Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,912
- Points
- 38
Seaworld's director decided one of the park's whales needed to be circumcised. It took four skin divers.
I had to order three extra drinks at the McDonalds takeout window... all so the cute checkout girl wouldn't know those four dozen McNuggets were for me.
It's true that animals in different parts of the world make different noises. Like for instance, in the USA dogs go "bow wow"; in China, they go "sizzle".
I'm partial to dead baby jokes. They never get old!
A rich man dies and stands before the Pearly Gates. Thinking he can bribe his way in, he offers St. Peter a gold bar.
St. Peter stares at it, then inquires:
"Why are you trying to hand me pavement?"
During my hospital stay, I met the slickest, most competent man ever. He was an ultra sound operator.
Schools have instituted a special course for troubled loners: anti-social studies.
I'm so hooked on caffeine, I once stole a cup of coffee from Starbucks. Got charged with mugging.
What kind of booze should you offer Superman?
None. He never asks for liquor in his drink; he wants just ice.
I work on an oil rig; it's a boring job.
Which nationally televised sport starts with a T?
Golf.
My wife demanded we go out last night. She wanted some place that had fish, so I threw her in the river.
Telling lawyer jokes is pointless... lawyers don't think they're funny and nobody else thinks they're jokes.
My neighbors named their child Saturn. Unconventional maybe, but it certainly has a ring.
I'd sure like to see that new movie with Scarlet Johansson. I doubt she'll go out with me, though.
According to the old adage, "a woman's work is never done". Maybe that's why they get paid less.
I was in the middle of moving my magazine collection, when I had to stop and see my chiropractor. I had lots of back issues.
The Hobbits were in a fine position to arrest Saruman... they'd obtained War Ents.
I went to a concert last night... damn thing should'a been rated R! Way too much sax and violins!
Revolutionary new development in yard care: the Emo Lawn! It cuts itself!
It was quite an experience dating the moonshiner's daughter! She made me liquor all night long!
Doctor: Mrs. Smith, I have wonderful news for you!
Patient: That's Miss Smith, not Mrs. Smith.
Doctor: Oh. Then I have bad news for you.
* * *
I had to order three extra drinks at the McDonalds takeout window... all so the cute checkout girl wouldn't know those four dozen McNuggets were for me.
* * *
It's true that animals in different parts of the world make different noises. Like for instance, in the USA dogs go "bow wow"; in China, they go "sizzle".
* * *
I'm partial to dead baby jokes. They never get old!
* * *
A rich man dies and stands before the Pearly Gates. Thinking he can bribe his way in, he offers St. Peter a gold bar.
St. Peter stares at it, then inquires:
"Why are you trying to hand me pavement?"
* * *
During my hospital stay, I met the slickest, most competent man ever. He was an ultra sound operator.
* * *
Schools have instituted a special course for troubled loners: anti-social studies.
* * *
I'm so hooked on caffeine, I once stole a cup of coffee from Starbucks. Got charged with mugging.
* * *
What kind of booze should you offer Superman?
None. He never asks for liquor in his drink; he wants just ice.
* * *
I work on an oil rig; it's a boring job.
* * *
Which nationally televised sport starts with a T?
Golf.
* * *
My wife demanded we go out last night. She wanted some place that had fish, so I threw her in the river.
* * *
Telling lawyer jokes is pointless... lawyers don't think they're funny and nobody else thinks they're jokes.
* * *
My neighbors named their child Saturn. Unconventional maybe, but it certainly has a ring.
* * *
I'd sure like to see that new movie with Scarlet Johansson. I doubt she'll go out with me, though.
* * *
According to the old adage, "a woman's work is never done". Maybe that's why they get paid less.
* * *
I was in the middle of moving my magazine collection, when I had to stop and see my chiropractor. I had lots of back issues.
* * *
The Hobbits were in a fine position to arrest Saruman... they'd obtained War Ents.
* * *
I went to a concert last night... damn thing should'a been rated R! Way too much sax and violins!
* * *
Revolutionary new development in yard care: the Emo Lawn! It cuts itself!
* * *
It was quite an experience dating the moonshiner's daughter! She made me liquor all night long!
* * *
Doctor: Mrs. Smith, I have wonderful news for you!
Patient: That's Miss Smith, not Mrs. Smith.
Doctor: Oh. Then I have bad news for you.
