would like to reconnect

Hi people,

A longtime member here, who posted every now and then in various sections of the TMF, but I haven’t been around much for a good while.

In the intervening years, my life has been mostly given up to taking care of my dear wife, the focal point of the reality-based
“Stacey” D/s TK stories I used to write and upload to various sites. But a short time ago my beloved, cherished, much better half, the only woman I have ever loved and I thought could ever love me, lost her valiant battle with brain cancer.

Today would have been our 20th wedding anniversary. You can understand how this is now an especially dark day for me.

Such a devastating disease. It was horrible for our children and me to watch her slowly deteriorate from the vibrant, gregarious person that I knew since we were married into a mere shell of herself, barely able to do anything on her own nor even speak. How I missed and will miss her sweet voice and even sweeter words.

I hope to God none of you ever has to go through such a trial with a loved one, but no doubt some of you have or will.

I don’t think anything could ever fully mend this gash in my life, but maybe what I need to do is start reaching out to some of the very kind people I’d interacted with here in the past like Ayla ny, AffectionateDan and TKLDuo-Ann and others I’d followed from a comfortable lurker’s distance. And maybe, someday, I will take it one step further: actually attend one of these UNY gatherings. Given my profound social anxiety, the very prospect of that terrifies me, but perhaps I’ll be able to overcome my extreme shyness somehow and just do it. Who knows, maybe that’ll lead to more real human contact with some other friendly people—Lord, help me.

I see from Myriad’s post yesterday that this year’s gathering has been cancelled. Even if it weren’t too late to sign up, I doubt I could have come to that one anyway; I’m just having a lot of trouble adjusting to my new reality as a widower. Still, venray, please message me about how to register for a future UNY gathering and what I need to do to be screened. That appears to be the procedure; apologies if I’ve got it wrong.

Above all, I hope everyone will forgive me for my long absence from the TMF and for not really participating much when I was “active,” if you could even call it that, and will accept me back into the fold.

Ed ("Ned")

Aw, condolences, sir. That's truly tragic. Very sorry for your loss.

No forgiveness needed, IMO. You cared for your partner. Good on you.

That's so very sad. I'm very sorry for your loss. I remember you from the alt.multimedia.tk
days. I was a young teenager then and mostly lurked. Many of these guys are scarce on the
forum these days, but I'm in regular contact with everyone you mentioned, and I'm going to
let them know you're back! You probably don't remember me, and I don't even know what
handle I posted under when I did post there. I changed handles regularly back then. :] Glad
to see you back, and again, very sorry for your loss.

My regrets for your recent situation. It's a hard thing to move past.

Odds are we'll be back on track in a year. At which point you'll see an announcement for registration here in the UNY forum, and you can proceed from there. You already have a known positive repletion in the community, and I see no reason you would't be able to come.

Myriads

Ned, my heart is hurting for you. I know how you adored her. I am so very sorry.

I am, however, very glad to see your name and words again. Ann, Drew and Dan and I get together for lunch every once in a while. Maybe you could join us some time? I am going to message you my number. Text or call when you want. <3

dvnc said:

Aw, condolences, sir. That's truly tragic. Very sorry for your loss.

No forgiveness needed, IMO. You cared for your partner. Good on you.

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Thanks for your thoughts, man. Very much appreciated.

BrightEyes1082 said:

That's so very sad. I'm very sorry for your loss. I remember you from the alt.multimedia.tk
days. I was a young teenager then and mostly lurked. Many of these guys are scarce on the
forum these days, but I'm in regular contact with everyone you mentioned, and I'm going to
let them know you're back! You probably don't remember me, and I don't even know what
handle I posted under when I did post there. I changed handles regularly back then. :] Glad
to see you back, and again, very sorry for your loss.

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Wow, BrightEyes, I am so honored that you remember me from AMT! I'm getting long in the tooth and wish I could remember you from there as well, but alas, about all that has stuck with me are embarrassing memories of inane stuff I had the poor taste to post there sometimes.

Thank you so much for your thoughts and your kind offer to contact others on my behalf. As you see below, super-wonderful Ayla has seen my post too and already gotten in touch with me.

Thanks again, and a big حظا سعيدا and בהצלחה for you with your language studies, something dear to my own heart; may they help you do the very important work you're training for.

