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"No means stop, even for tickling"

Thanks for the link. :D
My reaction to the original incident is simple: I wish I had had two older female cousins who did that to me. :devil:
 
The posts just reiterate what most people here believe. If someone expresses to you that being tickled is uncomfortable for them, then you should stop. I also believe firmly that tickling strangers without asking is wrong.

But when it comes to tickling friends, family members, significant others, etc. always use discretion.
 
Wow. In my country tickling is a normal way of communication between parents and children, friends, siblings, couples, spouses...There are of course people who dislike it, but most enjoy it to some degree, in a playful manner at least. It connects people in many ways. In these posts though it's portrayed as just short of crime. I mean Jesus! I know it's a different culture and all, but it's still kind of strange to me.
 
marbot said:
Wow. In my country tickling is a normal way of communication between parents and children, friends, siblings, couples, spouses...There are of course people who dislike it, but most enjoy it to some degree, in a playful manner at least. It connects people in many ways. In these posts though it's portrayed as just short of crime. I mean Jesus! I know it's a different culture and all, but it's still kind of strange to me.
Click to expand...

It is like this in the states too, BUT I agree that adults tickling children (or older children tickling younger) often don't show good judgment about when to stop. They don't realize how intense it is for the child and they think it's all fun and games. I have had several girlfriends - including my current girlfriend - who strongly dislike being tickled and part of that is the negative association they have of it from being tortured as a powerless kid by people bigger and stronger than them. If I ever have a kid - and part of this is because tickling is sexual for me, yes - the idea of someone tickling them beyond their limits is something I hate imagining.

That said, I tickled female friends in high school and college and beyond. That wasn't "consensual." It can be a fine line of power. I'd like to think that I wouldn't tickle someone if I really got the sense that being tickled was a big-time trigger for them and really, really scared them. But who's to know before it starts? It's a good topic.
 
Problem is in america alot of people don't know what No means. Anything that is not consensual is considered a form of rape in many parts, and alot of people don't seem to know the difference between a playful no and a real NO. It mostly happens with alot of women where men will continue tickling them and if they don't like it, they think it means keep going. This makes me sick, cuz when I hear no I stop no matter what. Wish more people followed this NO means No rule
 
It would be interesting to know how many more (or fewer?) adults would be into tickling if they hadn't experienced it much as a kid.
 
There may be something to the notion that some people hate being tickled because they were overpowered and tickle-tortured in the past. This would make sense if the tickling is associated with humiliation or with a distressing physical response (subjective feeling of breathlessness, etc.)

Also, sometimes, it seems, people enjoy being tickled at first and then it shifts to being unpleasant. Some clues perhaps in kids who ask to be tickled, and then after a not very long while ask for it to stop. We also see this in some clips where the lee doesn't start begging for the ler to stop until well into the session.

But for the most part, I suspect, people who dislike being tickled just hate the sensation, and would hate it whether or not they ever had been tickle-tortured involuntarily.

Tickling isn't pain, of course, but the tickle sensation is carried on the same nerve fibers that carry the pain sensation. This explains why, as Robert Provine points out, the urgency and occasional violence of tickle behavior are much more akin the struggle to withdraw one's hand from a fire than they are to scratching a nagging itch. In fact, some people hate being tickled worse than they hate being in pain - as a friend of mine once put it, he'd rather his soles were branded than tickled.

In Provine's survey of 421 people, 16% of women and 9% of men rated being tickled as very unpleasant. These folks, like the rest of us, laugh when tickled.
 
It depends, of course. When I was a kid, my parents used to tickle me a lot and I hated it because they didn't stop when I asked them to. I had asthma and when you're a kid and you can't breathe and people are laughing at you, it's horrible.

When you get older, it's better I suppose. My boyfriend tickles me now, and I do say "stop" or "no" but you can tell by the way I say it, I suppose, that I don't really mean it. You can tell by people's desperation how much they really mean it. Tickling kids relentlessly isn't nice, unless they really don't mind...
 
so when my girl friends said "oh god, i can't take any more" i was supposed to stop?
bull shit.

steve
 
PoisonIvyDC said:
It depends, of course. When I was a kid, my parents used to tickle me a lot and I hated it because they didn't stop when I asked them to. I had asthma and when you're a kid and you can't breathe and people are laughing at you, it's horrible.

When you get older, it's better I suppose. My boyfriend tickles me now, and I do say "stop" or "no" but you can tell by the way I say it, I suppose, that I don't really mean it. You can tell by people's desperation how much they really mean it. Tickling kids relentlessly isn't nice, unless they really don't mind...
Click to expand...

I guess you should have tried to not be so adorable as a kid then... j/k...tickling someone that has asthma is bad... they should have been more careful with you.
 
