
As a stubborn bachelor, I'm really no help at all. I can't help thinking that the scenario of a husband stepping out to conduct "A
Tickling Affair" would make a wicked story or video.
I'm no Dan Savage, but I've got to believe that if you're honest
with your spouse about your tastes and needs--and make it clear to
her that they are no threat to your marriage and your attentiveness to her--that, in fact, fulfilling them might enrich both--she'll
relent and permit the fantasy material. 'Can't say I think most
wives would be comfortable with their spouses actually "tickling outside the marriage," but, as I said, I'm a bachelor...
Communication is the key...
I've been asked this a lot because I'm very successful in relationships based on any issue of this community... and "pure luck" has nothing to do with it. Why? Because I'm open and up front. They know "who" I am and what I do. Ticklegal is the very same way. While we play together, and in groups- we also meet others seperately for sessions. We communicate flat out.
(I'm assuming you're an intelligent and open, caring adult... with moral vaules in regards to marriage and growth... and sans the typical "male attitude" that runs throughout the community at times)
Open acceptance and communication is the total key... and is easier said than done unfortutantely. Yeah- it's not an ideal world. It even sounds very feminist or philisophical perhaps to most men, but it's true. First off, if you're married, and unless it was a backwoods shotgun wedding- it should be an "unconditional love" - which means merely that you accept others needs and desires and "ways" in life without judgement or pre-condition attached.
Perhaps your needs should have been discussed openely before hand, and if they were- she should also know what she was getting into.
Despite romantic's opinions, or unless you're clones, no one person can possibly fulfill EVERY one of their partner's needs. Tickling or any fantasy (incluing the ever popular f/f or three-way trists) often fall outside that realm. Somewhere something slips by.
The easiest method is to simply "do it on the sly"- hide it from your partner. This however is not only morally wrong, but also the WORST mistake you can make- no matter how sneaky you think you are- and always comes back to haunt you. The community is filled with true life horror stories about those that tried to attempt that and failed miserably- ending in divorce and loss of child custody, jobs, and what not. There are some right here on this TMF that can attest to that if they choose to open up.
There's also some true imbeciles who will push you and cajole you into thinking that you can "fool the old lady"... "dont worry about it, just go for the babes"...etc. These are typical bar room attitudes from very misguided individuals who will never grow up, never mature enough to have any more depth than a school boy. Please don't go that route- you'll ultimately regret it AFTER the damage is done.
That leaves you with two options; divorce, or trying to express what you need in life in a very adult, intelligent method. I suggest the latter. I've never met any women who didn't apreciate the truth from a man, as oppossed to sneaky behaviour. Have you?
True- they may be upset or not "get it" at first- but with any patience and intelligent talk (NOT FIGHTNG AND SCREAMING) they will listen and understand the most important factor: that it's NOT a fault on their part at all (the biggest fear they keep inside).
Though it may appear to be more complex and sexually confusing.... it's actually not much different from the fact that perhaps you love to waste all Saturday watching mindless football, and it makes them sick. Or they'll spend 9 hours looking for a pair of ill-fitting shoes, while you drop dead in the mall waiting.
My suggestion is to show them some material- perhaps this very post here on TMF- explain honestly it's not a "lacking" or fault on their part- and speak openly. I (and perhaps others, including females I know) would be happy to speak to them (via email or phone) to help you out.
The one thing you may consider a drawback is this: they too may have things that come out of the closet that they need and that YOU can't fulfill. You may not look like George Clooney, or be willing to wear a dress for them, or whatever. So be prepared to also be accepting of their needs and the fact that YOU aren't God to them as well.
Well, I guess I'm as blunt as usual.... but I'm as up front and open as I can be about this common problem- I hope that helps....
Never fear, Kujman's here!
You make a lot of sense. I appreciate you adding that last tid-bit at the end about the reverse scenario.
Two way communication is the key, although most people will argue it and think it lame and that it will not get them anywhere.
Give Kujman's words of advice some thought. I couldn't have said it any better myself. Good luck!
I'd say that open communication is important, obviously, but I think there is another important part to consider: would you be comfortable if the situation (or similar situation) were reversed (where she has to go to another man to fulfill some type of fantasy)?
addin' my props to Kujman's comment
Kujman said it, and Mistress Mia already seconded. Being open and direct is most important.
Along with the possibility of your partner having a kink you didn't expect, there's another situational reverse that can help - try what you're asking your partner to do. Bottom for them. Get to know what they're experiencing. I know Kujman to be one who'll bottom as well as top. I've done likewise on several occasions. It's another way to help your lover understand things, and feel they're on equal, fair, and open grounds.
This post hit the jackpot for me. I have the same situation with my wife and I tried discussing the subject with her in an open manner and although she listened, she admitted that it was not her cup of tea and that it made her a little uncomfortable. Because I did not want to put her in an uncomfortable situation I have elected to live out my fantasy in my dreams, basically I put my fantasy on the back burner and hope that someday it will just happen between us without any pressure. If you force your partner to live out your desires the natural elements are lost and it becomes mechanical and unfulfilling for both of you.
This response really has no recommendation, accept to let nature take its course with maybe a little push in the right direction.
I read all the other posts and there were a lot of good suggestions, thanks for those that contributed to helping me think through my delimma.