Let it go! Let it go!

I just got that overplayed Disney song stuck in your head, didn't I? Sorry

I've been wrestling with an issue as a 'lee for awhile now, and it recently came back into the forefront of my mind because I've been getting a bit more tickle action lately - I can't seem to let out my laughter when being tickled. Weird, I know! Seems like the first logical reaction to being tickled would be to laugh, but for me, I tend to squirm, squeak, and let out little giggles instead.

I used to think holding back my laughter for as long as possible was my way of enjoying the power dynamic between 'ler and 'lee (because I wanted to be "forced" to laugh) - but now I wonder if that's really it. I don't know if it's my subconscious way of trying to maintain what little control I have over the situation by not giving the 'ler what he wants, or if I have some sort of mental block that won't allow my body to relax enough to let go. It honestly makes me a little frustrated and sad to not be one of those 'lees who laugh out loud the second a 'ler lays a finger on them - because it's the ultimate rush for me when full-blown laughter happens (and the resulting begging for it to stop that often follows), but getting there is often a very difficult process for me!

The problem came to light again recently when my husband decided he was in a particularly playful mood and instigated a very long tickle session. While he was tickling me, I was thrashing around on the bed (I wasn't restrained), and letting out all sorts of squeaks and grunts, but very little actual laughter. It wasn't until he cracked a few jokes that my laughter was able to break free for awhile. But once the laughter from the joke died down, I was back to squirming and trying to fight it.

He did manage to completely disarm my defense system when he put my foot in his mouth and used his teeth and tongue to tickle - it had been YEARS since he did that and I totally forgot how badly it tickles!! My laughter was immediate and intense - the kind of reaction I had been hoping for during the previous 30-minutes of play. It was kind of funny because he asked for my safeword, but because it had easily been over five years since I needed it, I forgot the word we used to use! So I started rapid-fire throwing out possibilities, but he kept saying, "Nope" and kept nibbling on my feet. After what felt like forever, I just started screaming, "Safeword!! Safeword!!" through my laughter. It was an amazing five minutes of pure, ticklish torture.

I just don't know if there's a way for me to get to that breaking point faster. Any suggestions? Does anybody else wrestle with this same problem?

Verbal teasing, spontaneity, zerbets/raspberries. Stuff that makes a partner laugh, and not just because it tickles.

lickling. that always drives me insane instantly.

That's why people like to tickle kids and teenagers. They usually let it all out without second thought. When we grow up, it's harder to "open wide for mommy"

Wolf said:

Verbal teasing, spontaneity, zerbets/raspberries. Stuff that makes a partner laugh, and not just because it tickles.

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Wolf -

That's exactly what it seems to take to get me to drop my defenses enough to laugh out loud. A silent 'ler will (more than likely) never get a laugh out of me, and might mistake my silence to mean that I'm not ticklish - which is frustrating for both of us.

MissEmbrace said:

lickling. that always drives me insane instantly.

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OMG!!!! I had totally forgotten how badly a mouth can tickle because it had been SO long since my husband did that! He usually only uses "lickling" on my neck (which brings me to the point of begging pretty quickly), but it was TEN TIMES worse on my feet!!! The teeth and tongue combo are deadly!

tickletherapist said:

That's why people like to tickle kids and teenagers. They usually let it all out without second thought. When we grow up, it's harder to "open wide for mommy"

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I do have very vivid memories of being tickled when I was a kid/teenager and having no control over how hard I laughed. Sad that I seem to have lost that unfettered reaction to tickling and become more inhibited with age

daisycrazy5496 said:

Wolf -
That's exactly what it seems to take to get me to drop my defenses enough to laugh out loud. A silent 'ler will (more than likely) never get a laugh out of me, and might mistake my silence to mean that I'm not ticklish - which is frustrating for both of us.

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If you're not comfortable and at ease, it's hard to laugh.
That goes double for physical contact, and if you're nervous about that contact. Like, nervous about not being able to laugh as loudly as you'd like.

Wolf said:

If you're not comfortable and at ease, it's hard to laugh. That goes double for physical contact, and if you're nervous about that contact. Like, nervous about not being able to laugh as loudly as you'd like.