Thanks for the link!

I, fortunately, never experienced something like that when I was growing up. But I do like seeing people encourage body sovereignty with their children, teaching them that it is okay to say no to physical contact that makes them uncomfortable. I feel it is one of many keys to empowering future generations to be more consent aware.
 
I sort of agree... It depends on the context/ situation.
Like, I get veryy turned on when I am tickled, and if a family member were to do it to me, it would be VERY uncomfortable.
But when my boyfriend does it... and say "no!! Stopp!" even if he does not stop. I am perfectly ok with that :)
 
There is a context of course. In the link, the issue is non consensual tickle torture and humiliation of a minor. It is a different issue than a tickle scene that has been negotiated or one occurring between people with a history of play, simply because such things (should) have been discussed and/or a familiarity/trust has been built.
 
Many amazing potential 'lees (and 'lers) have been completely turned off by abuse of this kind. It's as wrong as ignoring a safeword in ANY other context, and if my partner ignored my word during a tickle session, I would never let them touch me again. I've had bad experiences in the past and it's a miracle I was ever able to find enjoyment in it at all. It makes me livid to see selfish 'lers put their own fun ahead of their 'lee's comfort, even in playful settings without sexual intent.
 
The answer to this is simple; Our fetish, as a community, is rare and considered "non-mainstream". Therefore; Most see tickling as a "childish" or "annoying" act. Most people do it in life just to annoy friends/family, not to be playful. Obviously parents want to tickle their children; A child's laugh is addicting. But everyone has a boundary they have to create when tickling ever comes to play. In our community, to us? It's viewed as just another normal day in the Bronx when someone's tickle "tortured".

But in most common-day settings, this would be seen as invasive, rude, or just plain unnecessary and childish. It's unfortunate, but it's just how it is. I've accepted this, and realize that, when around others I know; Tickling VERY rarely becomes a subject, and if it doesn't work the first few times I try? It never resurfaces again (yeah, I've gotten a pretty damn good cap on it lately). But as for kids; If I ever had a kid, I'd tickle them a "small" bit every now and then, perhaps once or twice in a day, perhaps 1 or 2 days a "week"....And maybe not even THAT much. It's ok to play; but with kids, you have to know boundaries. While they may be our flesh and blood, every child has a boundary.

Yes, they're young. Yes, they're impressionable, but like adults, they still have boundaries you, as their "parent", need to respect. Like; some kids "can't" handle being spanked/disciplined in any manner, because it A: Hurts them too much physically, due to their body build, or B: Their mind simply can't handle it, and it makes them just think "you hate me". I see lots of parents always just "assume" what the child feels, but they're still human beings; capable of feeling right and wrong, even though it's jittery and misunderstood.
 
I always get a chuckle out of the phrase "no means no." The issue isn't the meaning of the word "no," which is probably a good thing, because attempting to define a word by using that very word is pretty ridiculous. When a person persists in an aggressive act like tickling, and the recipient says "no," do you really believe there's any confusion on the part of the perpetrator as to what "no" means? Of course not. She knows exactly what "no" means. She just doesn't care. Her desire to inflict tickling and to observe the reactions is greater than her desire to honor her victim's demand for cessation. So she continues.

That boy needs to deal with the situation himself. If he really doesn't want the older girls to tickle him (a posture I can't relate to at all) then he needs to get creative and find a way to convince them that doesn't involve parental intercession. Maybe counter their inappropriate behavior with some inappropriate behavior of his own. You know, something to freak THEM out a little.
 
DontAskJusTckle said:
I always get a chuckle out of the phrase "no means no." The issue isn't the meaning of the word "no," which is probably a good thing, because attempting to define a word by using that very word is pretty ridiculous. When a person persists in an aggressive act like tickling, and the recipient says "no," do you really believe there's any confusion on the part of the perpetrator as to what "no" means? Of course not. She knows exactly what "no" means. She just doesn't care. Her desire to inflict tickling and to observe the reactions is greater than her desire to honor her victim's demand for cessation. So she continues.

That boy needs to deal with the situation himself. If he really doesn't want the older girls to tickle him (a posture I can't relate to at all) then he needs to get creative and find a way to convince them that doesn't involve parental intercession. Maybe counter their inappropriate behavior with some inappropriate behavior of his own. You know, something to freak THEM out a little.
Click to expand...

No he doesn't....XD He said no. He doesn't like it, clearly. And she needs to back off. No, does, mean no. Maybe to some of us, it doesn't, but to others, it does. To me, it does. Also; Seriously? Inappropriate behavior "back" at them?....Wow, I can't even reply right to this....The point of parenting is to keep bad behavior under control, not just "let it happen". This isn't nature, dude. It's society. We're sorta above that now....or supposed to.
 
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