Negativity on the Forum

Look what an earful I get and it's all awful too
Every time I try to go get me a little tickle.
-Bob Dylan

How low can you go?

Some of us - and I most definitely include myself in this group - stomp around the Forum like little caesars, talking to other members like we own the place, like we invented the fetish. Not only are we relentlessly negative to each other, we're negative to innocent members of the board, folks who are not part of the Snark Mafia, people who mean no harm to anyone but are getting inhibited to post because they don't want their heads bitten off. I know this, because they've told me! And even if they didn't, I can see it and so probably can you.

Don't get me wrong: there's definitely times where people may get a little sharp, maybe someone is acting like an ass and they need to be put in their place... maybe there's a subject where there a two divergent points of view......I'm not saying we aren't going to have those instances.....but every day? Every thread? No poster is spared?

When one of the friendliest, sunniest members of the Forum told me last night that they were getting shy about posting because they were sad - and hurt - about all the negativity, I felt like things have gone far enough that perhaps we should address it right here, out in the open.

I take ownership for some of this. SOME, not all. I get into it often, not every day! I mean, it seems like there are some on this board that can't get through a day without undercutting, undermining, embarrassing, humiliating, discouraging, negating some other member of the Forum, often multiple times a day. If you're one of these people, make no mistake about it: you're a troll, and you need Anti-Troll Cream.



But like I said: it's me too. Me too with great frequency, and I'm ashamed to admit it. I am most definitely in the top percentile, so I'm not shaking the finger at just other people. The other day we're having a little back and forth about movies, and Cosmo_ac leaves a very reasonable comment with not a trace of unfriendliness.....and I jumped all over him. And he was echoing something I had already written! I couldn't even agree to agree. And I know I'm not the only person who has this problem. I get into it often with someone who shares mostly - or entirely - the same viewpoints and we split hairs for pages. We can't agree to agree.

And so Cosmo, brother, will you please accept my sincerest apologies for my rude attitude? You innocently contribute to a thread and next thing you know you're in the ring with some obnoxious guy called The Internet, sorry man. Jeff, even moreso. I got into it with TMFJeff! TMFJEFF! Am I bats?!!!!

Milagros wished me DEATH....TWICE, recently! MORTO! No more Leo! It doesn't get sunnier and friendlier than Milagros! I'm running out of friends to lose in this place! If Milagros is wishing me off the face of the planet, something is amiss....and it ain't Milagros!

Sharing is bragging?

This is a little side-street, in fact this could probably be its own thread, but let me get this out here.

I don't know when this phenomenon started, but my gosh, it didn't use to be like this. Back in the day, if you scored yourself a tickle, you'd come here, share it with the group, and we'd all go "yay! Good work, son!" or "Good for you, sis!"

It's with this spirit that I share my own experiences in pertinent threads. Well.....when I first did this when I rejoined, I learned quick how times had changed. People jumped all over me like monkeys. And these were stories of pretty benign tickles; not goosing strangers or anything. Next thing you know, page after page of bickering. ???WHAAAAT????? I thought I'd just be sharing a memory for the Forum, I wasn't expecting the Spanish Inquisition!



A friend of mine, he's been having great luck lately. He doesn't feel comfortable sharing his good fortune here! I mean, he can share it with me, but he has completely been inhibited from posting them for the larger community, lest he be accused of "bragging". Me too!

If I share an experience, I'm not bragging. Bragging? Like what....I am the greatest tickler ever? That would be bragging. Sharing my good luck with the only people on the planet who might understand and appreciate it? I don't understand why someone would be perturbed by that. I've been single for many years now, I'm not sitting here cross-eyed with lust and yearning, and saying "Bah Humbug" to those who are currently getting lucky. And usually when I'm sharing something, I'm doing it in hopes someone else will share their experiences. Not to "get off" on, just because we've all been there! Maybe I'll learn a new trick or something?

Does this really bother people? Or is it just, like, one or two? I thought that's what we're here to do in the Tickling Discussion forum: discuss tickling!

