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My boyfriend isn't ticklish enough... Advice?

anonymiss86

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Apr 26, 2008
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My boyfriend and I have been dating for 9 years. He's 28 and I'm 30.
I get really frustrated because he doesn't have the reactions I'm looking for when I tickle someone.
Like this morning in bed I wanted to playfully tickle him and I get so little of a reaction, if at all. He will just tell me to stop.
Sometimes I wonder if he feels it and is just resisting so I stop or if it just doesn't tickle him. And on top of that he's a blackbelt, so his blocking skills are above average. :(
He's most ticklish like on his feet, back, chest and neck. Which is weird to me. I'm an upper body tickler. It's just what I love.
He's definitely open and understanding with my fetish and let's me tickle him a lot and has on occasion let me tie him up.
But his sides and stomach are literally not finger ticklish at all. If I dig sometimes I get a reaction but then I feel like I'm hurting him and light tickling does nothing.
But weirdly enough, licking and kissing tickles him there and if I stick my tongue in his navel it's like electric. But then I can't see his reaction because my face is on his stomach. Lol. But this tells me he DOES have the ability to be ticklish there.
If I use the pinwheel in his back he literally cannot handle it. He tells me it's unbearably ticklish. It also tickles his sides well. But zero reaction to the pinwheel on his stomach.
Idk! I just want to be able to tickle him playfully with my hands and have him react and laugh. I want to be able to trace his stomach and feel him tense up with ticklishness. That is literally once of the hottest reactions to me that is totally absent with him. I love his body. He is 5'6 and 150 and has a really nice stomach. And it is such a buzz kill when I can't tickle him the way I want. It leaves me so frustrated. It makes me question if maybe I'm just not good enough at it. I have a really vivid memory from High School before we dated of another girl tickling him to the floor and he was in tears. And it was so hot. Lol. So is it just me?! Maybe he's too comfortable with me at this point?!
Does anyone else have experience with feeling frustrated that they are not getting their desired reactions? I'm probably just being too picky. But if anyone has any advice or experience it would be much appreciated as there are not many people who would ever understand that I could talk to. Lol!! :)
 
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In regards to tickling him, maybe add the element of blindfolding him the next time you tie him so he can't see where you are going to tickle. Start off light and progress into firmer tools and see what happens. Just a thought.
 
That is something that is unfortunately off the table. Blindfolds are a big no for him and make him anxious. :/ I know oil helps. I just hate that I need all of these tools and things to successfully get a reaction from him. His feet are very ticklish but I'm pretty much guaranteed to be injured tickling him there and either way are not my favorite spot even if it does always elicit a reaction that is more favorable. He sees me get frustrated and sometimes is understanding and offers suggestions and other times he will roll his eyes and say "Stop! I AM ticklish! Just tickle me!" He is vanilla and definitely does not have the fetish. But he tries for me. It's been a long term frustration of mine. Lol :/
 
There have been other gals who have placed personals looking for someone to tickle since their not getting it at home. Yes, it's frustrating being a tickler and having an uncooperative partner. I was with someone for 10 years, and though the tickle fights where great in the beginning, she decided it wasn't going to happen anymore because she didn't like it.
True, I tended to over do it at times, but still, she was so fun to tickle.
 
Have you tried talking to him about it?
 
I don't want to take away your hope. And hopefully people here will give you advice that will work.

But... after nine years.... At some point you might have to start considering ... and accept... that the limits of his ticklishness are indeed his limits. Because at some point I fear that he will start to feel his level of ticklishness isn't ever going to be enough for you. And the last thing you or anyone wants to do is make someone feel guilty for things that are beyond their control.

My Bf does not like to be tickled. But he lets me stroke him softy in certain areas sometimes. (Thankfully his genitals are one of them.) One night he let me run a feather along his soles... while I laid back and masturbated. I found I was able to cum watching the feather move... and then running my fingers up and down his feet. It took longer to cum... and I felt a little embarrassed and silly. But I came. In a sense... I'm actually glad he doesn't seem to be ticklish on his feet. But I'm never going to try say with my nails to tickle him. Because if he was...and any firm or form of tickle touching on his feet bothered him... I woulden't have been able to do this "replacement tickling" either.

You may literally have to record his laughter and listen to it while you tickle him. Or have him listen to some stand up comedy while you go through the motions of "fake tickling" the areas of him that aren't ticklish. And of course your imagination can be in play while you are "tickling" him. Mine defintly is.

These are the alternatives I have consoled myself with. And... its hard... but... the fact that our Boyfriends are trying to still make us happy in these regards... is really cool. I forget that myself sometimes and get just as frustrated as you are. I am still working on ideas to feel more fulfilled. This post is a good reminder for me to be grateful he is willing to let me do some things.

