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I think I am being sexually harassed at work? Mostly looking for advice from guys.

Dialon

Dialon

TMF Expert
Joined
Aug 26, 2008
Messages
481
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0
Okay, so I work in retail and in this last month this new girl got hired and started working here. A couple weeks ago she has been non-stop touching/tickling me. I have a feeling she knows I have this fetish, but I don't know how, maybe someone told her or she came across my Tumblr or something. But regardless of me having the fetish and her being attractive, I hate being touched at all by people I don't know very well. I have confronted her on how I feel about it several times and she just kind of shrugs it off for some reason.

I try to talk to my co-workers for advice and they just joke about how lucky I am and say I am overreacting and that I should enjoy it. So I ignored her advances and she continues to touch me. I finally had enough and talked to one of the store managers today and they said I am making a big deal over nothing. Now I feel like I am the one in the wrong and I am being a jackass for being so uncomfortable about it.

Does anyone here have any advice on what I should do? Or am I really just overacting to the whole thing. Is this all because I am a guy, and I guess I can't be sexually harassed because of that fact? I appreciate any input, but the reason I emphasize advice from other guys is because they should be able to understand my perspective a little bit. Have any of you had to deal with something like this?
 
Welcome to what is known as the double standard. Don't feel too bad. Women have been having to deal with it for the last several hundred years or so.

That being said, I would recommend that:

1. You begin recording the time she does such things and those present. Journal of harassment is important.

2. make it publicly known that you don't like such attention. Ie, if she does it and there are people around, speak loudly enough that they will hear.

3. If you have a human resources representative, talk to them about it. If is their job to deal with such things.

4. If the human resources person doesn't doo anything, then get a lawyer.
 
Ask your boss to tell her to stop. If she doesn't stop, tell your boss she didn't stop.
 
I think as TMFJeff said. Tell your boss or manager. They are required to take all such complaints very seriously.
 
cosmo is absolutely right about the double standard. If one of the guys of this forum touched or tickled a co worker.. we would either be severely reprimanded.. or terminated. Since it is a woman doing this to a man in this case..people almost act like it doesn't matter, which is wrong.

I agree with Jeff and kurch. If this keeps happening.. I would keep reporting it., or.. see if there is someone else you can talk to.. who might take your complaint more seriously.

Good Luck. I hope you can resolve this problem.
 
Jeff is dead on. Tell your boss. If he doesn't take it seriously, go higher. It's a legitimate issue. Your personal boundaries are being violated. You'd be hard pressed to find someone more feminist leaning than me and even I'll tell you that's wrong, regardless of gender. Don't turn it into a war of the gropes or whatever, just end it now.
 
Well I actually have told my boss, the store manager in fact. He is the one who told me not to make a big deal out of it. It seems people are more on her side than they are on mine. I am afraid if I go any higher up (like to the store owners and such) it may get worse for me, not her.

But thank you all for your advice so far. Hopefully it will all help with whatever I can do.
 
I do believe it's Federal law about harassment. Go above your immediate boss if you can. If your boss(es) aren't aware of it, let them know that they soon will be very aware of it if nothing is done (i.e. you will be contacting a lawyer). And they cannot terminate you (or otherwise punish YOU) for bringing it up - that's another big no-no.
 
It sounds like your Boss isn't going to be much help in this Situation. I would say go Higher, but that is a Big Risk.

I do get what you're saying in this turning out worse for you instead of her, especially if people are on her side.

It's sad really. If it was a Male Harassing you, they'd be all over it literally in Seconds.

Harassment is Harassment, regardless of Gender.
 
Is she good looking? thats the key. if she is, she could harrass me all she wanted. if she isnt, then id take immediate action.
 
You've told your boss, who hasn't done much. Time to see an attorney, or get another job.
 
Go up the chain of command. If your manager won't listen go to the general or area manager, and explain to them what is happening(and what you have done to try and rectify it) unwanted touching constitutes a crime (battery in my state) and is something you could take to law enforcement if needed. Usually if you "bitch" to the higher ups and make it possibly about the image of the company or money ( ie lawsuit for hostile work environment) they will flip so fast your head will spin. Good luck and sorry to hear this is happening to you.
 
Dialon said:
Okay, so I work in retail and in this last month this new girl got hired and started working here. A couple weeks ago she has been non-stop touching/tickling me. I have a feeling she knows I have this fetish, but I don't know how, maybe someone told her or she came across my Tumblr or something. But regardless of me having the fetish and her being attractive, I hate being touched at all by people I don't know very well. I have confronted her on how I feel about it several times and she just kind of shrugs it off for some reason.

I try to talk to my co-workers for advice and they just joke about how lucky I am and say I am overreacting and that I should enjoy it. So I ignored her advances and she continues to touch me. I finally had enough and talked to one of the store managers today and they said I am making a big deal over nothing. Now I feel like I am the one in the wrong and I am being a jackass for being so uncomfortable about it.