Doing My Part
Maybe some of us just need to shut the fuck up. Like me, for instance! The Golden Rule: if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it. Maybe I just shouldn't interact in comments with people, at least not in this section, since I can't play nice. Or whatever, I don't have to be legalistic about it, but I'm going to try and do MY part to improve the vibe around here, and that means turning the other cheek. "He who covers over an offense promotes love". And i hope we can all pitch in, those of us culprits, let's clean up the joint, it smells like coffee and cigarettes in here. Open up the window, let some light in. Let's let the Forum breathe. Let new voices populate rather than the same old grouches. The grouches should be shepherding and encouraging the shy and the meek, not biting their heads off!




One Last Apology For The Road

The list is long so let me just make it a blanket statement: if I've hurt anybody's feelings, if I've crossed a line, if I've made someone feel reticent about posting.....if I've even just irritated you or pissed you off or was a stone in your passway in any way......I am truly sorry. I used this line before privately but I want to say it everybody: when I first came back to the TMF, I wanted to be like Santa Claus. Not Satan Claus!

So to the you-know-who-you-ares and to the ones that I may don't even know, to all of us, I'm begging on my bended knees, under your window and yelling it at ya: please....lay down your arms!

Needs more embeds.

But nah, TMF being filled with idiots having very vicious fights over mundane, meaningless topics has been as big (or maybe even a bigger) part of this forum as tickle fetish discussion and content. As is my understanding, it's been this way ever since they were doing the old BBS days, just constant arguing at the drop of a hat. If I'm correct it's actually the entire reason Tickle Theater was started, wanting a tickling forum that didn't just always devolve into dumbass flame wars.

I don't understand it, but I've long since stopped expecting any different. And that's not to say I myself don't love a good forum spergout, but I'd like to think most of you acknowledge this shit happens a loooot for what's essentially a whack-off repository and probably shouldn't, right?

I've observed your behavior for a while. You may have had one or two moments just like anybody else, but in general you don't seem like an asshole to me. From where I sit there is only one individual on this forum who fits the profile you've laid out. Most know to whom I'm referring. He's in every thread of controversy belittling anybody expressing an opinion that doesn't meet with his approval, while at the same sucking up to the forum admins to avoid repercussion.

Until that guy is banned, I don't see much hope for the vibe here to improve.

For the record, I no longer wish you dead.
I hope this thread achieves the improvement here that you seek.

It sucks, especially for those of us that remember the early days and that sense of community and acceptance that you don't see much anymore.

It's a combination of poorly expressed opinions, knee jerk reactions, and cut and dry thinking versus open to many possibilities. I'm up in the top percentage of assholes too and for that, I am sorry. I'm a work in progress but I am trying to fix that about myself. Hopefully, with a little effort from everyone we can get back that close knit feeling and embrace and support one another instead of focusing and magnifying the differences.

I'm for it. Let's support one another and don't hurry to judge negatively. Let's think positive, please.
I apologize to everyone whom I've somehow offended in conversations.
In fact all I do is for the community, being part of it.
Let's make tickle not war

D'aw this thread is amazing <3

Thanks to The Internet (that phrase actually makes sense in context and that makes me laugh) for even starting this conversation. I can kind of get on my high horse about this and wind up sounding like I'm scolding people. I'm a teacher, it's a habit-sorry guys ><;

We're a family. Yeah we don't always get along, yeah there are some members of the family who we see as weird, have different views, opinions, and frankly fetishes to each other-and those can clash. The trick is voicing our opinions without stepping on the opinions of others. We're all adults here, we can manage that if we try.

None of us are saying "keep your opinions to yourselves"-voicing opinions is okay. We just gotta remember that there are people on the other end of what we're saying (and I've pulled some corkers in adrenaline rushes, I'm not counting myself out of this) and temper our disagreements with an element of understanding. I think we can all manage that.

~K

Ive always been a glass 3/4 empty type of guy. but I do it in a fun way.

Yes,it's sadly true that there is lots of negativity floating around the Internet since 9/11 happened,for the heavy super touchiness of some people over certain thread subjects and mere mentions(which some people really take the wrong way) is part of why I barely post here anymore(like I frequently used to twelve years ago) for it's no wonder why people like Kujman(I know,for say whatever you want about him) often heavily criticize this place,for all I want is to check out some amazing tickling clips(whether it's from fetish videos or mainstream shows[a handful which has yet to make it on-line]) to enjoy without someone negatively mouthing off about something that means nothing to me,for Bring On more of the tickling clips and the latest on any local or national tickling gathering events.