But one of the biggest things you can do (for yourself)is to watch your fingers. A lot of the joy of watching someone be tickled imo is the varying speeds of the tools and fingers. It's something... Great luck to you both.
 
Given the time in the relationship, it seems that it's very safe to say that as far as tickling goes, he's not a great match to your specific likes.

He is ticklish, just not ho you want.

No magic wand will change that. It is.

All you can change is your own feelings about the situation. You can accept that its how it is, and live with it. You can work with the ticklishness that is there and see if you can find new ways to enjoy your fetish (Can't see his face while using your mouth? Video tape him and watch later) and so forth. Yo may have aspects of your fetish that you are not fully aware of as you have always 'gone for' the aspects that you KNEW worked. Exploration might turn up some of those hidden cards.

He seems very accommodating and understanding. That is a massive strength. Odds are you won't get the entire pie you want, but there may be a few slices there.

Myriads
 
Thank you for your advise everyone. He does listen to me when I talk to him about it and tries to work with me so I guess I should be grateful that I have someone like that. He has told me he would let me tie him up more often but that it makes him nervous because it gets really intense for him to be tickled while being restrained. I know sometimes I'm a little merciless with him. I definitely wouldn't want to make him feel inadequate. And I know that if I work at it I can get him laughing and reacting, it just takes more effort than I'd expect I guess. And he tries to resist a lot automatically and tries not to laugh. I guess it's just how he reacts naturally. So, it takes more to get him really laughing because I have to break through that every single time I try before I get the reactions I want. He seems to think not reacting will make me stop but in reality if he reacted sooner I wouldn't be trying for so long. Lol! Hopefully we can find some kind of middle ground where's he's not feeling like it's too much and I'm feeling like it's enough. Lol.
 
Thank you for your advise everyone. He does listen to me when I talk to him about it and tries to work with me so I guess I should be grateful that I have someone like that. He has told me he would let me tie him up more often but that it makes him nervous because it gets really intense for him to be tickled while being restrained.

Your welcome! :)

In lue of restraints- Try asking him one night to hold his arms over his head, onto a doorframe. Or laying spread eagle untied. Go back to starting from the beginning on some of the elemants. If he is too nervous. Thats not good. You want to take that nervousness away and build on the sexual excitement- and the fun of it all. :) Maybe in time you can build up levels on the restraints. Like velcro or loose , soft ties would be next level. But that needs to be excluded for now imho.

I know sometimes I'm a little merciless with him. I definitely wouldn't want to make him feel inadequate. And I know that if I work at it I can get him laughing and reacting, it just takes more effort than I'd expect I guess.

You actually need to slow down. It sounds like you might be overwhelming him. The more he gets comfortable knowing your not going to take things into overdrive... the more he can relax into it. As much as one can with tickling. And see then over the course of time if he himself is allowing himself to relax. Say 2-3 months. Or whatever time frame but give it time. His reactions might come out more naturally then. At the end of this period of time... If he continues to fight laughing... you have to gently speak up and tell him how it is affecting you. Just be gentle emotionally.

And if he tries to resist a lot automatically and tries not to laugh. I guess it's just how he reacts naturally. So, it takes more to get him really laughing because I have to break through that every single time I try before I get the reactions I want. He seems to think not reacting will make me stop but in reality if he reacted sooner I wouldn't be trying for so long. Lol! Hopefully we can find some kind of middle ground where's he's not feeling like it's too much and I'm feeling like it's enough. Lol.

You should be able to find the middle ground. Incorporate safewords. Red: STOP. Yellow: Slow down Green: Go! Orange: Go faster! You also tell him if you agree with me: you are going to work with him at his comfort level- from the beginning- to understand what his beginners pace is. And if he is say a kicker... you should slow down anyway. You don't want to get hurt. Nor him. Tell him you want his full input every time you play. Going into the scene... during, and after. It will help him feel like he has more control and you value his input. As I'm sure you do already. :)
 
Sounds like you need someone more fitting to your requirements. ....because you are bothering each other at this point because he's not ticklish enough and you're still "hungry".