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I could definitely see that being an issue with a new 'ler but my husband and I have been together for over 20yrs! Self consciousness took a backseat a LONG time ago. So it must be something else that's holding me back - no idea what though

daisycrazy5496 said:

I could definitely see that being an issue with a new 'ler but my husband and I have been together for over 20yrs! Self consciousness took a backseat a LONG time ago. So it must be something else that's holding me back - no idea what though

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Oh, no...I didn't think it was self-consciousness with him.
I was talking more about the self-consciousness about truly letting yourself go.
(Married 20+ years myself, ain't that somethin'?)

Don't know the details of the situation, but it could be that your body is sensing the tickling and throwing up a defense mechanism. You could try a blindfold, not being able to sense what's happening might allow your body to relax and let the laughter just happen.

Barbershopman

Wolf said:

(Married 20+ years myself, ain't that somethin'?)

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Damn that's impressive

Wolf said:

Oh, no...I didn't think it was self-consciousness with him. I was talking more about the self-consciousness about truly letting yourself go. (Married 20+ years myself, ain't that somethin'?)

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It doesn't feel like a self-conscious thing to me. It feels more like a defense mechanism - like letting myself go (completely) goes against my body's natural inclination to maintain control. To override that mechanism isn't easy. I wish it was. I'm usually about a half hour into a session before I can feel my willpower begin to breakdown a bit.

So after 20-years of marriage, are you happy with the amount of tickle action you get? Is your wife a willing 'lee or do you find that she does it just to make you happy?

Barbershopman said:

Don't know the details of the situation, but it could be that your body is sensing the tickling and throwing up a defense mechanism. You could try a blindfold, not being able to sense what's happening might allow your body to relax and let the laughter just happen.

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Thanks, that's not a bad idea. I haven't used a blindfold in years! Sometimes the most obvious answer is a simple one - might be time to get back to tickle basics again

daisycrazy5496 said:

It doesn't feel like a self-conscious thing to me. It feels more like a defense mechanism - like letting myself go (completely) goes against my body's natural inclination to maintain control. To override that mechanism isn't easy. I wish it was. I'm usually about a half hour into a session before I can feel my willpower begin to breakdown a bit.

So after 20-years of marriage, are you happy with the amount of tickle action you get? Is your wife a willing 'lee or do you find that she does it just to make you happy?

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As to the first part, absolutely. I'd go into detail, but that's oversharing.
As to the second part, I wouldn't want to do it if she didn't enjoy it as well. Where's the fun in that for either of us?

Wolf said:

As to the first part, absolutely. I'd go into detail, but that's oversharing.
As to the second part, I wouldn't want to do it if she didn't enjoy it as well. Where's the fun in that for either of us?

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Lucky guy

daisycrazy5496 said:

Lucky guy

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I am, to be certain, but it's not like this relationship was a gift from the Gods.
We both worked for this.


Anyways....

daisycrazy5496 said:

I just don't know if there's a way for me to get to that breaking point faster. Any suggestions? Does anybody else wrestle with this same problem?

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When I have been with women who like tickling as much as I do, I've taken my time. Used the first 30 minutes to begin slowly and lightly. Purposefully keeping her on the edge of laughter. Backing off. Teasing verbally and threatening that it will be getting significantly worse. Almost like foreplay to the main tickling event! Which of course is foreplay itself.

Knowing her weakness, like yours being teeth, tongue and lips on your soles, is a nice advantage. I'll give a taste of things to scome. Maybe force an all out laugh and back off. Before finally digging in and destroying her with helpless laughter, begging and pleading. Bondage always works best in these scenarios!

i think that the biggest issue with this type of play (for me) has been that women who are not into tickling really don't have the patience for extended play like that. I've been lucky enough to have experienced this though. Intense and awesome for both of us!

