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Thoughts on age gap?

S

SpiritBomber

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Looking for some opinions/constructive criticism. I've met this girl recently, she's cute, fun, a little shy but in an adorable sort of way. I was wanting to start talking to her, getting to a point where I could ask her out, but then I find out she's just recently turned 18. Totally legal, nothing technically wrong with that, but I'm 25. I've never really considered that kind of age gap before, and I'm not sure what to think about it. Anyone care to throw their two cents into the ring?
 
If it's within a decade, no worries. At least that's my philosophy.
 
Procreation-wise, if the woman is 5 to 10 years older than the male, I already see a potential problem when it comes to partnership. An older male than a woman would always be better. IMO.

BUT, when we talk about mental (level) partnership, I don't think this age gap thing applies. LOL! :D :D :D
 
Everyone's different, so I don't like to judge, but I feel like an 18 year old may not have the life experiences and emotional maturity that someone even a few years older might have. My bf is ten years older than me, but I think the older you get the less the age gap matters since most areas of your brain are developed after late 20s
 
SpiritBomber said:
Looking for some opinions/constructive criticism. I've met this girl recently, she's cute, fun, a little shy but in an adorable sort of way. I was wanting to start talking to her, getting to a point where I could ask her out, but then I find out she's just recently turned 18. Totally legal, nothing technically wrong with that, but I'm 25. I've never really considered that kind of age gap before, and I'm not sure what to think about it. Anyone care to throw their two cents into the ring?
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Just look on the brightside, you might want to stop counting your years as you age. What'll happen then? :D
 
I think it's more important to consider whether you're in different stages of life rather than the actual numbers. Like, is she still living with/off her parents while you're able to support yourself financially? Are either of you still studying? How similar are you both in terms of maturity?

Personally, I'd be pretty concerned if one person in the relationship was a fully-independent adult whilst the other was mentally still a kid.
 
I know lots of girls who had relationships with older men, sometimes much older, when they were 18. My 2nd girlfriend had gone out with a 27 year old when she was 18 (her father freaked and offered the guy $1000 to stop seeing her!! lol). I had a fling with a 27 year old myself when i was 18, now that I think about it, lol, and happy to have had the experience!

I wouldn't have high expectations for anything long term because - as you may know already - the changes you through between 18 and 25 are huge. More than 25 and 30. But as far as some kind of moral fight within yourself, if you guys have some special rapport, who are we to pooh-pooh it? Just do the right thing, she's 18, so..... keep her best interests first if you know what I mean.
 
I think the big thing should be about if the person is independent enough to match you. Especially if you don't live together. It's a matter of how you date, how often you want to go out, etc. Establishing balance establishes a relationship where everyone feels their needs are being met.
 
I'm not particularly afraid of it. I tend to get along well worth many people older than me. Hell, the closest person in my life, who I consider my angel, is older than me. And we get in fine. I say as long as its a legal age, age is truly nothing but a number.
 
duderino84 said:
I think the big thing should be about if the person is independent enough to match you. Especially if you don't live together. It's a matter of how you date, how often you want to go out, etc. Establishing balance establishes a relationship where everyone feels their needs are being met.
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Don't you have your own problems with relationships? I mean, not trying to be a dick, but should you be giving advice? lol just saying.
 
chicago said:
Don't you have your own problems with relationships? I mean, not trying to be a dick, but should you be giving advice? lol just saying.
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So you're saying because I meet the wrong people I must be inept to common sense? I don't think factors that aren't mine should affect my core values.

Better question, do you think having been in a long term relationship might've skewed your perspective on how people are?

I'm not living life looking through rose-colored glass. But hey maybe I should focus on my age, right?

I get what you're saying tho, I'm reading through dating for dummies, we'll get to the bottom of my defects.
 
duderino84 said:
So you're saying because I meet the wrong people I must be inept to common sense? I don't think factors that aren't mine should affect my core values.

Better question, do you think having been in a long term relationship might've skewed your perspective on how people are?

I'm not living life looking through rose-colored glass. But hey maybe I should focus on my age, right?

I get what you're saying tho, I'm reading through dating for dummies, we'll get to the bottom of my defection.
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Edited because I'm a dick.

You're right. Sorry about that. Your original statement I actually agree with.

I don't think my perspective is skewed really. My relationship is pretty solid and healthy. But there are a few screws loose, clearly, so working on it. lol
 
I think it really depends on the people and their mental/emotional maturity. I have met 19 year olds who have the maturity of a 40 year old and I have met 42 year olds who have the maturity of a 13 year old.

I think it is a stigma out in our society. What would people think of a 44 year old male going out with a 29 year old woman?
 
primetime said:
I think it really depends on the people and their mental/emotional maturity. I have met 19 year olds who have the maturity of a 40 year old and I have met 42 year olds who have the maturity of a 13 year old.
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That is SO true.

Here's some more advice, some sharp advice: if you're 25 and she's 18, don't be getting her legless drunk and huffing glue or whatever......if she's in school, make sure you're not a distraction. And use a rubber. Think with your head, not with your sex drive or your fetish, be the responsible one. And most importantly: if she breaks up with you, let her go. No scenes, no drama.
 
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=141164708

Under most laws, young people are recognized as adults at age 18. But emerging science about brain development suggests that most people don't reach full maturity until the age 25.
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the changes that happen between 18 and 25 are a continuation of the process that starts around puberty, and 18 year olds are about halfway through that process. Their prefrontal cortex is not yet fully developed. That's the part of the brain that helps you to inhibit impulses and to plan and organize your behavior to reach a goal.

And the other part of the brain that is different in adolescence is that the brain's reward system becomes highly active right around the time of puberty and then gradually goes back to an adult level, which it reaches around age 25 and that makes adolescents and young adults more interested in entering uncertain situations to seek out and try to find whether there might be a possibility of gaining something from those situations.
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Well, look at Hugh Hefner and the gals he dated and married..... And, I've heard (many, many moons ago) that the best relationships were when the gal was a few years older than the guy. Experts, obviously. Every relationship is different, with people of differing personalities and so forth (as others have noted herein). And, what Internet said above.
 
A cousin of mine was married to a man almost 25 years her senior, and they had a long happy marriage till the day he died. I worked with a guy who was 46 at the time and his wife was 64. They had been married twenty years when I knew them and were going strong. There's no hard and fast rule in my opinion. Love is a funny, sometimes fickle critter.
 
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BooBear said:
I'm not particularly afraid of it. I tend to get along well worth many people older than me. Hell, the closest person in my life, who I consider my angel, is older than me. And we get in fine. I say as long as its a legal age, age is truly nothing but a number.
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I dont think it matters if you are of similar maturity :) i dont even think of the age gap much.

Ive been with guys in their 30s and what I found is that they are of the mindset to settle down and almost rush things whilst when you're in your 20s you do want to have a bit of fun and take your time. But it depends more on the person, i know some early 20 year olds who are very mature and know what they want.

If in doubt i would say go out with them a few times and see if you match up on values and maturity before deciding you want a relationship.
 
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