YMMV
 
Thanks, everyone! This was actually really helpful. I'm obviously not going to leave him just because he's not reacting to being tickled the way I'd prefer. But I'll try working with him. I think my frustration lies the most in casual tickling with him. I know if I really try I can tickle him after breaking through his resistance. I tried having him hold his arms up and that was great until he pulled them down within like 3 seconds. Lol! Also another thing I found that for some reason makes him super ticklish is if I have him face away from me facing the couch with his hands outstretched in front of him and placed the back of it so he's sort of leaning forward with his weight. If I tickle his sides/stomach in that position he totally falls apart and doesn't last long before collapsing into the couch. He laughs right away with that. But there's no casual situation when he will be leaning over the couch. Haha! I should be happy with what I have I know. I just hate that barrier he generally has where he won't react immediately. It's very situational with him and more complicated than normal. But thanks everyone! I really appreciate all of your input. I'll keep trying and working with him. I'm grateful he lets me do it at all after reading some of your responses about uncooperative partners. He has even let me tickle him during lovemaking sometimes though if he's on top he falls on me and if I'm on top he accidentally throws me off. Lol! He's definitely more cooperative than others but establishes his limits regarding what is too much for uncomfortable for him. I guess communication is key here.
 
It's hard to give advice because I can't conceive of what it must be like not to be ticklish all over.

But it's amazing how communicative and accommodating you both are with one another, so it's great that experimenting with different stuff is on the table.

I was trying to think of what kinds of situations make my ticklishness especially acute, and they often involve psychological elements. If I'm in a situation where I really really can't afford to give in to my ticklishness -- to laugh or move -- then the sensation is so much more intolerable. Like if I'm on the phone with someone, or carrying something I can't afford to drop.

The element of surprise also kills me -- when there are suddenly fingers scrabbling where I didn't expect fingers to be. And as I've mentioned elsewhere, a hand slipped inside my shirt, so that it's as though the sensation is coming from within me, is also killer.

These may not affect your fella, but I find them to be devastating and thought I'd share. Congrats on having such a healthy and rewarding relationship!!
 
:) I just wanted to share my success from last night. We were hanging out on our bed after getting home from getting my hair done and he was laying on his stomach resting. I lifted up his shirt a little at his back and was lightly kissing his lower back by his side and he started squirming a little and then all of a sudden jerked up fast and I was like "what the heck! Ow! You literally just hit me in the face with your back!" So he said "Ah! Sorry! That tickled! My back is really ticklish. I once kicked an ex-girlfriend in the back while she was giving me a massage because my heels came up involuntarily." So I smiled and went back to kissing there and started trailing more towards his side and he started squirming and giggling and once I got to the side of his stomach I dug in right above his hip on his side with my fingers and he went crazy with a peal of laughter ending with him pulling away saying "Okay stop stop! That tickles so bad!" I was so excited that I successfully was able to tickle him with my fingers! :) I know it doesn't mean I'll always get the reactions I want. This morning he was not in the mood again and grabbed my wrists so I couldn't touch him and told me to stop. But at least it's something! :) yay!
 
:) I just wanted to share my success from last night. We were hanging out on our bed after getting home from getting my hair done and he was laying on his stomach resting. I lifted up his shirt a little at his back and was lightly kissing his lower back by his side and he started squirming a little and then all of a sudden jerked up fast and I was like "what the heck! Ow! You literally just hit me in the face with your back!" So he said "Ah! Sorry! That tickled! My back is really ticklish. I once kicked an ex-girlfriend in the back while she was giving me a massage because my heels came up involuntarily." So I smiled and went back to kissing there and started trailing more towards his side and he started squirming and giggling and once I got to the side of his stomach I dug in right above his hip on his side with my fingers and he went crazy with a peal of laughter ending with him pulling away saying "Okay stop stop! That tickles so bad!" I was so excited that I successfully was able to tickle him with my fingers! :) I know it doesn't mean I'll always get the reactions I want. This morning he was not in the mood again and grabbed my wrists so I couldn't touch him and told me to stop. But at least it's something! :) yay!

Yay!!! That is great news.
 
Also I asked him if I could try tickling him after he cums and I don't think I've ever seen a more horrified look on his face. I'm not sure he even answered me. I think he just looked at me like I was a terrible person. Lol!
 
Also I asked him if I could try tickling him after he cums and I don't think I've ever seen a more horrified look on his face. I'm not sure he even answered me. I think he just looked at me like I was a terrible person. Lol!

lol! :)

Did you talk about safewords and the other things that were discussed per his comfort levels etc?
 
Mmm I'm not really sure how to approach that with him. As of right now all of our tickling has been playful with very very occasional bondage that always ends as soon as he wants. So discussing safe words with him I worry might make him think I'm putting him in a position where he's not safe or things will be too intense. I think he might be more comfortable just being able to tell me to stop. Lol! The struggles of having vanilla boyfriends... XD
 
But at least it's something! :) yay!