If you knew your husband would eventually get to you and there would be the big payoff would it still be frustrating?

pole position said:

When I have been with women who like tickling as much as I do, I've taken my time. Used the first 30 minutes to begin slowly and lightly. Purposefully keeping her on the edge of laughter. Backing off. Teasing verbally and threatening that it will be getting significantly worse. Almost like foreplay to the main tickling event! Which of course is foreplay itself. Knowing her weakness, like yours being teeth, tongue and lips on your soles, is a nice advantage. I'll give a taste of things to come. Maybe force an all out laugh and back off. Before finally digging in and destroying her with helpless laughter, begging and pleading. Bondage always works best in these scenarios!

i think that the biggest issue with this type of play (for me) has been that women who are not into tickling really don't have the patience for extended play like that. I've been lucky enough to have experienced this though. Intense and awesome for both of us! If you knew your husband would eventually get to you and there would be the big payoff would it still be frustrating?

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So, we have the same problem but from different sides of the coin - you can't find a 'lee who wants the kind of extended play you're looking for during a tickle session, and most of the time, my husband doesn't tickle me for more than a few minutes at a time (he pretty much uses it as a means of getting sex, not for the enjoyment of the tickling itself). But your description of how you like your tickling sessions to go was delicious It's exactly the sort of tickle play I fantasize about - two people who enjoy the act of tickling equally and aren't in a hurry to "move on" to other things.

To answer your question - I think the reasons I'm frustrated about not laughing out loud (easily) is twofold: First, because of the "high" I get off of being brought to the breaking point, and secondly, because I know it's the kind of response my husband is looking for. It's the easiest feedback to decipher because laughter = ticklish reaction. So, even if I knew he was going to get me there eventually, I would still spend the session worrying that he thought he wasn't doing a good enough job or getting frustrated because I wasn't laughing. Which is probably a symptom of the much larger issue of me being too much of a people pleaser - I'm always worried about what someone else is thinking/feeling. I'm working on that though....

So for me alone, I would be okay if it took a half hour to get me laughing and begging for it to stop. In fact, the slow build-up might even make the payoff that much better. Or if I had a 'ler who I knew for sure was enjoying the more subtle reactions I was giving him, or loved the fact that I was a tougher 'lee to "break", I would probably not spend the session being as frustrated as I normally am.

daisycrazy5496 said:

So, we have the same problem but from different sides of the coin - you can't find a 'lee who wants the kind of extended play you're looking for during a tickle session, and most of the time, my husband doesn't tickle me for more than a few minutes at a time (he pretty much uses it as a means of getting sex, not for the enjoyment of the tickling itself). But your description of how you like your tickling sessions to go was delicious It's exactly the sort of tickle play I fantasize about - two people who enjoy the act of tickling equally and aren't in a hurry to "move on" to other things.

To answer your question - I think the reasons I'm frustrated about not laughing out loud (easily) is twofold: First, because of the "high" I get off of being brought to the breaking point, and secondly, because I know it's the kind of response my husband is looking for. It's the easiest feedback to decipher because laughter = ticklish reaction. So, even if I knew he was going to get me there eventually, I would still spend the session worrying that he thought he wasn't doing a good enough job or getting frustrated because I wasn't laughing. Which is probably a symptom of the much larger issue of me being too much of a people pleaser - I'm always worried about what someone else is thinking/feeling. I'm working on that though....

So for me alone, I would be okay if it took a half hour to get me laughing and begging for it to stop. In fact, the slow build-up might even make the payoff that much better. Or if I had a 'ler who I knew for sure was enjoying the more subtle reactions I was giving him, or loved the fact that I was a tougher 'lee to "break", I would probably not spend the session being as frustrated as I normally am.

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I like a challenge. Even if the woman is wildly ticklish I like to start below the threshold. Challenge her to keep composure. Keep her on the edge of success. I like to be in control the whole time. I press the right buttons to finally elicit that breakdown of helpless laughter. So the struggles up front are as big a part of my turn on as the breakdown at the end!

pole position said:

I like a challenge. Even if the woman is wildly ticklish I like to start below the threshold. Challenge her to keep composure. Keep her on the edge of success. I like to be in control the whole time. I press the right buttons to finally elicit that breakdown of helpless laughter. So the struggles up front are as big a part of my turn on as the breakdown at the end!

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Is it getting warm in here?