Does anyone here have any advice on what I should do? Or am I really just overacting to the whole thing. Is this all because I am a guy, and I guess I can't be sexually harassed because of that fact? I appreciate any input, but the reason I emphasize advice from other guys is because they should be able to understand my perspective a little bit. Have any of you had to deal with something like this?
Click to expand...

If it was me, I'd enjoy it immensly, but obviously you have a problem w/it. Are you sure she knows about your fetish? Maybe she's one of us(this is why I never go anywhere near the TMF, or any fetish forum at work, to avoid this exact situation)

Anyway, if I were you I'd talk to her again about it, and turn it into a positive. If you can, talk to her about it outside of work, don't create a situation at the office. Unless you're 100% ler, I can't imagine you're don't enjoy being tickled by an attractive woman at least a little bit.

What I would do is(in a private conversation), explain you like the tickling (she either knows about your fetish, or is into it herself, either way it's a win-win, if you stop trying to hide it) as long as it's away from the office. Who know's maybe you and her could get together for some sessions.

What I wouldn't do is complain to management again. You're not going to win that fight, bro and you know it.

Finally, and I know this may sound a little insensitive, but lighten up dude! You have a pretty girl at work tickling you. I know you're uncomfortable w/it, but Jeez do you realize how many guys on this forum would kill to have this problem?(personally I'm completely tickle starved at the office, so maybe the company I work for can hire this young lady) You're on the TMF so obviously you like tickling. Why does it have to be a big deal? Yes based on what you've told me IMHO you're overreacting big time.

As long as it doesn't interfere w/your work, enjoy it and maybe tickle her back. Maybe she just likes you. Have you ever considered that? If you're both single this could turn into something great!
 
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You should first tell the person that does it that you don't like it. If that don't work, then you go to your boss.
Remember. People are different and people think and react to things different. I have a job were we work in teams.
My team is a group of 7 people and we do a job were we need to trust eachother 100% and communication is the key.
We all know that we need to handle both negative and positive feedback, cause it's important that we work good together.
So, like everything else, communication is the key! Try to talk with that person :) Good luck!
 
We all know hat if this were a man he'd have been fired pretty quickly. It's a shame that some women knowingly take advantage of this double standard
 
irishinfidel said:
Go up the chain of command. If your manager won't listen go to the general or area manager, and explain to them what is happening(and what you have done to try and rectify it) unwanted touching constitutes a crime (battery in my state) and is something you could take to law enforcement if needed. Usually if you "bitch" to the higher ups and make it possibly about the image of the company or money ( ie lawsuit for hostile work environment) they will flip so fast your head will spin. Good luck and sorry to hear this is happening to you.
Click to expand...

Precisely this. Keep complaining, and document every complaint. If you can show you complained, and were ignored, there are any number of lawyers who'd love to help you out.
 
Lawyers are expensive and they probably wouldn't even take your case.

Your manager said to let it go, so he's really of no use. If you go over his head you could lose your retail job, which might be the best thing to ever happen to you.

What you should do is grow a pair and man the fuck up. Take her back to your place and tickle the hell-holy crap out of her, then tickle her some more for good measure.

Tell her that was only the beginning if it continues.

Oh, and if it turns her on, the bang her back to the stone age and call her Betty Rubble.

At least you'll get something for your troubles.
 
Policy dictates you inform her that her action are unwanted (as politely as possible), if she persist then you can lodge a complaint. Be prepared for some backlash, allot of people don't believe men can be victims of sexual harassment. She also might turn it around on you when you ask her to stop, and claim you were harassing her.

It's not easy being a man in these times.
ST
 
Cosmo_ac said:
Welcome to what is known as the double standard. Don't feel too bad. Women have been having to deal with it for the last several hundred years or so.
Click to expand...

That doesn't excuse her doing it to him. The only thing worse than an abuser is an abuser who uses their own abuse as an excuse. By the way nobody will take is seriously when they see it happening to him. Especially other women, expect allot of "oh poor baby. " or "Dont be such a whinner." when you file your complaint. Stick to your guns, and go to the media if you have to.
 
Check the contents of your scrotum. If somehow there's anything there, given your complaining, take her home and fuck her.
 
Yeh, go ahead, take her home, do all sorts of things with her... Well, maybe she just doesn't "click" with him for that....kinda the same if the sex roles were reversed. Every year, I have to sit thru a stupid video training dealing with such issues; of course, it's always a male coming on to a female....the reverse never ever happens. Right. And, if he stands up to her and does all these fun things to her, he then gets wacked with lawsuits by the gal... By law, the company has to have policies in place to address these issues...any manager that ignores them has to deal with corporate personnel. And, if you do report it to higher ups, they cannot say who reported the behavior (although it may be obvious to the locals).
 
Look, I would feel the same way if I was in the original poster's shoes. Yeah I love attractive women and tickling. However, in a professional setting I would be uncomfortable as hell. If I was interested, I'd ask if she wanted to do that stuff off site. I agree with everyone's constructive comments. What if she is doing it because she wants to embarrass him.

Follow the chain of command. Lawyers don't need to get involved unless the situation is not solved by normal channels. It seems like you are getting bullied but in another form. Fantasy is one thing, but reality is quite another.
 
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