Good job Internet for passing the peace pipe!

Just remember ... this is a really awesome fetish to have. And our speciality is to add a smile to someone's day... never to take it away.

Well said, The Internet.
If a new member has been hurt, or insulted, or feels in any way disrespected because of something I've said, please offer them my sincere and unreserved apology,
and a promise that I will do my best to not let it happen again.
I wouldn't want to hurt someone's feelings when they're just making their first forays into this realm.
I never had a problem as a newbie, so I wouldn't want to be one for another.

chicago said:

It sucks, especially for those of us that remember the early days and that sense of community and acceptance that you don't see much anymore.

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You do recall how f/m was considered "gay" and resulted in aggressive tantrums until like 2006, right? This place was always a healthy mix of good and bad, but I remember it being way worse years ago than it's been in quite awhile.

i dont often post on threads but i do read them. as an observer i have noticed that the amount of negativity and and narcacistic "im right and you're wrong" comments have seemed to be higher than usual. i know debate is healthy but people seem to be taking differences in views and opinions personally. idk how to remedy it, just something one of the lower members on the totem pole seems to notice.

I try not to be rude, and sorry for any in the past. Sometimes it's just my odd sense of humor though.

I think if we were all in a room together we'd get along much better. It's hard to read people with just text.

Comfort Eagle said:

You do recall how f/m was considered "gay" and resulted in aggressive tantrums until like 2006, right? This place was always a healthy mix of good and bad, but I remember it being way worse years ago than it's been in quite awhile.

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I never really frequented the clips section, so I can't recall seeing that stuff myself, but I have heard about it.

My experience may differ from yours.

The Internet said:

The Golden Rule: if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it.

Click to expand...

I like this. Thanks for sharing, The Internet!

Well, if everyone else is repenting…

Just wanted to address the bragging accusations issue which was raised in the opening post, as I feel it does pertain to me – at least to some degree, anyway.

If anything I have said has contributed to any person feeling inhibited about sharing their positive experiences with the forum, then I apologize profusely. Needless to say, that was NOT the intention. Sometimes when you’re making a comment on the forum you feel that you’re on firm ground, that you’re making a good point about something; other times you get an uneasy feeling, a sort of vague suspicion that you might just be scraping the barrel lol. No prizes for guessing which category this one fell into!

I’m kind of a repressed person myself; so the idea that something I have said may have inadvertently caused another person to supress a positive aspect of their life, of their personality etc does not sit well with me at all. So yeah… I take that one back.

Also seconding P[a]pi’s comment regarding humour. I suppose I have a fairly dry/ironic sense of humour, which doesn’t necessarily translate well in this sort of environment. For instance, I actually hate accompanying jokes with twinkly little emoticons lol! But a lot of the time I force myself to – just so people know I’m only messing about. Bloody kills me it does. lol

Hmm. That was quite a long and self-indulgent post for someone who doesn’t even contribute that much to the forum! lol Never mind. Just wanted to get that off my chest.

And with that I'll leave you all to replace each other’s eyes and fix each other’s handbags. (fucking emoticon)

I'm very much in agreement with what the Internet is laying down here. I thought this forum was supposed to be a safe place for those of us who share this particular kink. Most of us aren't comfortable sharing and discussing it, even with the people we're closest to IRL. Many of us have experienced shame over simply being who we are. I'm not saying that people shouldn't be able to debate and discuss and take opposing view points. But for crying out loud there are times when I feel like people need to just keep extremely negative comments to themselves. I wish more of the lurkers would post on here. I'm sure we're all missing out on a lot of good points of view and experiences being shared by people who are afraid of being judged and jumped all over simply for expressing themselves. I admit that I've been guilty of being a dick on here myself, but I will continue to try to be the most positive and encouraging member I can be. At the end of the day, that's all any of us can do. I appreciate everyone who posts on here, and even more so if they try to do the same. I'd tip my hat to you The Internet, if I was wearing one. I think this thread was needed to remind all of us why we are on here in the first place. I hope we can all remember that going forward.