The best part of this is, in my experience, when someone is successful at tickling me, then the more ticklish I get around them -- when I know they know how to touch the right spots to get the ticklish reactions they want, my nerve endings all go on high alert and they become increasingly more effective at tickling me. It's like my brain is in cahoots with the tickler against my body -- my own body helps the tickler to better torment me. Needless to say, my wife is terrifyingly effective at tickling me, and with this feedback loop in effect, she basically gets better at it every day.

Which is just to say that successfully tickling him may beget even more successful tickling of him -- his ticklishness may amplify, even against his will, as his knowledge of what your approaching fingertips can accomplish increases his susceptibility.
 
Be thankful I'm not your boyfriend anonymiss86. Then you would really be in a pickle ;)
 
Mmm I'm not really sure how to approach that with him. As of right now all of our tickling has been playful with very very occasional bondage that always ends as soon as he wants. So discussing safe words with him I worry might make him think I'm putting him in a position where he's not safe or things will be too intense. I think he might be more comfortable just being able to tell me to stop. Lol! The struggles of having vanilla boyfriends... XD

NO... We gave you the specific advice to help you. I think what you really want is to NOT give him OPTIONS to be able to say NO to you. I know exactly what you think he MIGHT feel... but thats the problem- you are thinking FOR HIM. Believe it or not.. Vanillas and Men CAN come to sound decisions based on FACT. You don't want to give the options of safe words? Fine... good luck to HIM and your need to do whatever the hell you want. Fuck his needs. Fuck his comfort level. Right? Forming opinions for others is WRONG. He has a brain. Let him use it once in awhile.

Do you have a conscience? Because the way you're handling this speaks otherwise.
 
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Whoa... Of course I care about his comfort level... when he tells me to stop I stop and the few times I've gotten a bit carried away, as I'm sure we all have on occasion, he's never gotten angry or upset with me. When he seriously is telling me he's had enough I stop. I'd never abuse that. I mean we've been together for 9 years...I will talk to him about the idea of using different words to increase his control. Maybe you're right and I do need to slow down with him and give him more control. I can see how my frustrations could translate to my caring more about what I'm looking for and less about his comfort level but that is definitely not the case. Whenever I'm sad he always tells me to tickle him because he knows it cheers me up and I never go overboard. And even outside of that when he wants me to be in the mood, he smirks at me and tells me to tickle him. And sometimes I do and sometimes I don't feel like it. He has never suggested that I'm going too far. In the past I've asked him if he wished I didn't have my fetish and he always says no and that it's part of who I am. From what he's told me it's the bondage that intimidates him because he can't move and it makes the tickling more intense for him which is why we don't do it often. Only when he offers. I never pressure him because I know if he's not in the mood it won't be fun and he won't have cute reactions. I'll talk to him and see what his thoughts are and see how he feels without projecting my own feelings onto him. Maybe it will help him open up to me and put his guard down more. What I miss are the reactions to casual, not hardcore, tickling anyway. So maybe giving him more control really is what he needs to relax and not hold back his reactions in either scenario...
 
Whoa... Of course I care about his comfort level... when he tells me to stop I stop and the few times I've gotten a bit carried away, as I'm sure we all have on occasion, he's never gotten angry or upset with me. When he seriously is telling me he's had enough I stop. I'd never abuse that. I mean we've been together for 9 years...I will talk to him about the idea of using different words to increase his control. Maybe you're right and I do need to slow down with him and give him more control. I can see how my frustrations could translate to my caring more about what I'm looking for and less about his comfort level but that is definitely not the case. Whenever I'm sad he always tells me to tickle him because he knows it cheers me up and I never go overboard. And even outside of that when he wants me to be in the mood, he smirks at me and tells me to tickle him. And sometimes I do and sometimes I don't feel like it. He has never suggested that I'm going too far. In the past I've asked him if he wished I didn't have my fetish and he always says no and that it's part of who I am. From what he's told me it's the bondage that intimidates him because he can't move and it makes the tickling more intense for him which is why we don't do it often. Only when he offers. I never pressure him because I know if he's not in the mood it won't be fun and he won't have cute reactions. I'll talk to him and see what his thoughts are and see how he feels without projecting my own feelings onto him. Maybe it will help him open up to me and put his guard down more. What I miss are the reactions to casual, not hardcore, tickling anyway. So maybe giving him more control really is what he needs to relax and not hold back his reactions in either scenario...


Thank you! :) I'm glad you could see how through my pov I could be taking what you were writing.

And I'm VERY happy to see you seem to understand what I am saying now by what you wrote here. I look forward to further updates. Because at the end of the day... its that continued communication, information, and understanding of each others needs that will keep you both on the same page. Thats at the heart of what I want for you both by adding my 2 cents like this. (Albeit hardcore... but safety is a big priority for me.) *high 5* :)
 
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