C.A.B.
3rd Level White Feather
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- Jan 14, 2010
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By popular demand (Deviant Art poll), the next Disney Princess debauchment parody is the lovely (yet snippy) Jasmine from Disney’s 1992 Aladdin. Another so-called classic that I found ho-hum, even with Robin William’s rapid-fire cocaine-driven improv schtick as the Genie, which, sadly, because of its dated cultural references, have aged the movie badly and the humor irrelevant to anyone who has no fucking clue who he is coyly referring to. Ex: William F. Buckley Jr., Ken Curtis (Festus), Ethel Merman, etc. Worse, the movie also became a tiresome direct to video franchise, further watering down its charm, if it ever had any.
Interestingly, in my research I found that the traditional tale of Aladdin was actually added to The Book of One Thousand and One Nights (“The Arabian Nights”) in the 18th century by a french dude, Antoine Galland and Aladdin was originally a Chinese boy and the tale set in China… not Persia. Be that as it may, I still prefer the Persian flavor it attained over time. 1940’s The Thief of Baghdad being my all-time fav.
But here in C.A.B.ified Classics, I think we all know how the story would have realistically ended. Once Jafar got his knowledgeable hands on the lamp, there would have been no dilly-dallying. Poof! Instantly gone would be Aladdin and any asshole that looked like him. Jafar would set himself up for life with a palace Kasbah and harem girls on tap. But… magically make snarky Princess Jasmine fall in love? Hell no. Its more fun to break the stubborn snit into a slave girl yourself with a little falaka and tickle torture. That kind of fun you don’t delegate to a genie with diarrhea of the mouth.
* See all the C.A.B.ified Classics series HERE!
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