To sum up, we need more of this and less of this

More of this : and less of this

More of this and less of this

Seriously, I'm thankful for all of you guys being on here. You... complete... me... lol

This is an interesting thread that raises some valid points about merely being human with one another. That's great.

I want to bring up something else perhaps relevant to the sense of community that we hope to all achieve: how many of you have actually met others from this forum or other tickling forums face to face--not over an electronic screen on video chats--but live and in the flesh?

I think striving for those type of meetings, even if they don't lead to any tickling at all, would help to build trust and friendship among those in this forum. It's great to ask for civility through a board online. I'm all for it. I'm just wondering if in the long run, keeping a personal disconnect from others by only knowing them through electronic pulses, will keep even the most admirable people sociable.

Rectangle said:

I'll go ahead and add my "I'm sorry" to the mix.
Over half the arguments I'm involved in, I start.

I mean, I'm probably still going to start arguments..
..but I'm sorry about it.

A little bit at least.
Sort of.
Eh.

*Looks through some of the people posting on this very thread and thinks back to the things he's called them out on before*

Nevermind.

I'm not sorry at all.


There's a handful of people that advocate some really evil shit up in here.
As long as there's good people here that stand up to them, there's going to be arguments.
And there are good people here.
A lot of them.

But those handful?
Seeing that evil shit of theirs posted unopposed does just as much damage to the desire of lurkers to post as the arguments do.
It's why my wife isn't on here.

So nah.
I'm not sorry.

Click to expand...

Really? I mean, I feel like there have been at least a few times that you have said something you regret here, or at least the way in which it was said. And if not, you're completely entitled to that opinion, but to express it that way on a thread about getting rid of the negativity? I mean, kinda brings the vibe down and doesn't seem to be necessary. Just me. No offense meant.

Well maybe I'm speaking out of turn here, but I pretty much keep quiet in the chat forum. I was really turned off when people said no photo, you are a fake. It just so happens my husband of 30 years is also my Dom, and he said post no photos, no cam, no skype, and I respect his wishes. So I feel I'm caught between a rock and a hard place sometimes. But there is definitely a strong component in the chat room, and they tend to monopolize and run things. So I'll just continue to stay quiet and chat to those who are polite and respectful.

Of course there are assholes of both genders that frequent here, and then there are good people that have the occasional outburst. I don't really see a lot of asshole women. Sure some are quick to jump on someone, but most of the time any kneejerk reaction ive seen was most often a response to either ignorance, or creepiness coming from a guy. This thread has a warm fuzzy feeling with people apologizing and embracing the fact that sometimes shit happens, but we are mostly good people. As Chicago said, I miss the old forum as well. Although I didn't post heavy I was there daily pretty much lurking like a mofo. But alas, even though I miss the old forum I feel like things are in a pretty good spot nowadays.

No offense, but I am who I am. I've done some regretable things to people and have apologized. I've gotten into it with folks really badly. But that is years and years ago, and apologies rarely meant anything.

What mattered was actions and maturity.

I carried regret and shame and worried what people thought of me. But not anymore. Because it makes no sense to.

The TMF isn't a safe space for people with the fetish. It never has been. The TMF has never been the land of Kumbaya. There's some behaviors that I do not feel are acceptable. There's times where people wish to broadcast their lives and their decisions, and the things they're doing are extremely self destructive. I don't like that.

At the same time...no offense, but there is this sense that people must bend or change themselves to fit in. Like...milagros is wishing death on you...and that's an issue with you? Sorry...no. Not at all. That is absolutely ludicrous.

Obviously, trolling happens and that. Some of it is leaking from P&R...which makes sense, since there is some truly ignorant garbage in there. But rather than giving a tacit apology, the idea should be to put it into practice. Don't broadcast it to the community...deal with those individuals individually.

I've seen questions asked or something about tickling or being tickled to see a few buffoons act like they're the Dalai Lama of the TMF. I just laugh and think we're on a fetish forum moron.