Myriads said:

My regrets for your recent situation. It's a hard thing to move past.

Odds are we'll be back on track in a year. At which point you'll see an announcement for registration here in the UNY forum, and you can proceed from there. You already have a known positive repletion in the community, and I see no reason you would't be able to come.

Myriads

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Thank you so much for your kind thoughts, and for all the fine work you've done running this great TMF site over the years (including the yearly birthday greetings ). Shudder to think where we'd all be without it.

Thanks also for the info. about the future announcements. And it's so nice to know I've got a good "repletion" here; as a professional word man, I'm ashamed to admit I never knew that rep derived from that word. Silly me, I always thought it was short for reputation, something one strives to improve to acquire a positive "rep."

Ayla ny said:

Ned, my heart is hurting for you. I know how you adored her. I am so very sorry.

I am, however, very glad to see your name and words again. Ann, Drew and Dan and I get together for lunch every once in a while. Maybe you could join us some time? I am going to message you my number. Text or call when you want. <3

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Thank you so very much, Ayla. Yes, I did adore her, and I'll tell you, this spousal bereavement is every bit as bad as it's cracked up to be.

Lunch with you guys sounds very nice; I so appreciate your inviting me. I got your PM with your number, and I'll be in touch.

Sorry for the lateness and condolences to you Ed. You two were very lucky to have spend part of your life together, and to enjoy every aspect of it with the kids to become awesome role models. my thoughts are with you. Remember the good times and what you two shared together.

trevor

Trevor, thank you so much for your kind words and sentiments from across the Niagara. You’re close enough to Buffalo that maybe you’re a fellow Bills and Sabres fan, and if you are we can commiserate about that too.

I guess what hurts the most is that “Stacey” was the person I was so sure I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Since our kids are both teenagers now, we were on the cusp of becoming empty-nesters, and during our “golden years” we were going to make it up to each other for putting our relationship mostly on the back burner in favor of the difficult duty of raising our children. And I particularly wanted to make it up to Stacey for all those times when I was so obsessed with my career, or was just simply an ass, that I wasn’t good to her and took her for granted.

But that’s all gone now. Life sure has a way of blindsiding you, like a check from behind into the boards.

canadintickler said:

Sorry for the lateness and condolences to you Ed. You two were very lucky to have spend part of your life together, and to enjoy every aspect of it with the kids to become awesome role models. my thoughts are with you. Remember the good times and what you two shared together.

trevor

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My prayers are with you my friend. May Stacey RIP.

Thanks, bro. Very much appreciated.

TicklesFemales said:

My prayers are with you my friend. May Stacey RIP.

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Wow, what a gut punch. I can't even begin to imagine. I'm of course very sorry for your loss and hope that writing everything out here helps, along with the support. I too remember your name from way back, either the AMT days or slightly more recent. As an addendum, this is a great bunch to get over social anxiety with.

Belmont said:

Wow, what a gut punch. I can't even begin to imagine. I'm of course very sorry for your loss and hope that writing everything out here helps, along with the support.

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Thank you so much. I really do appreciate all the support I've gotten here just in this thread. It has really warmed me.

Yeah, and it was a sucker punch too. I’ve agonized over what either “Stacey” or I could have done to deserve it; my sweet angel’s light unto the world extinguished far too soon, a fabulous wife and mother who surely would have made the most wonderful grandmother. Remarkable what all too painful nonsense a grieving human mind is capable of conjuring; I still find myself entertaining the delusion that the stress of having to be married to me all those years could have been what brought on her tumor somehow.

Belmont said:

I too remember your name from way back, either the AMT days or slightly more recent.

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I never realized I was that popular. Or maybe notorious is the word.

Belmont said:

As an addendum, this is a great bunch to get over social anxiety with.

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Yes, I sure hope Ray's proposed summertime gathering comes off. It would be so cool to meet in real life some of the people here whom I've heard such great things about. But I hope everyone’s kept up their gym memberships; you’re gonna need all your strength to pry my hands off the door frame and drag me inside, even if I make it that far. Spiders, snakes, heights, darkness, they don’t scare me, bring ‘em on, but a roomful of new faces even if I know they’re all friendly—yikes.